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  1. #181
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    One point I want to make, after some reflection --

    It's not my intention at all to negatively stereotype Fi types in this thread, and I hope it hasn't come across that way. I've had one negative experience with a single unhealthy INFP, but I've known many, many INFPs, ISFPs, ENFPs, and ESFPs who I've gotten along with very well across the board. I really enjoy spending time with my Fi friends and family members -- many seem to have a peacefulness and inner moral compass that I admire.

  2. #182
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    One point I want to make, after some reflection --

    It's not my intention at all to negatively stereotype Fi types in this thread, and I hope it hasn't come across that way. I've had one negative experience with a single unhealthy INFP, but I've known many, many INFPs, ISFPs, ENFPs, and ESFPs who I've gotten along with very well across the board. I really enjoy spending time with my Fi friends and family members -- many seem to have a peacefulness and inner moral compass that I admire.
    Same here. There are good and bad eggs everywhere.

  3. #183
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    I think that Fi is selfish, because it is your own inner beleifs and to whatever bad version of the afterlife you beleive in with everyone elses. BUt, Fi in moderation is a good thing.

  4. #184
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necaberint View Post
    I think that Fi is selfish, because it is your own inner beleifs and to whatever bad version of the afterlife you beleive in with everyone elses. BUt, Fi in moderation is a good thing.
    Let me ask you this: Is there any function that isn't selfish?

  5. #185
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post

    But again, I have a lot of trouble picturing an INFJ or ISFJ doing that. Were these people you were dating? Sometimes with an increased level of intimacy a person might feel more entitled to drop in on short or no notice. .

    Ooooh! We used to be roomates, the ISFJ, INFJ and I and then I moved to a different floor of the same building because we needed very different things out of a roomate relationship. Them assuming that the roomate intimacy we had the previous year still applied would totally explain that behaviour.

    One of the reasons I moved out was that they expected us to spend a lot of "roomate time" together doing roomate activities when I was more interested in meeting new people and exploring the city. I think this made them feel as though I didn't care about maintaining strong roomate relations as much as they did.
    Anger is also a feeling.

  6. #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Let me ask you this: Is there any function that isn't selfish?
    Fe, that has to do with what others want.

  7. #187
    Senior Member Erudur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necaberint View Post
    Fe, that has to do with what others want.
    But it also has to do with how others are expected to behave.

    Having a fairly well developed tertiary Fi, for me Fi informs my system developing Ni-Te to make sure that the system is beneficial to mankind.

    ********************

    On the OP, I have a friendship with an INFP that is currently in the process of eroding. It was really good to read this thread to see the big picture better. Still don't know what I am going to do about my friendship in particular. It basically requires my initiation to maintain. I also perceive that wherever I am on her list of priorities, its probably much lower than where I had been placing her on mine. Once I shifted my priority on the friendship to what seems to me to be her same level, the downhill slide began. At this point I am probably going to just let it end up wherever it does.

  8. #188
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necaberint View Post
    Fe, that has to do with what others want.
    Healthy Fe can be like that but unhealthy Fe can be very manipulative, the person doing you a favour just to tell you later: "I did this, this and this for you, if you would be as good a friend you would do that for me..."

    I had an ESFJ friend (primary Fe user) who was very much like this, I knew whenever I asked her for a favour that at some point there would be "payday", she would remind me of all the things she had done for me in the past, why could I not love her more, spend more time with her, call her more often etc. I think on a basic level you can expect these things in a friendship but when every "favour" has a paydate connected to it that is deadly for a friendship, she is the only friend I ever had to actively end the friendship with.

    However at the moment I have an ESFJ flatmate and she is genuinely caring and generous, with her I actually feel like doing nice things for her because she gives without demanding things in return.

  9. #189
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    However at the moment I have an ESFJ flatmate and she is genuinely caring and generous, with her I actually feel like doing nice things for her because she gives without demanding things in return.
    Perhaps your INFP friend senses you keep score? Do you see how your question has now circled back on itself? Are you the one in that relationship who seems to be demanding and therefore she avoids you?

    Food for thought ...

  10. #190
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Lightyear, I think it's important to cultivate friendships with people who acknowledge the obligations of friendship, and probably diminish contact with people who consistently disappoint you or make you do all the work. If the other person does not have the same view that friendship comes with obligations, then you are probably going to feel chronically unloved.

    On the other hand, I think it's very important for us INFJs to communicate our needs. So you might say after you talk to that person, "Ok, now, it's your turn to call me next, because I'm always the one to call you!" or even "I was hurt when you never came to see me when I broke my foot."

    I do in my heart feel the same as you, that there are things you should not have to say, things you should be allowed to expect, things you should wonder why they aren't happening. But I think it has to do with upbringing, too. Sometimes other people have no idea you would expect these things and need to be told what you want in plain English. I would not automatically interpret it that they don't love you. It's possible they have no idea what that means, and they need to be made aware.

    It drives me a little nuts, the claim that it's so much effort to make the gestures of friendship. It's effort for me, too, that's why I don't spread myself too thin. I know I can't keep up with umpteen birthdays, etc. I have one or two friends at a time and try to do right by them, which IMO takes SHOWING you care. You know who people are by what they do rather than what they say.

    Otherwise, I don't consider it a friendship. I consider it liking the other person. I can like you and you like me without it being a friendship.

    I'd be a'slammin' that door if I were you. Put the effort toward someone who can reciprocate.

    My 2 cents.

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