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  1. #91
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I can have emotional outbursts, but I really have to be pushed. It's the final straw when I've been backed into a corner, and then my temper is bad. Almost the only person who inspires these blow ups is my older sister. She's an ESFP and extremely opinionated and incapable of grasping anything abstract (it's always written off as "irrelevant" and "unrelated"), so I do end up tearing my hair out around her because my viewpoint is thoroughly invalidated. Quite honestly, I think she asks for it.
    Sometimes I do the Amelie thing and seek secret revenge. That's probably an unhealthy INFP reaction .

    I am admittedly temperamental & high-strung too, but the moodiness is subdued. If I do express it, then it's very subtle & passive, through the face or body language. It's so subtle that sometimes people misinterpret my quiet, neutral behavior as "moody", because I'm just not expressive. I'll also internalize negative feelings to the point of it affecting my physical health.

    For example, I read once that if you work with an INFP, you likely know very little about them and probably not enough to type them. That sounds about right. We're generally extremely private, and unhealthy ones may become withdrawn to the point of being zombie-like. People at my old job used to joke that I didn't speak for the entire first year I worked there. Funnily enough, I found that job frustrating and stressful because of the stupid clients, yet my co-workers never heard much about it from me, except the odd sarcastic comment here & there. I generally just used wry humor to express my annoyance.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #92
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I mistyped a family member as an NT precisely because of this "emobomb" stereotype. He's probably the least likely in our family to have emotional outbursts of any kind. During the few times that he's been driven past his boiling point, he did a stoical kind of crying and wanted to retreat. He's still an emotional person...just not the type that shows it. You have to be really close to him to even have a glimpse of that side, because it's very subtle and passive. A lot of the time, when he's been offended, he'll make a sarcastic remark, but nothing more is said or expressed after that.

    Me and my INTP brother, OTOH, tend to show anger and even have occasional rage outbursts. I cannot remember a time when the INFP showed overt anger or sorrow to anyone.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #93
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I cannot remember a time when the INFP showed overt anger or sorrow to anyone.


    I actually don't cry when people die. I feel the loss deeply, but the deeper I feel something the harder it may be to express. Fe people might label me "cold" because of this, and I think some people would guess me to be a T from the outside because of it. I think that minor annoyances are expressed more, which is where snappy comments and cynical humor comes in.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #94
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Hmm, well to give more context the outbursts the INFPs had were reserved for me. And gawd, there's no way to get to a girl's heart faster than to show them you feel "intimate" enough with them to throw a tantrum. L.O.L.

    I'm not saying that I think INFPs as types routinely have loud public dramatic tantrums (like Veruca Salt from "Willy Wonka")

    However, I absolutely have experienced and know that you can still be INFP and have a lot of tantrums/outbursts directed at or saved for a particular person or company.

    I will also say from my dating experience that being a fellow NF and especially as an ENFP, there is a very close feeling of psychological and/or emotional space with an INFP/ENFP pairing that can happen which had a big part in how 'safe' or really how much in the end I saw of these INFP's otherwise hidden or inner emotional worlds and struggles. (Though I have to insert here what others have said about the nature of "fi", whether or not these INFPs tried to "hide" it, I knew something was up with them big time). This was not casual dating, I got to know both these INFPs very intimately and we were very close at one time. Normally these INFPs would shut down and close off and only explode under duress as or as a last resort. For both in some ways I pushed them to communicate with me and not shut me out, resulting in the outbursts. I also refused to coddle them sometimes and reward bad behavior which got more outbursts, ("I needed someone to make me feel better and you didn't blah blah blah blah")

    Plus, I mentioned they were immature and/or troubled, right? Otherwise, they were textbook INFP when troubled, shutting down, falling off the map, getting very quiet, refusing to open up, terse passive-aggressive comments when asked, etc.

    This is also why I told people about the last INFP woman I dated that as casual friends or whatnot she was fine and you would never experience the kind of behavior, the sides of herself that she showed me, or realize the extent of whatever it was she was going through. I got to know her much better in our dating run than many of her casual friends will ever know her.

    Sooooo....does she sound more like an INFP to you know? LOL.

    I can't help it - she's hella emo, she has outbursts and blows up, and you have to claim her, dammit! Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you get to kick her out of the club!

    LOL, I know it almost sounds like I'm saying, "One of your clan hurt me! I demand blood money!" Buuuuuut, I'm not. But, for whatever reason, it does bother me that you don't believe either of them are INFPs!!

