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  1. #1
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Default How to Soothe an Unhappy INFP

    My INFP friend is getting married and I'm very excited for her and I am one of her bridesmaids. In planning for her wedding, we asked her what type of bachelorette party she would like - wild or tame, etc. To the surprise of all the bridesmaids, she announced that she would like to take a weekend trip across the country. As much as we would all like to do this for her and with her, for some of us, it is simply not possible due to jobs constraints, financial constraints, family constraints, and etc. We all got together and came up with some lovely overnight ideas in cities nearer to our home city - including staying in a 5-star-hotel, shopping, dinner, spa time, and etc. For a couple of the bridesmaids, providing her with this much is a stretch, but we all agree that we want her to be happy.

    However, when we explained to her that we could unfortunately not go with her on the long trip, and suggested the alternatives, she stopped talking to any of us. Trust me - we have been very careful to be sensitive and reassure her that we love her and want to do lots for her - we've offered her a shower at the time and in the city of her choosing, gone to her city to help her choose wedding things, and etc. Her fiancee is going on a long trip with his friends, which I suspect is adding pressure to her situation and making her feel like her friends don't care as much because we can't go with her. We've all tried to soothe her, but I'm kind of losing patience with this. Anyone have any advice about how to get her past this point? Anyone think we all owe her the longer trip? Your thoughts, please.

  2. #2
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    This probably is not helpful information, but it sounds as if you have been more than accommodating and your INFP friend needs to grow up and deal with the fact that life doesn't always work the way we wish it would.

    You don't owe her anything, and I think it was very kind of you to offer a bridal shower in the time and city of her choosing. This is only my personal opinion, but if she continues to require consolation and creative new ideas to "make up" for her disappointment, it seems like her expectations begin to border on selfish and manipulative.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  3. #3
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    How short of notice is this?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  4. #4
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Short of notice for the trip, or wedding? It's all still months away and in the planning stages.

    Thank you for the feedback, Jewelchild. I was feeling that way, but wondering how others outside the situation would see it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    sounds unrealistic on her part. It working out for future hubbie almost certainly can't be helping her see things reasonably.

  6. #6
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Time line is somewhat important as that can help in allowing to clear the needed time. Money is a problem, however, unless she has the ability to pitch in enough to make it possible. Barring that, she may want to get her ass back on the ground for a moment - women should be getting married, not children...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  7. #7
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    In agreement with Jewelchild. It's an inconsiderate request. She might be getting married, but it doesn't mean the world revolves around her.

    Perhaps have her consider what's the purpose of a trip across the country? Really consider what a bachelorette party is for... symbolism of last day of freedom? Spending times with the girls? Or maybe simply having a wonderful experience to remember by. The first step for seeing constrains of reality is difficult. Good luck with it.
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  8. #8
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    Even if there's enough time in advance for people to clear their schedules, people typically have a certain amount of alloted vacation days per year. Even if they did have the vacation time available, but chose not to use it on this cross country trip, that's still a perfectly acceptable reason not to go. It's a large scale time and money commitment, and if it works, great, but it's not a reasonable thing to expect from your friends, especially when some people have family responsibilities, as mentioned.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  9. #9
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    I assume that when you say "around the country" you mean the US and not, say, Holland or Belgium or Bahrain or some other relatively small country where it might be feasible to drive around it relatively quickly. I know that from Denver to NYC is ~30 hrs, lets call that 4 days of driving, and from Denver to San Francisco is 2 days of driving. And that all driving, no sight-seeing or anything. So thats 6 days from one coast to the other, 12 days round trip. So now I have 2 questions

    1) How can someone hold such an unrealistic expectation of others???

    2) How is her future-husband managing to pull this off??? Unemployed and has lots of time on his hands and all his best buddies are unemployed as well???

  10. #10
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    Bahrain? LOL.

    Totally where I'm going for my next party.
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