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[INFP] What does an unhealthy INFP look like?

heart

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Oh I agree about the passive aggressiveness and silent treatment! LOL. I'm not sure what an "emo bomb" is though...but the two INFPs I dated seriously were both hella emo...in fact, the really emo one hated being called emo! LOL

Sudden really dark comments that seem out of proportion to the conversation.

Depressed, emo people = INFP
Juvenile, manic people = EP

Nice! LOL.


I am not saying the INFP's aren't acting juvenile as well, I am just saying I think they usually use more subdued...even underhanded methods, silent treatment, passive agressive things, dark looks, short, snappish statements, odd barbed comments, sarcasm.

We have people on here labeling others INFP when they sound like constant watering pots or anger infernos. And I just don't see how those people can be Fi dom.

But I am curious what other INFP here say.
 

erm

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We have people on here labeling others INFP when they sound like constant watering pots or anger infernos. And I just don't see how those people can be Fi dom.

But I am curious what other INFP here say.

I pretty much agree. I can not fathom "exploding", my emotions simply don't function like that. Passive aggression on the other hand...

My most common reaction to stress is simply to retreat mentally and emotionally. AKA, go quiet and stop paying attention, followed by obsessive and repetitive analysis, and a lot of escapism. You'd have to really push to get any passive aggression out.

If I had to guess, INFPs would get the mantle of "least likely to explode", or draw even with INTPs.
 

PeaceBaby

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Getting angry at all drains me so much I start shaking all over. It takes tremendous energy to extrovert out that much emotion.

:yes:

Respectfully, I just have a very hard time accepting there are INFP who can consistantly expend a lot of energy on showing outward upset like raging and crying etc. I really suspect these types of being EP who have social anxiety issues and have been mistyped IFP.

Agreed.

But I would think most INFP tend to err on passive aggressiveness, silent treatment and those "emo bombs" that Protean was talking about than rage, cry and scream...I am not saying they never cry and scream but it'd be really, really rare and even more rare. When I "go through" things, I am very low energy and close into myself. People around me are more like to get fed up with that.

I still think INFP is a card that is given out way too much, much like INFJ is.

+1000
 

Wiley45

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Extreme stress has caused me to be snappy and cranky with people I know well, but still doesn't cause loud outbursts.

There are only two situations in which I can ever remember emotionally exploding in a loud, demonstrative way. One was having a heated argument with people I know extremely well, and feeling like they were violating my rights some way in the conversation -- such as telling me "what I think." Raising my voice and freaking out only happened after repeatedly trying to explain that I know what I think for myself, and not being heard, until I felt like an animal in a cage, couldn't think straight, and just freaked out.

The second situation was witnessing a serious act of physical abuse toward an animal. I often just tremble with anger, as Heart mentioned, but in this case, I lost all sense of dignity, and screamed, slapped, threatened, intimidated, etc. It just sort of happened before I had time to think about it. :/

Almost always, though, under normal circumstances, I withdraw. I just shut down, stop talking, and go away. I'm not prone to loud outbursts. Even if I'm sulking, I want to sulk alone where no one can see that I'm sulking. :)
 

jimboworld

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It's important to reach out to people socially sometimes, especially those who can back you up when things go down.
 

SurlyAdam

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The second situation was witnessing a serious act of physical abuse toward an animal. I often just tremble with anger, as Heart mentioned, but in this case, I lost all sense of dignity, and screamed, slapped, threatened, intimidated, etc. It just sort of happened before I had time to think about it. :/

Almost always, though, under normal circumstances, I withdraw. I just shut down, stop talking, and go away. I'm not prone to loud outbursts. Even if I'm sulking, I want to sulk alone where no one can see that I'm sulking. :)

I think these are normal, healthy responses, though our Ti never really comes out in ways we expect, which can scare us and those around when it happens. Idealism is part of the INFP profile, and we will never let an injustice go by without expressing our disapproval. It's like a compulsion, that you know what has to be said or done, and it can't be held back sometimes.

On the 2nd part: withdrawal is also necessary, as it takes times to absorb and think it all over. It's again the lack of Ti that keeps us from thinking on our feet. It takes time to consider everything and decide what to do. Withdrawal is an excellent policy.
 