    Seriously, I've seen it, I've experienced it, INFPs can definitely throw tantrums and blow up and not just in really isolated instances every several years.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  5. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post


    I actually don't cry when people die. I feel the loss deeply, but the deeper I feel something the harder it may be to express. Fe people might label me "cold" because of this, and I think some people would guess me to be a T from the outside because of it. I think that minor annoyances are expressed more, which is where snappy comments and cynical humor comes in.
    Even though I am not an INFP (most likely ENFJ), this sounds a lot like me too. It's like a weird feeling of adrenaline and emptiness but nothing comes out.

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I can have emotional outbursts, but I really have to be pushed. It's the final straw when I've been backed into a corner, and then my temper is bad.
    Yes. This is exactly how I am. It's only when I feel there is NO escaping a situation that the outburst would occur.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    It's so subtle that sometimes people misinterpret my quiet, neutral behavior as "moody", because I'm just not expressive. I'll also internalize negative feelings to the point of it affecting my physical health.
    This perfectly describes me, as well. I'm often asked "what's wrong?" when I've only been thinking quietly and nothing is bothering me. Internalizing negative emotions until it affects physical health? Me too.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  7. #97
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Hmm, well to give more context the outbursts the INFPs had were reserved for me.
    Well, it would be logical that if you were extremely close, you might be privileged to receive an INFP "outburst" from time to time.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    But, for whatever reason, it does bother me that you don't believe either of them are INFPs!!
    And I love how we're telling you we're not like that but you want to keep holding on to your assertion that we are! It's not so much I don't believe they are INFP's, it's just that the behavior you describe is certainly not a defining characteristic of one IMO.

    I just checked in with my hubby on this, wrt how he feels I deal with my emotions from his perspective. He feels I can sometimes hold on to my feelings when he would have a tendency to just not want to think about them anymore. But tantrum / outbursts - nope. Just tend to ruminate on negative emotions when in the same situation he would put them out of his mind. Like I have to talk about them, chew on them for a bit and process.

    I read him the other descriptions and he laughed, no, that's not like me at all. Thank heavens!

    NOW, I know we are in the UNhealthy INFP thread, but I can't offer any other frame of reference but my own, whatever state of health you gauge me to be in.

    Personally, the only "emo-bombs" that exist in my life are ExxJ's to be honest - they can spill out their feelings like gunfire, not worrying what they strike.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Seriously, I've seen it, I've experienced it, INFPs can definitely throw tantrums and blow up and not just in really isolated instances every several years.
    I appreciate your perspective but just can't relate to it.

  8. #98
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    Someone has to really engage me to get an emotional reaction like outright anger out of me. Like they have to actually yell/rage at me (I find that very threatening) and even then it won't be a long lived reaction because it's too draining. But I've more often enraged people further by sitting and staring at them when they are raging at me. This used to drive my mother insane.

    I don't like it and I totally resent it when people engage me and to be raged on too often or to be humilated with verbal abuse makes me feel cold towards them and then no more reaction so it is very limiting. I usually doorslam most people who are like this.

    I am not saying I am not capable of being immature or unhealty in other ways, but throwing fits isn't my MO. I am more likely to snipe passive aggressively or use silent treatment.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Normally these INFPs would shut down and close off and only explode under duress as or as a last resort. For both in some ways I pushed them to communicate with me and not shut me out, resulting in the outbursts...
    How would you "push" them?

  9. #99
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    I honestly don't know where I stand on the 'healthy' spectrum. I know I'm making positive progress, but I only have to go back 2 years to see a me that was clearly unhealthy.

    Like the other INFPs here, I would only lash out when I was cornered and the other person wouldn't let me withdraw. Then, my words and actions were less about open expression and more about making other person suffer for having the gall to force me to face/express my feelings. I'd intentionally force the tidal wave onto them. I just wanted them the $#@$ out of my face and to punish them as much as possible. It like like, "YOU WANT IT? WELL NOW YOU GOT IT! :steam:"

    As I saw it, they were my feelings, and the other person wasn't entitled to them.... especially if it was just to tell me how inappropriate they were. I just wanted to be left alone to sulk.

    One of the reasons I know I'm healthier now is that when I notice myself starting to slip down that path, I am much better at saying something to the other person. Also, I've learned to differentiate the objective consequences of my emotions and the emotions themselves. I value people who give me honest feedback on the former, and am starting to learn how to remove people that only want to discredit the latter.

  10. #100
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I honestly don't know where I stand on the 'healthy' spectrum.
    you are healthy.

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