Alright, I am going to rewind 15 years, and put myself in her shoes ... and this is going to be harsh, but I think you are ready to hear the real deal, as I see it.
I was going to take her to my cousin's wedding reception, show her off, be proud of her (she likes that sort of stuff). I ended up angering myself (mistakes that were entirely my fault, that got me heated for some reason) and when I'm angry I shut myself off from people. So we had a 5 minute car ride to my house, she tried to get some lighthearted conversation going, I was stone.
I would have felt mortified that this was happening right before meeting your relatives. I would have wanted to try to fix your mood so that the rest of the evening would be tolerable at least, if not enjoyable.
When I tried to talk to her at my house, she had shut herself up. On the way to the reception I was playing some Thrash metal (She hates the stuff, but I love it and find it to be a great way to get my aggression out). No conversation for the majority of the car ride. 10 minutes before we get there, the album starts repeating, so I cut it off and start trying to talk.
A poor choice indeed; at this point she would think you couldn't care less about her feelings, in more ways than one.
We pull in to the place and she starts crying (later telling me it was at not being able to escape the horrible situation about to occur).
Of course she was crying - she wants to be in the best possible frame of mind to make you proud of her in front of the relatives too. But you've just dragged her through emotional mud and expect her to tidy up in seconds flat. Not fair.
My mother has me introduce her, I walk her to the front of the table and say "This is rachel" and walk 5 feet and sit in a chair. She was left up there with my mother. She also seemed upset that I didn't talk to anyone other than my mom, my other cousin (not the married one), my uncle, my father, and her. Fair enough.
I would have wanted to shoot you for leaving me hanging in front of your relatives. How
horribly embarrassing. You're lucky she didn't dump you that night, IMHO. I might have - right after getting through this social hell you have imposed on me at the wedding. At least I would be too nice to embarrass
you by dumping you right there on the spot.
Right before the cake, as they were cutting it, we got into a small argument about moses in art (the bit about the mistranslation so some representations of him have horns). I got real pissed off because she basically told me point blank that I was wrong about something I know (I even went back and checked, just in case I was some uneducated asshole).
Adding fuel to the fire now, hmmm? You would have been better off to drop it, but you have to be right all the time, don't you? So what if you were right? Is that so important, really? More embarrassment in front of the family ...
Forward to the Wednesday after... I ask her to walk so we can talk about that Saturday's events. So I can try to correct them. Things went well, I thought, we even ended up making out a little in her driveway as we stargazed.
So you thought all was well - you figure, if you ignore it, it will all just go away. Because usually it does. But you were so wrong this time ...
Sunday, I wanted to go to her church with her to spend more time with her, even though I'm not religious, and have a bit of a disgust for modern christianity. Terrible idea. She's more interested in God, and I should have expected that. But even when we weren't in church, the car ride before, the pizza shop afterwards, I just don't feel the connection to her. Somehow I was able to speak my mind about that to her on the ride home. When we got there, we went a walking to keep the conversation going.
She would have no doubt sensed your facetiousness, and although appreciated your attempt to go to church with her, would have felt your lack of sincerity to really try to connect with what she feels about God.
We talked and talked and she seemed more upset by wednesday and friday, because on both those days I didn't seem affected by the event. By the end of the night I was in tears(clearly I was affected). But before she left, she said something which basically meant that this wasn't over. It might just be a waiting game.
You are in big trouble. You are close to getting dumped in my opinion. You will need to act sincerely and quickly if this girl means anything to you.
There were also lots of excuses provided by me along the way, which did nothing but make things worse.
Spluh. They wouldn't mean much to me either, if they were just lame and only offered to make the issue go away.
Now she's very distant, which is killing me. I believe that this is the most depressed I've felt, considering my appetite dropped from 3 large meals with 2 small snacks a day to one medium sized meal a day.
Ooooh poor you, hungry are you? You better suck it up and get over yourself quick if you want this girl to forgive you for basically demonstrating that you can't take care of her emotional needs. Imagine, taking her to a wedding, getting in an argument first, acting like an inconsiderate boob, introducing her to your family like she's no better than a sack of potatoes and then forcing her to have to make small talk for the rest of the night with your family? A nightmare! Why? Because she is wondering if you will always abandon her now. Can she really trust you with her feelings? Will you just trample all over them whenever you get in a "bad" mood?
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What do you guys think of what I'm doing so far?
I'm planning on buying her a deep red rose, which symbolizes my shame, and a daisy, because they are her favorite (which is cool, because they symbolize purity and innocence, and her name "rachel" means the same).
I'm going to wake her up to those, then make her breakfast. Sitting in the middle of the table will be this old brass Peacock etched vase, with daisies in it, that have been crafted out of construction paper, wooden skewers, and pipe-cleaners.
Then I'm going to leave, and come back at night to take her out for dinner. Then watch "What dreams may come" afterwards. I haven't seen it, but a good friend recommended that we watch it because it's romantic. I've been wanting to watch that with her for a while now, but shit happens... unfortunately.
You will
have to be sincere to make this work. I wish you all the luck in the world, because at some point, she won't forgive these emotional breaches of trust anymore.
for support - honor her feelings, they are powerful and real and since you say you care for her, be there for her, don't let her down like that. I know it may not seem huge to you but part of her choice to be with you is going to be based on how you value her feelings.
