i would like to start out by saying that it is very difficult, in my experience, to really get to know ENFJs. i am lucky to know one quite well and sometimes i feel like i still do not know her well. at least - she's not always fast to let me in... it's like i have to pick up on these minute little clues, like keys to open doors... but when i choose the right key! it's rewarding. i think for both of us, because we both make that connection we hope for and feel safe about making it.
anyway, i don't think ENFJs are the least thoughtful, in terms of actual thought, but sometimes i feel like they can discount the value/worth/identity/feelings/Fi parts of the other person for the sake of getting what they want, be that getting their point made, information for their own sake, or moving people around in a way that best suits themselves. it's a colder kind of disinterest than i am used to and a subtle "using" of other people in my eyes, which is surprising out of someone with the capacity to be so warm and loving. it tends to unnerve me, because i do not want to be caught unaware and then get hurt.
^ yes. i don't mind being led if i know and trust the person, but it's disturbing to me if i do not. and it's not like i can't see through it half of the time. i won't know what it is someone wants, usually, but i'll recognize that there's an ulterior motive. like there's something they want me to say/do, some conclusion they want me to come to, or some nugget of info they want, but they're trying to get it from me without my knowledge. if i trust the person, then it's okay, but it scares me otherwise. i don't want to act if i don't know why... i could be doing something i don't believe in...Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU
right. and perhaps counterintuitively to Fe, the world that makes me most pleased is not always the most comfortable. Fi and Ti sense when something is being hidden, and i will be on edge, not comfortable, until i know what it is - or at least until someone acknowledges that it's there. i don't have to know - i get that someone might not trust me enough - but it's not fair to pretend like it's not there, either. nor is it even reasonable. it's not like i can't tell.Originally Posted by Tallulah
the one biggest things i have learned about ENFJs is that "trust" is a very, very important concept in their world. i lay myself bare all the time, so it is less so in mine... it feels foreign to me to hold people back in that way, and i naturally distrust it. plus basically i recognize that ENFJs are masters of either making me feel so warm and loved or like an awful person and completely alone, and that, coupled with their tendency to withhold information (which can come off as malicious and/or pretentious), puts me on edge. and made all the more odd by the fact that ENFJs are rather social creatures! though, don't get me wrong. some of this is what i love about them, too.
in other words... it's not a lack of thoughtfulness that is a crux for me so much as tangible distance.