CzeCze

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Sudden really dark comments that seem out of proportion to the conversation.

I think INTPs and INFPs can be similar in this way... I remember I was hanging out at a friends house and we were listening to depressing emo music. One of the roommates asked what we should do and an INTP female said, "Well, we could all go hang ourselves". I guess it wasn't totally out of context but it was upping the ante and it seemed like a faux pas to me. But that might have just been "social unsmoothness".

I am not saying the INFP's aren't acting juvenile as well, I am just saying I think they usually use more subdued...even underhanded methods, silent treatment, passive agressive things, dark looks, short, snappish statements, odd barbed comments, sarcasm.

OMG, you are reminding me of the last INFPs I dated...please stop...LOL.

Seriously though I started typing a long response - but really, I wonder if you've seen some seriously anger-management needing introverts? Because some of the most destructive tempers I've seen belong to extreme introverts.

It's hard to describe "outburst" and "tantrum" properly through just text - I think if you had seen the ones the INFPs I've dated would throw you'd probably go, "Ah yep, that's an INFP". I mean, they were definitely tantrums, and outbursts, they were definitely acting out - but I'm not saying they were on par energy or volume wise with say - an ENFJ or and ENFP. But the end effects were still disruptive and destructive. And definitely part of the reason they had these outbursts was because they were sooooo bad at expressing those things and would let the anger build up and then let it loose - it seemed classic INXP (and childish) to me.

Also, keep in mind that one INFP I mention was young and immature at the time and the other one is just a hot, hot mess (i.e. "going through things") These tantrums are no doubt very taxing and draining to them and gets them all worked up inside even afterwards - they still have 'em though.

As for Fi doms having tantrums and outbursts - unhealthy/immature ENFPs can have them quite a bit. ;) We can get pretty loud and dramatic. Even healthy ENFPs when that Fi is violated go all up in arms. So I don't think it's necessarily Fi that is adverse to outbursts? Or maybe I misunderstood what you were saying.
 

PeaceBaby

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$emobomb != $INFP
$emobomb <> $INFP
$emobomb !== $INFP

Get it?

(If you don't: emobomb does not equal INFP.) We don't do tantrums, outbursts, explosions or bring rain clouds to parties.

Unhealthy ones are likely to shun any human contact I would imagine and keep themselves as isolated as possible.

Personally, I would preferably run away and hide somewhere rather than confront or reveal my feelings to you. This cannot be emphasized enough here. I have had to learn to be assertive but doing so is a huge energy expenditure.

The only people who know how I feel about anything in general are those closest, and even then I need to be hugely provoked to make any kind of negative display of emotion as these ones described as attributable to INFP in this thread.

As heart said, anyone being demonstrative emotionally seems to be tagged with INFP, and it is just not so. As I have reflected on (many times it seems now) this forum, I don't where all you folks meet the INFP's because I sure don't know many at all.
 

The Outsider

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I agree.

At my worst, I get even more withdrawn and passive-aggressive. No outbursts.
 
G

Glycerine

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I know of 2 INFP that do the emo outbursts when they are stressed out. Some become very emo, others become very withdrawn. I am starting to think that this is outside of type and more of an individual thing. I am pretty sure that they are INFPs because they have really strong personal values/opinions about things and the off the wall Ne fueled sense of humor.
 

OrangeAppled

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I can have emotional outbursts, but I really have to be pushed. It's the final straw when I've been backed into a corner, and then my temper is bad. Almost the only person who inspires these blow ups is my older sister. She's an ESFP and extremely opinionated and incapable of grasping anything abstract (it's always written off as "irrelevant" and "unrelated"), so I do end up tearing my hair out around her because my viewpoint is thoroughly invalidated. Quite honestly, I think she asks for it. :tongue:
Sometimes I do the Amelie thing and seek secret revenge. That's probably an unhealthy INFP reaction :D.

I am admittedly temperamental & high-strung too, but the moodiness is subdued. If I do express it, then it's very subtle & passive, through the face or body language. It's so subtle that sometimes people misinterpret my quiet, neutral behavior as "moody", because I'm just not expressive. I'll also internalize negative feelings to the point of it affecting my physical health.

