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[MBTI General] INFJ Compatibility - Why the INFJ/ENTP dynamic is hands down the best.

sculpting

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I have heard this many times from an ENTP, something I must he says I have a calming effect, which makes me laugh as I don't feel particularly calm inside but it is exude inadvertently. It comes from being patient, consistent, dealing with my emotions in-house and having mutual understanding as the goal.

I most definitely have a dark side but it's something I keep to myself.

All of that means I'm not unpredictable in the nature of the way I engage with someone. I know for more flighty people that that is comforting... that I will consistently be there and have their back no matter what. And I do mean no matter what. I am also very self-contained, I am happy for my partner to go off and do whatever makes them happy. I have no desire to mold another person into what I want. I am interested in optimal dynamic which requires two satisfied people. (Downside: not really going to dazzle someone right out of the gate. That's ok, I don't like to be rushed anyway, so a slower reveal is ok by me. Means you might miss out on someone you like who is into that. C'est la vie.)

People I care about can do and say the most dreadful things (in hindsight) but if I know it's a mistake or they are troubled it just doesn't get to me. I have broad shoulders, I will take it. I do not require a pound of flesh in return. I stand up for myself as well but it is always in a gentle way. I do not explode. And over time this breeds trust for both parties.

I think INFJ and ENTP recoil from being openly vulnerable. So an INFJ will approach in the way we like to be approached - gently, so as not to spook. I don't know why but I do know in my bones that many of them need this just as I do.

It's just a very complimentary dynamic that goes very deep as both people gradually peel away their layers for each other. And the process, once set in motion becomes highly compelling. Falling into trust, it's a very beautiful feeling.

Haha, random enfp is dive bombing your thread, please forgive my ignorance and presumptions-they are really just ideas percolating and I am eager to be corrected, but I think they may contain some truth.

First-ENTP women actually may happy with INTP guys or others as well. However I'd argue ENTP men really are most beautiful with INFJ women. ISFJ would be a second best alternative.

I bolded a few sentences above in sanveane's post. As of late I have cheated a tiny bit of Fe. (It's a bit like playing dress-up, I dont want to keep it, but I can use it here and there to facillitate. I would never use cheated Fe as the foundation of a relationship.)

From the cheated Fe-Fe is very calming and quiet. When using Fi, under stress, I emotionally emit into my surroundings. It can be very subtle, only slight facial expressions, slight increase in voice volume. The EXTP men I work with sense it and become anxious. "You made my stomach drop" or " I feel like I need a xanex" are things they say. ENTP women respond and say I seem emotional. I enjoy entp women as I find them calming, their Fe helps me become less stressed.

When cheating with Fe-when I become upset, my voice actually drops in volume, and rather than being assertive, I end up feeling very sweet-ickily so from the Te perspective.

I would suggest that when an innate FiTe/TeFi user becomes stressed we activate a "fight or flight" response that increases adrenlin levels to prepare for a Te defensive measure. You can sense this as externalized anxiety, hostility or even an agressive stance. Others will call it emo, but it may not be emotionally based.

When an FeTi/TiFe user becomes stressed, they say they feel like the calm in the eye of a storm. I would suggest this is an increase in cortisol or endorphin levels to provide a calming effect. It may really be "fight. flight or submit", where Fe provides that Submit choice. It allows the user to relax, calmly survey the surroundings and submit, waiting for a more opportune moment to alter course.

My guess is that EXTP men have lower levels of the "submit" hormone naturally, thus when they interact with an ENFP, it can knock them out of that low stress, happy place and into a higher stress, anxious place-ie the ENFP induces anxiety in the EXTP male.

With an INFJ, the EXTP man will actually become part of the Fe calming feedback loop between the two and it will reinforce a drop in anxiety levels-a calm feeling, which grows stronger over time. I would suggest that consistant calm feeling, with lack of anxiety, is what allows for mutual trust to develop.

You're right, we're all human.

The bolded in response to Domino's discussion of her discomfort-Very familiar... I went through this discussion with my entp friend the other day.

