User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 56

  1. #11
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    13

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Uhhh...I'm still trying to figure out why she is upset in the first place. I can understand her being a little hurt that you gave her the silent treatment in the car, but the rest seems a bit trivial. And the crying is a little...melodramatic? I don't want to be rude, but why is there so much crying going on? What am I missing here? There has to be more to this.
    You're probably missing whatever I am missing. One of her defining characteristics is subtlety. As a result I miss a lot of things. I have to be careful waving the "subtlety" thing around though, I ended up using it as an excuse, which sucked when I realized it, but by then it was too late.

    Do you guys tend to just stay away from a person for a while until you can come to terms (this sounds like death) with whatever has happened, even if it's after apologies?

  2. #12
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Undeadtom View Post
    Do you guys tend to just stay away from a person for a while until you can come to terms (this sounds like death) with whatever has happened, even if it's after apologies?
    Yes. INFJs need downtime to process issues. Lots of it.

  3. #13
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Undeadtom View Post
    What do you guys think of what I'm doing so far?

    I'm planning on buying her a deep red rose, which symbolizes my shame, and a daisy, because they are her favorite (which is cool, because they symbolize purity and innocence, and her name "rachel" means the same).

    I'm going to wake her up to those, then make her breakfast. Sitting in the middle of the table will be this old brass Peacock etched vase, with daisies in it, that have been crafted out of construction paper, wooden skewers, and pipe-cleaners.

    Then I'm going to leave, and come back at night to take her out for dinner. Then watch "What dreams may come" afterwards. I haven't seen it, but a good friend recommended that we watch it because it's romantic. I've been wanting to watch that with her for a while now, but shit happens... unfortunately.
    I think that's a very good idea. Sounds like you know what to try, anyway. There's only so much you can do to make up with someone after you've hurt them. An effort is good, but in the end, either they understand and forgive you, or they don't.

    She doesn't seem like she'll stay angry about this, from what I can tell. This may not even really be about you... she might very well be angry about something else and it's affecting how she treats and responds to you. When things go wrong in one part of life, people sometimes start seeing problems everywhere.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Yes. INFJs need downtime to process issues. Lots of it.
    +1

    Agreed.

  4. #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    13

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Yes. INFJs need downtime to process issues. Lots of it.
    If you had to estimate, placing yourself in her position, how much downtime would that be in days/weeks(/months?)?

    Thanks for all the input you guys. I'm going to try and incorporate ice cream cake into the game plan.

  5. #15
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Undeadtom View Post
    If you had to estimate, placing yourself in her position, how much downtime would that be in days/weeks(/months?)?
    Depends on the severity of the issue. And that I can't tell from what you have given me. However, it doesn't seem she is that deeply affected, just a tad miffed. Based on that, I say give her a few days and then try to explain your behavior and your viewpoint on what has happened. She will appreciate that and I doubt she will be able to stay angry at you when she realizes how affected you have been by it.

    I'm going to try and incorporate ice cream cake into the game plan.



  6. #16
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    In this paragraph to me you seem like you get angry and feel inclined to "speak your mind" a lot. She's probably pissed off about that. It's no mystery to me, and I'm an INFP not an INFJ.

    I suggest you apologize and humble yourself a bit, which you seem to be doing. Your flower ideas are good.

  7. #17
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    13

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Depends on the severity of the issue. And that I can't tell from what you have given me. However, it doesn't seem she is that deeply affected, just a tad miffed. Based on that, I say give her a few days and then try to explain your behavior and your viewpoint on what has happened. She will appreciate that and I doubt she will be able to stay angry at you when she realizes how affected you have been by it.
    This has already happened. That's what Sunday was. Now it feels almost as if she doesn't exist other than the few texts exchanged.

    But I'm guessing I need to go through with the game plan of waiting, then THE GAME PLAN, then probably more waiting.

    I guess that's what friends are for.

    Must get back to making those daisies.

  8. #18
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Undeadtom View Post
    This has already happened. That's what Sunday was. Now it feels almost as if she doesn't exist other than the few texts exchanged.

    But I'm guessing I need to go through with the game plan of waiting, then THE GAME PLAN, then probably more waiting.

    I guess that's what friends are for.

    Must get back to making those daisies.
    Well then I don't know what to tell you except to wait it out.

    Btw, all these flowers and dinners seem just a bit affected to me. Not that she won't appreciate the sentiment, but presenting her with gifts is not going to solve the real problem (whatever that is).

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    384

    Default

    From what you've posted, you sound like you just want whatever bad feelings there were, regardless of reason, to go away. Thus the flowers, dinner, niceties, you've offered, while, in the right direction, imo, miss the boat. She wants to feel understood and if you don't slow down and listen, ask the right questions, get to know yourself and her, she may think you're faking it--you don't really mean you're sorry or want to make things compatible for future interactions with your family or friends.

  10. #20
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    13

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wren View Post
    From what you've posted, you sound like you just want whatever bad feelings there were, regardless of reason, to go away. Thus the flowers, dinner, niceties, you've offered, while, in the right direction, imo, miss the boat. She wants to feel understood and if you don't slow down and listen, ask the right questions, get to know yourself and her, she may think you're faking it--you don't really mean you're sorry or want to make things compatible for future interactions with your family or friends.
    See that's what I'm afraid of. I was trying to figure it all out but my "not understanding" just started hurting her and after her repeatedly telling me "drop it" I finally have.

    I think she might just still be hurt by how Wednesday and Friday went, and that I couldn't understand that part was making it worse.

    I'm still going through with the plan, but I guess now I need to figure out how to make sure my actions aren't misinterpreted.

    I'm also willing to admit the possibility of me misinterpreting myself. Wouldn't be the first time.

    Time to re-read some emails.

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] I need some advice from ISTJs, INFJs... or anyone, really.
    By Faine in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 05-19-2011, 07:12 AM
  2. [INFJ] ESFJ dating a INFJ . . boy do I need some pointers.
    By SoftSpoken in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 07-23-2010, 08:35 PM
  3. Grad School Interview!!!! Need Some Input
    By WithoutaFace in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 05-05-2009, 03:01 PM
  4. [INTP] I need some input from INTPs
    By Sunshine8 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 11-04-2008, 10:22 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO