User Tag List

First 7891011 Last

Results 81 to 90 of 150

  1. #81
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Maybe it's just the tendancy to keep their deeper thoughts close and not expose them to the criticism of others. Sort of like INTP want to keep their deeper feeling side sheltered.
    This is my impression as well. ENFJs are very guarded, but it's not obvious at first....they are good at keeping their guard up while disarming others. A lot of people, including myself, report feeling so close to an ENFJ, only to realize they know little substantial info about that person.

    When the ENFJs I know get serious and open up about how they really feel/think, then they tend to get sad (as brought out already), or very emotional, and I imagine they try and avoid that, as it seems tiring. For being so involved with others, they are very private.

    It can bug me when I try to engage my ENFJ male friends in a deeper discussion and they turn it into a cute quipping fest. Sometimes they outright ignore any direct question about themselves and steer the conversation back into more comfortable, playful waters. Luckily, as an INFP, I'm pretty good at getting people to lay down on the couch and tell me about themselves and how they feel; it just takes some patience.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #82
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I wasn't speaking of just manipulation; the word, also, did not show up in my post.
    I'm aware that the word didn't appear in your post - but we were talking about manipulation, and my post about manipulation referenced paranoia. And you mentioned being hurt whether there was intent or not, so what other conclusion did you expect me to draw?

  3. #83
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This is my impression as well. ENFJs are very guarded, but it's not obvious at first....they are good at keeping their guard up while disarming others. A lot of people, including myself, report feeling so close to an ENFJ, only to realize they know little substantial info about that person.

    When the ENFJs I know get serious and open up about how they really feel/think, then they tend to get sad (as brought out already), or very emotional, and I imagine they try and avoid that, as it seems tiring. For being so involved with others, they are very private.
    I've said it before - my ENFP sister's ability to be open is both amazing and mortifying to me. I see me and my INFJ dad wincing when she boldly lays herself out there. She has the power of Ne. We must hide in our spider web for safety. The effect was even strong if me, Dad and my INTJ bff were present.

    It can bug me when I try to engage my ENFJ male friends in a deeper discussion and they turn it into a cute quipping fest. Sometimes they outright ignore any direct question about themselves and steer the conversation back into more comfortable, playful waters. Luckily, as an INFP, I'm pretty good at getting people to lay down on the couch and tell me about themselves and how they feel; it just takes some patience.
    Is that why I have such a girl crush on Dr. Beverly Crusher on "StarTrek"?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #84
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    Hype
    Posts
    2,078

    Default

    how unthoughtful of you to say!!

  5. #85
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I'm aware that the word didn't appear in your post - but we were talking about manipulation, and my post about manipulation referenced paranoia. And you mentioned being hurt whether there was intent or not, so what other conclusion did you expect me to draw?
    It doesn't have to be manipulation for the paranoia to happen, but that either way it happens.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #86
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    IME, ENFJs can be uber-thoughtful. But when their Ti is not respected by themselves and integrated into their daily lives, it's limited to thoughtfulness on their terms. Which often means at the expense of how others would appreciate thoughtfulness. Which, I'd bet, is the reason for the misperception between (some) non-ENFJs and ENFJs respective views on the subject.

    We all have our blindspots, and probably non-ENFJs are missing some ENFJ strengths, while ENFJs are missing how their blind spots are unintentionally hurting others by not giving them the support that they need.

    (I've seen ENFJs competent academically with their Ti but seemingly unwilling to apply it to their interpersonals--it's a little box that they open up for classroom-related activities and they keep it hidden away even when i'm pointing to it and jumping up and down trying to get them to pull out that tool and put it to use.)
    I think this is true, too. One of my really good ENFJ friends IRL is very thoughtful in some ways but very self-absorbed in others. She likes things the way she likes them and is very protective about certain areas--she wants her home to be the one that people come to, and she'll invite you over to hers, but very rarely want to venture out and meet you halfway. It just doesn't occur to her that maybe it's an imposition for you to always come to hers--not to mention, she's very, very picky about her place. The lighting has to be a certain way, she'll ask you to take your shoes off, etc. The Fe only extends so far, and doesn't quiiiiite reach to true hospitality. It's more like inviting you to share the world that she wants to present--not the world that would make the most people comfortable. This tendency tends to reach into other interpersonal areas--she can become so preoccupied with her own problems that she doesn't notice that others might be just as burdened, but in different ways. Having said that, there are many ways in which she is very generous and kind, and she is a very deep thinker. She does tend to have "pet" theories that don't always make a lot of sense to me--lots of new agey kinda stuff that she will just accept at face value, etc.

    I don't even know if this is on topic anymore, but the above quote made me think of it. :-P
    Something Witty

  7. #87
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    EIE
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    So what do you have to say ENFJs? What do you THINK about? What are you THOUGHTFUL about? If I cut your brain open what would I see? Are you like a pinata and candy will fall out? Will the secrets of the universe be revealed? I'm obviously being a little sarcastic but I'm really curious to know.

    Talk to me.
    It feels like you want to know IF we think or if we just leave a myriad of senseless posts in our wake :p

    What do I think about? I guess, like everyone, it depends on what I'm currently involved in.

