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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    My method has a consistent positive outcome though.
    Who says mine doesn't?

  2. #122
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Y'all are HILARIOUS.

  3. #123
    Member Rachel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlahBlahNounBlah View Post
    I wouldn't want an INFJ to try to seduce me. Their appeal is their authenticity.
    I think the authenticity thing is probably true.

    Quote Originally Posted by mszoe View Post
    Hello all,
    INFJ here, currently in a relationship with an INTP.

    Advice to those who seek to seduce an INFJ. Simply be yourself. Share with us your stories, dreams, ideas, and we will feel special. We love to be the confidante.

    As durentu stated, INFJs are extremely ecstatic and feel loved when you notice our quirks and likes and validate them. INFJs discover what they like and don't like very early on and commonly our childhood interests persist into adulthood (especially princess stories).
    Personally speaking though, I do not like to be smothered in gifts and compliments, because then I will get suspicious.
    Yep. Feels forced and fleeting.

    Thus, my INTP and I have a rather harmonious balance. He is not the sappy type and he enjoys sharing his mind with me, so I feel special and acknowledged for my intelligence. At the same time, he takes mental notes of my habits and quirks, and feeds them once in a while (ie preparing food the specific way I like it. allowing me to take my long time to eat. encouraging my hobbies)

    I am happy to share more about giving an INFJ the warm fuzzies
    I don't know. Don't think it's really necessary for a date/partner to pay attention to habits and quirks.

    Quote Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
    mystery is attractive/sexy
    Sadly yes, mystery is very appealing, but may not be practical for long term relationships. When a partner never wants to talk or reveal anything, the relationship may suffer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    For me, I cant be myself around a person I'm romantically interested in. It doesn't happen unless I get distracted by another person nearby that I get distracted with. I have to make it through the 'pedestal phase' (Which is like emotionally chewing on gristle to get out of it) first before I am sure that I am ready to try to maybe start .
    Love the analogy because this is sooo true.

    Being yourself and being an honest person is key, I think, to attracting INFJs. I think I put of an INFJ I was interested because I was doing a horrible job doing that 'seducing' thing.

    Oh, and patience is important, too.
    +1 honesty and patience


    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    The INFJ tool of seduction is being the only one who truly understands.


    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I forgot to add something.

    INFJ's are seductive to me in that they respect my boundaries. I do not like to be controlled and I do not respond well to overt attention. If someone comes on to me, for some reason, I don't trust it. If they like me too soon, I wonder how they can like me without even knowing me? Logically, I know that someone can have an initial attraction and this can deepen over time, but I just trust things more if they develop and grow in a slow and unforced way.
    Good point. So, not too much attention too soon. *takes notes*

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Yeah, it's a combination of an intense interest in what makes a person tick and their ability to tailor fit their approach to an individual. They relate to a person by becoming what that person needs.

    There's something subtle too, that took me a long time to notice. INFJs notice what you respond to, and slowly encompass a personality that consists of those elements. If someone desires and responds to someone that is slightly giggly, they become more giggly. If someone responds to challenging and edgy humor, their humor starts to develop an edge. The degree of difference can be subtle or extreme, depending on the INFJ.
    This^^^

    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Very true for me. Often times I also pick up speech patterns and accents which is weird considering I don't speak the other person's native language and there's no reason why I should automatically adopt their pattern beyond mirroring. Perhaps this is a way of making the other person feel at ease and maintaining the connection... Actually this may be why people think INFJ is romantically inclined when in reality they're not. It's the darn mirroring. An automatic response to being "nice" becomes misinterpreted as interest.

    Back on the mirroring, it also has a lot to do with expectations. If this is the way you expect me to act, then in some unconscious part of my mind I'll give it to you. An extreme sort of people pleasing behaviour?


    A good description. For the most part we don't really know exactly who we are internally... at least not like an ISFJ. As Sky mentioned, we respond based on the context. It's how Fe makes decisions.


    Don't ask the INFJ, I don't know what is the mask and what's real. In a way the mask is real... or rather there's a multitude of masks that makes up a component of me. Again, zen fluidity sort of self that molds to fit the situation. I can't sit there and pin down what is "real" because everything is always evolving. To try and do so is simply unnatural. I guess you can say INFJs live for internal transformation. Although on the outside, INFJ behaviour can look rather inconsistent and thus be labeled "fake".

    As to your friend... I don't think she's holding back so much as she's not pick up the cues that tells her it's safe to let loose. Of course much of this happens unconsciously anyhow so if it's manipulation, she's also manipulated.
    Agree with bold parts especially.

    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    It is all the real person, some people just get the surface level. I like to preserve harmony when I am getting to know someone or where I don't have much invested. (i.e. I tried to get to know someone and we never reached a meeting of the minds.) I don't tend to preserve harmony at the expense of a strongly held opinion or getting to the truth of something though.

    I tend to hold back for various reasons e.g. if I don't know someone well or if they themselves are reserved or wary.
    I also hold back with people who I perceive to be very critical or two-faced or close-minded. I will still try to get to know someone but the reveal will be much slower or not at all according to how our interactions proceed.

    It's not because I want the person's approval, though that could often be the case with INFJ. It's because I don't necessarily trust them to be accepting of me in my entirety and I prefer to keep myself to myself much of the time.

    I guess it's not so unusual. I can see how it could look disingenuous though doesn't feel that way. Ahh intimacy! The dance of trust.
    parts in bold, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    Soft spoken articulate speech. Hearing words being used in standard conventions of English in a beautiful way is hot.

    Getting into a deep meaningful intellectual conversation.

    Listening to a piece of music together.

    Dancing slowly and closely together.

    Staring deeply, yet softly, into my soul.
    hmm. . . . to be honest, i'd just settle for having someone with whom i can relax and be myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I found talking endlessly about a topic or a core set of mutual interests does strange and magical things to their receptiveness and later their aggressiveness.
    Agree.

  4. #124
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Simply listen and remember. Find the words for whats in your heart, and don't be afraid to say them when the time is right. Thats what I do.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  5. #125
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Authenticity really is a big deal to INFJs.

    As are warm fuzzies and that sensation of 'butterflies.'
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #126
    Member Fenekk's Avatar
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    How do you seduce as an INFJ? You don't. That's how I always felt.

    I don't even flirt. I do find myself trying to manipulate people into revealing how they really feel about me, though (don't worry, it's completely harmless - I don't manipulate people in order to use anything against them - just to learn about them).

    Anyway, sudden relationships make me uncomfortable. Don't just confess your love to me. Get to know me, see if we get closer. Then if we are already close you can start the confessions. It might still scare me away, though. :/
    NaNoWriMo 2010 [[Nahe: Iveor]]
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    Authenticity really is a big deal to INFJs.

    As are warm fuzzies and that sensation of 'butterflies.'
    But what gives them butterflies?

  8. #128
    Senior Member amerellis's Avatar
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    When I was an ESTJ I had the hugest crush on an INFJ male I knew. I seriously considered him to be perfect in every way. :p
    But really you shouldn't change yourself to try and seduce someone. Just be yourself that way people that are drawn to you, like you for who you really are.

  9. #129
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Why do these threads always get interrupted by people arguing about things like words? Seduce, whatever. She/he just wants advice on how to be attractive to someone. So let's offer her advice and not get all in a snit about words.

  10. #130
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Also, I think that the OP is the INFJ, so she/he is asking how to be attractive as an INFJ, not how to attract an INFJ. It sounded like the object of affection was an ESFP.

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