[INFP] I think my Son may be an INFP, advice please.

[Samvega]

As an ENTP I have know a good number of INFPs and the dynamic has been taxing for both. It seems to be a mutual struggle though I feel it's more me that has to keep my personality reeled in.

I have struggled pretty hard with typing my 8 year old and while I know typing kids isn't totally accurate nor scientific he's the child I struggle hardest with thus the one I would like insight on so I can better understand how he works. I was having a conversation today with somebody that has seriously impressed me at every corner and they stated as fact that my son was an INFP from nothing more than a picture. Somehow I totally overlooked INFP though once said it fits perfectly.

So my question is two fold, firstly what were you like as a child, that would better help me figure out if he is in fact INFP. Secondly, what would have/was the most constructive and damaging parenting for you a child?

Any insight you have would be a big help to me so thanks in advance

 

[Wiley45]

Kudos to you for being such a good dad.

I am sure I will think of more things as time goes on, but here are the things that come to mind. As a child I was very tender hearted. Always looking out for the underdog. Once when my parents were low on cash, I convinced half my female school mates to pound rocks into powder at recess so we could sell it as eyeshadow and help my parents pay their bills. I started a lemonade stand and sent all the money to help persecuted Christians in Russia. Etc. I made friends with all the kids and animals nobody wanted. I was kind to everybody except those who victimized others, and then I had no shortage of venom and wrath.

I was always messy, late, slow and distracted, disorganized, "head in the clouds," and had a bit of a lazy streak. My parents and teachers bemoaned my famously disastrous bedroom and school locker. I used to try to set the table while reading a book. I had a good sense of humor, but it didn't come out as much in witty conversation as it did in writing or planned pranks. I used to set up life sized dummies on the toilet to scare my mother in the night, etc.

I was oversensitive ... hypersensitive to criticism, especially. I had specific ideas about how humans should act and interact, and got quite bossy about my opinions. I also couldn't deal with certain things, like wildlife TV shows where one animal stalked and killed another. It made me burst into tears. It was very difficult to reason with me if I felt strong emotions about something. For instance, I hated my parents for giving our dog away, even though it was peeing all over the house, stealing food off the table, and chewing furniture.

My T dad most hurt my feelings or upset me when I felt that he didn't consider my feelings valid. He tended to ignore anything I was saying about feelings and skip straight to the logical. I was able to hear his advice and learn from him the best when he listened to me talk about my feelings, and verbally acknowledged me before giving any advice, and it had to be genuine, not a rushed formula. (ie: "That must have really upset you. I'm sorry. (Hug, wait for more discussion or venting about feelings) Listen, maybe next time, it might be smart to [insert logical advice here].)

My parents were very good at valuing the good parts of my personality while still having high expectations for my functioning in the "real world." For instance, they always let me know they appreciated my imagination, but there was no excuse for getting lost in thought and forgetting to do my chores around the house. (However, they did have to have a lot of patience with me and give reminders when I was small.) Additionally, they worked with me to find the best solutions for practically organizing my daily life in a way that worked for me, rather than trying to make me use the organizational systems that worked for them. It's probably the only reason I can function as a responsible adult now.

The best thing my dad ever did was apologize when he was wrong or made a mistake. Also, it really helped me when my parents were occasionally vulnerable and tried to make me see things from their point of view, appealing to my sense of justice or empathy.

A lot of my bad interpersonal experiences as a child came from people telling me to "get over it and grow up." Technically, it was good advice, but I needed time to come into my own maturity. Since I felt things SO strongly, that piece of advice seemed like people were rejecting me as a whole. I think you can teach INFP's to grow up and handle disillusionment/disappointment, but it works better to have heartfelt conversations and avoid blunt "sum it up" pieces of advice like the above.

It really helped me feel validated when my parents recognized my strengths and let me put them to use to help the family. For instance, my mom let me write the family Christmas letter every year, or design a hand made card for somebody.

