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  1. #11
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    lololol~ that's a great tactic!! Probably quite difficult for a shyer kind of person to pull off though. I'd like to know how an INFJ would treat a crush in comparison to a friend. From what I've noticed, they tend to be quite intimate with their friends as it is. You may have just broken through the distant Fe shield and into the Ni or something crazy like that.

    And I just confirmed this in that "how to seduce as an INFJ" thread. They actually do do this. When they want you, they will supposedly make it slightly more clear: more smiles, more focused attention, and that's about it .
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  2. #12
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    like lauren ashley said in that other thread that sky blue linked: if she is spending most of her time with you, that is a good indicator. when i start 'letting someone in' i focus on them a lot; invite them over more, tm them more, am available more, etc. if i'm not interested, i don't do those things.

    it's a bit more confusing because she's so close to you. but i would think if she's already let you in as a good friend, the potential is overwhelmingly there for y'all to become lovers. if she likes you enough (which is rare for infj) to do so many things with you, and share her past with you, she could make that leap pretty easily, i'd guess, judging from how i would be.

    how to proceed? i'd prefer a guy in your position to take it slow so i could savor and comtemplate every nuance of the moment. i mean, once that line is crossed there really is no going back. and the tentative, shy, titillating moments of discovering that someone likes you--or better yet, wondering if someone likes you--are some of the sweetest times life has to offer, imo. for infj they don't come around very often, because we are so picky about who we let in.

    you know what to do, if you've known her 9 years. follow your intuition, and be subtle. read her and find your moments. she's probably waiting.........
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  3. #13
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    DO INFJs react well to bluntness? Should I tell her that I like her or just kiss her (that's really out of my comfort zone as a very shy guy)?

    Not sure about other INFJs.. but personally, I have a lot of respect for those who can clearly express their thoughts/feelings. I'd just tell her if I were you.

    Also, if you've been friends with her for this long, can you recall any instances where a platonic friend has made romantic advances toward her in the past? How did she respond? What could you expect, worst case scenario? And if the feelings are not returned, do you think you'd want to/be able to maintain a friendship with her afterwards?



    Like your INFJ, I have more male friends than female; most of those friendships have spanned over a decade. If I developed a romantic interest in one of them, I wouldn't want to make it terribly obvious until I was certain [or close to it] that the feelings would be reciprocated, at least to some degree. I wouldn't want to make a friend uncomfortable just because of how I felt at the time, and risk potentially damaging the bond I already have with them.

    So, I'll reiterate here.. depending on your individual dynamic with her, only you can determine the stakes & what's worth the risk here. Your best bet's to continue to be a friend at the core of however you approach this, and communicate as a close friend would, your feelings for her, and what you want. Just be sincere and open.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  4. #14
    Junior Member ldzpplin518's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    it's a bit more confusing because she's so close to you. but i would think if she's already let you in as a good friend, the potential is overwhelmingly there for y'all to become lovers. if she likes you enough (which is rare for infj) to do so many things with you, and share her past with you, she could make that leap pretty easily, i'd guess, judging from how i would be.
    I agree, since she and I are already such great friends, it is very difficult to get a good read on what she's feeling. I do know that I've gotten past many of her layers, because she has let me in and told me all about her past and other "secrets" in the past.

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    you know what to do, if you've known her 9 years. follow your intuition, and be subtle. read her and find your moments. she's probably waiting.........
    I did finally say something to her today. We went running with some other people and at the end we broke away from the pack. We had some time to walk around the block while we waited for them, so I told her how I felt and asked her if she wanted to be more than friends. She said that it explained why I've been acting differently lately, but that ultimately "[she] didn't know. [She] didn't know what to say". Our friends caught up to us at this time and didn't talk anymore about it. We did, however, go for a cooldown walk afterward and she did walk next to me for a good chunk of that.

