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  1. #61
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Heh, it's nice to know that that actually works for some people, I often feel like I move slowly in getting to know someone. It makes me slightly anxious about missing out on that person but it just doesn't work out well if I rush into something.
    I haven't always been this way. I used to be very hasty and I probably still have this tendency, but many times I would get serious too soon and then I would have second thoughts later, especially if it was a bad match. You feel caught between your unwillingness to hurt and be hurt by breaking up and the growing certainty that things will inevitably not work out.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #62
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Heh, it's nice to know that that actually works for some people, I often feel like I move slowly in getting to know someone. It makes me slightly anxious about missing out on that person but it just doesn't work out well if I rush into something.
    This has become my more recent method, trying to limit the screw ups on my end as much as I can.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

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  3. #63
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I haven't always been this way. I used to be very hasty and I probably still have this tendency, but many times I would get serious too soon and then I would have second thoughts later, especially if it was a bad match. You feel caught between your unwillingness to hurt and be hurt by breaking up and the growing certainty that things will inevitably not work out.
    Interesting. This is one of those times I find myself identifying with you as I experience something similar.

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    This has become my more recent method, trying to limit the screw ups on my end as much as I can.
    Yup, I have never trusted any action based on fear/anxiety... if I miss out on the person because of timing, so be it. Better than getting involved too quickly and having problems later.

  4. #64

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    I can also see how an INFJs interest in a person can be misconstrued. I find myself using the same laser-like interest and focus on people I value as individuals (and as friends) that I do with men I see as potential romantic partners. I realize now this can be confusing and somewhat misleading because I'd wager most people are not accustomed to that level of attention, availability, and focus and they assume it must be a seductive maneuver. If I find a friendly target becoming a flirty target, I check myself quickly. The older I get, the more effective I am at policing myself and the persona I project.

    With INFJs, the interest (maybe) precedes the valuing (maybe) precedes the romantic pursuit. Outwardly, they may all appear as the same step to the receiving party, but in our minds we are definitely at varying levels of interest. Disclaimers aside, I'd like to think that once I reach stage three (romantic pursuit mode) my "aggressive availability" becomes blatantly apparent.

    [However, if my blushing, excessive smiling, elaborate gestures, and vortex-like focus while he speaks still does not trigger the "light-bulb moment", I will have no compunction about marching over and sitting on his lap and planting a big one right on the kisser. Confusion and surprise at this stage are only endearing. "But wha...? Huh?" Do not ask silly questions! You have been chosen. Accede to my wishes! :waves invisible scepter: )
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  5. #65
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    INFJ's are seductive because they attend to other people very well. They pay attention. They show interest. They care. They are accepting. They try to see beneath the surface. They appreciate how you are different and special. They do not accede to what Society values. This is very compelling, especially to people who feel misunderstood or complicated or different.
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    INFJ's are seductive to me in that they respect my boundaries. I do not like to be controlled and I do not respond well to overt attention. If someone comes on to me, for some reason, I don't trust it. If they like me too soon, I wonder how they can like me without even knowing me? Logically, I know that someone can have an initial attraction and this can deepen over time, but I just trust things more if they develop and grow in a slow and unforced way.
    +1 It's the very nature of seduction; people want to be liked, appreciated, and accepted without judgment.

  6. #66
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    [However, if my blushing, excessive smiling, elaborate gestures, and vortex-like focus while he speaks still does not trigger the "light-bulb moment", I will have no compunction about marching over and sitting on his lap and planting a big one right on the kisser. Confusion and surprise at this stage are only endearing. "But wha...? Huh?" Do not ask silly questions! You have been chosen. Accede to my wishes! :waves invisible scepter: )
    *bows* yes your excellency.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #67
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I can also see how an INFJs interest in a person can be misconstrued. I find myself using the same laser-like interest and focus on people I value as individuals (and as friends) that I do with men I see as potential romantic partners. I realize now this can be confusing and somewhat misleading because I'd wager most people are not accustomed to that level of attention, availability, and focus and they assume it must be a seductive maneuver. If I find a friendly target becoming a flirty target, I check myself quickly. The older I get, the more effective I am at policing myself and the persona I project.

    With INFJs, the interest (maybe) precedes the valuing (maybe) precedes the romantic pursuit. Outwardly, they may all appear as the same step to the receiving party, but in our minds we are definitely at varying levels of interest. Disclaimers aside, I'd like to think that once I reach stage three (romantic pursuit mode) my "aggressive availability" becomes blatantly apparent.


    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    [However, if my blushing, excessive smiling, elaborate gestures, and vortex-like focus while he speaks still does not trigger the "light-bulb moment", I will have no compunction about marching over and sitting on his lap and planting a big one right on the kisser. Confusion and surprise at this stage are only endearing. "But wha...? Huh?" Do not ask silly questions! You have been chosen. Accede to my wishes! :waves invisible scepter: )
    Hehe, thank gawd it gets to this point. It's such a relief.

  8. #68
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I can also see how an INFJs interest in a person can be misconstrued. I find myself using the same laser-like interest and focus on people I value as individuals (and as friends) that I do with men I see as potential romantic partners. I realize now this can be confusing and somewhat misleading because I'd wager most people are not accustomed to that level of attention, availability, and focus and they assume it must be a seductive maneuver. If I find a friendly target becoming a flirty target, I check myself quickly. The older I get, the more effective I am at policing myself and the persona I project.
    Bingo! Iwakar got it down perfectly. We do have different intensity levels of attention (probably duration of attention is a better description) however to people who aren't familiar with our higher than average wattage of attention it looks like romantic interest when it's not.

    [However, if my blushing, excessive smiling, elaborate gestures, and vortex-like focus while he speaks still does not trigger the "light-bulb moment", I will have no compunction about marching over and sitting on his lap and planting a big one right on the kisser. Confusion and surprise at this stage are only endearing. "But wha...? Huh?" Do not ask silly questions! You have been chosen. Accede to my wishes! :waves invisible scepter: )
    More to the point, you cannot actively seduce an INFJ. We choose you... if you're worthy.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  9. #69
    violaine
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    I've been seduced once before. More like trick me once, won't let you trick me twice.

  10. #70
    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    usually how i go about seducing a woman is a drawn-out process, and while it may not work to most people standards, i still like the process because if she sticks it out during my "evaluation period" of the situation and finally gives in then she has found herself a real place in my heart.

    sometimes i am a bit more impulsive and will seduce a woman that i know isnt my type for surface reasons. i will get my way and will be unsatisfied because i know its not what i really want. then i have to end it. over the years i have gotten better and not being so passive when i end things so im more direct, but i still got work to do on that.

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