I could usually sense what people were feeling, as well as the dynamics between specific individuals, even if nobody else in the room could. If I mentioned that I thought so-and-so had hurt feelings or so-and-so didn't like something, it always drove me crazy when my parents accused me of making up stuff in my own head and treated me like I was being ridiculous. They had no idea the intensity of emotion I felt with every slight facial expression others conveyed. Even if my parents thought I was wrong, it would have been nice for them to be a little more open minded and at least listen to my perspective based on what I was feeling and sensing.

Finally, I'd suggest pairing criticisms with genuine praise, if you can. Since we're hard on ourselves anyway, it helps to be gentle and let us know we're appreciated. Words in general have always been important to me, and I tend to easily throw in the towel when I feel discouraged, so constant, genuine words of affirmation were always crucial to my self image and growth.

Geesh, that was long. I hope some part of it helps.

 

[Udog]

^ Jewelchild offers lots of good advice.

As a child, I was sociable, emotional, artistic (always drawing one thing or another), and very sensitive. My imagination was ever active. My youth and zeal gave me a bit of an ENFP streak. I was particularly sensitive to the mood of my parents, and when the marriage started going downhill in the third grade it took a huge toll on me. I'll never match the pure unadulterated joy and love of the world I had back then.

Samvega, I'm going to be blunt with you here. I do this because I'm pretty sure you can take it, and may care enough about this issue to listen. If you treated the INFPs on here with the same respect and sensitivity you treated the INFJs, your communication with (at least some of) us would be much better. In your real life, don't let the nasty INFPs you've known be exemplary of all INFPs. To be an unapologetic cheater is not in your son's destiny simply because he's INFP.

As such, a great place to start is to ask yourself how you would raise him if he was an INFJ child. That will likely feel much more natural to you, and it will be a HUGE step in the right direction. INFP/INFJ share the same sensitivity to the environment, same need for love and approval by our parents, the same ideals, and the same ability to dig deeply into topics. I think that would get you at least into the 80th percentile.

You will most likely connect via Ne. Imagination, games, fun, humor. As such, encourage it whenever possible. While he is young and finding the world a very interesting place, you may be able to connect via your physical adventurous side as well. Just keep it fun.

As for how do deal with that mysterious Fi? The thing about young, undeveloped Fi, is that it's a bit like Fe. We haven't learned our feelings and values yet, which makes it impossible for us to understand others with accuracy. (I constantly misread people when younger.) So a young INFP, much like any child honestly, needs to know that he's loved through explicit expression.

Now, when he gets into his teenager years and embraces Fi full throttle, that's when the fun begins.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Read this and see if it fits: Portrait of an IFP Child

If your son is indeed an INFP, you need to honor his emotional development. He is likely surrounded by strong and variable feelings at this age that he cannot yet understand or interpret. It's like looking at another language in a book - you can see the words, and you know they mean something, and it makes you mad that you can't figure it all out yet. He will sometimes be needy, and other times seem to want to be alone. If you check in with his feelings at these times though, just ask him or give a hug, a squeeze, let him know he can talk to you and you won't just interrupt and tell him to get over whatever is bothering him, you will help establish a foundation to get through the teenage years.

Practice active listening - look that up too. It works great as a parenting skill to help understand what's going on in your kid's lives.



If as Udog says above, you carry a prejudice against the type, this is your wake-up call to get over it and help him become the strong, competent and caring man he most certainly can become.

 

[The Outsider]

As a child, for one, I was very emotional. I was very easily hurt, took everything personally.
I loved reading from early age and always had at least 3 books laying around, waiting for me to continue reading them in whatever random order.
I was very reserved around strangers. I spent most of my time outdoors, just sitting on a field and daydreaming, or having battles with imaginary foes.
I didn't really cause any trouble, unless I was drawn into them by friends.
I loved nature. Reading about it, and being in it. I always loved animals as well.

The hardest part of my childhood, I'd say, was my parents fighting. And they did it a lot. I retreated in my head and tried to show little emotion in those situations, but it was very traumatic for me.
My father's drinking habits didn't help either of course. I still feel contempt towards alcohol and drunk people. I pretty much always hated it when other people visited us, because, then came out the alcohol again.

