[ENFP] ENFP and ESFP

[Clonester]

I have a few questions for anyone who has experience with ESFP's, or actual ESFP's. I met a girl at a party a couple weeks ago and got her phone #. We've been to the movies and to the beach since then, more as a group with friends than anything. We text a lot. I'm quite certain she is an ESFP. I like a lot of things about her personality, a lot of enthusiasm, witty and joking in her conversations, we like similar activities (dancing, football, movies, swimming, etc) and like to be doing stuff, and we get along well. I'm going to ask her out regardless, but I'd like to ask a few questions so I know what I'm getting into and how to handle situations that come up:

1) How do ESFP's commit in a relationship? An ESTP I dated was a lot of fun too, but I never got the sense she was fully committed to the relationship, which was confirmed when we broke it off.

2) Do ESFP's flirt with someone they like in a physical way? The ESTP flirted with everything that moves and especially me, but I read that ESFP's are conservative in initiating a relationship and I guess flirting too. If not flirting, how do you tell if an ESFP is into you?

3) What are ESFP's like when dating? Do they like to take things fast? Slow? What do they look for in the other person?

 

[Thessaly]

My best friend (ESFP) and her boyfriend (ENFP) have been dating for two years. Before they committed to one another I think they both were serial daters and mainly had fun dating around.

They are both social butterfly's and have a really great friendship. I think that is the main reason they both settled down with one another. They both are interested in a variety of topics and have lots in common so they converse quite freely and neither have a jealous nature (which is essential for this combination I believe).

The ESFP is quite flirty, although not a physical flirter. She enjoys mingling with people, but she's just fun and quirky so her socializing may come off as flirty, but as a female I will say she does not flirt in any real manner. Nothing any intelligent male would ever take too seriously.

In dating she was always up for anything. She definitely was not the most discriminate about getting to know someone physically at first. I would say she goes fast in getting to know people, but maintains her independence. So it's not like a week in you feel married. You've just got a new really fun friend who you fool around with.

 

[INTJ123]

I have a few questions for anyone who has experience with ESFP's, or actual ESFP's. I met a girl at a party a couple weeks ago and got her phone #. We've been to the movies and to the beach since then, more as a group with friends than anything. We text a lot. I'm quite certain she is an ESFP. I like a lot of things about her personality, a lot of enthusiasm, witty and joking in her conversations, we like similar activities (dancing, football, movies, swimming, etc) and like to be doing stuff, and we get along well. I'm going to ask her out regardless, but I'd like to ask a few questions so I know what I'm getting into and how to handle situations that come up:

1) How do ESFP's commit in a relationship? An ESTP I dated was a lot of fun too, but I never got the sense she was fully committed to the relationship, which was confirmed when we broke it off.

2) Do ESFP's flirt with someone they like in a physical way? The ESTP flirted with everything that moves and especially me, but I read that ESFP's are conservative in initiating a relationship and I guess flirting too. If not flirting, how do you tell if an ESFP is into you?

3) What are ESFP's like when dating? Do they like to take things fast? Slow? What do they look for in the other person?

My best friend is an esfp guy.
1. Pretty committed if they treat it as such. Probably moreso than an ESTP would be.
2. They are pretty damn flirty if you ask me, but I'm an intj and have no concept of flirting so what do I know.
3. They'll take it as fast as you want to take it. I'm not sure if they'll commit to someone who sleeps with on first date though, they might think less of you. They look for a "soulmate"

 

[Rachelinpa]

1) I never really felt like my ESFP was committed (in the same intense way I was), even though he would say that he was verbally. In retrospect, I wish I had trusted my own instincts and intuition instead of buying into what he was saying.

2) Yeah, my ESFP was definitely physically flirty with me from the get-go. He was kind of that way with most girls though... haha. His style of flirting was mostly "state the obvious" teasing. Cute, but kind of lame at times. He was the type who considered flirting harmless and would most definitely flirt with other girls.

3) My ESFP was VERY fast. Definitely an I-Love-You-Too-Sooner. But, just as quickly as he was in my life, he was also out quick too. He was looking for someone who was FUN ALL OF THE TIME. He always wanted to be doing something. Even though I am an extrovert, it was stressful. He cared about conversation, but placed more emphasis on what we "did" together and less on what we talked about (which is what was important to me).

 

[OrangeAppled]

I'll answer this based on my sister, but note that she is somewhat unhealthy and dependent on people.

1) How do ESFP's commit in a relationship?
If my sis really likes someone, then she commits very quickly with little problem. Usually, she is frustrated that the other person will not commit as fast. If she is not really into someone, then may string them along to feed her ego a bit.

2) Do ESFP's flirt with someone they like in a physical way? If not flirting, how do you tell if an ESFP is into you?
My sis seems to flirt verbally more than physically. She seems pretty obvious too.
She also gets bossy, like that is how she shows she cares.

3) What are ESFP's like when dating? Do they like to take things fast? Slow? What do they look for in the other person?
My sis seems to take things fast. She seems to like men with a cheesy/vulgar sense of humor, someone who is not too serious or bookish, into "normal" guy things like sports, dresses well but a bit conservative, is more quiet than her so she can have the spotlight, and far less emotional, but not dismissive of her feelings.

