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  1. #31
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    As long as you're being honest and respectful of others, that's really the only obligation you have. It's ultimately up to them to be in control of their lives, including their emotions. If they are fragile enough to be shattered emotionally after one date, it's kind of a big personal problem, for them.

    I try hard to remember that the number one thing I can do to serve the world around me is be responsible for myself. When I run around trying to fix/help everybody else and forget to care for myself, I don't end up getting much accomplished. I just get worn out and turn nutzoid.

    I nice people!!! I hope things improve for you and you find a wonderful, sane, balanced, cool guy who does, indeed, adore you.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  2. #32
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    As long as you're being honest and respectful of others, that's really the only obligation you have. It's ultimately up to them to be in control of their lives, including their emotions. If they are fragile enough to be shattered emotionally after one date, it's kind of a big personal problem, for them.

    I try hard to remember that the number one thing I can do to serve the world around me is be responsible for myself. When I run around trying to fix/help everybody else and forget to care for myself, I don't end up getting much accomplished. I just get worn out and turn nutzoid.

    I nice people!!! I hope things improve for you and you find a wonderful, sane, balanced, cool guy who does, indeed, adore you.
    You're right, thanks . I'll try to remember that. I just sometimes feel like it's my fault because I was the one who made them upset, even if I didn't do anything 'wrong.'

  3. #33
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    You're right, thanks . I'll try to remember that. I just sometimes feel like it's my fault because I was the one who made them upset, even if I didn't do anything 'wrong.'
    Hey Coeur! Aww, I know you want to do the right thing for everyone but I think the best lesson for an INFP to learn is that sometimes love is TOUGH love. Being good to people is not necessarily always making them feel good at any cost. And doing right also means doing right by yourself, not necessarily always trying to accomodate others.

    And at the end of the day, people expect you to be an individual and do a good job of expressing your wants and desires. That's kinda the minimum expectation for each of us.

    If you don't do that, in a way you are misleading people and not keeping up your part of the unspoken social pact - because people will think that you WANT certain things and LIKE certain things when you are merely accomodating them. That's why they will be upset or hurt when they find out this isn't the case, because they felt misled, not because you do not like or want something.

    I think as you get better at this (along with strong boundaries and tough love!), you will see more non-bad-crazy people attracted to you - because they will see who and what you are actually about.

    Right now when your goal is to be really nice to everyone and all the stuff that gets wrapped into that like "not imposing" you really quiet your own ego - and you are signalling to the world that you are a grand Receptor/Receiver and don't take this the wrong way, but 'passive' - and the only people who will go out of their way to seek you out will be kooky and troubled ones because you're the only one who will give them the attention they want and they can encroach on you.

    Once you become more about yourself, taking a stand, asserting who you are - you will give out a clearer signal of who you are then more 'normal' people will be attracted to you because they see you, not your desire to not hurt others. They can also sense that you're able to keep up your part of that unspoken social contract.

    Honestly, most normal healthy people (the kind you want attracted to you! lol!) are not interested in taking advantage of your kindness. Normal healthy people do not want to feel responsible for you in a way or like they have second guess how you really feel.

    Troubled people though WILL flock to that - you're like an attention buffet!

    I know for an INFP it feels like a damned if you/damned if you don't situation, because really - why are people always getting hurt or disappointed "no matter what you do"? (<--At least one or two INFPs irl have told me this)

    But really, most normal healthy people actually want and expect you to be more selfish and assertive and will not mind getting rejected by you. Everyone gets hurt and rejected and healthy people have learned to get over and process it quickly or not be bothered. In a way, you do people a favor by rejecting them because it gives them an opportunity to grow as people and learn to deal with disappointment. And people may not like rejection - but there is big difference in someone not being pleased with something you do and not liking you as a person. Healthy people are able to separate the two and will not hate you or think you are a bad person for not agreeing with them or not being romantically interested in them.

    In fact, people will think better of you for it because they know they can depend on you to represent yourself in a clear and honest way.

    So good luck! +
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  4. #34

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    It's arguable INFPs are attracted to unusual people.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  5. #35
    Senior Member Clover's Avatar
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    I attract odd people too. Not even interesting odd people, just stalkers on my campus. I can't escape them! They follow me everywhere, popping out of random buildings, even when I ignore them and walk quickly away. They chase me, grab me, their attentions border on molestation. These are just people without boundaries, and they annoy the crap outta me. Can't they take a bloody hint? If being ignored doesn't send signals, there must be something terribly wrong with them. It's not that most of them are bad people or anything, they just don't seem to understand how to interact properly with other people. I feel too bad to just tell them off because they are genuinely nice, and I don't think they'd do anything to hurt me, well except for that one guy but persistence isn't going to win me over if that's what they are thinking. I attract the attention of "normal" people as well, but my aloofness tends to make them keep their distance, which I don't mind at all. Of course I have a couple of friends I have found here who I can just feel comfortable with, and a couple of interesting contacts that I converse with regularly, so I do seem to attract a balanced variety of people. Still, why can't these other creepy people go away?

  6. #36
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    I think the only reason I'm with the reasonably stable guy I'm with now is he caught my attention in a moment of stubborn weirdo-rejection, after having been burnt badly by a psycho sob story narcissist. It worked out nicely that way. ;OP At least two guys who used to follow me like puppy dogs ended up rather confused afa sexual orientation goes. Wait, three. Four. I think i put out a "I can fix your emotional problems" vibe unintentionally.

    But, yeah, that's something I'm slowly learning how to manage. Back when my J was still a little baby, it was much worse.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  7. #37
    morose bourgeoisie
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    I attract people, odd or otherwise. Old ladies on the NYC subway. People who are lost in some way. Homeless people. when you are 'open' others can just tell.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Nillerz's Avatar
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    All my friends are INFPs. This makes sense as I am quite strange...

  9. #39
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nillerz View Post
    All my friends are INFPs. This makes sense as I am quite strange...
    Or lucky? LOL

  10. #40
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    I attract people, odd or otherwise. Old ladies on the NYC subway. People who are lost in some way. Homeless people. when you are 'open' others can just tell.


    This is so very true. I once met a man on the bus who became infatuated with my earlobes and wanted to sketch them. So many bizarre incidences
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

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