EDIT: Actually-I would expect any Fe user to be able to work okay with an EXTP-not just an INFJ. An EXFJ should provide the same calm?
 

the state i am in

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no. it's N dom communication, plus the same judgment functions. = transparency, understanding, anticipation, and trust.

the trust is there more easily bc everything just unfolds a little more naturally. it's you repackaged with the opposite intuition perspective, supplying both past AND present insights.
 

sculpting

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no. it's N dom communication, plus the same judgment functions. = transparency, understanding, anticipation, and trust.

the trust is there more easily bc everything just unfolds a little more naturally. it's you repackaged with the opposite intuition perspective, supplying both past AND present insights.

Ah, yes the grounding Ni. I do love my INTJs.
 

ms-mngrl

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:) Ok, that makes a lot of sense...however, order is very important to us...so maybe this means we are going to have to work harder at it...especially since I work in the world of so many SJ's. Are there other NF's out there working with SJ's? How does that work for you? (I definately appreciate their orderliness...but sometimes it comes with a certain judging element).
 

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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Title

I found some humor is being told I wouldn't like what somebody had to say followed with them not saying it. I laughed, I said wow, there's a high post count, now I know why.
This statement makes no sense at all.

CaptainChic, you are joking right?
That was friggin' hilarious!

(sorry, I just wanted to compliment on the joke, even though "it" probably knew how ingenious it was already.)

I'll follow this thread with interest!
 

simulatedworld

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Is there a similar ENFP/INTJ dynamic? The same relationship would seem to apply.
 

Amargith

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You seriously need to ask? :laugh:

Also, just because some combo's hit it off really really easily, doesn't mean you get along with all members of the breed you get along with so well. I've known INTJs as well that make me go :rolli:
And I'm sure that there are INTJs that have the same with some ENFPs. Same goes probably for NFJ-NTP
 

yenom

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I don't know about INFJs, but I am completely incompatible with ENFJs.
No offence, they are really fake people that try to please everyone.
 

Serendipity

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I don't know about INFJs, but I am completely incompatible with ENFJs.
No offence, they are really fake people that try to please everyone.

I wonder how you came to that conclusion, as there isn't that many people of that type and yet you seem to have met most of them.
 

yenom

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I wonder how you came to that conclusion, as there isn't that many people of that type and yet you seem to have met most of them.

True. i maybe too quick to judge.

But nevertheless, this is the impression i get from them.
 

simulatedworld

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You seriously need to ask? :laugh:

Also, just because some combo's hit it off really really easily, doesn't mean you get along with all members of the breed you get along with so well. I've known INTJs as well that make me go :rolli:
And I'm sure that there are INTJs that have the same with some ENFPs. Same goes probably for NFJ-NTP

Wow, you mean a typological generalization doesn't apply in 100% of cases?

I'm glad you've cleared that up for everyone.
 

Samvega

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Domino is ENFJ. IME, insensitive ENTP's and sensitive ENFJ's can clash sometimes. They seem to have trouble seeing the problem the other person sees as something rather glaring.

Right, ENFJ and INFPs are dominant feelers, they're the two intuitive types I have the hardest time with. Both have wonderful qualities and things about them I'm very drawn to but in the end I have a very hard time finding a good level of cohesion with them. I also think the relationship is harder on them in many ways.

CaptainChic, you are joking right?
That was friggin' hilarious!

No, she has some long productive posts for sure but she's the queen of one word or one liners. I also know her fairly well so I can say anything I want about her :)

Is there a similar ENFP/INTJ dynamic? The same relationship would seem to apply.

Yeah, though I think it holds most true for the dominant intuitives as we're sorta the odd bunch and fit in the least of any other type. So what I'm saying is I think an ISFJ and an ESTP wouldn't really care.