    If I'm at work I'm looking at ways to most efficiently take on a task that satisfies the requirements in the shortest amount of time. Once I've completed that I don't think about the individual task at hand but at the overlaying structure of everything else that needs to be completed.

    Everything I think about is abstract in some sense. I don't deal well if someone sends me a message saying they are sad. I need to know what situation is so I can attempt to infer how they are really feeling. I need to know how to help them; I'm not looking for a short-term fix, I want to heal the big picture.

    I can't stand fixing something only to have it being destroyed again instantly. I understand maintenance but I always look to see how a system can be improved to reduce the amount of maintenance needed. Efficiency is almost constantly on my mind. Whether it be thinking about the quickest path to a certain place or wondering what work will lead to the quickest promotion.

    This extends to relationships as well. I want to fix whatever is ailing you as quickly as I can so you can move on. Analyzing the different approaches to take and visualizing the the cost and benefit of each one. This is not to meet some end of my own but just a natural state of trying to help people get through whatever is troubling them. This manifests differently in every person, Fe doesn't require you to be loving or gentle. To me Fe demands cohesiveness through whatever means necessary, it is up to the wielder to choose how to apply it.

    Overarching all of these is the constant need to succeed. I believe this has something to do with being a 3w2. My biggest fear in life is to amount to nothing. Of course many will be quick to point out that this is subjective and you can find happiness in everything (blah blah blah). So I will rephrase that.

    I want to acquire knowledge and use it.

    That is my biggest goal in life right now. I'm addicted to information and what it allows the brain to become.

    So what do I think about?

    Attempting to promote cohesiveness through efficiency with the goal being the accumulation of knowledge.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  8. #88
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    EIE
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This is my impression as well. ENFJs are very guarded, but it's not obvious at first....they are good at keeping their guard up while disarming others. A lot of people, including myself, report feeling so close to an ENFJ, only to realize they know little substantial info about that person.

    When the ENFJs I know get serious and open up about how they really feel/think, then they tend to get sad (as brought out already), or very emotional, and I imagine they try and avoid that, as it seems tiring. For being so involved with others, they are very private.

    It can bug me when I try to engage my ENFJ male friends in a deeper discussion and they turn it into a cute quipping fest. Sometimes they outright ignore any direct question about themselves and steer the conversation back into more comfortable, playful waters. Luckily, as an INFP, I'm pretty good at getting people to lay down on the couch and tell me about themselves and how they feel; it just takes some patience.
    Spot on.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  9. #89
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think this is true, too. One of my really good ENFJ friends IRL is very thoughtful in some ways but very self-absorbed in others. She likes things the way she likes them and is very protective about certain areas--she wants her home to be the one that people come to, and she'll invite you over to hers, but very rarely want to venture out and meet you halfway. It just doesn't occur to her that maybe it's an imposition for you to always come to hers--not to mention, she's very, very picky about her place. The lighting has to be a certain way, she'll ask you to take your shoes off, etc. The Fe only extends so far, and doesn't quiiiiite reach to true hospitality. It's more like inviting you to share the world that she wants to present--not the world that would make the most people comfortable. This tendency tends to reach into other interpersonal areas--she can become so preoccupied with her own problems that she doesn't notice that others might be just as burdened, but in different ways. Having said that, there are many ways in which she is very generous and kind, and she is a very deep thinker. She does tend to have "pet" theories that don't always make a lot of sense to me--lots of new agey kinda stuff that she will just accept at face value, etc.

    I don't even know if this is on topic anymore, but the above quote made me think of it. :-P
    I think it's still on topic--your friend seems similar to my friend. I still love my ENFJ to pieces, but I'm learning just how limited her great qualities are (by choice, I presume--I'm certain she could grow them to other areas, I just don't think she wants to because she likes things the way she likes them). I don't think it's selfishness in terms of her intentionally being selfish, but rather a lack of engaging IF-THEN, Ti thinking to even become aware of how her subtly imposed standards are an inconvenience, annoyance, and hindrance to the health of her relationships.

    I think it might just be a maturity thing, though. A bit of normal self-absorption (like everyone has to some degree) mixed with "it is what it is," ExxJ "my world is structuring that around me" can lead to more deeply unintended self-absorption.

    Until they mature enough to regularly and repeatedly pick things through with their Ti (where they can see how they don't live in a bubble, they aren't a lead character in a play, but rather their moods, actions and choices affect others) they probably unintentionally cause others to flex to their standards a lot.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  10. #90
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,318

    Default

    When Ti comes up with "I still haven't found the true understanding of what happened", Fe defaults to "I still love you." And Ni works on ways to make it real. Ergo, dark inside.


    How's that for thoughtful? It's just a guess.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] Why are ENFJ's afraid to reflect- what are the type of dark thoughts they avoid??
    By ladypinkington in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 08-07-2012, 06:39 PM
  2. [ENFJ] Are ENFJs infamous for dropping off the face of the planet?
    By Glycerine in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 12-18-2009, 07:17 PM
  3. [INTP] Are INTP's really the least sociable archetype?
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 06-26-2009, 04:19 AM
  4. [MBTItm] Why are all the NFs jealous of the NTs?
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 161
    Last Post: 06-24-2009, 12:19 AM
  5. [NF] Are INFJ the NF geeks ?
    By entropie in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 02-18-2009, 08:18 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO