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  1. #1
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Default INFPs attract unusual people?

    By unusual I do not mean the good type of unusual. I mean the old/creepy/stalkerish/disturbed/unstable/mental disorder unusual.

    It seems like no stable guys are interested in me. They barely notice that I exist. The weird ones, however, notice me immedietely and fall head over heels in love with me.

    Any theories as to WHY this happens? I've heard lots of stories from INFPs that go this way, so is this an INFP thing, or just me?

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Wisful try, but I think thats more INFJ business.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
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    I don't know whether it's INFP or INFJ business, but yes Coeur, ever since I was young I've always attracted the "strange" people, whether romantically or otherwise. It used to be a running joke with my friends in high school, except for the times when it got actually scary.

    If you're open and/or kind, especially if you pay people attention when others tend to overlook them, I think they'll naturally be drawn to you. Who doesn't like attention? Also, some people can sense a pushover, which INFP's can tend to be in certain situations.

    I find it sad that sometimes when I make eye contact and smile at people, or focus on what they're saying in a very non flirtatious, general way, they seem to brighten up like it's never happened before. I'm sure it's true of any type, though, that a person who attempts to treat all people decently is bound to attract people who don't otherwise get treated decently.

    And P.S. - I'm sure there are (or will be) stable guys interested in you! Either you haven't met them yet, or they're just not crazy enough to go running up to you and blurting it out. Sane is good... sane is good.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  4. #4
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    By unusual I do not mean the good type of unusual. I mean the old/creepy/stalkerish/disturbed/unstable/mental disorder unusual.

    It seems like no stable guys are interested in me. They barely notice that I exist. The weird ones, however, notice me immedietely and fall head over heels in love with me.

    Any theories as to WHY this happens? I've heard lots of stories from INFPs that go this way, so is this an INFP thing, or just me?

    Because they sense you're not going to reject them for being disturbed?


    I attract all different types of people and I'll be friendly to anyone, but when I detect imbalance, the creeper repellent comes out.

  5. #5
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    i like weird people, i find them more interesting than "normal" people
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
    i like weird people, i find them more interesting than "normal" people
    Ooh, good thought. Me too. I don't like to be around people who literally make me feel frightened, but even when people are a bit creepy, I do find them interesting. I remember when some random person approached me at a book sale and started talking all about vampires and the Da Vinci code and how his sister was supernaturally pregnant with eight children. I made sure we had plenty of space between us so I could escape if he started trying to drink my blood or anything, but I was too amused and intrigued to walk away, at least for the first five minutes.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  7. #7
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    I'd say all of that makes sense. I'm nice to people that nobody else notices, and they misinterpret it.

    I like "weird" people too. I just don't want to date them. It gets very messy.

  8. #8
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    this is true for me. seem to have inherited it -- be it my tolerance or my "come talk to me" pheromones -- from my mother, who i believe is ENFJ.
    "Develop interest in life as you see it...the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." -- H. Miller
    -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
    Johari the good..
    Nohari.. the bad, and the ugly

    I'm a FiNe SiTe to see!

  9. #9
    Junior Member jimboworld's Avatar
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    Yeah I get this and have noticed a pattern in my dealings with people. I don't mind that people think I would be accepting of their less than perfect selves. Not sure about INFJs. They probably appear accepting but go through a slap on the forehead response in their head.
    .......

  10. #10
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    By unusual I do not mean the good type of unusual. I mean the old/creepy/stalkerish/disturbed/unstable/mental disorder unusual.

    It seems like no stable guys are interested in me. They barely notice that I exist. The weird ones, however, notice me immedietely and fall head over heels in love with me.

    Any theories as to WHY this happens? I've heard lots of stories from INFPs that go this way, so is this an INFP thing, or just me?
    You're too nice and accomodating and you don't demand a high level of behavior from people you interact with. People can sense they can make their way into your life and that you will put up with them. You seem pliable to them. Also, people probably can sense a bit of kookiness or difference in you and so they think you are basically their soul mate. Basically, they aren't scared of you at all.

    It's related but separate from the "why do people keep leeching off me?" and "why do I attract so many needy/user people?"

    It is a textbook NF problem, moreso for INFPs and second ENFPs.

    I wrote this in Jewelchild's thread about her scizophrenic customer and I'll say it again, I have especially seen this in INFPs - you need to really, really work on not making yourself so accessible for every random that you bump into in life and you need to become very cognizant of the unspoken signals you send people. And basically work on boundaries and assertiveness.

    If I sound harsh it's because that's the tone you need to learn to take sometimes so that people know you are not going to put up with their shenanigans.

    If you don't learn to put up strong boundaries and put more "tough" into the love you have for the world you will continue to attract unwanted and even dangerous behavior from people and eventually you will have no one to blame but yourself.

    The funny thing is is that Fi is often so cold and even awkward seeming to the outside word and INFPs can be extremely introverted and quiet - and yet there is something that seems soft and welcoming and accessible to Fi-doms that makes us seem "people friendly" - and I have definitely seen some INFPs who have a really hard time making healthy and clear boundaries with people and continually get taken advantage of or allow unhealthy people into their lives.

    Trust me, the reason you are attracting nutty and creepy people is because you give the impression that you are available to them and you will put up with them. As soon as you stop sending out this signal, the randoms and kooks will stop flocking to you. I speak partly from experience. Either that or you seem hella "eccentric" to people which isn't necessarily a bad thing...

    So more so than shooting down the unstable ones when they try to court you, it's about becoming the person who demands a certain standard of behavior from people and the unstable ones will never even try to court you in the first place.

    Does any of this resonate with you or am I way off base?
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

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