Very well put, for me when feelers start tossing around words like "attacked" and "judged" and I'm like "where the hell did that come from". If you don't want the way you see the world to be challenged and questioned how will you grow as a person, how will you mature, how will you know how to not just feel but think as neither are very useful without the balance of the other. Make a valid point and I will change my direction at the drop of a hat but continuing down some emotional path based on nothing but how you feel about my words or actions without even asking for more information is hard to respect.
I really think that an understanding of Fe-aux in (some) INFJs might be of some use to this discussion, but I'm wary about this topic on this site and in this thread. That said, I'll try and hope for the best.
First of all I want to be clear that this is a Ni-dom/Fe-aux dynamic I'm describing here, NOT a Fe-dom dynamic. I think Fe-doms likely have a very very different relationship to Fe.
That said, consider this in the mix: Fe-aux in me assigns an initial default legitimacy to external values/value judgements. What this means in practice is I am constantly getting a very "loud" influx of externally sourced challenges and questions, to the point of then internalizing these things and using them to question and challenge myself as well. Constantly. Now, also add to the mix that I'm a Ni-dom who lives in a cultural context in which Ni-sourced information is considered anywhere from weird to exotic to insane (and this is clear in the external Fe-legitimated values I encounter), but for me Ni-sourced information is actually extremely accurate as a guide for action in my life. Basically, for me, this setup yields a state of radical, constant, rigorous and extreme questioning and challenging of my organic perception
all the time. This (constant, loud, default-legitimized externally-sourced and internalized questions and challenges to my organic perception) is my state of being at some really deep level. Saying that I need more of this for growth is like saying that someone whose diet is too heavy on one food group should get more of that food group to be well and balanced.
For some people, and this may include some INFJs with different life/growth trajectories and/or different specific uses of the INFJ function stack, there is a need for more externally sourced questions and challenges per your statement. However - in my case, and possibly this is true for at least some other INFJs, my growth trajectory is in the opposite direction - learning to trust the Ni information and find ways to
turn down the volume and power of externally sourced questions and challenges to Ni information/my organic perception that come from Fe-aux.
So I would say, while it sounds great to say that "
If you don't want the way you see the world to be challenged and questioned how will you grow as a person, how will you mature, how will you know how to not just feel but think as neither are very useful without the balance of the other" the feeling/thinking (values/logic) dichotomy isn't the only angle on balance, at least not for me. In my case, my growth trajectory is toward centering in my Ni perception (increasingly served by some information flow from Se) and basically allowing that
irrational information to be a guide for action despite all the external pushes I experience (pushes that are loud to me because Fe-aux marks as legitimate) saying I should
not do that.
I don't know if or how what I say is relevant for other INFJs, this is my particular trajectory. That said, I've never had difficulty in dialogue with the one confirmed ENTP in my life. We have a really great dialogue flow, she respects my stated boundaries and supports my efforts to shift back into centering in my organic perception, and we have an awesome mutual learning dynamic.