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  1. #201
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    That idea comes from the way she is treating me. She has been acting very huffy puffy.

    First time I saw her 8 days later, shame.
    Next time a few days later, quiet, not mean, normal. I touched her hand like she does to me and I don't believe that went over too well. Why? Next time she completely stonewalled me, looked the other way, rude. Twice over the next 1-2 weeks she would say why do I have her wait on me and not someone else. She wasn't seeking a response. She never waited for one. The next time she she walked away when I tried to approach her outside when I ran into her. Same night a little while later, she huffed and puffed to her friend, I was too far to hear, but about me. Another day I found out "my" infp told her to not wait on me, and said it angrily. The next time her friend was there and suggested I try to get "my" infp to talk as she was about to leave. she wouldn't. She said she didn't want to deal with my shenanigans. The next time "my" escalated her threats and language to me and her friend told me that the day before she also mentioned something. I spoke with her friend and her friend was surprised it was lasting so long. Her friend said she would speak with her last Sunday on their way home. I haven't been there since. I can tell the way "my" Infp looks at me lately. She is a different person, paranoid, no trust, and you can see it in her face that she feels I am plotting revenge or something. Suspicious. I am not in any way. But she no longer believes that. I can see it on her face. I would just give her a hug and say it's cool. It is coming across as if I am pushing too hard to resolve, but twice a week isn't much to me and the weeks are passing by. I won't live in a world of months. I would rather put my best effort forward for happiness for all and then let her approach me after that if she wants.

    I chose not to wait several weeks to resolve the situation. 8 days. I thought it was resolved after that and we would go back to normal. She wasn't ready or willing to back to how we were, and she still isn't. The more I try to approach her, the more her behavior escalates into threats. I have reached the point where I am uncomfortable approaching her at all. Why? In the heat of the moment she could say the wrong thing to the wrong person and either she or I could face an unexpected problem at her work and I won't let that happen. She could approach superiors at this point. About what I have no idea, that I am bothering her or something. That is why I am using her trustworthy friend. It's such an easy thing in my mind to fix. She wants to avoid me at all costs. So if I can tell a trusted third party, her friend, who is objective enough, I know her friend will try with her. I can give het friend my number and tell her friend that "my" Infp can just get in touch when she's ready. I need someone else that knows her to know the truth and offer up common sense.

    I want to feel okay with myself. I want to feel okay that I have done all I can to help her, and I want 100% clear communication and info. I don't believe we have that yet. Her friend is my wild card. She may listen to her friend.

  2. #202
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    Quote Originally Posted by PuraVida View Post
    That idea comes from the way she is treating me. She has been acting very huffy puffy.

    First time I saw her 8 days later, shame.
    Next time a few days later, quiet, not mean, normal. I touched her hand like she does to me and I don't believe that went over too well. Why? Next time she completely stonewalled me, looked the other way, rude. Twice over the next 1-2 weeks she would say why do I have her wait on me and not someone else. She wasn't seeking a response. She never waited for one. The next time she she walked away when I tried to approach her outside when I ran into her. Same night a little while later, she huffed and puffed to her friend, I was too far to hear, but about me. Another day I found out "my" infp told her to not wait on me, and said it angrily. The next time her friend was there and suggested I try to get "my" infp to talk as she was about to leave. she wouldn't. She said she didn't want to deal with my shenanigans. The next time "my" escalated her threats and language to me and her friend told me that the day before she also mentioned something. I spoke with her friend and her friend was surprised it was lasting so long. Her friend said she would speak with her last Sunday on their way home. I haven't been there since. I can tell the way "my" Infp looks at me lately. She is a different person, paranoid, no trust, and you can see it in her face that she feels I am plotting revenge or something. Suspicious. I am not in any way. But she no longer believes that. I can see it on her face. I would just give her a hug and say it's cool. It is coming across as if I am pushing too hard to resolve, but twice a week isn't much to me and the weeks are passing by. I won't live in a world of months. I would rather put my best effort forward for happiness for all and then let her approach me after that if she wants.

    I want to feel okay with myself. I want to feel okay that I have done all I can to help her, and I want 100% clear communication and info. I don't believe we have that yet. Her friend is my wild card. She may listen to her friend.
    This friend of hers, could she be sabotaging you on purpose? Is she someone who might be jealous of your infp? Or romantically interested in you? Just wondering if you'd considered that.

  3. #203
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    Good question. Not at all. I edited my last post while you posted again. You may want to re-read it. It's mostly the same. No, her friend is trustworthy. She is married with two kids. She doesn't like me romantically. Thus far she hasn't done much to get involved. If anything I want her involved more.

