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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    I really found the advice to not take on the guilt of the world insightful or dwell on dark thoughts.

    Any advice on how to not "take on the guilt of the world"? And what did you notice or hear in the ENFJ's to discover this about them. I feel like no one know this about me? Maybe they do...

    Great thread I want to hear more advice. :-)
    They will know if you tell them.

    I am finding that sharing this sort of thing is actually appreciated. It builds trust. We (ENFJ's) are inaccurate in assuming that people don't want to help us like we help them.

    I am realizing that for myself, I don't let people help me out of pride.

    I want to think I am unique, or strong, or the best, or only one w/ the desire. That's the kind of realizations I am getting from letting people help me too- that's the real dark stuff, the stuff I like to avoid. The stuff about myself.

    I think sometimes we (ENFJs) distract ourselves with others' problems so we don't have to face ourselves. So we can think we are great. This = making myself a martyr. It ends up being a disservice to everyone.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Galusha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post
    Hell i think that even the most unhealthy ENFJ will eat this thread up like crazy. I've always liked when people, specifically ntps, have shown me that my views are all out of proportion to what actually exists. It's a relief. Feed that Fe, minions! (I'm much better at expressing my opinion in text to "people" aka text boxes)
    NTPs do have a way of including just enough smooth-talking to get away with saying what Fe-doms really need to hear, but the inability to communicate that same view doesn't mean that it's not noticed by other types.

    *sniff* Te users are people too!

    (The phrase you're looking for is "crocodile tears" )

  3. #53
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Any advice on how to not "take on the guilt of the world"? And what did you notice or hear in the ENFJ's to discover this about them. I feel like no one know this about me? Maybe they do...
    I think it's an NF thing, but especially so with Fe-dom for obvious reasons.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    I think sometimes we (ENFJs) distract ourselves with others' problems so we don't have to face ourselves. So we can think we are great. This = making myself a martyr. It ends up being a disservice to everyone.
    I wonder if it would help if you can remember that you don't know others as well as you think, and then use that knowledge to connect back to yourself and realize that maybe you don't know yourself either.

    I know one of the things frustrating me about my ENFJ friend is that he thinks he knows what's going on with me, but he really doesn't. He listens but doesn't hear people. He's good at being a social butterfly but he's bad at things beyond that. Kind of like Jerry Maguire: Good at friendship, BAD at intimacy.

    PersonalityPages said ENFJs need to look in the mirror and pretend they're talking to a friend in need. That way, you can tell yourself that you deserve love and success and happiness and all the other pep talk you give people that you don't typically give yourselves.

    Hope that helps.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    I wonder if it would help if you can remember that you don't know others as well as you think, and then use that knowledge to connect back to yourself and realize that maybe you don't know yourself either...ENFJs need to look in the mirror and pretend they're talking to a friend in need. That way, you can tell yourself that you deserve love and success and happiness and all the other pep talk you give people that you don't typically give yourselves.
    Hope that helps.
    Thank you, it does.

  6. #56
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    I really found the advice to not take on the guilt of the world insightful or dwell on dark thoughts.

    Any advice on how to not "take on the guilt of the world"? And what did you notice or hear in the ENFJ's to discover this about them. I feel like no one know this about me? Maybe they do...

    Great thread I want to hear more advice. :-)
    Both my ENFJ pals IRL, for one thing, will immediately absorb anything negative someone says about them. They immediately start checking themselves to see what that person saw in them to make them say the terrible thing. Part of it is a strong guilt trigger, I think, and part of it is the inability to see when folks are lashing out at them because of their OWN (the lasher's) insecurites/agenda.

    I've spent many an evening explaining to one of my ENFJs that, for example, just because the neighbor called you a lonely old bitch after you reported her for making significant noise in the apartment above you for 2 straight weeks, doesn't mean that you are, in fact, irrevocably and undeniably a lonely old bitch, and that that person must have seen some of that in you, or why would she have said it. Um, because you turned her in and she's mad, that's why. She wants to get back at you, to hurt you. Don't look for truth and insight where there is none. Don't take on the negativity and spend two weeks deeply examining yourself because of a comment from someone that means nothing to you.

    Also, sometimes things don't go our way in life. Resist the urge to feel like it's just you, and you must have done something to deserve it, or else things would be going better. There are a million factors to explain any situation. If the job market's bad, you might not get your dream job right away. But, hey. Neither will most people. Don't dwell on what you must be doing wrong, and wish for someone else's life, when that person might be struggling, too--just in a different way.

    Those are the examples I can think of for right now. Both my RL ENFJ friends are prone to that mindset--I couldn't tell if you were saying you could relate, or you couldn't?
    Something Witty

  7. #57
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Hmmm...

    Save your nurturing and protection for people who really will value you and who you are instead of feeling responsible for taking care of everyone.

    Don't push yourself to give more than you feel able to so that you don't end up feeling resentful.

    Don't forget to care for yourself as well - it's hard to put yourself first, but if you don't take care of yourself, you can't really take care of anyone else.

  8. #58
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    I wonder if it would help if you can remember that you don't know others as well as you think, and then use that knowledge to connect back to yourself and realize that maybe you don't know yourself either.

    I know one of the things frustrating me about my ENFJ friend is that he thinks he knows what's going on with me, but he really doesn't. He listens but doesn't hear people. He's good at being a social butterfly but he's bad at things beyond that. Kind of like Jerry Maguire: Good at friendship, BAD at intimacy.

    PersonalityPages said ENFJs need to look in the mirror and pretend they're talking to a friend in need. That way, you can tell yourself that you deserve love and success and happiness and all the other pep talk you give people that you don't typically give yourselves.

    Hope that helps.

    That was definitely very insightful, thanks.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    This is not for the ENFJ in my life because my friend has never done anything that I've interpreted in this way. This question is for all the ENFJ's who can relate to this question:
    What's the deal with your "social messiah"/ "the whole world waits breathlessly for my every word, gesture and action?" How can someone honestly think that the whole social world waits on bated breath for your every everything? That if you stop smiling for two seconds that "everything is just going to fall apart?" I understand that ENFJ's, moreso than any other type, can socially influence others. But where does this "big head" "social messiah" "I'm the new super-model and everyone wants to imitate my every everything because I am the it-girl [or guy]" come from?

    Does this make sense? Am I just way off base here? If you don't like my above phrasing how would you describe/explain what I am trying to get at?

    -A very confused INFP whom adores ENFJ's.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    This is not for the ENFJ in my life because my friend has never done anything that I've interpreted in this way. This question is for all the ENFJ's who can relate to this question:
    What's the deal with your "social messiah"/ "the whole world waits breathlessly for my every word, gesture and action?" How can someone honestly think that the whole social world waits on bated breath for your every everything? That if you stop smiling for two seconds that "everything is just going to fall apart?" I understand that ENFJ's, moreso than any other type, can socially influence others. But where does this "big head" "social messiah" "I'm the new super-model and everyone wants to imitate my every everything because I am the it-girl [or guy]" come from?

    Does this make sense? Am I just way off base here? If you don't like my above phrasing how would you describe/explain what I am trying to get at?

    -A very confused INFP whom adores ENFJ's.
    Hmmm... I dunno about all this, sorry I can't answer your question. People seem to expect a lot from me in social settings, but that really makes me feel uncomfortable to be honest.

    For me, people and social settings are so exciting, that i live for them. Literally. I love talking to people face to face, but there really is nothing more stimulating than a group of people socializing. The group dynamics always make me spin. Simple things like just by scanning the room to see all the exciting interactions going on give me great pleasure. People fascinate me, and the social setting in which people convene truly is the most awesome magical place to be for me.

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