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  1. #31
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    And I just confirmed this in that "how to seduce as an INFJ" thread. They actually do do this. When they want you, they will supposedly make it slightly more clear: more smiles, more focused attention, and that's about it .
    underline, bold, and italicize supposedly. we can make all the plans in the world, and some of us actually get to the point where we can hold our own and put it all on the line (or realize that it doesn't have to be all on the line to make a move), but most infjs are more wary of Fe implosion and not as strong with Ti. we can talk/IMAGINE big game, tho.

    it comes with practice and positive responses, feedback, and social support. but most of us, the confusion, the fickleness, the uncertainty, the changing perspectives, the moodiness, the neuroticism, it gets in the way and we rarely deliver a clear (read: uniform and linear) message. people who get us can really fuckin juggle.

    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    She's been acting a bit strange since I told her. Although we haven't hung out in person, she's been texting me and they are rather cryptic. For instance, last night, she started texting me lyrics from "Time in a bottle" by Jim Croce out of nowhere. Seeing as it's a love song, I'll definitely take that as a good sign.

    We had the weekend plans BEFORE I told her my feelings.

    I guess I'll know more when I get to hang out with her in person.
    a love song means nothing. her take on it could be many things. i'd look up the lyrics, but you won't know the significance until later. we rarely do either. take it as it comes. she probably doesn't know yet. if she does, she is figuring out how to play it in the best way possible. don't force her to move. the best you can do is to find ways to show her that you are a good partner for her, are considerate, understand her and her needs, etc.

    the rest is up to the fates. we can either become infatuated with someone right away, or we can grow into our relationships and eventually realize we have stuck around a long time for many good reasons. for being moderately wise creatures, we are often very very poor at recognizing what is going to happen with our own feelings in the future. we imagine the possibilities, but that far down the line, it's really all a guessing game. those kind of holistic judgments are attached to nothing solid, real, or actual. Ti and Te people, when it comes to this, are like a billion times smarter than us.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    She and I (I'm an ISTJ) have been friends for about 9 years. I can't get a good read on her because we've been friends for so long. I'm probably just overanalyzing everything, as I'm wanton to do. Is there anything that I should be on the lookout for though?

    We are training for the Chicago Marathon together, so we hang out all the time.

    DO INFJs react well to bluntness? Should I tell her that I like her or just kiss her (that's really out of my comfort zone as a very shy guy)?

    I'm driving myself up the wall with this one and would greatly appreciate any help.
    Does she act shy with you at all? Does she laugh to readily at your jokes? Do her eyes smile up at you? Does she randomly touch you? Do you catch her looking at you? Do you find her near you a lot when your are in a group? Does she flick her hair or mess with her hair more when she's around you? Does she check the corners of her mouth or eyes when she's near you? Does she often check or straighten her clothes when she's near you? When you are talking to her does her body language mirror yours? These are clues you might want notice before you make a move. Flirt with her a little and see if she flirts back.
    You could always say "I was just thinking I might like to try to see you on a real date basis, do you think this is something you might like to try? If she dodges the question or says no, you have your answer.

  3. #33
    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    we can either become infatuated with someone right away, or we can grow into our relationships and eventually realize we have stuck around a long time for many good reasons. for being moderately wise creatures, we are often very very poor at recognizing what is going to happen with our own feelings in the future. we imagine the possibilities, but that far down the line, it's really all a guessing game. those kind of holistic judgments are attached to nothing solid, real, or actual. Ti and Te people, when it comes to this, are like a billion times smarter than us.
    yeah it sucks.

  4. #34
    Junior Member ldzpplin518's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lillyofthevalley View Post
    Does she act shy with you at all? Does she laugh to readily at your jokes? Do her eyes smile up at you? Does she randomly touch you? Do you catch her looking at you? Do you find her near you a lot when your are in a group? Does she flick her hair or mess with her hair more when she's around you? Does she check the corners of her mouth or eyes when she's near you? Does she often check or straighten her clothes when she's near you? When you are talking to her does her body language mirror yours? These are clues you might want notice before you make a move. Flirt with her a little and see if she flirts back.
    You could always say "I was just thinking I might like to try to see you on a real date basis, do you think this is something you might like to try? If she dodges the question or says no, you have your answer.
    It's been a week since I told her how I felt and I've been getting mixed signals from her. One day she is finding reasons to touch me or be next to me when we're in a group, but the next day she's completely distant.

    Based on what aphrodite said about the slow build-up, I've tried to incorporate that into our flirtations. Letting our hands touch as we walk next to each other, or finding reasons to touch her.

    I still have no idea what she's thinking because of her mixed signals. I plan on doing something about it this week though.
    How in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation....with more inflation? - Ron Paul

  5. #35
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    It's been a week since I told her how I felt and I've been getting mixed signals from her. One day she is finding reasons to touch me or be next to me when we're in a group, but the next day she's completely distant.
    ..If I found reasons to touch someone [I'm generally not the cuddly-touchy-feely sort], I am, without a doubt, interested in them. Initially I wouldn't be one to make that kind of contact consistently, or too overtly.. so I could see how the signals might seem mixed. Sounds to me like your INFJ is definitely interested, & gingerly testing the waters at this point, to get a feel for your potential responses, etc... it's almost like emotional chess or something. Your move.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #36
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yep, agreed. I don't touch people that I don't like. If I do with guy friends, it's extremely clear that we're only friends and it wouldn't be anything that could be misconstrued. I only initiate touch with people I am interested in to test the waters (eg elbows/upper arms touching as we sit next to each other in public etc).

  7. #37
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    I kind of agree with this. But Nillerz is exaggerating it to get his point across. The main point is you don't need her permission to like her. The fact that you seem to be seeking her affirmation of your feelings could be a turn off.