    But when "my" Infp heard the rumor about me and another co-worker, I do believe that rumor was started by a jealous person who secretly may like me. She is a big gossip. This person is a bad apple. From day one she tried to sabotage me and "my" Infp by false gossip to "my" Infp. I don't want to be mean, but this jealous other person is literally 400 pounds. I don't care about that sort of thing, but I say that to emphasize that she isn't a part of the picture and she does this because she knows she can't get guys because of her physical condition. I am not exaggerating either. So "my" Infp's friend is legit. I like her as a person and that she's a good friend to her. She needs that. I am not attracted to her or vice versa. We both care about the Infp a lot. I feel/think the friend wants me to be with her/hopes it works out.

  4. #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by theDarkSide View Post
    @PuraVida Are you getting my reps?
    Your replies? Yes. Thanks. The previous one asked me if her friend was jealous. She isn't. A different person may be and may have spread the false rumor about the other girl/woman. But that's easily fixed. "My" Infp won't discuss what's wrong or even say what it is.

  5. #205
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    Lost. So long as an INFP has a mission they are just fine to weather life's downfalls. When they haven't a cause to strive towards then they are pretty much fucked, and as you would say an "unhealthy infp"
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  6. #206
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    Hey theDarkSide,

    The poster "heart" has a post in this thread from 7-18-2009, 4:58am. Read that post. Thanks. That is how "My" Infp has been behaving most recently. Ego corrupt judgement behavior. I went from great to her top enemy at the snap of a finger. How can I get past this and help her get back to normal. This is my current problem.

  7. #207
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    Just out of curiosity, why do you always put "my" in quotes when referring to your INFP?

  8. #208
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    No reason at all. It's just a way to identify the person. I used quotes to perhaps emphasize that I am not sincerely defining this person by MY as in a possession or possessive term. I could have used the or something else. She and I don't really do titles. So I didn't think to use girlfriend. We aren't just friends. Person I am dating is a bit long etc....

  9. #209
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    Every time she sees me, she shows zero guilt/shame, only that first time. It is pure negative, anger, threats, bluffs. Problem is anyone can overhear her and get wrong idea. I am afraid to go near her. I was able to get a positive note to her through her friend last Sunday.

    I saw her friend today and she informed me "my" Infp read it in car on way home last Sunday. No discussion, but she read it. But today almost a week later, same. Escalated threats. She refuses to even communicate. She probably hopes I disappear completely so she won't be reminded of her guilt/shame/behavior. But she is behaving like someone with corrupt judgement....literally thinking I am plotting revenge against her when all I want to do is work things out happily and peacefully. I had one last note for her friend which explained everything, every possibility for behavior between "my" Infp and me. But this time her friend politely declined it. She doesn't want to get involved. I may be able to press her friend a little. Maybe her friend will sit her down and talk. I was able to tell her friend briefly about the false rumor with thr lesbian, and she looked stunned. But we didn't have time to discuss.

    The only way of contact is to stop in retail place once to a few times a week and hope to see them. I am more interested in enlisting the friend's support to a higher level which may be possible. Not sure. I still want to run into "My" Infp politely from a distance. Disappearing entirely isn't my thing. But I have to be careful to keep my distance. I want them both to have my contact info.

    Any thoughts from anyone would be appreciated. Thank you very much. Sorry for long/multiple posts.

  10. #210
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    Quote Originally Posted by PuraVida View Post
    Every time she sees me, she shows zero guilt/shame, only that first time. It is pure negative, anger, threats, bluffs. Problem is anyone can overhear her and get wrong idea. I am afraid to go near her. I was able to get a positive note to her through her friend last Sunday.

    I saw her friend today and she informed me "my" Infp read it in car on way home last Sunday. No discussion, but she read it. But today almost a week later, same. Escalated threats. She refuses to even communicate. She probably hopes I disappear completely so she won't be reminded of her guilt/shame/behavior. But she is behaving like someone with corrupt judgement....literally thinking I am plotting revenge against her when all I want to do is work things out happily and peacefully. I had one last note for her friend which explained everything, every possibility for behavior between "my" Infp and me. But this time her friend politely declined it. She doesn't want to get involved. I may be able to press her friend a little. Maybe her friend will sit her down and talk. I was able to tell her friend briefly about the false rumor with thr lesbian, and she looked stunned. But we didn't have time to discuss.

    The only way of contact is to stop in retail place once to a few times a week and hope to see them. I am more interested in enlisting the friend's support to a higher level which may be possible. Not sure. I still want to run into "My" Infp politely from a distance. Disappearing entirely isn't my thing. But I have to be careful to keep my distance. I want them both to have my contact info.

    Any thoughts from anyone would be appreciated. Thank you very much. Sorry for long/multiple posts.
    I recommend starting a new thread with a title of "Degrading obsession with an INFP." It may get more responses.

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