For example, I read once that if you work with an INFP, you likely know very little about them and probably not enough to type them. That sounds about right. We're generally extremely private, and unhealthy ones may become withdrawn to the point of being zombie-like. People at my old job used to joke that I didn't speak for the entire first year I worked there. Funnily enough, I found that job frustrating and stressful because of the stupid clients, yet my co-workers never heard much about it from me, except the odd sarcastic comment here & there. I generally just used wry humor to express my annoyance.
 

Orangey

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I mistyped a family member as an NT precisely because of this "emobomb" stereotype. He's probably the least likely in our family to have emotional outbursts of any kind. During the few times that he's been driven past his boiling point, he did a stoical kind of crying and wanted to retreat. He's still an emotional person...just not the type that shows it. You have to be really close to him to even have a glimpse of that side, because it's very subtle and passive. A lot of the time, when he's been offended, he'll make a sarcastic remark, but nothing more is said or expressed after that.

Me and my INTP brother, OTOH, tend to show anger and even have occasional rage outbursts. I cannot remember a time when the INFP showed overt anger or sorrow to anyone.
 

OrangeAppled

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I cannot remember a time when the INFP showed overt anger or sorrow to anyone.

:yes:

I actually don't cry when people die. I feel the loss deeply, but the deeper I feel something the harder it may be to express. Fe people might label me "cold" because of this, and I think some people would guess me to be a T from the outside because of it. I think that minor annoyances are expressed more, which is where snappy comments and cynical humor comes in.
 

CzeCze

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Hmm, well to give more context the outbursts the INFPs had were reserved for me. And gawd, there's no way to get to a girl's heart faster than to show them you feel "intimate" enough with them to throw a tantrum. L.O.L.

I'm not saying that I think INFPs as types routinely have loud public dramatic tantrums (like Veruca Salt from "Willy Wonka")

However, I absolutely have experienced and know that you can still be INFP and have a lot of tantrums/outbursts directed at or saved for a particular person or company.

I will also say from my dating experience that being a fellow NF and especially as an ENFP, there is a very close feeling of psychological and/or emotional space with an INFP/ENFP pairing that can happen which had a big part in how 'safe' or really how much in the end I saw of these INFP's otherwise hidden or inner emotional worlds and struggles. (Though I have to insert here what others have said about the nature of "fi", whether or not these INFPs tried to "hide" it, I knew something was up with them big time). This was not casual dating, I got to know both these INFPs very intimately and we were very close at one time. Normally these INFPs would shut down and close off and only explode under duress as or as a last resort. For both in some ways I pushed them to communicate with me and not shut me out, resulting in the outbursts. I also refused to coddle them sometimes and reward bad behavior which got more outbursts, ("I needed someone to make me feel better and you didn't blah blah blah blah")

Plus, I mentioned they were immature and/or troubled, right? Otherwise, they were textbook INFP when troubled, shutting down, falling off the map, getting very quiet, refusing to open up, terse passive-aggressive comments when asked, etc.

This is also why I told people about the last INFP woman I dated that as casual friends or whatnot she was fine and you would never experience the kind of behavior, the sides of herself that she showed me, or realize the extent of whatever it was she was going through. I got to know her much better in our dating run than many of her casual friends will ever know her.

Sooooo....does she sound more like an INFP to you know? LOL.

I can't help it - she's hella emo, she has outbursts and blows up, and you have to claim her, dammit! Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you get to kick her out of the club!

LOL, I know it almost sounds like I'm saying, "One of your clan hurt me! I demand blood money!" Buuuuuut, I'm not. But, for whatever reason, it does bother me that you don't believe either of them are INFPs!!

Seriously, I've seen it, I've experienced it, INFPs can definitely throw tantrums and blow up and not just in really isolated instances every several years.
 