    I think what you need to do is inject some sexual tension. Don't explain everything or try to talk it all out with her. Just treat her more like a woman who you like. Do some things that are sweet but not overboard -- give her a gift, touch her briefly when you guys are together, tell her true stories that illustrate how dynamic you are, be seen with other attractive female friends in her presence, talk to her about her feelings, and show that you value her as a unique person. Do some other, slightly more romantic activities together. Take her out for a drink and then invite her to your place to watch a movie. Going out in public places all the time for jogging is a barrier to a greater degree of intimacy.

    Fundamentally, the most you can do is be yourself, be the best guy she knows, and don't feel any need to apologize for this or make sure she thinks it's okay.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nillerz View Post
    Their advice all sucks. Phooey to their advice, they're introverts. I'm an ENFP. I'm fucking pro.

    Just fucking grab her shoulders, smooch her right on the lips, look her in the eye, then walk away. Don't look back, just keep on walking.
    Seriously.

    Don't do anything weird with your tongue, just old-school pucker-face style. Use that MMMMMM-WAH sound if you'd like. When you look her in the eye, see if she's blushing or just confused looking. The thing is, you can pass it off as a momentary random kiss just for the hell of it. Do it when she's talking, nagging you, or something like that.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nillerz View Post
    Their advice all sucks. Phooey to their advice, they're introverts. I'm an ENFP. I'm fucking pro.

    Just fucking grab her shoulders, smooch her right on the lips, look her in the eye, then walk away. Don't look back, just keep on walking.
    Seriously.

    Don't do anything weird with your tongue, just old-school pucker-face style. Use that MMMMMM-WAH sound if you'd like. When you look her in the eye, see if she's blushing or just confused looking. The thing is, you can pass it off as a momentary random kiss just for the hell of it. Do it when she's talking, nagging you, or something like that.
    You can't pass it off, we'll know at that point...we're intuitive remember? If you do that and we're not into you, it will always be the pink elephant sitting in the room with us every time we're together. We do like people who are confidant enough to express themselves, it's very attractive to us, but overdoing it makes us put up our force fields from then on, or worse...we'll avoid you.

    I'm not sure why I'm offering advice here anyway. I've had a lot of experience with dating but almost none with female-male friendships. My own experience is that when I want just to be friends with a male, he wants more. I end up avoiding him, or having 'the conversation' which results in him avoiding me. Bummer. I don't want to get caught up in a situation where I might cause hurt to someone so I hesitate to get involved with men unless I'm interested in them in the first place.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    for being moderately wise creatures, we are often very very poor at recognizing what is going to happen with our own feelings in the future.
    It's because INFJs are gifted in intuition and insight, not premonition. We can predict outcomes, but only if everything plays out like we expect them to. Once you start tossing in variables, those predictions start losing stability until we finally abandon the idea and try something else.

    With intimate relationships, though, it's not only long-term, but completely riddled with variables tied to the fact that people change feelings on a moment's notice. Even worse, they're one-shot deals; once they fall apart, you can't go back and try something different.

    That's why INFJs take the sniper approach to going steady. We don't take the shot until we're sure it's going to be a successful hit, because we can only miss once.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by unagi View Post
    I kind of agree with this. But Nillerz is exaggerating it to get his point across. The main point is you don't need her permission to like her. The fact that you seem to be seeking her affirmation of your feelings could be a turn off.

    I think what you need to do is inject some sexual tension. Don't explain everything or try to talk it all out with her. Just treat her more like a woman who you like. Do some things that are sweet but not overboard -- give her a gift, touch her briefly when you guys are together, tell her true stories that illustrate how dynamic you are, be seen with other attractive female friends in her presence, talk to her about her feelings, and show that you value her as a unique person. Do some other, slightly more romantic activities together. Take her out for a drink and then invite her to your place to watch a movie. Going out in public places all the time for jogging is a barrier to a greater degree of intimacy.

    Fundamentally, the most you can do is be yourself, be the best guy she knows, and don't feel any need to apologize for this or make sure she thinks it's okay.
    I agree that you don't need her permission to like her and you should treat her as a woman you like. The rest of this stuff...hmmm.

    Better make that gift something simple but poignant. Even something as simple as a pretty pebble given with the exclamation that when you found it, it reminded you of the color of her hair, or an inexpensive gift from a conversation past, would be way better than a bunch of flowers.

    It's good to tell her your stories but it will turn her off if it sounds like you're boasting. I can't tell you how many times I've met a guy and had to listen to him blah blah blah about all the reasons why he's such a dynamo (the worst is when he goes on and on about how good he is at some sport,) or all the stuff he owns. I can't stand a man's salesman approach. If the guy can't stop to ask a few simple questions about me, which shows me that he's curious about my life, I get turned off....or bored.

    Being seen with other attractive females, go carefully with this one. Just show her that you are nice to women, but any guy who's too nice to too many women causes suspicion and reluctance. Unless she's not that into you, then it's a relief that it's not just her.

    Talking to her about her feelings, go easy with this one also unless you two are already expressing your feelings on things. I would just say things like, what do you think? Expressing an interest in her opinions shows her you are listening and that you are genuinely interested in her as an individual. We like that.

    The drink and home for a movie is OK if she's pretty sure you're not going to make a move on her when you're home. Getting together one on one is a good idea, but make it a fun event like canoeing and a light lunch or just walking in a park and feeding the ducks.Keep the first date casual, fun, and down to about 4 hours. Most INFJ's love being around nature and if she's HSP it's helpful to keep the date short at first.

    I can't speak for all INFJ women but witty men who aren't afraid to tease me a little in good fun are turn ons.

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