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  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default rosetta 3: Fi emo pain-

    So here are some examples of Fi emo dumping pain and how it is perceived by Fe users. Again please add your specific examples. Also add how it looks and what you actually intend to be projecting (Fi) verses what this feels like on the receiving end (Fe) when you guys see this crap. I may do this now and then....sorry.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    In one of my meetings with her we were talking about a particularly difficult grant we were working on and she says, "I just can't do it anymore, my soul is broken." I laughed, thinking she was being sarcastic. Then her eyes widened at me and I was oh, she's serious. She makes these emotionally manipulative volleys about her inner states all the time. I ignore it mostly.


    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    As far as Fi, I get the burdened feeling quite a bit - like I have to be responsible for your feelings or something. Like it's my fault. Or even worse, that you are the only person in the whole world who could ever feel so much pain. I hear this so much form ENFPs "it hurts so much, you have no idea..." I've learned to overlook it, but damn, it used to irritate me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    When I was younger, I also didn't realize that not everyone experienced this the same way, meaning that you didn't sever emotional connections, instead you used them to 'communicate' your pain so they'd understand and back off or even better, comfort you. It also doesn't occur to you that others cannot perceive your emotions before you go intense on them, as..well we tend to pick up on emotions all the time. Surely others do the same, is what you believe at that point, so why would they not understand? Unfortunately, that backfires bigtime as people just don't know what to do with that kind of intensity. I realize it looks childish, and I'm not saying anyone else should be responsible for their pain except for the person themselves, but it's comparable to going supernova and not being able to control your body anymore. You learn though, with age
    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    IME, one of Fi's greatest sins is that it tends to monopolize suffering; Fe's is that it can inflict it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    If left with our pain we can try to do as amar suggests-isolation-we can sort of morph into the worst INFJ ever but I dont think this is healthy. The Fi circles back upon itself and can amplify. Instead I dump that shit out-like puking after way too much to drink. You feel so much better afterwards once it is out of your brain.

    Why? I think Fi really is a mirror. I-incorrectly-assume others have the same mirror. I project my pain-you dont respond-I project more pain-you still dont respond-I then vocalize my pain-you still dont respond-I explode emotionally. I have to keep turning up the volume because you are not "hearing" what I am projecting.
    .

    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Potential thought process: My girlfriend only thinks she understands how I feel, but she doesn't. This pain is crippling and she should know that I can't be expected to do <blank>, while I feel this way. What happened was so wrong, I can't believe she doesn't agree. There's no point in explaining because she'll never understand.
    A cold shoulder or passive-aggressive snark may occur during subsequent conversations and the relationship flounders into unproductive territory.

    I assume you only wanted the negative Fi example? Or did you need a side-by-side comparison for the two?

  2. #2

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    I'm liking these threads.

    I won't comment for now except to say I derive amusement from watching
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  3. #3
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Wow, this is really shedding some light on some problems I regularly have with my ENFP friend. Amargith's quote about being able to sense emotions and assuming everyone else does, etc., that makes sense. Many friendships have ended badly when my Fe didn't understand their Fi, and I felt like they just came out of nowhere with a big emo dump of demands, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm sure I was frustrating them, too, but I just didn't know how to bridge the gap...and honestly, after it went on long enough, I didn't know if I wanted to.

    I'm learning a lot from this Fi/Fe discussion.
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  4. #4
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Wow, this is really shedding some light on some problems I regularly have with my ENFP friend. Amargith's quote about being able to sense emotions and assuming everyone else does, etc., that makes sense. Many friendships have ended badly when my Fe didn't understand their Fi, and I felt like they just came out of nowhere with a big emo dump of demands, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm sure I was frustrating them, too, but I just didn't know how to bridge the gap...and honestly, after it went on long enough, I didn't know if I wanted to.

    I'm learning a lot from this Fi/Fe discussion.
    I had a friendship with an ENTJ end because of something similar. Her Fi was probably as developed as many who would utilize Fi more often (and before anyone says anything, yes, she was definitely a T -- she just had a pretty tough life, all things considered, so I think her Fi was highly developed as a result).

    I valued her friendship, we were close for a few yrs, and while I knew her she had some rough patches. I sympathized, I listened, I wanted to try to help her in some way, but she really just needed to do that emo-dump/purge, quite a lot. It grew tiresome; I kept hearing the same things over and over again, and on my end I didn't understand why she kept rehashing the same things, without seeming to move forward or work through any of it. And, although I knew it was therapeutic for her to talk it out, I also grew weary of being an earpiece. She really didn't want any feedback other than empathy. Now, I can do that for a time -- in this case, it was for a good couple of years. But after those couple of years, I could no longer 'just listen' - as my natural desire is to solve for things, bring about closure (I guess maybe in a pseudo-T way, but with F/emotional matters). I always thought she'd 'solve' for all of these problems she was having...when I realized it was just an aspect of who she was -- this constant need to vent, without desiring any feedback or advice -- I began to pull away.