You seriously need to ask? :laugh:

Also, just because some combo's hit it off really really easily, doesn't mean you get along with all members of the breed you get along with so well. I've known INTJs as well that make me go :rolli:
And I'm sure that there are INTJs that have the same with some ENFPs. Same goes probably for NFJ-NTP

Nature versus nurture. Why people feel so inclined to interpret statements as definitive I will never understand. If they were I would have been married to the first INFJ I'd ever met.

I don't know about INFJs, but I am completely incompatible with ENFJs.
No offence, they are really fake people that try to please everyone.

All types have our struggles, I don't think you're observations are wrong but I would be more inclined to say "One of the biggest struggles for the ENFJ if finding their sense of self". ENFJs are great but I have a tough time with how much they're trying to please others and if they aren't careful they can get lost in that without knowing it. The ENFJs I know have all had some major healthy issues from running themselves ragged, not sleeping enough and things like that.

Also remember, MBTI types are better written as their function process. For the ENFJ it would be Fe/Ni and for the INFJ it would be written Ni/Fe so they're is a huge difference there, an ENFJ is not just amore extroverted version of the INFJ.
 

Le Grande Muffin

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this is much too long long for the likes of me to read , and boring self indulgent too - imo of course, but my shimmering een of brown glimpsed the word corset...although i concede it may have been crevat

But to summarise a wondrous thingie is based on a dynamic (dependent on which way the wind blows) followed by a point of view absolutely

Totters of to open vino

as most of this post quoted stuff that looked like the Klingon periodic table to

albeit written by a drunk Klingon
 

Synarch

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this is much too long long for the likes of me to read , and boring self indulgent too - imo of course, but my shimmering een of brown glimpsed the word corset...although i concede it may have been crevat

But to summarise a wondrous thingie is based on a dynamic (dependent on which way the wind blows) followed by a point of view absolutely

Totters of to open vino

as most of this post quoted stuff that looked like the Klingon periodic table to

albeit written by a drunk Klingon

I don't get it.
 

Samvega

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I don't get it.

+1 x b / 7 = 19

b of course being the number of time I read it cause I thought I wasn't paying attention hard enough.

Oh and I forgot to add Blahbity bloo blah blah blahbity bloo blah! I ain't hear a word you said, hipidy hooblah!
 

Nyx

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I will say there has to be a huge level of self awareness on the ENTP side, something I think is rare before 30 and I wouldn't trust a young ENTP myself so a word of caution to any heartbreak that may arise from pursuits of young ENTPs.

I'll give a full response to this thread now, though I have seen/read parts of it before... but now that I read the whole OP, I can say this explains everything that took me months to riddle out on my own.

With that said, the INFJ is Ni, Fe, Ti and lastly Se leaving them with a dominant (or no energy to use) function of Ni that generates endless possibilities in an internal world. This is the reason they can picture things clearly and in such detail when they read (almost as if they're watching a movie in their head), this is why they can be alone in their own mind for long amounts of time and never get bored. With a secondary function of Fe, this is what allows them such an amazing ability to read people and is also what makes them such an enigma, they generate all these possibilities yet follow them up with Fe, a function that's VERY people based. They feel SO amazingly deep because they can visualize what other people feel in an endless world with no boundaries or rules that they haven't given it.
Yes... and...

To move on the ENTP is Ne, Ti, Fe and Si leaving them a dominant function of Ne, so they're as vivid as the INFJ except in the external world, their fantasies are about building things and with any and every thing they look at they wonder how it works and if they can make it better. They follow this up with Ti so they take all these possibilities and filter them with internal thinking. They can look at something very simple, imagine it 500 other ways and quickly think about what would work the best. It also affords them the luxury of being extremely quick witted and good at debates, because they can generate 50 possibilities and figure out what works best before most people can think of one. So if INFJs are the enigma having the Ni function followed by Fe (one being so internal the other being so people driven) ENTPs would be the paradox in that their first two functions are not people based and even though their dominant function is an extroverted one it's the extroverted function that doesn't need other people, leaving them the most introverted of all the extroverts. In fact with INFJs secondary function of Fe they're more extroverted than an ENTP although it doesn't look that way on the surface. Picture the INFJ as water dripping into a bucket, picture the ENTP when the bucket finally tips.