As any child, I loved praise and feeling that I'm being appreciated. I always felt as if I am different than other people in some way. I really appreciated when my parents just let me do my own things, and trust me in my decisions. It is not to say that I was a decisive person, not at all, but I always loved it when my individuality was respected.

In the things I did, i was generally quite slow, probably appeared lazy or really meticulous, but in fact, I just never wanted to rush things. I liked taking my time to think things through. It was a tad troublesome in school, as the work I did was really good, but I never really finished it. Luckily, I had good teachers who understood that and graded me based on the effort.

Now for some advice.
First off, I don't know you and I don't know how you are as a father. My father wasn't really a supportive one, so I'll base my advice on that.
When he does bad in school, don't be harsh on him. Instead of trying harder next time, he'll probably learn to hide it better. Nonjudgmental help is a lot more... helpful.
Let him have his own voice and give him freedom to do things that he likes and finds important.
Be supportive and give him praise.
Don't criticize him and the things he does.
Let him express his emotions.

Above all, just love him for who he is and be a good, supportive father.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I strongly recomend checking out Tieger and Barron-Tiegers Nurture by Nature, its got like 10-20 page sections on each type and how they change during their childhood.

 

[runvardh]

A half decent disciplinary structure is helpful, nothing draconian, but a structure to grow on. Let him know you love him even a little bit, as in more often than never till he's 18 and then only say it indirectly. Encourage discovery, between 9 and 11 I used to play with the wall outlet for experiments. It was fair that I got grounded for it, but they never gave me something to do with my need to discover till I was 13 and even then, it was too little too late. Quiet time in his room is good and should be allowed, but don't let him do it for weeks on end. If he has friends around his age and understanding, encourage him to hang out with them when he seems on the fence about heading out.

 

[scantilyclad]

I was extremely shy, afraid of getting in trouble, very, very sensitive, i was always sort of grumpy, because i could never get people to understand me, or accept me. I was very imaginative, i liked to make my cousins and sisters pretend and be in "plays" with me, even though they didn't like participating. I was also intelligent and questioned a lot of things. I started reading at an early age, and i never stopped.

I had few friends, but it never seemed to bother me, i love playing by myself, even though i'm the oldest of 6 kids, and could have had plenty of people to play with. I hated going outside as a child. My mom would often punish me by making me spend a few minutes outside.

Honestly, my mom was a horrible parent, so most of the things she did was damaging. she ruined my self esteem at an early age, which really upset me as a child, because i just wanted to be accepted for the way i was. i knew i was different, but my mom wanted me to be the same. I never got recognized for any of my achievements. I started school early, got accepted in the gifted and talented program, got perfect grades, among other things and my mom only cared about entering my prettier younger sister in beauty pageants. You can see why i had low self esteem. I was jealous of my sister for a long time, until i realized she wasn't very smart, so i felt accomplished.

i think the most important thing about raising an INFP child, is making sure that they feel accepted, loved, wanted and recognized. Find out what makes your child unique and praise it.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Beat him for things that aren't his fault, tell him lies, divorce your wife and claim that he made you stop loving her.

 

[runvardh]

Beat him for things that aren't his fault, tell him lies, divorce your wife and claim that he made you stop loving her.

I know this was meant to be funny, but the sad thing is this is almost what my mother did... That said, I still chuckled at it.

 

[iwakar]

From Coaxing Back the Spirit of the Introverted Child:

INFP children rarely care about physical reality, surroundings or possessions. Because of this they may misplace personal property, leave possessions lying out, scuff or mar furniture, mess up party clothes, etc. These things don’t even get on their radar screen. However, they have undoubtedly learned that these things are important to you and therein lies the conflict and it is a severe and ongoing one.

