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[MBTI General] INFJ Compatibility - Why the INFJ/ENTP dynamic is hands down the best.

dustmite30

New member
Joined
Jul 14, 2009
Messages
7
MBTI Type
INFJ
:rofl1: Yes that's how it is with my ENTP. :D

Lol. I know. I've been with him almost a year, I can remember all the length conversations we've had. They're weren't many. I don't even know how we know we love each other. We just look into each other's eyes and just... know.
 

Humanhands

New member
Joined
Jul 25, 2009
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INFJ
Samvega.

I'm a recently single 32-year-old INFJ and have never gone out with an ENTP. Which explains why I'm recently single.

I was beginning to give up. But it's Saturday night and after reading (all the way to the end) your wonderful insightful post, I'm going to hit the town, stand at the bar, drink some Guinness and not talk to any women but instead, look at them with eyes deep and searching, radiating powerful INFJ intuition to lure them Siren-like and unsuspecting onto the rocks of my personality.

At least that's the idea.

Your post makes profound sense to me and illuminates feelings about the kind of relationship I yearn for but have never had nor knew how to express. The two major relationships in my life have been with ENFs and, in short, were disastrous, though both of those relationships were unfortunately long.

You live and learn.
 

Samvega

Buddhist Misanthrope
Joined
Dec 11, 2007
Messages
1,073
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Samvega.

I'm a recently single 32-year-old INFJ and have never gone out with an ENTP. Which explains why I'm recently single.

I was beginning to give up. But it's Saturday night and after reading (all the way to the end) your wonderful insightful post, I'm going to hit the town, stand at the bar, drink some Guinness and not talk to any women but instead, look at them with eyes deep and searching, radiating powerful INFJ intuition to lure them Siren-like and unsuspecting onto the rocks of my personality.

At least that's the idea.

Your post makes profound sense to me and illuminates feelings about the kind of relationship I yearn for but have never had nor knew how to express. The two major relationships in my life have been with ENFs and, in short, were disastrous, though both of those relationships were unfortunately long.

You live and learn.


You're a male? I doubt you're going to find an ENTP at a bar and if you try you may end up going home with an ESTP by mistake, if you thought the ENFs didn't go well!

The ENTP is like 10% ESTP and 90% INTP, not mixed or blended in any way shape or form. So if you see us out I highly doubt you'll be able to pick an ENTP out of the crowd. I think that's what makes us hard to meet, it would have to be random, there is no pattern you could use to meet me. I'm a recluse and love my alone time but you would never know that if you saw me out, you would think I was an over the top ball of energy.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sx
I do really appreciate INFJs.

I also work very well with INTJs, when they let me have enough freedom to make me happy.

HEY! Who let you out of the gimp cage?!?

Get back in there before I get my paddle out.
 

Grace

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
I'm an INFJ and my boyfriend is an ENTP. We have really good conversations and have great chemistry. A couple of things that are, in my opinion, a bit troubling:
1.) He is very critical of everything and I think it has made me a meaner (more critical) person as a result (i.e., "Yeah, I guess you're right. My friend is kind of flakely, isn't she? I never noticed before.").
2.) He thinks he is the most awesome at everything and it sometimes feels as though he thinks he is superiour to me
3.) Once again, he is a very critical person and this has ended many conversations with me in tears at something he said that unintentionally hurt my feelings (even though I am not even that sensitive compared to most)

Overall, however, we are a very good match and after meeting him, I can't imagine finding someone who suits me better. If you do hook your INFJ though, take it easy on her!
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
I'm an INFJ and my boyfriend is an ENTP. We have really good conversations and have great chemistry. A couple of things that are, in my opinion, a bit troubling:
1.) He is very critical of everything and I think it has made me a meaner (more critical) person as a result (i.e., "Yeah, I guess you're right. My friend is kind of flakely, isn't she? I never noticed before.").
2.) He thinks he is the most awesome at everything and it sometimes feels as though he thinks he is superiour to me
3.) Once again, he is a very critical person and this has ended many conversations with me in tears at something he said that unintentionally hurt my feelings (even though I am not even that sensitive compared to most)

Overall, however, we are a very good match and after meeting him, I can't imagine finding someone who suits me better. If you do hook your INFJ though, take it easy on her!

Or him if the ENTP is female. Gender doesnt make a type nicer by default!

One thing I find, being an E4/E5, is that I always feel inferior in my interests to ENTPs. I pride myself in my vast collection of European music. Then their collection has at least 4 times more volume and my pride crumbles like bad bread. I think its the casual, Perceiver-y way that they treat things puts me off. Sure, I enjoy their charisma when in a group, but besides that I always feel like they're screwing me over somehow.

Needless to say, I dont look at type for some sort of relationship compatibility. I'll just live life and see if someone lovely enough comes along. Thinking about love just makes me lonlier and only makes getting a relationship harder; If I decide I love someone, that automatically cripples my chances of actually getting to them.
 

Nonsensical

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
It's funny how these dynamics take effect.

Coincidentally, I seem to find the best matches with INTJs and INFJs.

By the way, guys, why complain if there are other threads like this? Who cares if it is long, you don't have to read it, but you shouldn't be complaining as he is just describing a dynamic.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1

I dunno, tertiary Fe maybe? Its like they're always trying to sell me on their apparent 'awesomeness.'

Then I cant even shrink the ego down a notch because they have all that Ne that blocks any of my stuttering arguments.

By the way, guys, why complain if there are other threads like this? Who cares if it is long, you don't have to read it, but you shouldn't be complaining as he is just describing a dynamic.

I complain because most of what I have to say about ENTPs is somewhat negetive, from experience, and a part of me thinks some part of the post might contribute to the thread.
 

Nonsensical

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Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
I always feel too impersonal around INFJs. I try to make jokes and live out my normal character and I sometimes get the impression that they think I'm just nuts and don't care about them.

:( But I love them.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
I always feel too impersonal around INFJs. I try to make jokes and live out my normal character and I sometimes get the impression that they think I'm just nuts and don't care about them.

:( But I love them.

I feel like the alien 90+% of the time because my mind works so differently and connections are weird enough that people really only respond with: 'Wow, that was kinda way out there, dude.' and after that I kind of stay quiet and grumble on the inside.
 

BlahBlahNounBlah

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2008
Messages
1,458
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
I dunno, tertiary Fe maybe? Its like they're always trying to sell me on their apparent 'awesomeness.'

Then I cant even shrink the ego down a notch because they have all that Ne that blocks any of my stuttering arguments.


I don't have much of an ego. Someone who knows me might be a better judge of the way I seem, but my heart and my mind are humble. I don't think I'm more awesome than anyone else. I'm just me.


This could be an enneagram difference (i'm 7w6). I'm not sure.
 

Carnie87

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2009
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Wow, that was long, I wonder if a single person will read that. Oh well, it was too much effort to write not to share on here.

I read it. Thanks for clearing up so many questions I have had rolling around in my pretty little head for the past 22 years (ok, maybe a little less..).
 

weakshadeofblue

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2009
Messages
41
MBTI Type
INFJ
I read your post, but not all the replies...

Interesting, since recently I said something on Twitter about being an INFJ. Shortly after, someone called "InfjAdmirer" began following me on Twitter - and he's an ENTP. It wasn't you, was it? :newwink:

Anyway - your post was very insightful, and everything you said really does make sense about how the INFJ/ENTP match would be great. But I think it still comes down to an individual basis (obviously). I have an ENTP male friend and - it's true, we both could probably have endless conversations and he's very much a thinker - but he is SO extraverted and high-energy... omg I could NEVER do that. I can only take so much of that...
He married my close friend, a highly extraverted ENFJ, though, and they are great for each other.

So it comes down to the individual.

...okay, now I will peruse the other replies. I just always forget what I meant to say when I read everyone's replies first...:)
 

weakshadeofblue

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Joined
Nov 8, 2009
Messages
41
MBTI Type
INFJ
Entropie said:
From my personal experience with my INFJ, we behave like the exact opposite to that. If someone does something stupid, I look at my infj and she totally got it. If we two go together shopping, we wont explain or organize things, we work in a symbiotic function, everybody exactly knowing how the plan is, whats to do and therefore the shopping experience becomes second nature to both of us, leaving us with a lot of time to joke around and to point out keen flaws about reality we witness
That's so cool. Such a wonderful thing to have in a relationship - and very hard to find.

Entropie said:
I never tried to reason with her then or to bring reason back to her. I do exactly the opposite, I try to feel with her and have her back and I let her figure out what she wants for herself. I know thats prolly very mind-controlling but it gives my gf the ability to think on her own and not to be indocrinated by her strong thinking male friend. Furthermore it gives me the ability to learn alot about her and my own feelings, entering realms of perception, I never knew existed.

I think that's very wise of you. :)
My ISTP husband sometimes wants to "fix" things and tell me what I need to do - when I really just need to vent, and after I vent I know what I should do.
 

weakshadeofblue

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2009
Messages
41
MBTI Type
INFJ
Skyward said:
I feel like the alien 90+% of the time because my mind works so differently and connections are weird enough that people really only respond with: 'Wow, that was kinda way out there, dude.' and after that I kind of stay quiet and grumble on the inside.

Ha! I feel like this too.
It's really annoying.

Especially because usually I'll be pretty quiet and observe the dynamic(s) of the person (people) I'm with before deciding if I'll come out of my "shell" or not and truly be myself. Then sometimes I'll say something that IS true to myself and I get that wide-eyed, sort of, "Where did THAT come from?" Or the dreaded "smile, nod, and ignore" expression.
I HATE that.
 