 

[Laurie]

Didn't I respond to this already?

 

[CzeCze]

Oh uh - do I smell a thread merge?

To answer your OP - you gotta jump on an EXFP and make it happen, cap'n!

Anyone who you think is a social butterfly or usually casual and 'whateva' about dating and such - you need to make clear that you are more than serious and you are willing and able to do the work to keep them.

EXFPs dont' necessarily want to be single or just casually dating people forever, but for myself, I'm not going to limit myself or extend myself in that way for someone who isn't clearly showing me they are there already. We're active people and we have lots of things pulling our attention, so if you want more from us, you really have to make it known and really ask that of us and show us you mean it.

 

[Clonester]

Update: We've gone on a couple dates and we're definitely a fun pair. MBTI wise it seems to be a good matchup. But there are some values that we just do not share. A few things that go beyond Myers Briggs that make me think this isn't going to go very far.

To be honest we're both crazy and fun, but I have a limit as to what I will do. I think her Fi causes her to see this limit too but she doesn't listen to it. As an NF I can't just ignore my values. They are my core.

 

[CzeCze]

To be honest we're both crazy and fun, but I have a limit as to what I will do. I think her Fi causes her to see this limit too but she doesn't listen to it. As an NF I can't just ignore my values. They are my core.

Give us examples!

 

[Clonester]

I knew someone would want examples. I'll be specifically vague.

I've started to become friends with a few of her friends, and they are good people. But she has several friends who are just bad people and I see them rub off on her. A couple of them were being asses to some random people on the street, and she was totally cool with that. I think she likes that they are crazy and this brings her excitement. I can be crazy too but I never do it with a bad intent, putting down others just for fun.

The ignoring her Fi part comes into play because those same friends were doing something that we both agreed they shouldn't be doing. But she is still friends with them and after a few minutes pass it's like nothing ever happened. She will overlook things that most people wont overlook (unless of course you're just inherently ). I give people some leeway and I know not everyone is like me. But if I see people doing things that just aren't right on a consistent basis, well, I'm not friends with these people.

I think she just needs a few years to mature. She has a lot of good qualities but needs to work on a few things that typically come with age. Even for fun loving ESFP's.

 

[the state i am in]

is it just me or is enfp and esfp like the old friend you had growing up who was your best friend and then you go to college and come back and you're just counting the days until classes start again and you can be back with your new world? the "we just grew apart" kinda thing?

 

[Anna77]

Haha...this site has helped me so much I decided to enter my ENFP-ESFP story. I'm an ENFP female, my now ex-bf was ESFP, everything everyone has said is sooo true. It starts out like fireworks (literally,my hand 'accidently' brushed his and we both felt electricity...and that was the very first time we'd ever met period.) and you think wow I found someone who cares about people as much as I do! ESFP's are so people-loving, like ENFP's are. As an ENFP, i have other NF friends to talk to so i didn't need deep intellectual conversations; when we were together it was just really nice and peaceful and fun. The kicker was commitment. My bf said the L-word very early (third date?) but it was mutual, and he talked commitment, and kids, from the very very start. But the ENFP finds that it's just that, all talk. Cause the ESFP still has a lot of fun he wants to get to first. And although he treats you like a most precious Queen when you are together, his friends, and his fun, and himself are like 1,2, and 3. You sit at 4. And that's not going to change. It was a wild roller-coaster ride (i had thought this meant it was 'passionate love'), and we both were crazy about each other and wanted to make it work, but for us that meant ENFP's needs are never met if it's a draw between what ESFP needs and what ENFP needs. It's like at some point i just went glassy eyed and knew i had to leave for my sanity. I didn't care much for the ESFP's constant need to be noticed but i could tolerate that. My ESFP did exaggerate stories (I mean serious exaggeration), sometimes people look at them like they are dumb, but they really aren't dumb, they are just sentimental softies. I'd say if I found a more mature ESFP I'd try an ENFP-ESFP match all over again. They are just fun, and as an ENFP I stay in my own head too much anyways, I need a release and an ESFP provides that. Or maybe i'm a psychopath addicted to the severe highs and lows One other thing: ESFP's flirt, and they like to attract. I didn't think this would be an issue since I was definitely the more attractive one in the match, no contest. But the sentimental ESFP will seem to be sacrificing a lot of potential gf-time to respond to 'save me' pleas via text coming from other girls trying to catch him?

 

[ilovereeses]

is it just me or is enfp and esfp like the old friend you had growing up who was your best friend and then you go to college and come back and you're just counting the days until classes start again and you can be back with your new world? the "we just grew apart" kinda thing?

YES!


and Anna, I agree. I'd only consider a mature ESFP, from what I've seen, it'd be a roller coaster of emotions. It looks passionate on the outside, but really draining on the inside. I was never actually in a relationship with the ESFP guy I know, but we almost were, and that is the most painful experience ever.