Let’s say they can’t find something and think they might have left it at school or in the car on the way home. Normally they’d pause a second and then move on to something else. Their love for you, however, says go look for it and act like you really care. Since they aren’t plugged into physical reality, the search for the object quickly becomes stressful. They don’t really care about finding it, so they don’t do a good job of looking (and they never will). This results in greater stress, self-criticism and conflict. Eventually the world spins and they stand still. When asked a direct question about the matter, they answer something abstract and seemingly unrelated. These are all clues that your INFP child is in inner turmoil and utterly miserable. These are the people who later on buy cheap umbrellas so when they leave them on the plane or in the cab on the way home, it doesn’t matter.

From Parenting Skill:

Regardless of Your Type Mom and Dad-Here Are Some Things You Can Do to Nurture the INFP Child and Improve Parenting Skill

* Read to them all the time…begin as early as possible
* Most INFPs love the library…take them often
* Speak softly to the INFP, a gentle voice does it
* This is hard but if you lose it…apologize quickly….your anger can really hurt the INFP child
* Acknowledge their very strong imaginary ways
* Support them to talk about how they feel…especially if you think something has hurt them
* Related to that, respect the intensity of how they feel at times
* The INFP child, youngster, teen is not very organized nor aware of time…help them gently and support their efforts at organization and time
* During times of conflict and argument…make a plea to their feelings don’t try to “logic” anything
* Let them know at times that things can be changed….most things are flexible

The bolded point I take some issue with. I think it's important as an ENTP parent to instill your values as well into your children and teaching them the value of logic is not something to be avoided. It's just the presentation of said value that should be softened. Children need to know that there are many sets of values and ways of decision-making; you just have to illustrate the benefit to him of utilizing this.

 

[Samvega]

I read the first few posts and wanted to get this out of my head so I will go back and finish reading as well as the links posted.

I will add upfront his mother and I divorced more than 2 years ago so his life has been about a lot of change and adjusting.

I just want to explain him a little and see if anybody relates. My heart bleeds for this child in a way I didn't know was possible, him sad, makes my heart hurt on the most core level possible. He's an incredibly emotional child, he cries if he gets sent to his room for hurting his sister, he cries if he gets punished to do yard work, he cries if I push him to do something you doesn't think he can physically do even if it's well within his limits. He cries if his sister hits him even though he's 45 pounds heavier and she clearly didn't cause him any actual pain.

He's the middle of three so he's always had somebody there to keep him company, the worst punishment I can give him seems to be alienating him from the other kids. However after he gets over it and or course cries about being punished he normally goes off into his own world and does fine.

I can see his mind always working and at 8 he's already too good of a debater for his ISFJ mother to handle. He can deduce the logical work around for most problems and he is excellent at trying to work the system or find a loophole. I cause him some serious frustration in that area as this is the foundation of an ENTP so he clearly can't do it or come even close with me. Normally in these situations he'll get upset and cry saying something like "I just want a normal dad" something else I know isn't the real issue.

He doesn't care about school, drags his feet nonstop, would rather play a video game (not allowed at my house) than go to a store or do something outside. He's social but if we leave the house he wants to know where we're going, how long we'll be and if we deviate from that plan he notices. He also has an INSANE memory about little facts such as if you owe him something.

Oh and he also seems to not be having fun often. We'll go to the park to fly kites and everybody will be having a good time but sometimes he'll just sit and have a bad time. He's also fairly stubborn and digs his heals in a lot saying things like "you can't make me".

That's all I can think of at the moment and the reality is I want to handle him in a way that he learns, grows and finds some balance without causing him any damage at the same time. I don't know if any or all of this seems INFP like but he's clearly IFP as I'm thinking about it and thinks way too outside of the box to be a Sensor though I haven't really known many ISFPs.

 

[runvardh]

I'm the eldest of 5 so this may factor in, but I only relate to the facts memorization and "pouting" in the corner while everyone else has fun - I like time alone, some people don't get that I guess... The rest I don't relate too; it almost sounds like my younger brother whom myself and my father ended up whipping into shape (dad and I are INFPs, he's ESFP). The only thing that doesn't fit there is the debater part, he'd just pull mom's heart strings and that would be it, but she's the same type as him.

 

[whimsical]

When I was a child I was very quiet and cautious of everything. I wanted safety in my environment and I enjoyed time alone where I could wander around in my imagination. Whenever I went anywhere social, I would always need a source of protection or security, and I would be very anxious if left alone.

The best thing you can do for kids of this type is to realize that they need private time, time alone to explore their minds, and please do try to keep your anger down to minimums.

 

[Wiley45]

Has he always been emotional and prone to crying when he's upset, or is that a more recent development?

I had an ISFJ mother who I could probably have cornered in a debate, but I was too non-confrontational to do so. (However, I grew up in a very religiously dominated home and had it drilled into my head that God didn't want me to be rebellious, so that might have something to do with it.)

Almost everything you described sounds exactly like my ISFP friend when she was younger. She also had to adjust to a lot of change in her life when her parents split up, was very emotional and prone to tears in situations others would not have been, often stubbornly sulked when others were having fun, doubted her own capabilities and detested being pushed to do something she thought she couldn't, found loopholes, debated circles around her authorities, remembered exactly what people promised or owed, etc. (She enjoyed school, however.) An ESFP I know always sweet talked or debated to get his way with parents and school teachers, and often outsmarted most adults around him.

Of course, you know your son the best, but maybe you shouldn't rule out S just yet. I'd think an INFP child would likely be more caught up in fantasy and daydreaming than an ISFP, though the ISFP's I know are still creative and don't have trouble entertaining themselves -- they're just more into "hands on" stuff.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Somehow, I wrote my life story . I will add that I don't relate much to the description of your son....

What were you like as a child?

I was a very quiet and shy child, especially with people I did not know well. My family would call me ornery, stubborn, feisty, shameless, and very temperamental. I was not an affectionate child with most of my family, but I could be with my mom and grandma. I was not emotionally expressive, especially with "soft" emotions. I mostly cried when I was criticized or frustrated. I got embarrassed easily and hated being the center of attention. I was very private about my thoughts & feelings, even with my family.

I was creative and enjoyed drawing, writing poetry and reading from very young ages. I had a big imagination, and preferred my own games to existing ones (and I already hated "rules"). I didn't watch much TV and disliked video games. I had a major autonomous streak. I was extremely daydreamy. Interaction with others tired me and I was overwhelmed by large groups of people. I liked to ride a bike alone or play handball, but athletic things mostly bored me. I hated competition of any kind. I was generally light-hearted and easily had fun, except in my stubborn moods.
I did tend to disappoint easily, as I already had huge, idealistic expectations.

I liked to spend time with friends one-on-one, and I tended to dominate the play and decide what we would do. I usually had one "best friend" that I depended on a lot. When they were absent, I felt lost. I felt intimidated by other kids at school, like I was not good enough, and so I never initiated friendships and had a hard time making friends. Most of the friends I made were from being thrown together in some way.

I had a sense of being awkward and dorky. I had a lot of difficulty relating to anyone around me and always felt like a square peg. I never wanted to be like everyone else, but at the same time it pained me to feel outside of the "group". I would never compromise myself to fit in though.

In group projects at school, I tended to have a loud voice and would dominate the direction of it and push my ideas. I could be a know-it-all.
As I got older, I went more with the flow. I was never a door mat though, and would always speak up for something I felt strongly about.

I had a strong sense of morality at a young age. Unfairness and untruth upset me greatly. I was stubborn about my ideals and critical of those who fell very far outside them. Hypocrisy made me mad. I was very opinionated. I rarely liked people immediately, as they had to grow on me in order to overlook their faults. I've mellowed a lot since .

The older I got, the more school I would miss, as the social aspect drained me, and my ISFJ mom kept me on track less. I'd stay at home and listen to music or read instead, which was more stimulating to me. The academic part of school was a breeze for me though. I would procrastinate terribly on projects/reports, and even be absent the day they were due to get more time, but I'd always get a good grade.

