[INFP] What does an unhealthy INFP look like?

[heart]

what is the difference between an unhealthy infp and a person who has borderline personality disorder? Also I mean aren't these traits that alot of introverted people have when they are "unhealthy" ? just

If it is a developmental problem or a false belief or that the person is teen and living in intolerable misery, well these things can eventually be overcome through growth and becoming of age and getting away from unhealthy situations, but from what I understand Personality Disorders are very, very hard to treat.

 

[PeaceBaby]

How I am generalizing INFPs? It was an example. That particular teacher was a really jaded INFP. He used to talk about rejection, love, and death ALL the time. I have seen the Fi misery irl. It's not a pretty thing. However, one of the most healthy people I know is an INFP and I usually love the laidback, positive outlook that many of them seem to possess. To counteract the "jaded INFP teacher", I had another INFP teacher that was quite the opposite. EDIT: This is the "unhealthy INFP" thread not the "normal INFP" or "awesome INFP" thread. Unhealthy is WAY different than average or healthy. This is all based from my own experiences of VERY UNHEALTHY versions of the type. It is not how generally view the type. Sorry, if I have offended anyone. Now I will STFU.

I am not offended in any way. No worries there. (Bold type not required.)

In that post above, I was commenting on the tendency to type anyone who appears jaded, emo, morose or sullen AS an INFP. Perhaps you are not making this type of assumption and if this is the case, I offer my apologies.

As an aside, I wonder where everyone meets all these INFP's IRL. Using myself as the baseline, I only know a couple of folks who resonate with me this way.

 

[CzeCze]

In that post above, I was commenting on the tendency to type anyone who appears jaded, emo, morose or sullen AS an INFP.

Nah, they could be INTP.

:yim_rolling_on_the_:

As an aside, I wonder where everyone meets all these INFP's IRL. Using myself as the baseline, I only know a couple of folks who resonate with me this way.

If it helps any, I have never met anyone who resonated with me in a way that made me say, "we have the same personality/type" I have met allegedly 4 other women who are ENFP in my life but I never saw myself in them or thought we were "the same" or anything. It still puzzles me and I think the online tests they took were totally off. In fact 1 ENFP woman I met in highschool - we mutually couldn't stand each other and to this day I am convinced she is an enTp not an ENFP which makes so much more sense.

I have met people who I have thought shared my zest for life or were also kooky like me or who intrigued me or I really enjoyed being around - but not so much "damn, there's another ENFP". The people who resonated with me I didn't think were the same "type" but I thought we had some key things in common and were complementary.

Also I think types don't necessarily attract or even recognize their own type. I think I have attracted alleged ENFPs in the past but usually it's INXPs that I attract or tend to have an "over-representation" of in my life.

 

[Chimerical]

that's what an unhealthy INFP looks like.

 

[Udog]

^ Yup. Unhealthy INFPs do tend to use their cell phone while driving.

 

[Chimerical]

^ Yup. Unhealthy INFPs do tend to use their cell phone while driving.

The one driving isn't an infp.
He personality type is BITCH.

 

[Wiley45]

Are we??? I haven't met too many other INFP's who were vegetarian, meditate everyday, have martial arts and firearms training, hold there own with INT's in technical discussions, know how to kill people, wanted to be an army commando, have an advanced degree in physics, avoid most "art", do tai chi almost everyday, and read the history of math for fun, amongst various other activities...

Actually, I bet it's pretty common for INFP's to be vegetarian or semi vegetarian, enjoy debates, and meditate. So would be reading the history of anything, if it's an interest. I'd guess the advanced degree in physics, avoiding art and wanting to be an army commando are less common.

 

[heart]

Why do so many people seem to think INFP is prone to dramatic displays of emotional hysteria?

When I was at my unhealthiest, I was so withdrawn, I didn't let anyone around me see my emotions. I would listen to people a lot but never reveal the secrets of my inner thoughts or feelings. I'd have died before I would have given someone that kind of power over me, to know when my feelings were hurt or I was angry or my strong opinions. Alone I could be quite over the top, but never around others. People often could pick up on my emotions as an oppressive force and react to me, but I did nothing tangible and I resented their attempts to force me to emotionally engage with them. I mostly wanted to pass through the world as a ghost.

Whenever I read about people and their experiences with "overemotional INFP crying, hand wringing, hair pulling INFP" I tend to think they've typed the person incorrectly. Am I the only INFP who thinks this? Just curious.

 

[Udog]

Whenever I read about people and their experiences with "overemotional INFP crying, hand wringing, hair pulling INFP" I tend to think they've typed the person incorrectly. Am I the only INFP who thinks this? Just curious.

I relate more to your description than anything else. I don't do wild displays of drama when I'm hurt. At my unhealthiest I was quite passive aggressive, though. I wouldn't let you see that I was hurt, but damned if I was going to let you think I was well, too.

 

[heart]

I relate more to your description than anything else. I don't do wild displays of drama when I'm hurt. At my unhealthiest I was quite passive aggressive, though. I wouldn't let you see that I was hurt, but damned if I was going to let you think I was well, too.

I wanted to be totally stoic and invisible. Yet I always seemed to draw attention. The more I tried to withdraw, the more people tried to draw me out and now that could draw a response from me that my mother called "cutting people with your eyes" and then people would respond negatively and I would be "ah-ha! people do not like me, I was right!"

Oh it was an awful and misguided time of my life. I feel really bad about it now but too late to change anything. If only I might be able to go back to about age 11 and start all over again!

 

[Stanton Moore]

Has anyone else noticed that all INFPs are eerily similar?

I've noticed that they all seem to be maddeningly different. There is so much variation with us.

 

[heart]

I forgot the most recongizible example of the unhealthy INFP, the "basketcase" in the Breakfast Club. Note how stoic and withdrawn she is until she's pushed to respond.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Why do so many people seem to think INFP is prone to dramatic displays of emotional hysteria?

Whenever I read about people and their experiences with "overemotional INFP crying, hand wringing, hair pulling INFP" I tend to think they've typed the person incorrectly. Am I the only INFP who thinks this? Just curious.

I think a stressed INFP in the company of those they trust may have moments of hand wringing and crying, but that's not the general face of the unhealthy INFP to the outer world.

 

[heart]

^ Yes, exactly. You've got to be in the inner, inner circle to see that side. I have cried in front of two people in my life, my mother and my husband and I have only really, geniunely lost my temper in front of those two as well.

However, I've put on purposeful, strategic offensive fronts at work and when pushing my father's agedna after he was disabled but that's not the same thing. Some people only understand anger and those types usually not sensitive enough to discern when it's a put on and when it's real.

I just don't believe that the public watering pots are INFP but hey maybe they have corrupt judgement and do it to nefariously manipulate?

 

[Chimerical]

Why do so many people seem to think INFP is prone to dramatic displays of emotional hysteria?

When I was at my unhealthiest, I was so withdrawn, I didn't let anyone around me see my emotions. I would listen to people a lot but never reveal the secrets of my inner thoughts or feelings. I'd have died before I would have given someone that kind of power over me, to know when my feelings were hurt or I was angry or my strong opinions. Alone I could be quite over the top, but never around others. People often could pick up on my emotions as an oppressive force and react to me, but I did nothing tangible and I resented their attempts to force me to emotionally engage with them. I mostly wanted to pass through the world as a ghost.

Whenever I read about people and their experiences with "overemotional INFP crying, hand wringing, hair pulling INFP" I tend to think they've typed the person incorrectly. Am I the only INFP who thinks this? Just curious.

My sister does all the crazy insane shit and she's an INFP. But the only reason she's give such an emotionally driven display instead of running off to hide from everyone is because there's no where to hide.

With work she stays very quiet and only speaks when spoken to when she's upset, but if she's pushed hard enough she'll explode. How she explodes at work is very different from other places. She'll explode with a raging fury and find a way to get everything that's pissing her off to end all without putting her job in jeopardy. So, if workers are doing shady shit she finds out how to get them to stop with the least effort needed to ensure they leave her alone when she's pissed. If she's not pissed she'll just ignor them as long as they're not too big a problem.

At home if there's no where to escape she flips out on people and cusses them out. She'll scream and yell. When she's not as angry she'll tell you to leave or hint that she wants you to leave.

It all depends on if people are around and if she's able to be alone or not.

 

[heart]

Getting angry at all drains me so much I start shaking all over. It takes tremendous energy to extrovert out that much emotion. When I've had to stand up for myself with very aggressive people at work, it make me feel sick afterwards and I found the whole thing distasteful.

As a teenager I'd have many 2 or 3 times a year of crying and being out of control when alone and these came after physical/verbal abuse.

This doesn't mean I've ever been unemotional but it mostly occurs internally, my heart is on fire so to speak with strong emotions that are hard to extrovert. It's a lot easier to express emotion in text or writing or if the emotion is positive by touch. But crying, raging, yelling, verbalizing strong emotion takes a LOT out of me.

Respectfully, I just have a very hard time accepting there are INFP who can consistantly expend a lot of energy on showing outward upset like raging and crying etc. I really suspect these types of being EP who have social anxiety issues and have been mistyped IFP.

EDIT: I don't think INFP are the only ones who are often mistyped. I begin to think that a lot of the EFJ females that get complained about on these boards are really ETJ...I base this on watching the different types interacting on the forums.

 

[Stanton Moore]

what is the difference between an unhealthy infp and a person who has borderline personality disorder? Also I mean aren't these traits that alot of introverted people have when they are "unhealthy" ? just

Ive thought about this a lot in the lat few years, since I became re-acquanted with someone with a severe case of BPD/PTSD (I list them together because they are nearly identical phenomena).
I think the tendencies are similar, but there is a difference in degree. Several of the tendencies of the INFP remind one of those conditions, and there may be some etiological connection. This doesn't mean that they are the some, only similar superficially.
I wonder about my friend CM. She was such a lovely girl back in the day. We had crushes on each other. We met again after many years, but she is not the same person. Several serious truamas had led her into a life of constant partying, drugs, anonymous sex. She asked me if we had slept together, because she can't even remember most of her 20's...BPD is a tragedy. I worry about her all the time, even though she ended up pushing me away too.
BPD/PTSD can happen to any type.

 

[CzeCze]

Respectfully, I just have a very hard time accepting there are INFP who can consistantly expend a lot of energy on showing outward upset like raging and crying etc. I really suspect these types of being EP who have social anxiety issues and have been mistyped IFP.

Really? Define "constant" and what about INFPs who are "going through things?" And did you mean *emotional* energy or actual energy? I can totally believe INFPs who throw tantrums on a regular basis or explode - I'm sure it IS extremely tiring for them but I figure their chi or something is all out of sorts, ha. No but reallly:

I dated a very troubled INFP who I truly believe is INFP (we even went over our MBTI profiles together) but she has a habit of spazzing out when she's drunk and also has angry/upset outbursts. She can get really aggressive and even mean when she drinks. Otherwise her energy levels and focus were very introverted, she identified as introverted, and she would even question me (an obvious E) about how I could always be out and when did I ever have alone time, etc.
She was also very athletic though, a star athlete in highschool through college and regularly played in some weekend leagues as an adult. (I know another star INFP athlete who works out a lot)

She is the only person I've dated who I got into fights with on a regular basis and at all. She was definitely "going through things" when I met her and she still is.

No doubt her outbursts would take a lot of energy but she had a massive problem with communicating and she would let things build up and then have outbursts. It was consistent throughout the 6-8 months I dated her and is one the reasons I stopped talking to her.

I dated another INFP who was moody and would often get upset but she mostly pouted, LOL. She didn't have spectacular tantrums or anything like that and could be pretty direct about when she was mad - but she did act out a lot in general for (my) attention... I didn't necessarily read her energy levels as being "e" at all and I don't believe she had social anxiey.

 

[heart]

I admit, I've never been drunk in my life, so I really don't know what drunks do as INFP.

But I would think most INFP tend to err on passive aggressiveness, silent treatment and those "emo bombs" that Protean was talking about than rage, cry and scream...I am not saying they never cry and scream but it'd be really, really rare and even more rare. When I "go through" things, I am very low energy and close into myself. People around me are more like to get fed up with that.

I still think INFP is a card that is given out way too much, much like INFJ is.

 

[CzeCze]

But I would think most INFP tend to err on passive aggressiveness, silent treatment and those "emo bombs" that Protean was talking about than rage, cry and scream...

Oh I agree about the passive aggressiveness and silent treatment! LOL. I'm not sure what an "emo bomb" is though...but the two INFPs I dated seriously were both hella emo...in fact, the really emo one hated being called emo! LOL

Yeah, neither INFP necessarily would have crying fits... perhaps my definition of 'tantrum' and 'acting out' would fit more in lines with the 'emo bomb' than the "breaking chairs against the wall and screaming like a caveman" raging that you seem to be referring to?

So INFPs could not be histrionic in your opinion?

I am not saying they never cry and scream but it'd be really, really rare and even more rare. When I "go through" things, I am very low energy and close into myself. People around me are more like to get fed up with that.

The troubled INFP was always closed in and shut off until she would act out. It was very volatile and tumultous dating her. It was a LOOOOOOOOOT of work and emotionally draining. This is why I no longer talk to her. And I'm used to relating to closed off/very introverted people.

The other INFP who I also lived with - she would shut down/close off and I knew she'd be stewing and I would usually poke at her (in a loving, gf kinda way) until she came out with the reason of why she was angry, until then she'd deny it or just give me the cold shoulder.

Damn...why do I keep dating emotionally immature INFPs with communication problems??? WTH man...

I still think INFP is a card that is given out way too much, much like INFJ is.

I can't disagree with you there, I'm sure you are more familiar with your type than I am. I didn't know people gave out INFJ a lot -since that type is supposed to be so rare. In fact I hoped the other INFP woman I dated was INFJ when we were talking about MBTI b/c I wanted to date such a mythical creature! LOL. But no, she tested as INFP. Close though?

I do think there are a lot of bonafide INFPs though online and even irl where I meet them. But I think that may be because I'm ENFP and I seem to find and attract other INXPs pretty well.

If it's any consolation, I think a lot of young people, particularly teenagers up to early 20s get pegged EP.

Depressed, emo people = INFP
Juvenile, manic people = EP

Nice! LOL.