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Thread: Getting "lost" in other people's eyes ...

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array rainoneventide's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    I definitely have that feeling as well, especially during small talk because it feels so... trivial, so I'm listening, but the words or subject are unimportant, just the person.

    When I talk to people for a long length of time, it's hard for me to keep eye-contact; it distracts me from gathering my thoughts (and it's hard for me to verbalize my thoughts to begin with). But I'll glance at them every once in a while so they know that I value their attention. When I listen to people, I try to maintain eye-contact. If you're looking at something else while they're talking, it'll seem like you're not interested (and I usually am interested).

    I always worry that I look really intense when I'm keeping eye-contact as well, but people often look away while they're talking too, so no worries. That's why I always prefer talking to people while we're walking or something, it's a ton easier.

    I was reading those posts above--I don't mind intense gazes. I guess because I don't have to worry about looking intense while they talk.

    Maybe a way to soften the intensity is to nod and react while they're speaking; I usually say something like "hmmm" or "really?" and etc. etc. I know that I feel 293847234 times more at ease when someone's not staring at me silently while I speak.
    "So I say, live and let live. Thats my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who cant go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

  2. #12
    Nickle Iron Silicone Array Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Jul 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I have (what I consider) a weird question today:

    NF's, do you feel like you can get "lost" looking in other people's eyes? When I am speaking to someone, I tend to hold a very direct gaze. I sense information coming in from not only the other person's eyes, but also I receive a range of emotional information from body language etc.
    I remember there being times when I was younger that I couldn't continue looking into someone's eyes without blinking frequently or rubbing my eyes because it was almost like sensory overload. It was almost someone who I didn't know well. As an adult, I have felt capable of knowing what someone is thinking by looking into their eyes, if it it contradicts what they are saying.

  3. #13
    Magical Array BlackCat's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    9w8 sx/sp
    SEE Fi


    For me personally I get lost in someone's eyes if I am very interested in what they are talking about or in the conversation. Then the conversation keeps flowing and the time flies... It's great.
    () 9w8-3w2-7w6 tritype.

    RCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14


    When I was younger I couldn't look many people in the eye. It felt like being sliced through with a laser. Now I have to remind myself to look away when I am engrossed in conversation as I find myself searching someone's eyes and meeting someone's gaze in a very serious way. It feels intimate and a way to know and be known without words in serious conversation. I also tend to stare at a person's mouth while they are speaking and have to make sure I don't do too much of that as well.

  5. #15
    half mystic, half skeksis Array jenocyde's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    [YOUTUBE=""]couldn't help myself, sorry![/YOUTUBE]

  6. #16


    ^Lol, bleh bleh! I could only watch one minute. I hope this song doesn't haunt the next few years of my serious conversations!

  7. #17
    Fail 2.0 Array BlueScreen's Avatar
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    Nov 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    i dont actually make much eye contact at all-or rather I make flickers of eye contact.

    When I first came here someone pointed out this was an Fi thing so I began paying attention.

    I flick back and forth when listening to them, especially if they are staring very directly at me.

    When Te kicks in I have the most eagle eye piercing look ever. It scares people. It scares ENTJ generals-seriously it would make him nervous as he knew something was very wrong.

    Nowdays I practice a pointed Ti gaze when conversing with folks, but it is odd as I dont do Ti this way normally. If I am really doing Ti I cant look at people, I have to sort of look of to the side.

    Getting lost in other's eyes? Only once. RUN!
    I do the same. I think it's because I don't want to make them uncomfortable, and I see a lot in a quick glance. Plus there is everything else in the scene to absorb.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  8. #18
    RETIRED Array CzeCze's Avatar
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    Sep 2007


    Hmmm, I only do this with people I feel very, very um..."close" with. No, that's not true. Not close. I have experienced this with people I was romantically involved with? Because that's the only time I've found where two people willingly and/or unconsciously open themselves up so to that degree and depth and way and "gaze into each others eyes, etc." I know, I almost made myself gag, too.

    *edit* You can definitely look at people straight in the eye and keep it strictly business! I agree, *seeing* people people by direct eye contact can be alarming, but we all come up with social masks and whatnot to function in society and being able to look at people and hold their gaze is one of them. I am okay to pretty okay at looking people in the eye and giving nothing/receiving nothing. Or pretending I am receiving nothing.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux


  9. #19
    won't be missed Array /DG/'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009


    Is that you NF's that do that? It gets really awkward if you do that to me. I'm not that great with eye contact. :/

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