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  1. #51
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    With respect to you and your opinion, CzeCze, INFP's being attracted to/attracting strange or unhealthy people does not automatically mean we have trouble attracting normal people.
    Oh I agree, I was just referring to the OP's specific situation since she said she only was attracting troubled people and wondered where all the "normal" people are?

    I've also had experience and seen people who get so caught up with every random/troubled/troublemaker in their lives that they don't have time or notice the healthy people. I've mentioend this elsewhere but healthy "normal" people are generally not as aggressive and literally in your face as unhealthy/kooky people so they are easier to miss.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  2. #52
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    As far as I can tell, I've never attracted "unusual in a bad way" people. I've met people that probably qualified under that definition and talked briefly with them but they never "latched onto me" or anything.

    See it can be done [err, avoided]

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Oh I agree, I was just referring to the OP's specific situation since she said she only was attracting troubled people and wondered where all the "normal" people are?

    I've also had experience and seen people who get so caught up with every random/troubled/troublemaker in their lives that they don't have time or notice the healthy people. I've mentioend this elsewhere but healthy "normal" people are generally not as aggressive and literally in your face as unhealthy/kooky people so they are easier to miss.
    Yes, I know what you're talking about. I often wanted to hang out with the outgoing, fun, always-a-smile-on-their-face types, but I realized that some of these outgoing people tend to be really aggressive personalities who will only hang out with you if they think you benefit them.

    The healthy and "normal" ones, the more introverted types who go with the flow and don't normally cause big waves, I tend to overlook.

    Personally, I learned my lesson the hard way when a leech attached itself to me in a class I'm taking. I think what can be taken from this is that, no matter how much we INFPs want to just be ourselves, and extend our "love" to the whole world, there are some people with bad intentions out there, hence in order to preserve ourselves we have to become more assertive. And maybe more conforming. That reduces the chance we'll be singled out.

    Also, if you're in college, never sit in the back. I did it to avoid scrutiny, but usually, as a serious student, you don't want to be next to the people who sit in the back. I've never been comfortable at the very front, but middle or middle-front is good.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Oh I agree, I was just referring to the OP's specific situation since she said she only was attracting troubled people and wondered where all the "normal" people are?

    I've also had experience and seen people who get so caught up with every random/troubled/troublemaker in their lives that they don't have time or notice the healthy people. I've mentioend this elsewhere but healthy "normal" people are generally not as aggressive and literally in your face as unhealthy/kooky people so they are easier to miss.
    Ah, ok. I understand what you mean. I can't recall anyone I've met who was so preoccupied with helping troubled people that they didn't have time to notice normal people, but I can see how that could happen. It's kind of exhausting just to consider in thought, actually. Yikes.

    Quote Originally Posted by sgman View Post
    I think what can be taken from this is that, no matter how much we INFPs want to just be ourselves, and extend our "love" to the whole world, there are some people with bad intentions out there, hence in order to preserve ourselves we have to become more assertive. And maybe more conforming. That reduces the chance we'll be singled out.
    Good and interesting point, I think. I agree that an idealist can have a difficult time imagining people to have bad or malicious intentions. Even in times when they don't have bad intentions, it is still essential to be choosy about who we help, or even who we spend energy thinking about. Sometimes I've stopped spending time with unhealthy people who sapped my energy, but then wasted a ton of time feeling guilty about it, which isn't a whole lot better.

    I'm curious - what do you mean by "more conforming?"
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  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post

    Good and interesting point, I think. I agree that an idealist can have a difficult time imagining people to have bad or malicious intentions. Even in times when they don't have bad intentions, it is still essential to be choosy about who we help, or even who we spend energy thinking about. Sometimes I've stopped spending time with unhealthy people who sapped my energy, but then wasted a ton of time feeling guilty about it, which isn't a whole lot better.

    I'm curious - what do you mean by "more conforming?"
    When I wrote that I had this image in mind of being an outside observer of a class. Looking over, and not seeing anyone that catches the eye. As opposed to seeing a guy with his head down, scribbling quickly and efficiently.
    I am pretty sure I have this problem.

    Another example, I guess, would be, looking at a bunch of people walking. And there's one guy who is slouching, head down, obviously deep in thought.

    So by "conforming," I mean just conforming on the surface. Seeming more like everybody else, not deviating too much from the norm.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Hey Coeur! Aww, I know you want to do the right thing for everyone but I think the best lesson for an INFP to learn is that sometimes love is TOUGH love. Being good to people is not necessarily always making them feel good at any cost. And doing right also means doing right by yourself, not necessarily always trying to accomodate others.

    And at the end of the day, people expect you to be an individual and do a good job of expressing your wants and desires. That's kinda the minimum expectation for each of us.

    If you don't do that, in a way you are misleading people and not keeping up your part of the unspoken social pact - because people will think that you WANT certain things and LIKE certain things when you are merely accomodating them. That's why they will be upset or hurt when they find out this isn't the case, because they felt misled, not because you do not like or want something.

    I think as you get better at this (along with strong boundaries and tough love!), you will see more non-bad-crazy people attracted to you - because they will see who and what you are actually about.

    Right now when your goal is to be really nice to everyone and all the stuff that gets wrapped into that like "not imposing" you really quiet your own ego - and you are signalling to the world that you are a grand Receptor/Receiver and don't take this the wrong way, but 'passive' - and the only people who will go out of their way to seek you out will be kooky and troubled ones because you're the only one who will give them the attention they want and they can encroach on you.

    Once you become more about yourself, taking a stand, asserting who you are - you will give out a clearer signal of who you are then more 'normal' people will be attracted to you because they see you, not your desire to not hurt others. They can also sense that you're able to keep up your part of that unspoken social contract.

    Honestly, most normal healthy people (the kind you want attracted to you! lol!) are not interested in taking advantage of your kindness. Normal healthy people do not want to feel responsible for you in a way or like they have second guess how you really feel.

    Troubled people though WILL flock to that - you're like an attention buffet!

    I know for an INFP it feels like a damned if you/damned if you don't situation, because really - why are people always getting hurt or disappointed "no matter what you do"? (<--At least one or two INFPs irl have told me this)

    But really, most normal healthy people actually want and expect you to be more selfish and assertive and will not mind getting rejected by you. Everyone gets hurt and rejected and healthy people have learned to get over and process it quickly or not be bothered. In a way, you do people a favor by rejecting them because it gives them an opportunity to grow as people and learn to deal with disappointment. And people may not like rejection - but there is big difference in someone not being pleased with something you do and not liking you as a person. Healthy people are able to separate the two and will not hate you or think you are a bad person for not agreeing with them or not being romantically interested in them.

    In fact, people will think better of you for it because they know they can depend on you to represent yourself in a clear and honest way.

    So good luck! +
    Thank you, this is good advice!

    I think part of the problem is that "unusual" people cling to me right away. They show interest. "Normal" people however, show no interest. Which person am I more likely to interact with? The person who shows interest in me. I don't really know why this occurs. Even if I show interest in the normal people [not even romantic, just talking about what they like], they just don't like me. I'm quite attractive and interesting too [I'm not prideful, btw, I'm just saying], so I don't really see what the problem is.

  7. #57
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Well, the INFP I was trying to date, she always attracted the potheads and drug addicts and drunks... never had a good guy that cared for her. It always pissed me off.

    From my observations ( I "chased" her for 3 years) she made herself vulnerable to the morons and had walls put up for all the "stable" guys who really cared for her like me... the whole ordeal was frustrating. The moron guys she "fell" for just told her what she wanted to hear and that was that....

    I never did end up dating her and I have not seen or heard from her in many years.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #58
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    Default INFPs and Creepos

    We all know you INFPS have attracted some kind of creepo in one instance or another. Now tell us your story :pornstar:

  9. #59
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    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  10. #60
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    aww I kinda wanted a fresh one.

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