    When I started tentatively offering more than pure listening and head-nodding - i.e. trying to show her different perspectives, or different ways she could look at the situation - She didn't want to hear it, she was just venting, didn't I get that?

    Well, yes...by that point I got it...and I was tired of being on the receiving end of it, just as she was growing tired of me. So..it was rather mutual, which I guess is a good thing.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  5. #5
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Oh, man. I can so relate. I had one friend who seemed to feed on that venting/sympathy loop, and she didn't realize at all how draining it was for her friends to have to hear the same woes over and over. And when she emo-dumped, she reaaaaally emo-dumped. I felt bad for her on one hand, since she clearly had a lot inside her that needed getting OUT, but after months and months of being the dumping ground, I began to feel a bit used and unnecessary. This person has a history of losing friends for the same reason. I hung in there longer than most. But her need to vent, at this point in her life, outweighs her need to keep friends.
    Something Witty

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Trust me, even other Fi's get annoyed with people like that. We understand the pain, but if you cannot progress or aren't willing to do something about it, learn to shut up. Unfortunately, that's really hard, especially for those Fi-users that are extraverts and it's something that needs to be learned with age..at least ime.

    It does help them to be able to tell it to people and before I learned to shut up, I learned to spread it out over people, so that I didn't always tell the same story to the same person. That somewhat helps. Also, the best way to help someone like that is mirror questions to them, so they are forced to answer and look at the issue from a bit of a distance. At some point though, it is ok to say..I realize this is bothering you, but I cannot help you with this, only you can, and you know it.

    just my two cents on how to handle a Fi-user gone emo...
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  7. #7
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I have an ESFP friend who likes to dump on me. It can be exhausting. It can seem dramatic and self-absorped. It can feel like a manipulation for sympathy...

    On the other hand, I understand the need to vent. At INFPgc, many INFP posters will have the answer to their own problem by the end of their OP, or a few posts in. They can work out the answer through venting. I think that is magnified with extroverts, as they really need to work it out externally.

    In venting emotion, it's like a hazy sky clearing so that the rational, reasoning side of Fi can shine through. Also, if you use Ne, than you often have a lot of options to consider, and it helps to have people check some off for you by getting their input.

    Also, I find Fi is a bit obsessed with authenticity. Fi people don't like to fake emotion to be polite. Fi people will tell you the real reason they are or aren't doing something, even if it's not nice. Fi wants to be understood and recognized as legitimate, even if you don't agree with Fi's stance. I suppose not everyone can put themselves in other's shoes, but Fi users don't always get that, so we get frustrated when people cannot do that for us.

    When Fi dumps, it is also a communication method. If you don't listen or if you disregard it as being emotionally dramatic, then don't be surprised by the person's future actions. They have given you a BIG heads-up in telling you how they were feeling. Often times, in venting, Fi's values are being intimated, and acknowledging them can go a long way in understanding that individual and dealing smoothly with them.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  9. #9
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I have an ESFP friend who likes to dump on me. It can be exhausting. It can seem dramatic and self-absorped. It can feel like a manipulation for sympathy...

    On the other hand, I understand the need to vent. At INFPgc, many INFP posters will have the answer to their own problem by the end of their OP, or a few posts in. They can work out the answer through venting. I think that is magnified with extroverts, as they really need to work it out externally.

    In venting emotion, it's like a hazy sky clearing so that the rational, reasoning side of Fi can shine through. Also, if you use Ne, than you often have a lot of options to consider, and it helps to have people check some off for you by getting their input.

    Also, I find Fi is a bit obsessed with authenticity. Fi people don't like to fake emotion to be polite. Fi people will tell you the real reason they are or aren't doing something, even if it's not nice. Fi wants to be understood and recognized as legitimate, even if you don't agree with Fi's stance. I suppose not everyone can put themselves in other's shoes, but Fi users don't always get that, so we get frustrated when people cannot do that for us.

    When Fi dumps, it is also a communication method. If you don't listen or if you disregard it as being emotionally dramatic, then don't be surprised by the person's future actions. They have given you a BIG heads-up in telling you how they were feeling. Often times, in venting, Fi's values are being intimated, and acknowledging them can go a long way in understanding that individual and dealing smoothly with them.
    + 1

    I completely relate. I'd rather be rude than fake a smile.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

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