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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    For example I broke my foot last year and had to spend a lot of time at home and though I told her about my accident via email pretty soon and she lived just twenty minutes walk from my flat it didn't occur to her at all to pay me a visit during these weeks.
    Unless the friend (INFP) was sick herself or had some problem (and I mean a real problem) that we don't know about, this is just pure selfish behavior.

    There's just no way around it, it's thoughtless and selfish. And it certainly speaks volumes about where Lightyear is on the INFP in question's list of priorities.

    The least thing would have been to visit, the best thing would have been to offer practical help.

  2. #32
    Senior Member dotdalidot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    This would be Si, with a sprinkle of Fe.

    Ah, so that's what it is.....Hmmm... Well no matter, it's still pure ridiculousness.

  3. #33
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Unless the friend was sick herself or had some problem (and I mean a real problem) that we don't know about, this is just pure selfish behavior.

    There's just no way around it, it's thoughtless and selfish. And it certainly speaks volumes about where Lightyear is on the INFP in question's list of priorities.

    The least thing would have been to visit, the best thing would have been to offer practical help.


    That's such an unbelievable sense of entitlement. That's like saying your parents are selfish because they don't give you an allowance.

    And why is the possibility of a person being uncomfortable around sick or injured people not even being considered here?

  4. #34
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Anyone can be selfish. It's a subjective opinion. Someone could point the finger at you and say something like "why are you expecting her to know all of this stuff? To know to do all of this stuff for her without any communication involved? And you're making new friends because of this? How selfish!"

    I am so bad with Fe it isn't even funny. The "normal" things that are expected of people I'm just totally blind of for the most part. I don't really care about social norms, I treat things and people the way I see fit. I just really don't see a purpose to a norm... shouldn't you have a subjective way of treating individuals rather than assuming everyone will want to be treated the same way? This doesn't mean I'm not nice to people... yes I'm nice. But it's different.

    ^Just my opinion though. The same opinion might hold for other INFPs as well.

    I myself would have gone to visit a friend of mine if they were injured though... seems like common courtesy. But again, your INFP's subjective opinion on how things should be ethically treated is different from mine. So that would explain that.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post


    That's such an unbelievable sense of entitlement.
    No, it's not, because I am answering from the perspective of if I had a "friend" who had broken their foot and was laid up for three weeks. I am thinking of my friend. A true friend would just want to be there for the other and to make the time pass easier. They would ask "Would you like for me to pick up some ice cream and come over?"

    They would ask "Do you need me to pick some items up for you when I go shopping next time? Can I help you with your laundry?"


    I wouldn't do it because it is expected or a "norm" I would do it because I remember what it is like to be bored and/or lonely when sick or when I was helpless and how good it felt when someone helped me.
    But then again, I am talking about when it is true friendship.

  6. #36
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Anyone can be selfish. It's a subjective opinion. Someone could point the finger at you and say something like "why are you expecting her to know all of this stuff? To know to do all of this stuff for her without any communication involved? And you're making new friends because of this? How selfish!"
    Question about this, and this isn't necessarily directed to you. If the person comes to you with their expectations, will you see them as being presumptuous and overly forward? Because this seems like the catch-22 I mentioned earlier.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post


    That's such an unbelievable sense of entitlement. That's like saying your parents are selfish because they don't give you an allowance.
    I don't even get the connection here. Friends are people we pick voluntarily because we like their company and we feel affection for them. Parents do owe children certain duties. If parents don't teach their children how to handle money, then yes they are selfish.

    And why is the possibility of a person being uncomfortable around sick or injured people not even being considered here?
    She broke her FOOT, it's in a cast. It's not a bleeding, open, purtrifying wound.

    If the INFP feels that neurotic about injuries, she needs serious therapy to function in society. What the heck is she going to do when someone close to her who depends on her gets really sick? Bail on them?

  8. #38
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    The thing about an INFJ and INFP friendship is that both people have their own set of expectations that often times go unvoiced and unnoticed; one of these expectations is that we expect each other to be mind readers.
    Yes! Our similarities make it so we fail to see how fundamentally different we are.

  9. #39
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Question about this, and this isn't necessarily directed to you. If the person comes to you with their expectations, will you see them as being presumptuous and overly forward? Because this seems like the catch-22 I mentioned earlier.
    Yeah I probably will. The way I pick up on people's expectations is by having them gradually introduced, and my figuring them out based on their reactions to things that I do. However sometimes I pretty much fail at doing this, and I've had FJs just totally cut me off before (since I guess I didn't meet their expectations). Like I said, I'm just bad with Fe. It feels like a handicap.

    This also might explain why out of the 20+ people I talk with only one is an FJ. And he's my best friend (INFJ), but he accepted my attitude because he saw that I was good at heart. Then I gradually adjusted to him, and now the interactions are just natural (I don't even have to think when I'm interacting with him, since I unconsciously know his expectations).
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  10. #40
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    No, it's not, because I am answering from the perspective of if I had a "friend" who had broken their foot and was laid up for three weeks. I am thinking of my friend. A true friend would just want to be there for the other and to make the time pass easier. They would ask "Would you like for me to pick up some ice cream and come over?"

    They would ask "Do you need me to pick some items up for you when I go shopping next time? Can I help you with your laundry?"

    But then again, I am talking about when it is true friendship.
    I guess as long as I don't make any true friends, I won't have to worry about that. Thank goodness.

    I'm totally uncomfortable with that expectation. It's one thing if I'm asked to help, or I get a hint that they want me to visit... that's fine. But to be expected to take the initiative and OFFER help, and push my presence on them when they might be in such a bad mood that they might not even want company?

    I... just don't get it. I will never understand people on more than a superficial level. People are easier to deal with when you deal with them as a group and don't get too personally involved with any one individual. Things get unacceptably weird and unpredicatable with "true friends."

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I don't even get the connection here. Friends are people we pick voluntarily because we like their company and we feel affection for them. Parents do owe children certain duties. If parents don't teach their children how to handle money, then yes they are selfish.



    She broke her FOOT, it's in a cast. It's not a bleeding, open, purtrifying wound.

    If the INFP feels that neurotic about injuries, she needs serious therapy to function in society. What the heck is she going to do when someone close to her who depends on her gets really sick? Bail on them?
    It seems to me that this person would likely avoid putting themselves in a position where someone else would depend on them, doesn't it?

    I see exactly where you're coming from now... and I don't like it. That will be all, heart.

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