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  1. #11
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    What is interesting to me is your interpretation. You call her selfish because she does not do what you want her to do? What you "expect" a friend to do?
    Ahem. Fe

    It is customary that one should visit a bed-ridden friend to show that you value the person and care about their health and happiness.

  2. #12
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
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    Why is she selfish for being herself? I mean, by your post you already have a clear understanding of her personality. Get new friends that will follow your "simple rules of friendship".
    "So I say, live and let live. Thatís my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who canít go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

  3. #13
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Okay, let's say we have been good friends since high school shouldn't there be some basic things I can expect from the other person? Like that I don't always have to initiate contact, that it shouldn't take the other person six months to visit me even if they just live twenty minutes walk from me, that they actually reply to text messages? I mean if such basic things like just simply staying in contact are not given can I even call this relationship a friendship or is it just a joke or some empty carcass?
    So ask her, find out. Then you can invest your time appropriately.

    You can do this in a way that is non-confrontational and doesn't jeopardize the relationship just for the asking of the question. Tell her how much you enjoy her company and how much you value her friendship. See how this is reciprocated.

    This is a generalization too, but a twenty-something INFP often second-guesses everything they do and say in social interactions, so she just may not be as confident as you or she may even be wrapped up in some internal issue to such an extent that she can't see your genuine need for evenly reciprocated companionship.

  4. #14
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Ahem. Fe

    It is customary that one should visit a bed-ridden friend to show that you value the person and care about their health and happiness.
    LOL, I know.

    When I broke my foot I wasn't bed-ridden though. I still walked the kids to school. Just sayin'!

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Sheesh. Talk about a counterargument.
    It's not a counterargument. It's more like an answer of "Is the pope Catholic?" except backwards.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Okay, let's say we have been good friends since high school shouldn't there be some basic things I can expect from the other person? Like that I don't always have to initiate contact, that it shouldn't take the other person six months to visit me even if they just live twenty minutes walk from me, that they actually reply to text messages? I mean if such basic things like just simply staying in contact are not given can I even call this relationship a friendship or is it just a joke or some empty carcass?
    Leave this person to her own devices and see what she does. If she doesn't get back to you, she's not bound by your rules and expectations, and you won't have this issue lingering over you. If she does, great; you've got a friend back. Either way, you've got your answer.

    But give her the benefit of the doubt if she does get back to you. There might be a lot more going on under the surface than what appears. That can probably be explained by Fi.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    It is customary that one should visit a bed-ridden friend to show that you value the person and care about their health and happiness.
    Are these concerns ever voiced, or are they just left as a function of custom and things that one "should" know to do?

  6. #16
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    Are these concerns ever voiced, or are they just left as a function of custom and things that one "should" know to do?
    If pressed, yes, they are voiced. However, INFJs are not the pushy type.

    In a way, it is a bit of a catch-22. If you voice your concerns, you are seen to be pushing yourself on the other. If you don't, then the other says "How should I know?"

  7. #17
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainoneventide View Post
    Why is she selfish for being herself? I mean, by your post you already have a clear understanding of her personality. Get new friends that will follow your "simple rules of friendship".

    That's what I am doing, I am not trying to change her since I can't so I am finding myself new friends. But again I don't get this notion that you shouldn't even expect the most basic things from your friends since you are supposedly hindering them "being themselves", what foundation would such a friendship be built upon? That's what I am wondering about, that Fi introspective navelgazing can become so extreme that it's all about "My feelings. My values. My needs." and the Fi-user doesn't even realize how he builds an invisible wall between himself and people around him and ostracizes them. (Also please correct me if I am understaning Fi wrong, that's just how it comes across to me.)

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    That's what I am doing, I am not trying to change her since I can't so I am finding myself new friends. But again I don't get this notion that you shouldn't even expect the most basic things from your friends since you are supposedly hindering them "being themselves", what foundation would such a friendship be built upon? That's what I am wondering about, that Fi introspective navelgazing can become so extreme that it's all about "My feelings. My values. My needs." and the Fi-user doesn't even realize how he builds an invisible wall between himself and people around him and ostracizes them. (Also please correct me if I am understaning Fi wrong, that's just how it comes across to me.)
    I get the impression that you feel like she's not giving you much thought and you're not on her list of priorities but on the hand, she probably still cares about you but she does not feel obligated to do customary things for you. She probably thinks all those things are superficial and you know you're going to be friends regardless.
    Last edited by Glycerine; 07-15-2009 at 09:49 PM.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post

    In a way, it is a bit of a catch-22. If you voice your concerns, you are seen to be pushing yourself on the other. If you don't, then the other says "How should I know?"
    Yeah, my thinking is: "Do I really need to tell this person simple things that are to me the 1+1 of friendship? Is it really worth investing time in someone who doesn't even seem to get such elementary things?" I actually just feel stupid and kind of pushy having to point that out to her (for example "If a good friend is sick don't ignore him.") I guess it also depends on what you want out of a friendship, for me it is important that the other person actually cares about me, if you for example just want a mindmate to bounce ideas off you might not have the issues at all that I have with my friend.

  10. #20
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    It's not simply Fi or Fe at play here. Any type can be selfish and any type can use their own system of justification for it. It's possible that if she were Fe she would speak your emotional language better and give a better excuse? Not sure.

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