User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 19

  1. #1
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default Getting "lost" in other people's eyes ...

    I have (what I consider) a weird question today:

    NF's, do you feel like you can get "lost" looking in other people's eyes? When I am speaking to someone, I tend to hold a very direct gaze. I sense information coming in from not only the other person's eyes, but also I receive a range of emotional information from body language etc.

    Sometimes, I feel like I am so ... engaged in the process I startle myself because all of a sudden I feel like I have fallen into the well of this other person and the boundaries of me don't seem as clearly defined. Then, being startled, I pull back and detach eye contact for a sec to regain my sense of self. It's like someone pushing your head underwater and you just want to get back up out of the deep and breathe some air.

    It generally happens only to people I don't have a close relationship with, or when I have to make a great deal of what I would consider "small talk". There's a sense of being "trapped" in this person.

    Thoughts? I feel a little odd throwing this out there, but am wondering how you feel about eye contact in conversations too - fellow INFP's, do you tend to make more or less eye contact with others?

  2. #2
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    There's nothing odd for me about this. I can definitely relate to that. Seeing a person's eyes during the conversation is very important to me because I do "get" more information that way somehow. And body language is a big part of it as well.

    I'm also familiar with the "gaze" and the sudden pulling back from eye contact. It's like you're getting way too much from the person than you're ready to handle at that point.

    For me, it does happen when talking to people I'm less familiar with. It is about getting the overall image of the person rather than mere words, getting to know the person behind the words.

    It's more about getting lost in the moment and your own thoughts that surface when looking to people's eyes.

    This also causes discomfort in other people, so I consciously try to avoid being too intense about it.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    i always look into people's eyes when i talk to them...never feel i need to look away and never feel like it's too much but i do feel like i feel their emotions through them...yeah...it's not a lost or scary feeling though.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    ^ I think at this point in my life I am working on boundaries. Sometimes I just get so much input from someone else, it's like I can't process it all without re-establishing my feet on the ground somehow ... and I don't want to feel lost in it, I still want to feel my own identity strongly while getting to know them.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    I've gone various ways on this. I can totally detach and look away from someone while listening to them, but instead of this being a way of ignoring them its actually the way I can best "follow" what they are saying and I can think the deepest while doing this. So if someone has a problem and whats input/insight that way works best for me. If someone wants me to listen while they vent I'll look at them and nod occasionally while listening. I'll probably look into their eyes at first and then realize that's too intense for what they want and back off from that. Often I look straight into people's eyes when we are talking back and forth. I can also look over someone's shoulders and that works quite well for me. When I was a kid and around the military I was told that people usually like to have someone look into their eyes while talking, but if looking into someone's eyes makes you uncomfortable try looking 1) between their eyes, or 2) at the tip of their nose. Most people can't tell the difference. I'd advise trying those last two things.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    When I was younger people were sometimes bothered that I wasn't looking into their eyes, but usually could tell I was genuinely listening anyways. Later in life I've had sorts the opposite problem where I look at people and its way too intense for them. Other people I know [cough school and work cough] seem way more intense than me in this regard though. One of my martial arts instructors a few years back told me that in my martial arts training: "before you'd deal with attacks by evading and waiting and responding when there was an appropriate opening, now its like every situation you deal with by wanting to immediately aggressively destroy it, and even when you are evading and waiting its like your still wanting to immediately aggressively destroy it." Part of that was probably my intention for training, ie exercise and fun vs "what if I need to use this in a really bad situation where making a mistake=bad=people get hurt or killed", but still...

    I think eye contact is kinda a touchy subject, too little seems to mean one thing to people, too much seems to mean something else.

    Sometimes I feel people's pain and self-perceived-lackings more when looking in their eyes, but often I can sense things like that in their voice and/or body language too.

  7. #7
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    i dont actually make much eye contact at all-or rather I make flickers of eye contact.

    When I first came here someone pointed out this was an Fi thing so I began paying attention.

    I flick back and forth when listening to them, especially if they are staring very directly at me.

    When Te kicks in I have the most eagle eye piercing look ever. It scares people. It scares ENTJ generals-seriously it would make him nervous as he knew something was very wrong.

    Nowdays I practice a pointed Ti gaze when conversing with folks, but it is odd as I dont do Ti this way normally. If I am really doing Ti I cant look at people, I have to sort of look of to the side.


    Getting lost in other's eyes? Only once. RUN!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    It scares ENTJ generals-seriously it would make him nervous as he knew something was very wrong.
    I made an ISTJ colonel former fighter-pilot flinch and he might have even recoiled slightly too. And I really liked and respected the guy too!


    I don't think it was the point of this thread, but I'm waiting for someone to respond with something along the lines of "YES!, and we've made babies together."

  9. #9
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default



    LOL, yes, I wasn't really thinking of the amorous gaze context for this question.

    Well done though!

  10. #10
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    XNFJ
    Posts
    110

    Default

    That's funny - I never imagined that to be a personality thing. I can relate - there are times when I actually have to think about breaking eye contact consciously to avoid appearing too intense.

Similar Threads

  1. How to get over being drained by other people?
    By badger055 in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 01-11-2014, 08:37 PM
  2. [ENFP] What do ENFPs find attractive in other people?
    By Edasich in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 137
    Last Post: 06-05-2013, 11:35 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Do you like your own type in other people?
    By gigi_xo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 03-25-2010, 10:21 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO