User Tag List

First 31112131415 Last

Results 121 to 130 of 150

  1. #121
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    i would like to start out by saying that it is very difficult, in my experience, to really get to know ENFJs. i am lucky to know one quite well and sometimes i feel like i still do not know her well. at least - she's not always fast to let me in... it's like i have to pick up on these minute little clues, like keys to open doors... but when i choose the right key! it's rewarding. i think for both of us, because we both make that connection we hope for and feel safe about making it.

    anyway, i don't think ENFJs are the least thoughtful, in terms of actual thought, but sometimes i feel like they can discount the value/worth/identity/feelings/Fi parts of the other person for the sake of getting what they want, be that getting their point made, information for their own sake, or moving people around in a way that best suits themselves. it's a colder kind of disinterest than i am used to and a subtle "using" of other people in my eyes, which is surprising out of someone with the capacity to be so warm and loving. it tends to unnerve me, because i do not want to be caught unaware and then get hurt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU
    Here is the real truth from my pov. I feel it when someone is trying to lead me. I will strongly resist this though I may not outright do so. I will subtly change subjects. Secondly, all too often the "path of analysis" just seems so damn pretentious regardless of the personality type starting it. It feels fake and I just don't enjoy that.
    ^ yes. i don't mind being led if i know and trust the person, but it's disturbing to me if i do not. and it's not like i can't see through it half of the time. i won't know what it is someone wants, usually, but i'll recognize that there's an ulterior motive. like there's something they want me to say/do, some conclusion they want me to come to, or some nugget of info they want, but they're trying to get it from me without my knowledge. if i trust the person, then it's okay, but it scares me otherwise. i don't want to act if i don't know why... i could be doing something i don't believe in...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah
    The Fe only extends so far, and doesn't quiiiiite reach to true hospitality. It's more like inviting you to share the world that she wants to present--not the world that would make the most people comfortable.
    right. and perhaps counterintuitively to Fe, the world that makes me most pleased is not always the most comfortable. Fi and Ti sense when something is being hidden, and i will be on edge, not comfortable, until i know what it is - or at least until someone acknowledges that it's there. i don't have to know - i get that someone might not trust me enough - but it's not fair to pretend like it's not there, either. nor is it even reasonable. it's not like i can't tell.

    the one biggest things i have learned about ENFJs is that "trust" is a very, very important concept in their world. i lay myself bare all the time, so it is less so in mine... it feels foreign to me to hold people back in that way, and i naturally distrust it. plus basically i recognize that ENFJs are masters of either making me feel so warm and loved or like an awful person and completely alone, and that, coupled with their tendency to withhold information (which can come off as malicious and/or pretentious), puts me on edge. and made all the more odd by the fact that ENFJs are rather social creatures! though, don't get me wrong. some of this is what i love about them, too.


    in other words... it's not a lack of thoughtfulness that is a crux for me so much as tangible distance.

  2. #122
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    @OP

    Some of the xNFJs I've seen that are in fact very insightful in their type tend to wield a very good blend of strong Fe with a touch of Fi. I personally, when I was younger, also really didn't like wielding Te..and used Fe instead. It's draining and it's more a tool that feel uncomfortable in my hand, but it works with the stuff that I need to get done.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #123
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    2,532

    Default

    ENFJ in the hizzzouse !

    I think Im a pretty thoughtful person, I like to try to understand where everyone is coming from and I do so by asking questions. I also like to share my stories as a way to relate with others. I like to help people out with what I think is good advice (from my own point of view) and its not always sugar coated and cutesy. Im equally left brained and right brained. Im playful at times but I do keep it real as well. Im not perfect, I can sometimes get a little defensive and feel the need to put in my 2 cents.

    Seems like there arent that many ENFJs who post here...bummer. Props to my ENFJs that do post, love you guys and I think your all pretty thoughtful, dont leave me!!!!
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  4. #124
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I have always been described at thoughtful,intellectual and philosophizing. I have become more warm,charming,creative with a zany sense of humor as I got older. The analytical thinking has always been there. The other things have always been there as well.. but the focus has changed. I would almost always pick Justice over mercy. Now I am more prone to consider mercy.

    ENFJs are certainly misunderstood.
    I agree.

  5. #125
    morose bourgeoisie
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,860

    Default

    My ENFJ ex-GF is the warmest, most nurturing person I've ever met.

  6. #126
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,364

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I have noticed a very marked pattern of when any type tries to ask a serious question to ENFJs the thread very quickly degenerates into platitudes, anecdotal stories, and misplaced sympathy. Either they get less than 10 responses, six of which are made by non-ENFJs or they turn into "NO YOU'RE AWESOME!!" Chinese firedrills.
    I don't know if you've noticed, but what you've described here is pretty much the case with most threads, not just those aimed at ENFJs.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  7. #127
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i would like to start out by saying that it is very difficult, in my experience, to really get to know ENFJs.
    I don't really feel my parents "get" me all that well, and even friends I consider close I hold at a distance as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    it's a colder kind of disinterest than i am used to and a subtle "using" of other people in my eyes, which is surprising out of someone with the capacity to be so warm and loving. it tends to unnerve me, because i do not want to be caught unaware and then get hurt.
    I detach myself from a lot of people because my squishy, fluffy insides are quite sensitive and I'm trying to avoid getting hurt myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    the one biggest things i have learned about ENFJs is that "trust" is a very, very important concept in their world. i lay myself bare all the time, so it is less so in mine... it feels foreign to me to hold people back in that way, and i naturally distrust it. plus basically i recognize that ENFJs are masters of either making me feel so warm and loved or like an awful person and completely alone, and that, coupled with their tendency to withhold information (which can come off as malicious and/or pretentious), puts me on edge. and made all the more odd by the fact that ENFJs are rather social creatures! though, don't get me wrong. some of this is what i love about them, too.


    in other words... it's not a lack of thoughtfulness that is a crux for me so much as tangible distance.
    Trust is *very* important to me. It's hard to make myself feel vulnerable with someone, because honestly I'm really afraid of getting hurt, especially by someone I value and care about so much. I'm very open with most people/acquaintances, and I'm even more open with people I really want to get to know. When people unwittingly or unknowingly poke at my sensitive fluff, it's really hard for me to stay still. Usually I just run away.

    One could-have-been-a-friend I know has made some hurtful comments and has done some hurtful behavior on occasion. I still talk to her but I no longer will I open her up to my thought process. I've pretty much written her off as a selfish b**** because of the way she's treated me and other behavior I've observed from her in the past.

  8. #128
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5/8
    Socionics
    ENTp None
    Posts
    4,754

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I don't know if you've noticed, but what you've described here is pretty much the case with most threads, not just those aimed at ENFJs.
    Agreed.

    It's long been my observation that many MBTI-centered threads begin with an honest precept of intellectual exploration, only to gradually unwind into a collective opportunity to express social solidarity for the type in question.

    I think it's what happens when creativity ends; when we don't have anything more to say.

  9. #129
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    PCness killed the cat. As usual. As always.

  10. #130
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5/8
    Socionics
    ENTp None
    Posts
    4,754

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    PCness killed the cat. As usual. As always.
    Yes.

    In the rush to avoid hurting people's feelings, it happens that truth in dialogue is overlooked.

    I wonder how we might get around this? Seems like the best means would be to entrust self-policing to ensure bombastic behavior does not become the norm; even then, it's difficult to encourage meaningful conversation without affective behavior getting in the way.

    Intellectual maturity is the ideal. I wonder how close we are to social responsibility on this forum?

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] Why are ENFJ's afraid to reflect- what are the type of dark thoughts they avoid??
    By ladypinkington in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 08-07-2012, 06:39 PM
  2. [ENFJ] Are ENFJs infamous for dropping off the face of the planet?
    By Glycerine in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 12-18-2009, 07:17 PM
  3. [INTP] Are INTP's really the least sociable archetype?
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 06-26-2009, 04:19 AM
  4. [MBTItm] Why are all the NFs jealous of the NTs?
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 161
    Last Post: 06-24-2009, 12:19 AM
  5. [NF] Are INFJ the NF geeks ?
    By entropie in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 02-18-2009, 08:18 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO