[INFP] What does an unhealthy INFP look like?

[Noll]

than get a therapist.

My mother called two weeks ago, but they've yet to call back.

 

[prplchknz]

My mother called two weeks ago, but they've yet to call back.

o ok good, at least something is being done.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I've only known one, and she was still really sweet, but complex. There was a chasm between the ideal and real self. In communication she was especially kind and accepting, but had reached a point of believing that each person was sooo different that it helped justify some people's needs being dismissed. She was always searching into philosophical realms and even challenging herself with personal development on a deep level, but for some reason could not see the degree to which she would take and not give in the concrete realm. She required complex and specific dietary and personal needs that others met for her.

 

[lulabelle]

I've only known one, and she was still really sweet, but complex. There was a chasm between the ideal and real self. In communication she was especially kind and accepting, but had reached a point of believing that each person was sooo different that it helped justify some people's needs being dismissed. She was always searching into philosophical realms and even challenging herself with personal development on a deep level, but for some reason could not see the degree to which she would take and not give in the concrete realm. She required complex and specific dietary and personal needs that others met for her.

maybe she 'gave' intangible things to people that you could not recognize? why must a person give so much in a concrete realm---people can offer different things. i think Fe sometimes expects there to be a 50/50 clear split in concrete duties and whatnot, and that is somehow a signifier of health.

i really feel for INFPs because this notion of MBTI health is so normalized and reductive erhghh idk. i think everyone has a process and people are so quick to label INFPs as 'unhealthy.' we operate in different spaces. i don't think it should be a problem if the person is open about what they are and what space they are occupying

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

maybe she 'gave' intangible things to people that you could not recognize? why must a person give so much in a concrete realm---people can offer different things. i think Fe sometimes expects there to be a 50/50 clear split in concrete duties and whatnot, and that is somehow a signifier of health.

i really feel for INFPs because this notion of MBTI health is so normalized and reductive erhghh idk. i think everyone has a process and people are so quick to label INFPs as 'unhealthy.' we operate in different spaces. i don't think it should be a problem if the person is open about what they are and what space they are occupying

That's a good point, and yes, she did give intangible things. I'm actually referring to a really complex situation, but your point is important. INFPs are one of my personally favorite types and I do love and respect all of the ones I know, so I was mostly just trying to answer this question in the OP. I think the person I described is a good person. I would also describe myself as unhealthy at times, so I'm not coming from a position of superiority in this at all.

The problem with all the stuff in the concrete realm is that it *has* to get done, so the more people who don't do it, leaves more stuff that someone has to do whether or not it's natural or healthy for them to be the one the workload falls upon. It would be great if everyone could just give to others what is natural and best for them to give, but sometimes that leaves the menial stuff undone. Some people do like to do more concrete work, but what happens if there is an environment where the omega of the pack has a chronic pain problem, has a heavy workload, is under tremendous stress, but most others only give intangibly?

This isn't just Fe and Fi, because in the end we sometimes have to give what comes unnaturally if we love others enough. The person who cannot express love in words may need to go outside their comfort zone if they are with someone who is hurting and needs to hear it. The person who isn't good at cleaning up may need to do it if everyone else is sick, etc. I guess I've learned that being a rather extreme intuitive spending my life living with other extreme intuitives. It takes tremendous focus for me to remember groceries and do all that sort of stuff and I would absolutely love to be able to give intangibly through art and not worry about the menial stuff, but it's a problem that goes beyond personality if there is no food in the house, if there is dog poop on the floor, if dogs needs to be let out at 6:00am, etc. It's just like being a parent who needs to change the baby's diaper - that goes beyond whether we give intangibly or not. In the end the baseline needs of life have to be met by someone, and most of the time noone really *wants* to do it, so whoever is lowest in the pack is left with the assumption they will just do it.

 

[lulabelle]

That's a good point, and yes, she did give intangible things. I'm actually referring to a really complex situation, but your point is important. INFPs are one of my personally favorite types and I do love and respect all of the ones I know, so I was mostly just trying to answer this question in the OP. I think the person I described is a good person. I would also describe myself as unhealthy at times, so I'm not coming from a position of superiority in this at all.

The problem with all the stuff in the concrete realm is that it *has* to get done, so the more people who don't do it, leaves more stuff that someone has to do whether or not it's natural or healthy for them to be the one the workload falls upon. It would be great if everyone could just give to others what is natural and best for them to give, but sometimes that leaves the menial stuff undone. Some people do like to do more concrete work, but what happens if there is an environment where the omega of the pack has a chronic pain problem, has a heavy workload, is under tremendous stress, but most others only give intangibly?

This isn't just Fe and Fi, because in the end we sometimes have to give what comes unnaturally if we love others enough. The person who cannot express love in words may need to go outside their comfort zone if they are with someone who is hurting and needs to hear it. The person who isn't good at cleaning up may need to do it if everyone else is sick, etc. I guess I've learned that being a rather extreme intuitive spending my life living with other extreme intuitives. It takes tremendous focus for me to remember groceries and do all that sort of stuff and I would absolutely love to be able to give intangibly through art and not worry about the menial stuff, but it's a problem that goes beyond personality if there is no food in the house, if there is dog poop on the floor, if dogs needs to be let out at 6:00am, etc. It's just like being a parent who needs to change the baby's diaper - that goes beyond whether we give intangibly or not. In the end the baseline needs of life have to be met by someone, and most of the time noone really *wants* to do it, so whoever is lowest in the pack is left with the assumption they will just do it.

yeah, i guess i just feel that Fe tends to Show more when it comes to tangible love... people mainly tend to notice Fi when it's out of control, you know?

I'm not just talking about 'intangible' art here, i'm talking about presence and feeling deeply for someone... being next to someone who will allow you to experience in whatever way you want.

i understand this part... i guess the people in the relationship need to decide/express their contributions in some way. and yeah, not trying to defend the sloppiness. it's just, sigh. the things that are most natural to the INFP seem most conducive to a lack of Health! i understand though that there must be compromise in certain areas in certain relationships. sometimes i get frustrated when people seem to define health in sort of a rigid way--certain types seem to fit into it more neatly than others! it's complicated business but people need to define their own spaces

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

yeah, i guess i just feel that Fe tends to Show more when it comes to tangible love... people mainly tend to notice Fi when it's out of control, you know?

I think I know what you mean, but I will say that it can feel the same way between INFJ and ISFJ. I find myself trying to be an ISFJ in relationships because they are ideal as caretakers in many ways since they can remember concrete details and combine that with Fe. My tendency to forget the details of a loved one's needs can make this INFJ seem not all that great at "Fe". I think that the Ni-Fe combo changes the nature of Fe into something that doesn't fit most stereotypes because it individualizes and abstracts the nature of Fe into something very personal and internal.

I'm not just talking about 'intangible' art here, i'm talking about presence and feeling deeply for someone... being next to someone who will allow you to experience in whatever way you want.

I do realize that, but that was the primary thought that came to my mind because that is what would be easiest for me to do rather than all the concrete cleanup help. My mother and sister are Fi-doms and I can feel the depth of their ability to see and love others uniquely. My mother was a superb kindergarten teacher all her life because she saw and loved each child as a unique person with unique needs to learn. That willingness to see someone for who they are and accept them quietly can be the most meaningful aspect of being loved.

i understand this part... i guess the people in the relationship need to decide/express their contributions in some way. and yeah, not trying to defend the sloppiness. it's just, sigh. the things that are most natural to the INFP seem most conducive to a lack of Health! i understand though that there must be compromise in certain areas in certain relationships. sometimes i get frustrated when people seem to define health in sort of a rigid way--certain types seem to fit into it more neatly than others! it's complicated business but people need to define their own spaces

I can see why the scenario I presented sounded like the classic complaints, but I left out the hard-core stuff that hurt because it was too personal. All iNtuitives need to be careful about not having an idealized self that doesn't map to reality. It can be too easy for any of the N types to fix it all with words and imagination. That's actually why my relationship ended so horrifically because we were both in a dreamworld and neglected all the damage being done in the concrete realm.

 

[Alomoes]

My mother called two weeks ago, but they've yet to call back.

Must say that I'm not sure you'll want a therapist, but more a psychologist. Therapists are more expensive and mainly deal in drugs. Psychologists use theraputic technic to solve problems, and if drugs are needed, they contact a therapist.

 

[lulabelle]

Most INFPs are probably unhealthy by other people's standards (especially 4w5s); most people don't relate to that extreme sensitivity and will dismiss it as unhealthiness. It's a great battle for many INFPs to overcome what they've been told about themselves their whole lives: too sensitive, too shy, too spacey, too self-pitying, too strange, too lazy etc etc. I can definitely see why so many INFP guys are annoying to others... it's very difficult to be the antithesis of what a 'real man' is supposed to be in our society + clearly they have some baggage as a result.

 

[chubber]

I seem to, without trying, bring out the gremlin out of INFPs. Like my TJ'ness is adding water on that cute little furry teddy bear that turns into a gremlin.

I didn't understand it, until I read this.

One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences. "TJ"s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is negative, the TJ's attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP's fault.

For INFPs with extremely dominant Feeling preferences who have not developed their Intuitive sides sufficiently to gather good data for their decision making processes, their dislike of conflict and criticism can foretell doom and gloom for intimate relationships. These INFPs will react with extreme emotional distress to conflict situations, and will not know what to do about it. Since they will have no basis for determining what action to take, they will do whatever they can to get rid of the conflict - which frequently means lashing out irrationally at others, or using guilt manipulation to get their mates to give them the positive support that they crave. This kind of behavior does not bode well for healthy, long-term relationships. Individuals who recognize this tendency in themselves should work on their ability to take criticism objectively rather than personally. They should also try to remember that conflict situations are not always their fault, and they're definitely not the end of the world. Conflict is a fact of life, and facing it and addressing it immediately avoids having to deal with it in the future, after it has become a much larger problem.

INFP Relationships

As I've read through this thread. I've seen some mentioning they go to sleep and hide from the real world. I can see how most go for solitude and would never really lash out. Until I'm sure you've got yourself entangled with a TJ. The INFP in my life, gets so worked up on any discussion that turns into an argument. Literally shivering/trembling voice, jumping up and down, talking over me, talking extremely fast and loud, basically yelling. Fighting till the death blindly, for the supposed "injustice" that happened against the perceived "victims" in the argument.

The constant care test is there as well. Also somehow, money = care ? In my point of view, business is business.

 

[Thalassa]

Most INFPs are probably unhealthy by other people's standards (especially 4w5s); most people don't relate to that extreme sensitivity and will dismiss it as unhealthiness. It's a great battle for many INFPs to overcome what they've been told about themselves their whole lives: too sensitive, too shy, too spacey, too self-pitying, too strange, too lazy etc etc. I can definitely see why so many INFP guys are annoying to others... it's very difficult to be the antithesis of what a 'real man' is supposed to be in our society + clearly they have some baggage as a result.

Keirsey and his son did not and do not believe in mental illness, they believe though that dysfunction or dark sides follow a particular pattern by type. For example, how many SPs are called bipolar or antisocial, how many FJ are borderline (afraid to be alone, fluctuations in sense of self, tangible cries for help), how many FP histrionic (overly emotional, impulsive, wants attention in a self centered way but still maintaining an almost painful level of empathy in some cases, not the coldness of an actual narcissist), how many INXX are schizoid or avoidant, etc.

I don't agree that illness doesn't exist, but I do understand their point of view, that difference in personality is pathological according to the psychiatric community, who appallingly rely on Big Five, a system that seems to revere ENFJ (non limbic ENFJ, but of course) ....

 

[Thalassa]

I seem to, without trying, bring out the gremlin out of INFPs. Like my TJ'ness is adding water on that cute little furry teddy bear that turns into a gremlin.

I didn't understand it, until I read this.



As I've read through this thread. I've seen some mentioning they go to sleep and hide from the real world. I can see how most go for solitude and would never really lash out. Until I'm sure you've got yourself entangled with a TJ. The INFP in my life, gets so worked up on any discussion that turns into an argument. Literally shivering/trembling voice, jumping up and down, talking over me, talking extremely fast and loud, basically yelling. Fighting till the death blindly, for the supposed "injustice" that happened against the perceived "victims" in the argument.

The constant care test is there as well. Also somehow, money = care ? In my point of view, business is business.

I think unhealthy INFP probably constantly see themselves as victims, victims who do not want advice or help, but merely to be pitied, like actually do want pity (diametrically opposing the disgust with being pitied, ever, under any circumstances, that some types like TJ or STP might have)....so they are probably more likely to be dependent, but not necessarily codependency where they need to merge with others, but dependent in the sense of seeing themselves as helpless and righteously demanding everyone else do the same. Either that or they quietly take themselves out, too ashamed or sad to even reach out to anyone before committing suicide or living the life of an increasingly delusional and despondent hermit who loses touch with the physical world, not in the manner of a more healthy INFP who might intentionally turn inward like a monk or wise woman, but like a person who has forgotten their physical body, and doesn't know how to even reach out or change their circumstances anymore.

That's what I guess, especially since one of the main difference in identifying ISFP from INFP is that the INFP can even in healthy conditions more content to make limited external changes, not acting out Id experiences.

All Te inferiors lash out in the manner you describe if stressed or out of whack, I don't necessarily consider that an unhealthy trait unless you constantly take things personally and turn into mini Hitler a lot ( I have done this myself in rough patches) but ALL IxFP have stress or bad days, everyone is human. IxFP can become petty, vindictive, vengeful if they are convinced of the evil of another. One of the things I have had to learn is that whatever other people do is usually about THEM not I. But I also think that shit can be taken too far, um yes if you are abusing or gaslighting someone it's really irresponsible and malicious to tell them stop being so sensitive. One of the ways to identify narcissistic people, sociopaths and abusers are people who twist the "take responsibility for your own feelings" (probably the invention of some FJ somewhere) into an excuse to treat others poorly. But yeah immature or unhealthy Te inferiors are at the other extreme, taking everything TOO personally. When I see how dumb it is now, it embarrasses me.

 

[AspersMC]

Getting angry at all drains me so much I start shaking all over. It takes tremendous energy to extrovert out that much emotion. When I've had to stand up for myself with very aggressive people at work, it make me feel sick afterwards and I found the whole thing distasteful.

As a teenager I'd have many 2 or 3 times a year of crying and being out of control when alone and these came after physical/verbal abuse.

This doesn't mean I've ever been unemotional but it mostly occurs internally, my heart is on fire so to speak with strong emotions that are hard to extrovert. It's a lot easier to express emotion in text or writing or if the emotion is positive by touch. But crying, raging, yelling, verbalizing strong emotion takes a LOT out of me.

Respectfully, I just have a very hard time accepting there are INFP who can consistantly expend a lot of energy on showing outward upset like raging and crying etc. I really suspect these types of being EP who have social anxiety issues and have been mistyped IFP.

EDIT: I don't think INFP are the only ones who are often mistyped. I begin to think that a lot of the EFJ females that get complained about on these boards are really ETJ...I base this on watching the different types interacting on the forums.

