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  1. #51
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Undeadtom - I said some processing time, but really, this seems rather blown out of proportion unless there has been a whole pile of badness building up. Is she often like this? What about maturity level?

  2. #52
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Oh wow. I would feel almost guilty pulling out such an effective bribe, though. I mean, surely I wouldn't want to impose on her free will, would I?

    Would I?

    Oh, screw it. Thanks for the info!
    Dh and I have an unwritten rule that I accept chocolate flavored bribes with the full understanding that they're bribes, as long as he doesn't mention that it's a bribe and insult my pride (unless, of course, he's prepared to give another even better bribe to appease my rumpled soul. ). It works well for us.

    Or, allow her rail on about how wrong you were until it's satisfied her sense of justice, and promise to try hard not to do it again. Humor helps. Kissing her feet might break the tension, once she's offered the cue that jokes are OK. (You might save that for until you've learned to read her well, though.)

    We're generally very forgiving souls until you push too far...once that happens, we have to have our space and then feel the depth of our hurt is fully understood before moving on.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  3. #53
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Undeadtom - I said some processing time, but really, this seems rather blown out of proportion unless there has been a whole pile of badness building up. Is she often like this? What about maturity level?
    I kinda wondered the same thing. Seems a bit much.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
    ~~~~
    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
    ~~~~
    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
    ~~~~
    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi
    ~~~~

  4. #54
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    Not to be a Nosey Nelly but I am also waiting with bated breath about what happened. My goodness, we all need a cooling down period, time to sort through it all, but if my partner were going to such an extent to understand my feelings I would definitely respond. All you can do is offer your heartfelt words and let her know you are there for her. Best of luck...waiting is the hardest.

  5. #55
    Junior Member mszoe's Avatar
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    Kudos to PeaceBaby and MonkeyGrass for writing it all out, so other compassionate INFJs did not have to

    Personally speaking, when I am upset, I require a little time to mull it over, introspection, then I might possibly discuss it with a best friend.

    I can imagine feeling just as angry and hurt if I was treated that way for a few days during a holiday weekend and a family gathering, no less.

    Personally, a hand written letter that acknowledges mistakes and misunderstandings, and also steps toward preventing this from becoming a pattern would do well. Of course, also ice cream cake. Better yet, write the long letter, revise several times if you need to. Then ask me to come out for dessert, that you are not looking to argue or make things worse, only just to see me and have ice cream. Take me to Carvel, pick up the tab, and give me silent time to read the letter. Pretty sure that within 10 minutes, you will have an INFJ dripping tears into her ice cream sundae and reaching for your hand and trying to mumble "it's ok, honey. it's squashed."

    Damn, now if only my INTP did all that rom-com stuff for me :P

  6. #56
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    I can't relate. But i do. Sorta. Long story. Too weird, messy. THe thing that occorred to me at the time (3 years) was, bad-timing, maturity (her - and me but hush) bad-timing and huh...maturity? Did I mention bad-timing (oh i didn't mention my now ex ISFP gf was abroad, right...).

    /personal rant off

    Anyway, at the time, the "patern" I can hopefully-not-to-forceably, fit into the whole issue, would be, maturity, or better yet, personal growth, self-awareness and my own lens i.e., personal growth (did i mention timing?). Throughout the time, I've come (here - and there and the likes about getting things, people and life in general) gathering info and digesting it, which makes one (me) revisit past issues (which they are), because they left a sour taste.

    Something went wrong -definition of wrong can be a whole new Forum - at some point, and was not acknoledged, dealt with correctly, even if not much could have been done at all (by me - think those endless mental notes and projections that add more momentum to whatever arises/arised). And I believe my failure at either facing it (figuring it) or leting go - give time/room/space acted as a catalyst. My best guess was, there was already something going on under the hood, like unfinished issues on her part with someone else. At some point it felt like I missed some piece of the puzzle, or negleted something (bad timming?) and the whole "I need ot be alone" alarm went of. And if so I was unable to deal with it accordingly.

    (Note to self: did that rant switch work properly?)

    I'll try to finalize by adding, I've "moved" leaned into other domains beyind type, and more abou the lenses themselves (think James Redfield, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Ben Kibler) which have lead me to revisit alot (of Me, Myself, I and our collective Story), to the point of questioning it all (think life, people, and our minds constructs about them all), including the simple drive to actually want a relationship, and the why's behind it. It's so easy to just seek to fulfill our Ego's desires and mind projections, makind us exist like lab rats running in their cage wheels, oblivious of the illusion. It can also lead to serious (just about say...hmm... 100%) mental collapse (think Matrix and rejection of those too old/bound to their idea of reality).

    If this sounds too far out, random, off-topic, dellusional and de+ressive, that's because it is. Still It came out as I was reading, so kudos if your still trying to follow and feeling sane.

    Last note: existance takes care of itself. Even if our mind projections don't fit in the picture. It's all useable to enrich (or torture) the self. I think. Really.

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