Samvega

Buddhist Misanthrope
Joined
Dec 11, 2007
Messages
1,073
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
He married my close friend, a highly extraverted ENFJ, though, and they are great for each other.

How is it that an ENTP/ENFJ pairing could be great for each other? Not saying they can't be but I have a tough time with dominant feelers and an ENFJ would not only dry me insane by not giving me enough space and being too needy but they have no sense of self. I doubt one will even respond to that because ENFJs don't post in the forums due to always being out doing something for somebody other than themselves.

There are many reasons I question the INFJ/ENTP pairing as it's hard to find an INFJ that's all there and not lost in taking care of somebody else but some of the most amazing people I know are INFJs though I think they fair pretty poorly if raised by the wrong people causing nature versus nature to play a fairly large roll in what they're like as adults.
 

Anastar

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Oct 21, 2009
Messages
27
How is it that an ENTP/ENFJ pairing could be great for each other? Not saying they can't be but I have a tough time with dominant feelers and an ENFJ would not only dry me insane by not giving me enough space and being too needy but they have no sense of self. I doubt one will even respond to that because ENFJs don't post in the forums due to always being out doing something for somebody other than themselves.

There are many reasons I question the INFJ/ENTP pairing as it's hard to find an INFJ that's all there and not lost in taking care of somebody else but some of the most amazing people I know are INFJs though I think they fair pretty poorly if raised by the wrong people causing nature versus nature to play a fairly large roll in what they're like as adults.

I have two entp friends that are completely happy with their enfj's. The enfj takes care of the entp on different levels(Fe) while knowing when to call them on their bullshit.

My sister is INFJ and she says that she could never ever date an entp. She says she can handle them as friends, but she feels like she could never be herself around someone so critical, flighty, and easily bored. She feels like she's constantly being poked and prodded.

She's introverted but most think she is extroverted. She has dated a lot of different guys, but has dumped every single one for one reason or another(she has never been dumped). I will say that they were all weaker, but I doubt she will ever find a mate that is as or more strong than her. She takes care of people and easily, if a little reluctantly, falls into positions of leadership.

I think you are right about finding an entp that is older, because I think she finds the young one's too unstable or unreliable. She has a tough shell around her and even her closest friends of 4 years don't know her that well.

How do entp's react when people show a vulnerable side?(I mean in the sense that the person reveals a problem or issue that might for a moment make them appear vulnerable.) I think INFJ's have a thing about not wanting to appear vulnerable, so they hold everything inside, trying to bear the weight of their problems on their own.

I think this is where her problem with entp's stems. She doesn't want to appear vulnerable in front of a person so critical. She thinks an entp wouldn't be able to understand her. Is this true? I don't think so, but it differs with the person. Is the entp more likely to understand and appreciate the INFJ if they are older?
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
My sister is INFJ and she says that she could never ever date an entp. She says she can handle them as friends, but she feels like she could never be herself around someone so critical, flighty, and easily bored. She feels like she's constantly being poked and prodded.


I think you are right about finding an entp that is older, because I think she finds the young one's too unstable or unreliable.

Maturity's probably an important factor, and whether or not she and the entp's she knows really connect on multiple levels or share a lot of commonalities/perspectives; without that, it would be difficult to build a level of trust in the first place.

How do entp's react when people show a vulnerable side?(I mean in the sense that the person reveals a problem or issue that might for a moment make them appear vulnerable.) I think INFJ's have a thing about not wanting to appear vulnerable, so they hold everything inside, trying to bear the weight of their problems on their own.

I think this is where her problem with entp's stems. She doesn't want to appear vulnerable in front of a person so critical. She thinks an entp wouldn't be able to understand her. Is this true? I don't think so, but it differs with the person. Is the entp more likely to understand and appreciate the INFJ if they are older?

I relate to not wanting to appear vulnerable or 'weak', so it can be hard for me to be vulnerable.

As to your sister thinking the entp's are too critical, I dunno; I mean, I think they're critical with most - especially those they don't respect/like very much to begin with. But of the ones they do like, they can be deeply understanding and empathetic. But honestly I can be the same way so I don't have as much of an issue with the critical nature - in general - some entp's might have? (I say 'some' because I only know a couple irl) But I will say of the ones I know, I would probably be MORE trusting of them, when I was needing to talk about a topic that is typically more vulnerable to me, than with pretty much anyone else I know - and it's because we share very similar general outlooks on life (I think it's the Ne/Ni dom thing), just with different twists...but generally very similar.

Not that I'd necessarily feel the same way with all entp's, because I doubt I would; again it does boil down to the individual as well, and whether or not there's that common ground and trust to begin with. Sounds like your sister doesn't really have that trust built.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
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783
Can someone sum up what's written here, I am far too lazy to read :D
 
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