I have to disagree with your logic on this one. I'll introduce myself, I'm new to this site and am an INFP. I get where you are coming from. And it is possible, although I'm not completely sure, that NFPs who are stronger in the preference to introversion are more reserved and NFPs who are weaker in their introversion are likely to be a bit less reserved compared to other INFPs. I know that sometimes I can go into a rage (but only with my family, people I feel most comfortable with) and it is pretty infrequent but usually it is because I have held in a lot of emotions that I can't easily express due to how reserved I can be. And it does use up a lot of energy, I often feel sick and need to sleep afterwards, I also find that I usually am low on vitamins/minerals during times like those. When I am overemotion, it also occurs mostly internally and if I ever end up in a rage, it is my way of saying "I'm not alright" without actually saying it. Does that make sense? I'm just hitting down thoughts as I go.

 

[Firebird 8118]

Most INFPs are probably unhealthy by other people's standards (especially 4w5s); most people don't relate to that extreme sensitivity and will dismiss it as unhealthiness. It's a great battle for many INFPs to overcome what they've been told about themselves their whole lives: too sensitive, too shy, too spacey, too self-pitying, too strange, too lazy etc etc. I can definitely see why so many INFP guys are annoying to others... it's very difficult to be the antithesis of what a 'real man' is supposed to be in our society + clearly they have some baggage as a result.

I'm an INFP girl and I relate very much with most of that. I'm still told things like that today, in fact. So yeah, INFP guys aren't the only ones...

 

[chado]

i can testify to that as i went through one hell of a time i became,very emotional kind of withdrawn i ne came very extrovert in a negative id often go around asking people for help and speaking to pastors ect?

 

[INFPtheQuietOne]

Either they're too silent (passive-aggressive, isolation, etc) or they overdramatically whine and complain. Basically it's "Fi, Fi, Fi, nothing else". Then some unhealthy INFPs would use their weak and shadow functions and shut out all their strong functions.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Either they're too silent (passive-aggressive, isolation, etc) or they overdramatically whine and complain. Basically it's "Fi, Fi, Fi, nothing else". Then some unhealthy INFPs would use their weak and shadow functions and shut out all their strong functions.

I think you just need to find your niche in life. This will all seem like a distant memory when you have found a place (figuratively speaking) to call home. If that home ceases to fulfill whatever needs you possess, well then it's time to pack up, reevaluate, and look for another niche. This might become a lifelong process but I am willing to bet you'll be happier than you are sulking and moping about how miserable you are. You may never fulfill all of your dreams, but better to chase them than it is to feel sorry for yourself and lament your sad life. Hey, you might even find new dreams in the process of chasding others.

I think you should forget everything you've learned about typology because it only seems to be causing you more anguish.

One of the other members said something along the lines of "stop worrying about what kind of INFP to be and start thinking about what kind of person you want to be" in either this or one of the other threads you started.

When you have reached a healthy state, you might not care what type you are and all of this worry about how INFPs should or shouldn't be won't matter anymore.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Either they're too silent (passive-aggressive, isolation, etc) or they overdramatically whine and complain. Basically it's "Fi, Fi, Fi, nothing else". Then some unhealthy INFPs would use their weak and shadow functions and shut out all their strong functions.

No, what you're saying is incorrect. I run a company, and have for the last 12 years, and if I was like what you've typed above, would not be able to. (eta: in fact, it's my third such entrepreneurial venture, now that I think of it that way.) Have I had challenges balancing Fi and Te? You bet. I've had great success and distressing failure too. I'm better for the challenge though, and you will be too. You are not the aggregate of 4 letters. INFP does not spell what you think it spells. Go back to my other post, read it again, read it again and again and again if you have to. You are capable. Take your own advice: " Some weaknesses we cannot change, but work on your strengths, forgive, and accept that. "

If you're up for mentoring, I'm game, but this self-fulfilling prophecy you insist on proselytizing has got to be the first place you focus your attention.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Yeah, what [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION] said.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

[MENTION=24978]INFPtheQuietOne[/MENTION]

I'm not saying you should deny your feelings, but sometimes you just need to learn to let the most harmful ones just waash away

You will probably struggle with self-esteem and self-worth issues again in your life, but you have to learn to let those feelings go...they are counterproductive and will eat you from within if you dwell on them for too long.