Contrary to what INFP profiles say, I especially excelled in math and science, but they didn't interest me much. Art, literature and language always interested me more. I didn't participate in class much, because I was shy and hated being the center of attention. I never got in trouble because I was quiet, kept to myself, and saw no real need to break rules. I was almost never openly rebellious, even if some arbitrary rule made me seethe. I got in trouble at home mostly for "talking back" and being messy. I felt a need to be perfect at times, and would feel bad if I fell short.

I did have a good memory for things people said (and found contradictions easily) and where items were left. I always knew when someone had gone in my room when I was not home.


What would have/was the most constructive and damaging parenting for you a child?

My parents divorce was very damaging to me. My dad left when I was 2, and my mom said I was scared she would leave me also. I felt hesitant to form close relationships with people for fear of them leaving/rejecting me. I never felt secure in friendships, and always felt I was a last resort for people if they couldn't find anyone better to hang out with.

My dad is an ENTP also, and I never felt emotionally connected to him. He felt like some sort of uncle or distant relative. My personality puzzles him to this day. He had no idea how to open me up. When I was small, I would whisper to my older sister and she'd have to communicate my needs to him, as I didn't feel comfortable talking to him. He also happened to be very self-absorbed though. Being a musician, if he would have taken a creative interest in me as my cartoonist step-dad did, then we might have been closer. I don't think it's a coincidence that I took more to drawing than playing an instrument....

The other thing that stung me was my ESFJ grandmother and ISFJ mom's criticism of me being "cold", as they are very demonstrative. My ESFP sister would also make cracks about how nothing affected me and I was like a "stone". This bothered me because I did not feel cold internally. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me and like no one understood me.

To some degree, my ISFJ mom understood my shyness. She knew why it was hard for me to make friends. My other family members would nitpick little things though, mostly to do with polite social protocol, which I had a major blind spot in. It made me upset when people would assume I was unfriendly when I was just feeling awkward.

She and my step-dad were also very encouraging about my artistic pursuits, always praising the things I would make and ideas I had, never saying it was unrealistic to pursue an artistic career. In some ways this was bad, as it might have been useful to be grounded at times. My mom was the "You can be whatever you want to be!" kind of parent. Overall, she was extremely nurturing and rarely criticized me for being "different" in some ways. I think this is why I was mostly confident about my intellect, creative talent, and individuality as a child.

Verbal communication could be hard with my sensor mom & sis. They'd completely misinterpret my view or miss the point. I tended to use hypothetical situations to explain things, and my sister would snap that it "wasn't real", which would invalidate my point of view. It would have helped to have someone who could listen to me and grasp what I was trying to say. Instead, I clammed up and withdrew. My mother got much better about making an attempt to understand my view as I got older though.

My parents struggled a lot financially and had a rocky marriage, and this also felt like a burden on me.

 

[Bubbles]

Well, I'll try and share my experiences.

Growing up I acted a bit like an ENFP. I was loud, I was obnoxious, always wanted attention, absolutely loved getting my way, bossed my baby sister around like no tomorrow, and just loved life. I firmly believed in my parents, doctors, police officers, and God as perfect--except I still found ways to argue with my parents and still keep this mindset. ^^;

I had this crazy imagination and I'd always be forcing my little sisters to do plays with me or play ridiculous complex Barbie games and I totally did the make-believe thing a LOT. Luckily my parents didn't do anything to discourage that, and in fact encouraged me for it. I got hooked into reading by their love of books, and I became a bona fide bookworm. Soon that led to me writing my own stories, haha. And forcing my captive parent audience to listen. >.>

Despite being stubborn and silly and loud, I was really sensitive to other people. My best friend growing up was ENTJ, and in retrospect I was often manipulated for being "too nice" and "too passive" and "too desperate to keep the peace." Also if I watched a movie and someone acted stupid in it, I had to leave the room, because I felt embarrassed for them. I absolutely despised criticism, and often would just burst into emotional fits to express that uncomfortable feeling I got from failing. Like I couldn't organize my room/schoolwork well, and constantly messing up made me worry that something was wrong with me. I also didn't like to be in large groups if I could help it, and picked my friends carefully. I would have a lot of acquaintances, but only a few close buddies.

I was lucky parents-wise. My mom is an ISFJ and my father is an ENFP, and they have had a happy, long marriage. My mom tended to bring me down to earth and keep my stubborn streak in check, while my dad knew how to handle my emotional states. They were loving and supportive, always offered to listen to my problems, and tried their hardest to help me. They were very affectionate and I loved that. My only complaint is sometimes my parents loved me to the point of protecting me too much. They'd make me paranoid about things that I didn't need to be paranoid about, and gave me irrational worry when I found myself in those sorts of situations--not to mention massive guilt. (ex: posting on a forum in an online world of danger! )

I can't give you any advice that hasn't been given before, I don't think. But embrace your child's emotional side. Don't let it run wild, but let him sort himself out a bit. And especially when adolescence comes along, woo, good luck. My worst emotional state occurred then, most definitely.

Also! Iwaker's finding was very very true of me and still is:

Let’s say they can’t find something and think they might have left it at school or in the car on the way home. Normally they’d pause a second and then move on to something else. Their love for you, however, says go look for it and act like you really care. Since they aren’t plugged into physical reality, the search for the object quickly becomes stressful. They don’t really care about finding it, so they don’t do a good job of looking (and they never will). This results in greater stress, self-criticism and conflict. Eventually the world spins and they stand still. When asked a direct question about the matter, they answer something abstract and seemingly unrelated. These are all clues that your INFP child is in inner turmoil and utterly miserable. These are the people who later on buy cheap umbrellas so when they leave them on the plane or in the cab on the way home, it doesn’t matter.

It's true.

 

[wren]

My youngest son may also be infp as far as I understand this type. So I'm interested in hearing the discussion. As a parent he seems so self sufficient, emotionally, doesn't give out many signals, but he always surprises me by his wonderful compassion for others and his own take on the dynamics of others close to him. Very quiet until he doesn't like something! This should make me relaxed, knowing he will tell if something is bothering him, but still I don't hear much complaining or expressiveness, yet it is underneath the surface. He's the calmest child I ever met too, unflappable would be good descriptor for him. Not sure how much enneagram type plays into this, I believe him to be a type 9. Doesn't take criticism well, even when it's constructive, nor does he like disharmony between him and others, though withstands it outside of himself.

 

[Udog]

Samvega, he may be a sensitive INTP. Tough to tell.

I will add upfront his mother and I divorced more than 2 years ago so his life has been about a lot of change and adjusting.

I just want to explain him a little and see if anybody relates. My heart bleeds for this child in a way I didn't know was possible, him sad, makes my heart hurt on the most core level possible. He's an incredibly emotional child, he cries if he gets sent to his room for hurting his sister, he cries if he gets punished to do yard work, he cries if I push him to do something you doesn't think he can physically do even if it's well within his limits. He cries if his sister hits him even though he's 45 pounds heavier and she clearly didn't cause him any actual pain.

He's reacting to the emotion. An angry parent is a very overwhelming thing to a sensitive child, and everything else becomes a haze. Once you have calmed down, it's very important to tell him that you still love him, and give him a hug or something to show that.

He needs to know that your anger is a reflection on an unacceptable action, not as a judgment of him.

Oh and he also seems to not be having fun often. We'll go to the park to fly kites and everybody will be having a good time but sometimes he'll just sit and have a bad time. He's also fairly stubborn and digs his heals in a lot saying things like "you can't make me".

He's probably very sensitive to the family dynamic, and that can affect him to the core. If he's unhappy within, it will seep out in everything he does.

 

[OrangeAppled]

He may be a sensitive INTP. Tough to tell.

I thought maybe a sensitive INTP too . He sounds like my INTx male cousin, but more prone to tears (could be the divorce...my cousin acted out a lot when his parents separated). I don't hear the whimsy of an INFP....