User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: mattering?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default mattering?

    A thought just came to me that I thought I'd post and get reactions to from fellow NF's, and potentially others: "Once upon a time I thought that I mattered, but now I don't."

    My thoughts: 1) Like plenty of things, I don't feel like this is not 100% true, but 99% maybe???
    2) There are like 6 billion+ people in this world.
    3) Most people's lives don't have that much of a direct impact on too many others people's lives, and it seems like often those who try to have an impact on a lot of others get killed/assassinated
    4) I deal with a lot of T's, many of whom aren't too interested in other people's emotional theatrics.
    5) INFP's aren't known for their great socialness or for having large circles of friends or acquiantances
    6) "It's not all about you"

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    EIE
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Here's how I think of it:

    What if everyone in the world thought how you are thinking right now :p ?

    Take pride in what you do and everything else will follow.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  3. #3
    your resident asshole
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    4,411

    Default

    What?! Of course you matter, silly. Here, I think you need one of these . It looks like you feel small and helpless in this world. Everyone makes a difference in the world. No matter how small, everyone contributes. Yes, even you.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    a largely equivalent phrasing would be: "I used to think that what I do matters, but now I don't"

    I think part of it is this NFP-Fi-Ne idealism, and part of it is the reality that there are lots of people out there. I don't know how common of an NFP thing this is, but for me I often feel like at any given moment I could stop what I'm doing and talk to someone I just met about more or less anything and potentially co-create this super-deep-meaningful-inspiring-motivating, maybe even life-changing, conversation but I think most people aren't that open, aren't that interested, are too busy, etc. Not that all conversations would turn out that ?productive?, but...Yup, NFP Fi-Ne idealism for ya.

    Related tangent: I wonder how many life coaches are NF's,FP's? Do NFJ's or NFP's comprise a larger percentage of life coaches???

  5. #5
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    I think that when people are younger they often feel like they can help change things, but as you get older you see how limited in scope most the actions of any given individual usually are. Hmmmm, I didn't mean this thread as a disempowering thing, but for me its a "adjusting to reality/seeing things for how they actually are" thing. I think I read somewhere that one of the biggest problems for ENFJ's wanting to affect change is that societal change seems so hard and takes a long time. I also think I read advice for INFP's to the effect of: "things are the way they are for reasons, if you want to change them it will behoove you to first understand WHY they are the way that they are, then you can try to change them to something that you see as better."

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    entp
    Posts
    1,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I think that when people are younger they often feel like they can help change things, but as you get older you see how limited in scope most the actions of any given individual usually are. Hmmmm, I didn't mean this thread as a disempowering thing, but for me its a "adjusting to reality/seeing things for how they actually are" thing. I think I read somewhere that one of the biggest problems for ENFJ's wanting to affect change is that societal change seems so hard and takes a long time. I also think I read advice for INFP's to the effect of: "things are the way they are for reasons, if you want to change them it will behoove you to first understand WHY they are the way that they are, then you can try to change them to something that you see as better."
    thank god gandhi didnt take long to figure that one out...or india would still be under the british rule

  7. #7
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default Coming to terms with the limited extent of one's personal sphere of influence

    I should relabel this thread as "Coming to terms with the limited extent of one's personal sphere of influence."

    Jack Hoban [American Shihan in Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu, i.e. high level instructor in martial arts style I used to study] once talked about how when your younger you think you can help change the world, but as you get older you see that to even maintain things the way that they are [i.e. prevent backsliding] takes a lot of work and is rather an accomplishment.

    INFP's aren't known for their realistic assessments of how "the real world" actually is , but as I posted above:"things are the way they are for reasons, if you want to change them it will behoove you to first understand WHY they are the way that they are, then you can try to change them to something that you see as better."

    I've heard it said that if one wants to be satisfied in life it is important to, amongst other things, have realistic expectations. Which, again, apparently INFP's are generally known for... In short, lots of people tend to like us, but we only get to meet so many people!

  8. #8
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,005

    Default

    INFP's aren't known for their realistic assessments of how "the real world" actually is
    Not so true of me.

