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  1. #171
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Ha, it's not up to us to discern whether it was serious or not. I just think it was irrelevant and moreover, false.
    You're right, and Tiny can fight her own battles and make her own explanations. But if someone I don't know tells me to grow up (wtf, btw...), they can also expect a snarky remark. Just sayin'.

  2. #172
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    You're right, and Tiny can fight her own battles and make her own explanations. But if someone I don't know tells me to grow up (wtf, btw...), they can also expect a snarky remark. Just sayin'.
    ...Grow up.


  3. #173
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    ...Grow up.

    but only because it's coming from you...

  4. #174
    Glycerine
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    The "invading of someone's space" and taking food from someone's fridge, is not Fe behavior, it's just plain rude. All the Fe doms I know would ask first or would wait for the person to ask them. If there are leftovers in the house, I usually double-check to see if anyone was saving them. Heathy Fe usually tries to consider others and looks to see how their actions affects others.

  5. #175
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    I pile on the snark to provoke reactions. I find it pushes people out of their comfort zone and forces them to be honest. Also I glory in conflict (a little too much).

    I will readily admit to having tons of bad experiences with Fe users that has distinctly coloured my approach to this type. I love INFJs. I love my INFJ roomate to death. I still fundamentally disagree with some of her ideas about friendship and what it means. I have always thought true friendship meant no expectations and no obligations. Real friends hang out with each other because they want to, not because they have to. I have an incredibly vicious wolverine-like response when faced with "You have to do this because that's what people do." because I am a person and that's not what I do and I think that counts for something. Lightyear mentioned in an earlier post that the INFP friend is ignorant of"rules of friendship" that are "as clear as day" but they're not. I didn't know friendship HAD set in stone, nailed to the front door rules.

    I have an example regarding both my favourite INFJ and my favourite ENFJ (I think I have used it before). I went through a traumatic experience when I was a young child that they both know about. They keep trying to get me to talk to them about it because they care about me and sympathise with me. I don't want to talk about it. I don't even like that I think about it as often as I do but they just think I am deflecting or trying to push them away. Apparently not wanting to discuss something that even thinking about makes me hyperventilate means I don't trust them but I do. I just need a barrier of emotional protection around myself to keep from getting hurt and it doesn't matter how much I care about you, that barrier's not going away.

    I also disagree with the repeated use of the words "selfish" and "ungrateful" because I don't understand why I need to constantly express my gratitude that someone is in my life. The need to be told "You are my friend, look, I care see!?" is something that I find just as "selfish" as the Fi users directly discussed in this thread. The fact that I talk to you at all means that I care about you. It just feels like no matter how much you care it will never be enough for them and that is both stressful and hurtful to an Fi user.

    PS. The comment was supposed to be funny. If the very thread title gets to stereotype a function then so do I, dammit!
    Anger is also a feeling.

  6. #176
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I pile on the snark to provoke reactions. I find it pushes people out of their comfort zone and forces them to be honest. Also I glory in conflict (a little too much).

    I will readily admit to having tons of bad experiences with Fe users that has distinctly coloured my approach to this type. I love INFJs. I love my INFJ roomate to death. I still fundamentally disagree with some of her ideas about friendship and what it means. I have always thought true friendship meant no expectations and no obligations. Real friends hang out with each other because they want to, not because they have to. I have an incredibly vicious wolverine-like response when faced with "You have to do this because that's what people do." because I am a person and that's not what I do and I think that counts for something. Lightyear mentioned in an earlier post that the INFP friend is ignorant of"rules of friendship" that are "as clear as day" but they're not. I didn't know friendship HAD set in stone, nailed to the front door rules.

    I have an example regarding both my favourite INFJ and my favourite ENFJ (I think I have used it before). I went through a traumatic experience when I was a young child that they both know about. They keep trying to get me to talk to them about it because they care about me and sympathise with me. I don't want to talk about it. I don't even like that I think about it as often as I do but they just think I am deflecting or trying to push them away. Apparently not wanting to discuss something that even thinking about makes me hyperventilate means I don't trust them but I do. I just need a barrier of emotional protection around myself to keep from getting hurt and it doesn't matter how much I care about you, that barrier's not going away.

    I also disagree with the repeated use of the words "selfish" and "ungrateful" because I don't understand why I need to constantly express my gratitude that someone is in my life. The need to be told "You are my friend, look, I care see!?" is something that I find just as "selfish" as the Fi users directly discussed in this thread. The fact that I talk to you at all means that I care about you. It just feels like no matter how much you care it will never be enough for them and that is both stressful and hurtful to an Fi user.

    PS. The comment was supposed to be funny. If the very thread title gets to stereotype a function then so do I, dammit!
    Oh ok got it. We can be attention hogs that way with the gratitude thing. I actually was saying something about this in one of my posts @ bolded. The ironic thing is that I have had an ENFP tell me to say "thank you" for something because they did not hear me even though I say it like 98% of the time. She also corrected some of my social etiquette I can understand the "forced gratitude" and expectations thing. It can be very hurtful and offensive.

    PS: I think both sides has valid points.

  7. #177
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Why does this whole discussion even need to revolve around type? It's all about different expectations from friendship, and as the owner of your own feelings, you have to communicate your needs to others if you expect them to be fulfilled.

    I don't treat every friend in my life the same way, because they all have different needs and requirements from our relationship. I have friends that are fair-weather friends, friends I know who will only call me when there is a crisis, friends that call me only with good news. Friends that call regularly, ones I hear from every year or two. There is no mathematical equation that defines friendship! ("Two phone calls, one sick visit, three text messages = FRIEND".)

    The reality, especially as you build your life with spouses and children, is that your needs and wants will fluctuate, and so will the lives of your friends, and people will both enter and leave your life in unpredictable ways. Flow with it.

    ULTIMATELY, you own how you feel, you can't control other people, you can't make anyone do anything without either their happy consent or grudging resentment, and if you want something from a friendship, ASK!

    My goodness, what a way to complicate such a simple topic.

  8. #178
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    +1
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  9. #179
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    I'm not sure either Fi or Fe is "selfish." I read once that Fi feels empathy, and Fe feels sympathy. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the MBTI doesn't score us on maturity or mental health, does it? This is why I have a bit of a problem with classifying selfishness with a function of the mind.

    And to all the provoking ENTPs out there: please don't provoke me; I tell the truth regardless.

    EDIT: PeaceBaby, you're spot on.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  10. #180
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Four out of the six people who have done this in the past two years were IN/SFJs.
    That behavior doesn't sound like any INFJ or ISFJ that I've ever met.

    The only friend I have who does the drop-by-without-calling thing is an ESFJ. It doesn't bother me personally although I have heard some other people in our circle complain about it.

    But again, I have a lot of trouble picturing an INFJ or ISFJ doing that. Were these people you were dating? Sometimes with an increased level of intimacy a person might feel more entitled to drop in on short or no notice. However, even when I dated guys I always called before stopping by. INFJs, I think, tend to be very respectful of others' privacy since we're so private ourselves. And my observation of ISFJs is that they wouldn't drop in without calling because it's against social etiquette (in addition to the larger introversion factor, of course).

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