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  1. #111
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I dont really have much to add here as the only enfj I have known IRL was a little immature and had a lot of stressful life experiences so may not have been an ideal rep.

    However just by reading this thread it has been very enlightening. Fe is sch an odd thing in my mind and I really need to gain a better understanding of what it is and how it works as I misjudge it badly sometimes.

  2. #112
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Personally, I think (most) INFPs are... they've only got inferior Te.

  3. #113
    Junior Member lumikuu's Avatar
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    my enfj friend also says she feels uncomfortable when social gatherings are too serious. it's definitely easier for her to create a harmonious, personable atmosphere by being jokey and pleasant. most people do get freaked out when you get too personal with them too quickly. heck i've resented that social norm and tried plunging openly into potential friendships with an infj and entp..ultimately scaring them both away, so she's thoughtful in the sense that she's perceptive of others' receptivity and will adjust her conduct to meet them at their level. most of the people we deal with do like a bit of superficial foreplay in order to consider whether they want to have deeper conversations with you. but she's very good at reading people and if she senses you're trustworthy, she'll be quite thoughtful and attentive to the quality of your conversations.
    i empathise with the frustration though, i tend to avoid her during social situations because my comfort zone is the complete opposite.

    when enfjs avoid processing their darker side, i'd imagine they would feel more vulnerable and unsure about expressing parts of themselves they haven't entirely accepted/familiarised themselves comfortably with yet. what are these things they may be afraid to acknowledge/experience within themselves? perhaps fear of these is projected onto others via the knowledge of how revealing too much may be received, fear of burdening others, rejection, being too self-absorbed etc. maybe it's about being secure enough with yourself before you can trust others. actually, i really don't know. it's all just a guess based on years of being close friends, hoping you know at least a little bit about how your buddy ticks :P

    she's also been annoyed at our esfp friend for being too light-hearted and simple-minded sometimes, feeling accomplished when she can draw some depth out of her. a few years ago she professed to wishing she was "deeper" but perhaps that would sacrifice the balance she already had with naturally falling into the local comedian niche. it's mostly funny when she asks people whether she's the funniest person they know. i didn't (and still don't) know whether she was being serious or not, probably tried to affirm truth via sarcasm or something. :/

    overall i think healthy enfjs have the best of both worlds when it comes to social skills and intuitive insight. one interesting difference between us is she prefers to just feel emotions rather than think about or analyze them too much. this doesn't mean that my thoughts tend to be more constructive rather than being proactive about your vision, which doesn't have to be that complex.
    "attic in a basement with a knife serrated, i'll protect you!"
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  4. #114
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    When I was a house maid with a private company, I used to ride around with my boss in her beat-up station wagon hooting at construction workers and scaring preppy people in their convoy of E-classes and BMWs. On one break, we got ice cream and hung out. I liked her a lot, and liked making her laugh. She told me to chuck the mechanic gig and become a comedian. I think it's a special thing to have people allow you to make them laugh. You can't extort that kind of response. It takes work.

    I know I make jokes when I'm really uncomfortable too. I try not to do that because I find defensive humor in others (and myself) to be grating.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  5. #115
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    I will admit I didn't read all of the posts in this thread...but to answer the OP:
    Quote Originally Posted by PM
    I've tried to lead conversations down the path of analysis.
    Here is the real truth from my pov. I feel it when someone is trying to lead me. I will strongly resist this though I may not outright do so. I will subtly change subjects. Secondly, all too often the "path of analysis" just seems so damn pretentious regardless of the personality type starting it. It feels fake and I just don't enjoy that. As for being the least thoughtful I'm not so sure what you mean by that. I tend to understand a wide range things easily without the need for spending too much time on any one pattern of thought. 99% of all situations I come to in life don't really require it. I work with people though so the truth is I rely upon intuition much more. I like the saying analysis is paralysis it seems to play out more often than not! I don't have much time in life to spend on that either as I quite continually have many, many projects going on all at one time. Last but not least I don't trust my abilities in the in depth analysis department.
    Quote Originally Posted by PM
    So what do you have to say ENFJs? What do you THINK about? What are you THOUGHTFUL about? If I cut your brain open what would I see? Are you like a pinata and candy will fall out? Will the secrets of the universe be revealed? I'm obviously being a little sarcastic but I'm really curious to know.

    Talk to me.
    No candy here! The things I think about most are humanity and why things are the way they are. I can spend a great deal of time on this. I wonder why I do what I do. I wonder how I can make a difference. I wonder if there is a grand scheme to things that we don't know about. I wonder if there is a really a point to it all (etc. etc. etc. etc.). It's not even actually thinking I'd say but more curiosity.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  6. #116
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I guess it depends on what you mean by analytical. You mentioned "research" when making a decision. The ENJF's I know are very turned off by that kind of analysis, but they are excellent at analysis when it comes to theology/Bible stuff. So maybe the problem isn't being analytical, the problem is with the topic being analyzed.

  7. #117
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Even mongrel ENFPs manage to give some insightful posts into their psyche but I have not seen that very often with threads aimed at ENFJs.
    Sir, I will have you know that I wear my tendencies toward miscegenation as a badge of honor.

    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  8. #118
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    Hello...

  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Personally, I think (most) INFPs are... they've only got inferior Te.
    Hmm...I don't know, even young INFPs can have some pretty deep ethical or philosophical insights, but YES they can have an annoying disregard of logic and structure which gets on my nerves. Maybe it's because I'm ENFP and therefore more extroverted, or just use more Te, but my thoughts are frequently, "Jesus Christ would you like to check that completely subjective opinion of yours against other people even if you won't check it up against logic?"

    I experience this annoyance much more on-line than IRL.

    However, with ExFJs in general IRL, I'm going to have to say "yes" they seem the least ... in touch with their thinking side. At least INFPs are introverts and so have that ethical/philosophical reflection. ENFJs are great though with their warmth, charm, creativity, and zany sense of humor. And they become much more "thoughtful" as they grow older. Both my ENFJ sister and bff developed this part of themselves by their mid-to-late twenties or so.

  10. #120
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    I have always been described at thoughtful,intellectual and philosophizing. I have become more warm,charming,creative with a zany sense of humor as I got older. The analytical thinking has always been there. The other things have always been there as well.. but the focus has changed. I would almost always pick Justice over mercy. Now I am more prone to consider mercy.

    ENFJs are certainly misunderstood.

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