    I don't know about all the other INFJs out there, but "I don't know" is a fairly typical response from her for just about everything from "what type of ice cream do you want?" to "what do you want to do tonight?".

    Based on our history, is there anything that I should or shouldn't do over the course of the next couple of days? I mean, she's obviously taking some time to think about this. Is there anything I can do during this time besides just twiddle my thumbs?
    How in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation....with more inflation? - Ron Paul

  5. #15
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    Based on our history, is there anything that I should or shouldn't do over the course of the next couple of days? I mean, she's obviously taking some time to think about this. Is there anything I can do during this time besides just twiddle my thumbs?

    I'd suggest giving her space so she can let this resonate.
    Twiddle away.

    And good job, seriously, regardless of the outcome. It's great that you stepped up and addressed this.. a lot of people just don't have the guts, and potentially miss out.

    Good luck.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #16
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Take her out for dinner and spent the night together.

    After that you'll even know if you like her !
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #17
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Take her out for dinner and spent the night together.

    After that you'll even know if you like her !
    gawd, entropie, you are such a ho! but infj usually have a hard time separating sex and love, so you'll prolly get the results you want..............
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #18
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Take her out for dinner and spent the night together.

    After that you'll even know if you like her !
    Extroverts and their advice

    The fact that she even spent the night with you would be a pretty good indicator, at least!
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  9. #19
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ldzpplin518 View Post
    She and I (I'm an ISTJ) have been friends for about 9 years. I can't get a good read on her because we've been friends for so long. I'm probably just overanalyzing everything, as I'm wanton to do. Is there anything that I should be on the lookout for though?

    We are training for the Chicago Marathon together, so we hang out all the time.

    DO INFJs react well to bluntness? Should I tell her that I like her or just kiss her (that's really out of my comfort zone as a very shy guy)?

    I'm driving myself up the wall with this one and would greatly appreciate any help.
    Tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels.

    Honestly, that is the best course of action for an ISTJ and really anyone. You don't even have to worry about how to be smooth about it, I think the most important thing for you right now is just to do it and get it over with. There is nothing you are gaining right now by drawing it out or putting it off.

    The not so good news is that it may take you a couple tries (with different people) to get it down "right" and feel comfortable doing it, but I have an ISTJ friend and she is her own worst enemy.

    She is surprisingly passive when it comes to her love life and in the past has waited way too long to make a move (or not made a move at all) and missed opportunities.

    Don't be that person!

    Go for it!

    PS Just read the update - CONGRATULATIONS!!! Remember how good it felt to finally do it and remember that the next time you like someone. Unless she ends up being The One.

    In general, it's good to give people a bit of space after you tell them something like that and then to follow up. Don't let it just hang there, if you don't hear from her for a while try to talk to her on the phone or in person (not by email or text or voice message) but at the end of the day - if they want you they want you. "I don't know" is an acceptable TEMPORARY answer but eventually it means "No".

    But GOOD LUCK! Let us know what happens!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  10. #20
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels.

    Honestly, that is the best course of action for an ISTJ and really anyone. You don't even have to worry about how to be smooth about it, I think the most important thing for you right now is just to do it and get it over with. There is nothing you are gaining right now by drawing it out or putting it off.

    The not so good news is that it may take you a couple tries (with different people) to get it down "right" and feel comfortable doing it, but I have an ISTJ friend and she is her own worst enemy.

    She is surprisingly passive when it comes to her love life and in the past has waited way too long to make a move (or not made a move at all) and missed opportunities.

    Don't be that person!

    Go for it!
    meh. totally not my style at all. i usually agree with the czecze point of view and wisdom. i really prefer romantic things to stay on the down low for a while. i like the build up and subtlety and wonderment of it all. guys that would come right out and spill their guts aren't very attractive to me. yet i DO like honesty. just a different thing. being circumspect and feeling the underlying energy for me is so much more interesting and allows for a slower build of feeling than plopping it out on the kitchen table right in front of you.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


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