So...

The ENTP/INFJ dynamic is so amazing because if you look at how we look at the world it's:

Ni Fe Ti Se
Ne Ti Fe Si

What that boils down to is picture a sock and somebody reaching in and pulling it inside out. ENTPs have the same depth INFJs do in a different way, ENTPs are the same as INFJs yet opposed in a way that is more reversed than opposite. The functions line up in a way that leaves both feeling totally understood yet with endless learning possibilities and total balance. They're like mental playgrounds for one another and it never gets old because both worlds are based in endless possibilities. This same dynamic holds true for the ENFP/INTJ.

Precisely. My best friend is an ENTP (girl), and the only person I truly love(d) is an ENTP. There is a dynamic here that is ... intense. It's like new and old at the same time, constantly renewing, yet completely comfortable. As we used to say ,"It's like having a conversation with myself." Though, we seem opposites too... it is as if we are a sock, I am the inside and they are the outside. It is a perfect dynamic. I only know two ENTPs irl, and I feel as if ENTPs are charged with being superficially deep and immature. But, I do not agree... it is the same with people who charge INFJs with being too serious or holding too much signifance to everything. The thing is, we get each other perfectly, I can see where the ENTP is coming from. We are both deep at the core, but the ENTP manifests it differently than the INFJ. I think the INFJ is straight up "I'm deep, I'm real, and I don't front." but deep down they yearn for independence and are alone in their perfect inner worlds. They don't need someone. An ENTP, however, comes across more as a typically vagabond type. Charming, and a glimmer a deepness while being malleable. When getting to know an ENTP, if you can peel back the layers, you reach a center full of meaning, but the exterior they exude is mostly a defense mechanism, but ultimately lends itself to their unique and irresistible personality.

Where the four dominant intuitives differer so much from other types (and why this dynamic is so interesting among the ENTP/INFJ) is our satisfaction (or mostly, lack of) in relationships due to our desire for a deep mental connection, both are looking for mind mates and both want the ideal relationship. Overall we (dominant intuitives) have the most consistent moral systems and are most likely to be disappointed if someone falls short of those moral standards. Both are very growth oriented, passionate, deep and unwilling to be in a relationship of routine that gets old and lazy in time. You do not "get", "capture", "confine", "own" or "cage" an ENTP, ENFP, INFJ or INTJ, those are the four types that pick you.

Exactly! This leads to...

The issue with the difficulty in starting an ENTP/INFJ relationship isn't limited to one thing. First off, neither is used to being understood so there's this never ending clarification and "know what I'm saying", "if that makes sense" issue. Both are in dismay somebody else understands with such ease. However because we take different paths to the same place we'll ask things like "why'd you do that" just to understand, when explained the other person totally gets it but because we're so used to the same thing happening with a different outcome it preys on our frustration or issues of never feeling understood. Secondly the INFJ is hard to get out of their shell and the ENTP is quick to run back to theirs. The INFJ has this feeling initially that they'll never get the space they want because they see the ENTP extroverting and the ENTP swears you're not interested. The INFJ will have this constant push/pull I want it no I don't issue and have to fight to get the flood gate open. The ENTP will have this run while you still can issue and have a tough time keeping the flood gate from shutting. Both speak truly and honestly but have a tendency to try reading between the lines with the other when there's nothing there to be read. We apply our own motivations to the other persons actions which is never correct (different path to the same place) and this all takes some excellent and very open communication. These issues don't last long however so at least that's a plus. We're both a type that never really lets people in and we're both amazing at reading people so we're faced with an issue of holy shit this is going to hurt if it doesn't work so both need to want love more than the fear of having it. We're both so whole alone but together there's an overlapping of abilities that gives the other a peephole (I read that four times and kept thinking there was a missing p) into a whole different world. I can tell you right off the bat, if I (as an ENTP) had internal issues I was hiding I wouldn't even consider pursuing an INFJ until I had my head on right because I know it would be picked up on instantly.

Yes. The ENTP did have some internal issues coming into this, assuming from the condition of his last relationship. I knew this, he knew I knew this. I tried to call him out on this tactfully more than once, but all I got was defense. After the night when the feelings went back in the box, this is all I got. However, as we continued to see each other, our relationship only deepened. We saw each other less and less. He let me know the last time I saw him, finally, he admitted that when he senses himself getting close to someone he pushes them away. He did not want to get hurt by attaching himself to me. We both knew how potently life changing our relationship could be... it was kind of like the elephant in the room. We remained ambiguous, we weren't dating or boyfriend and girlfriend, or even exclusive. I could tell the last time I saw him he had done a good job of pushing me far out of his life. He left for college and I did not hear from him for about 5 months. Recently, I received a text message letting me know he had a new phone number. Unfortunately, I knew from a mutual friend that he had a new number at least three months prior to him telling me. He also sent the text at around 2 in the morning. I looked at it and thought, "This is so contrived." I did not respond and I have not contacted him. I can't understand why he would even bother at this point, because it looks so suspicious. By the way, he goes to college about 30 minutes away, easily assessable by train (in fact, I know of two couples who are dating people in the city I live outside of, and they manage wonderfully), so it was a clearly defined cutting out and distancing process. I never really knew how I felt about this, other than not understanding why he acted the way he did. I just noticed myself thinking about him randomly all the time, and I still do, though not as much or as vividly. I know that if I were to run into him somewhere, it would seem as if the world stopped spinning in that moment... and I dread what dormant feelings it would stir.

Also, ENTPs are the slowest to mature and the INFJ is of course the quickest so I think a 5 to 10 year age difference with the ENTP being older is ideal if not essential. The downside for the INFJ maturing so quickly is because you already feel so different and alone (the ENTP does as well but being the extrovert with an over sized ego they haven't noticed it yet and is enjoying still thinking they're better than everybody else) you also don't feel like you fit in with other people your age so by the time the ENTP has matured the INFJ is feeling jaded, frustrated and starting to let go of that ideal picture of love they've always had and can find in the ENTP.

And here is the real problem. He was so interested in persevering himself and his feelings that he completely disregarded how his actions were taken by me, and how they hurt me.
 

SUPER

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interesting thread, i read it all, dont know any infj's though
 

CuriousFeeling

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There was one person I knew of that was an ENTP. Whenever I'd be in a group of our friends, I'd be the quiet one in conversation, I'd get totally lost in my own world. Somehow the ENTP would know when I was withdrawing from group conversation and would ask me about things that interested me, stuff I was quite fond of. It really threw me off because I wasn't used to people asking me about things I held near and dear to me. He knew how to bring me out of my shell for a bit.
 

visaisahero

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Precisely. My best friend is an ENTP (girl), and the only person I truly love(d) is an ENTP. There is a dynamic here that is ... intense. It's like new and old at the same time, constantly renewing, yet completely comfortable. As we used to say ,"It's like having a conversation with myself." Though, we seem opposites too... it is as if we are a sock, I am the inside and they are the outside. It is a perfect dynamic. I only know two ENTPs irl, and I feel as if ENTPs are charged with being superficially deep and immature. But, I do not agree... it is the same with people who charge INFJs with being too serious or holding too much signifance to everything. The thing is, we get each other perfectly, I can see where the ENTP is coming from. We are both deep at the core, but the ENTP manifests it differently than the INFJ. I think the INFJ is straight up "I'm deep, I'm real, and I don't front." but deep down they yearn for independence and are alone in their perfect inner worlds. They don't need someone. An ENTP, however, comes across more as a typically vagabond type. Charming, and a glimmer a deepness while being malleable. When getting to know an ENTP, if you can peel back the layers, you reach a center full of meaning, but the exterior they exude is mostly a defense mechanism, but ultimately lends itself to their unique and irresistible personality.

This describes my relationship with my INFJ perfectly. I am going to marry that girl~
 
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