    But anyways in my opinion one of the greater moments of maturing in an NF's life is when they realize how much they don't matter in the world. I really just don't matter in the world... I've never really wanted to matter either. I've wanted to make a difference in people's lives... but never to truly matter. My purpose here is clear cut... to help people. But other than that? I could matter less. I'm one in 6 billion people. I can help a very small fraction of that and I'll be satisfied. I highly doubt I'll make a huge difference. Why should I want to matter? It's not so depressing, I don't see why it would be.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #9
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    If you can make a difference in the day of one person in one place for even one second you have sparked a small amount of joy that would not have been there. If you could convince each person to this the world would be a happier, more wonderful place.

    Keep moving and keep trying. But take a lesson from the INFJs and determine where to spend your focused time at. Dont waste it on folks who will not appreciate it.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Not so true of me.
    So noted. As phrased, I did not say that it did or did not apply to any specific INFP's, but it does seem to be a general trait that is associated with INFP's. I would like to think that it doesn't apply to me either, I guess like many things its a continuum more than a yes or no thing.

    But anyways in my opinion one of the greater moments of maturing in an NF's life is when they realize how much they don't matter in the world. I really just don't matter in the world... I've never really wanted to matter either. I've wanted to make a difference in people's lives... but never to truly matter. My purpose here is clear cut... to help people. But other than that? I could matter less. I'm one in 6 billion people. I can help a very small fraction of that and I'll be satisfied. I highly doubt I'll make a huge difference. Why should I want to matter? It's not so depressing, I don't see why it would be.
    I see your point about maturing, I'm not sure how I feel about it. You definitely have a point though, which quite possibly is the point that I started this thread about. Hearing [well, reading, really] it feels different than thinking it though.

    I remember talking with an ENFP friend about living in a big city and one of the points she mentioned was that she felt freer because people weren't constantly watching her and she felt like she could do what she wanted how she wanted cuz no one else really cared one way or the other. A valid point. The exceedingly vast majority of people, NF and not, will have very little impact beyond a relatively small number of people. That's reality, deal with it. I think for me part of this comes from being a military brat, where there are some military people who do things and make decisions that determine whether people will live or die. Now that's impact! But most jobs are not-at-all that way! Even police and rescue jobs I don't think make life-or-death decisions too frequently.

    Let me ask a question: I noticed, I believe it was on your blog, that you have interest in metaphysics. I don't know what kind(s), and I don't know what typical viewpoints are for different ?groups?, but I've come across a number of groups that basically said "you can do whatever you want as long as your willing to accept the consequences", which to me sorta had this "nothing is fundamentally important or driving" tone to it. Maybe spiritual evolution over a lot of lifetimes, but that wasn't stated in the same places as the comments above were. I'm curious if that may be playing into your view on this matter? FWIW, for example the Vajrayana [ie Tibetan Buddhist] has statements such as "There is nothing to do but remain in the view" in relation to Mahamudra and Dzogchen. Also, Zen says things like "our [as in the system of zen practice] purpose is to get people to recognise their original state, what they do afterwords is up to them". So I guess I can't disagree with the viewpoint that it doesn't ultimately matter. And yet, if you look at various Hindu saints for example, or the Buddha, or Lao Tzu, or others who came later, they do/did make a big point of helping others materially and/or "spiritually". Yes, it all might be dream actions by dream people in a dream world to affect dream impacts, but they are still [unattachedly] taking those dream actions!

    And now its time to go read some about Mahamudra and Dzogchen! Dude, someone needs to make a "spiritual smiley", I think it should be a content-faced smiley with a halo above its head.

Similar Threads

  1. No free will, you say? What's the matter with you?
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 03-02-2011, 11:07 AM
  2. [NF] talents, hardwork, and luck : which matters the most?
    By niki in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 03-28-2010, 04:23 PM
  3. MBTI - mind to matter
    By Qre:us in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 11-25-2008, 07:08 PM
  4. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 08-09-2008, 04:15 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO