User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 42

  1. #21
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INfj
    Posts
    3,741

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    gawd, entropie, you are such a ho! but infj usually have a hard time separating sex and love, so you'll prolly get the results you want..............
    Or never talk to her again...
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  2. #22
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    GONE
    Posts
    9,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    meh. totally not my style at all. i usually agree with the czecze point of view and wisdom. i really prefer romantic things to stay on the down low for a while. i like the build up and subtlety and wonderment of it all. guys that would come right out and spill their guts aren't very attractive to me. yet i DO like honesty. just a different thing. being circumspect and feeling the underlying energy for me is so much more interesting and allows for a slower build of feeling than plopping it out on the kitchen table right in front of you.
    Hee hee, thanks.

    And Aphrodite, I totally understand where you are coming from. And it's helpful to the OP to hear the perspective of an INFJ female.

    Personally, I do like tension and build up too, a great deal even. But usually that comes with the *security* of knowing (or having a high probability) that there is mutual attraction. Or enjoying the 'what if' cat and mouse thing.

    I was really answering in the best interests of the OP and not so much the perspective of the girl. Since he can't tell if there is mutual interest and there didn't even seem to be flirting going on - for his sake, direct is the way to go or he could be lost in ambiguity forever!

    It's very true that timing, build up, method, etc. does play a part and definitely can even effect the outcome - but thinking about those factors can add too much anxiety for some people and paralyze them even more. They can overthink things or lose confidence.

    The most important thing for people who are stuck in a situation like the OP's is just to make a move, any move, to at least move things along. I was also thinking that at the very least, the OP could get a definitive "no" if she was not interested so he could move on. And if she said "yes" then he could start worrying about finessing her.

    I kinda see my ISTJ friend's problem in the OP's scenario - she totally overthought things, built it too up in her head, and waited wayyyyy too long to make her move. For the OP I saw it as a do or die situation because even if it ends up being about as romantic as dropping a 1/4 pound of fresh pork chop in someone's lap and saying, "For you! Dinner!" it's honestly better than nothing.

    And once you break that wall of telling someone you like them, you get much better at it in the future. It's kinda like how your first kiss may be clumsy and nerve wracking but it opens the door to more comfortable and better kissing.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #23
    Senior Member chasingAJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    FIVE
    Posts
    161

    Default

    I never tell a guy that I'm attracted to him, unless I'm not really THAT attracted to him. It's like this, if I'm not THAT into the guy, then losing him if he's not into me when I tell him, it's a big deal. (did that make sense?) If I'm really attracted to a guy (and I tend to fall in love before they really know) I keep my mouth shut and do this painful (and sometimes embarrassing) dance of trying to keep his attention and pull off the effortlessly beautiful thing. I'll play the woman warrior with my conquests (89% of them are made up) and see if he gets jealous. Yes, I want some reassurance. Yes, I can do anything/everything myself and might kill you for doubting me... but deep down... in this really hidden place... one that I can't tell you about (if I have to TELL you it doesn't COUNT)... I really want romeo to rush in and sweep me off of my feet. I tried to date a friend of 8 years and it didn't work because he was too shy and timid. The next guy I met (an ENTP btw) was talking to me casually (we were friends) and touched my face (chills, awkward, frozen) and kissed me and took my breath away. Our relationship has been over for 2 years (his choice) and I'm still not over that kiss. He said that he saw my fragile little girl side (which I kicked him for saying) and there was this understood there... that I was full of crap with my feminazi talk and he was allowed to know that if he promised to be the strong/protective/secure guy.

    If she's taking time off of work, switch things around and make it a weekend for two. Buy roses (she would NEVER fess up to really wanting romance don't try to ask) and wine. Taking her out of her normal environment will help and you can give her the escape of pretending like it never happened when you get home if she wants. Like a 'what happens in Vegas' thing.

  4. #24
    Junior Member ldzpplin518's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I'd suggest giving her space so she can let this resonate.
    Twiddle away.

    And good job, seriously, regardless of the outcome. It's great that you stepped up and addressed this.. a lot of people just don't have the guts, and potentially miss out.

    Good luck.
    As Tom Petty says, "the waiting is the hardest part". She has been texting me since yesterday, but nothing that is forthcoming, mostly how she felt ill yesterday and is doing better today.

    I've never really had a problem asking a girl out before this, I don't know why but I my shyness REALLY came out with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    In general, it's good to give people a bit of space after you tell them something like that and then to follow up. Don't let it just hang there, if you don't hear from her for a while try to talk to her on the phone or in person (not by email or text or voice message) but at the end of the day - if they want you they want you. "I don't know" is an acceptable TEMPORARY answer but eventually it means "No".

    But GOOD LUCK! Let us know what happens!
    I'm not really sure how to give her space, since we constantly see each other to run together. We've made plans for the next few weekends already too. We're going to be around each other for some time. If she doesn't give me a different answer than "I don't know" it could make things potentially awkward until one of us brings it up again.

    Quote Originally Posted by chasingAJ View Post
    If she's taking time off of work, switch things around and make it a weekend for two. Buy roses (she would NEVER fess up to really wanting romance don't try to ask) and wine. Taking her out of her normal environment will help and you can give her the escape of pretending like it never happened when you get home if she wants. Like a 'what happens in Vegas' thing.
    Unfortunately, the weekend trip has already been planned out and I can't make it just a weekend for two.

    So, you disagree with the other INFJs that I should let her bide her time and should instead try to "woo" her with flowers and romance?
    How in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation....with more inflation? - Ron Paul

  5. #25
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    GONE
    Posts
    9,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    I've never really had a problem asking a girl out before this, I don't know why but I my shyness REALLY came out with her.
    Awww, sweet. 'Cause you like her.

    I'm not really sure how to give her space, since we constantly see each other to run together. We've made plans for the next few weekends already too. We're going to be around each other for some time. If she doesn't give me a different answer than "I don't know" it could make things potentially awkward until one of us brings it up again.
    Okay, this gives me pause.

    At this point, I would say forget what anyone here or anywhere else tells you. You two are gonna do what you do. It may end up meandering and never get past the initial "I like you - do you like me too?" it may become that slow warm-up that Aprhodite referred to - but really, I don't think you're ready or willing nor would it be a good idea to cancel all those dates you've already made.

    Honestly, if a friend told me that they liked me and I had no answer to give them but planned all these 'dates' with them and kept going as per our routine - I dunno. I wouldn't do that basically, lol. I think she is at the least feelign the situation out. At this point I'm opting out of giving you any potential advice.

    Basically, I think as is usually the case, things are gonna run their course and you're gonna do what you want and need to do and whatever happens you will learn valuable lessons and really, it doesn't matter what anyone, especially on a forum, are going to tell you. Things will make themselves clear with time - you got this!

    I'm going to reserve any more comments and hunches and advice and judgement until you update us on the outcome of all this.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  6. #26
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INfj
    Posts
    3,741

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    So, you disagree with the other INFJs that I should let her bide her time and should instead try to "woo" her with flowers and romance?
    I think there's only so much you can rely on type to determine how somebody will react or the rational behind her action. Any advice offered here is nothing more than an educated guess.

    If it was me though, flowers/chocolate or what not sent discretely with a card say "thinking of you" can't hurt. But I'll be turned off if a guy pushes before I'm ready with my decision. That's just me of course. Who knows what she really likes. Again, best of luck.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  7. #27
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    I'd let her make the next move at this point. Her "I don't know" is a pretty tepid response. It doesn't necessarily mean she's not interested (I would probably become rather deer-caught-in-headlights-ish and be unsure how to respond if I was in her situation), but the tepidness does somewhat decrease the chances of her being interested, in my opinion.

    The ball's in her court now. I would pay close attention to how she acts around you for the next week or so. Are there increases in how often and in what context she wants to hang out with you? Does she seem shy and giggly around you all of a sudden? Does she seem to be finding more excuses to touch you (e.g., touching your arm while talking, etc.)? Those things would suggest she's interested. But if she's not displaying those behaviors, honestly, I would let it go. She knows how you feel and that's what's important (kudos for being so upfront, by the way). But don't risk your friendship with her by pushing too hard for a romantic connection.