G

Glycerine

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:yes:

I actually don't cry when people die. I feel the loss deeply, but the deeper I feel something the harder it may be to express. Fe people might label me "cold" because of this, and I think some people would guess me to be a T from the outside because of it. I think that minor annoyances are expressed more, which is where snappy comments and cynical humor comes in.
Even though I am not an INFP (most likely ENFJ), this sounds a lot like me too. :yes: It's like a weird feeling of adrenaline and emptiness but nothing comes out.
 

Wiley45

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I can have emotional outbursts, but I really have to be pushed. It's the final straw when I've been backed into a corner, and then my temper is bad.

Yes. This is exactly how I am. It's only when I feel there is NO escaping a situation that the outburst would occur.

It's so subtle that sometimes people misinterpret my quiet, neutral behavior as "moody", because I'm just not expressive. I'll also internalize negative feelings to the point of it affecting my physical health.

This perfectly describes me, as well. I'm often asked "what's wrong?" when I've only been thinking quietly and nothing is bothering me. Internalizing negative emotions until it affects physical health? Me too. :yes:
 

PeaceBaby

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Hmm, well to give more context the outbursts the INFPs had were reserved for me.

Well, it would be logical that if you were extremely close, you might be privileged to receive an INFP "outburst" from time to time.

But, for whatever reason, it does bother me that you don't believe either of them are INFPs!!

And I love how we're telling you we're not like that but you want to keep holding on to your assertion that we are! It's not so much I don't believe they are INFP's, it's just that the behavior you describe is certainly not a defining characteristic of one IMO.

I just checked in with my hubby on this, wrt how he feels I deal with my emotions from his perspective. He feels I can sometimes hold on to my feelings when he would have a tendency to just not want to think about them anymore. But tantrum / outbursts - nope. Just tend to ruminate on negative emotions when in the same situation he would put them out of his mind. Like I have to talk about them, chew on them for a bit and process.

I read him the other descriptions and he laughed, no, that's not like me at all. Thank heavens!

NOW, I know we are in the UNhealthy INFP thread, but I can't offer any other frame of reference but my own, whatever state of health you gauge me to be in.

Personally, the only "emo-bombs" that exist in my life are ExxJ's to be honest - they can spill out their feelings like gunfire, not worrying what they strike.

Seriously, I've seen it, I've experienced it, INFPs can definitely throw tantrums and blow up and not just in really isolated instances every several years.

I appreciate your perspective but just can't relate to it. :)
 

heart

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Someone has to really engage me to get an emotional reaction like outright anger out of me. Like they have to actually yell/rage at me (I find that very threatening) and even then it won't be a long lived reaction because it's too draining. But I've more often enraged people further by sitting and staring at them when they are raging at me. This used to drive my mother insane.

I don't like it and I totally resent it when people engage me and to be raged on too often or to be humilated with verbal abuse makes me feel cold towards them and then no more reaction so it is very limiting. I usually doorslam most people who are like this.

I am not saying I am not capable of being immature or unhealty in other ways, but throwing fits isn't my MO. I am more likely to snipe passive aggressively or use silent treatment.

Normally these INFPs would shut down and close off and only explode under duress as or as a last resort. For both in some ways I pushed them to communicate with me and not shut me out, resulting in the outbursts...

How would you "push" them?
 

Udog

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I honestly don't know where I stand on the 'healthy' spectrum. I know I'm making positive progress, but I only have to go back 2 years to see a me that was clearly unhealthy.

Like the other INFPs here, I would only lash out when I was cornered and the other person wouldn't let me withdraw. Then, my words and actions were less about open expression and more about making other person suffer for having the gall to force me to face/express my feelings. I'd intentionally force the tidal wave onto them. I just wanted them the $#@$ out of my face and to punish them as much as possible. It like like, "YOU WANT IT? WELL NOW YOU GOT IT! :steam:"

As I saw it, they were my feelings, and the other person wasn't entitled to them.... especially if it was just to tell me how inappropriate they were. I just wanted to be left alone to sulk.

One of the reasons I know I'm healthier now is that when I notice myself starting to slip down that path, I am much better at saying something to the other person. Also, I've learned to differentiate the objective consequences of my emotions and the emotions themselves. I value people who give me honest feedback on the former, and am starting to learn how to remove people that only want to discredit the latter.
 
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