  8. #28
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Ohh, I just read the part about the weekend plans with her. Very important: were these plans made after you told her your feelings, or were they already set previously? If they were already set previously, I would definitely play it cool and wait for her to make the first move. (No flowers/candy yet, until you have some evidence that the attraction is mutual; flowers/candy would be a turn off if I was on the fence about someone.)

    If you two made the plans AFTER you told her about your feelings, that's a really good sign and you can be a bit more forward, but don't hit her over the head with the sappy stuff, I dunno about other INFJs but I get turned off by too much of that -- I savor small, genuine acts more than the Valentines-type-gifting. I think if you want to give her something, picking up one of her favorite snacks or buying her a needed piece of running gear would be more subtle and more appreciated, and it avoids the potential awkwardness of flowers/candy (since you're not sure yet whether she likes you in that way).

    Good luck!

  9. #29
    Junior Member ldzpplin518's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    I'd let her make the next move at this point. Her "I don't know" is a pretty tepid response. It doesn't necessarily mean she's not interested (I would probably become rather deer-caught-in-headlights-ish and be unsure how to respond if I was in her situation), but the tepidness does somewhat decrease the chances of her being interested, in my opinion.

    The ball's in her court now. I would pay close attention to how she acts around you for the next week or so. Are there increases in how often and in what context she wants to hang out with you? Does she seem shy and giggly around you all of a sudden? Does she seem to be finding more excuses to touch you (e.g., touching your arm while talking, etc.)? Those things would suggest she's interested. But if she's not displaying those behaviors, honestly, I would let it go. She knows how you feel and that's what's important (kudos for being so upfront, by the way). But don't risk your friendship with her by pushing too hard for a romantic connection.
    She's been acting a bit strange since I told her. Although we haven't hung out in person, she's been texting me and they are rather cryptic. For instance, last night, she started texting me lyrics from "Time in a bottle" by Jim Croce out of nowhere. Seeing as it's a love song, I'll definitely take that as a good sign.

    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    Ohh, I just read the part about the weekend plans with her. Very important: were these plans made after you told her your feelings, or were they already set previously? If they were already set previously, I would definitely play it cool and wait for her to make the first move. (No flowers/candy yet, until you have some evidence that the attraction is mutual; flowers/candy would be a turn off if I was on the fence about someone.)

    If you two made the plans AFTER you told her about your feelings, that's a really good sign and you can be a bit more forward, but don't hit her over the head with the sappy stuff, I dunno about other INFJs but I get turned off by too much of that -- I savor small, genuine acts more than the Valentines-type-gifting. I think if you want to give her something, picking up one of her favorite snacks or buying her a needed piece of running gear would be more subtle and more appreciated, and it avoids the potential awkwardness of flowers/candy (since you're not sure yet whether she likes you in that way).

    Good luck!
    We had the weekend plans BEFORE I told her my feelings.

    I guess I'll know more when I get to hang out with her in person.
    How in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation....with more inflation? - Ron Paul

  10. #30
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INfj
    Posts
    3,741

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    She's been acting a bit strange since I told her. Although we haven't hung out in person, she's been texting me and they are rather cryptic. For instance, last night, she started texting me lyrics from "Time in a bottle" by Jim Croce out of nowhere. Seeing as it's a love song, I'll definitely take that as a good sign.
    Ummm I suggest you should carefully examine the lyrics in the song. I know I have a tendency to do that... send a song to describe how I feel when my own words do not suffice.

    We had the weekend plans BEFORE I told her my feelings.

    I guess I'll know more when I get to hang out with her in person.
    Ah. In that case the weekend should be interesting and informative...
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-06-2017, 11:44 PM
  2. [INFJ] How can you tell if an INFJ likes your company?
    By briochick in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 10-20-2013, 12:35 PM
  3. [MBTItm] How can I tell if I'm and INFP or ISFP?
    By ItsAlwaysSunny in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-08-2011, 03:45 PM
  4. [ENFP] How can I tell if an ENFP is into me?
    By ed111 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 01-05-2011, 05:58 PM
  5. [ISTJ] How can you tell if an ISTJ loves you?
    By Vika in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 10-27-2010, 08:58 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO