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  1. #161
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    I think it all comes down again to different approaches to friendship and communication styles and if you live in a small or a big town.

    As a general rule I wouldn't like someone just to come over unannounced (which doesn't happen in London anyway, everyone just lives too far away and is far too busy, so the person you are visiting will most likely not be at home anyway), text me and see if I am free and I will be happy to spend time with you. That's just the way things work here.

    What I was talking about in my initial post was not communication styles anyway, it was about a friend just being plain selfish and self-absorbed, if it would have been her style to keep a friendship going by dropping in unannounced I am sure we could have found a middle ground but if the other person doesn't invest anything at all in the friendship how is it supposed to survive?
    By simply remembering the last encounter you had
    I remember my friends fondly because when I think back of the times I spend time with them, it floods me with the emotions I felt at that time. I have friends that I haven't seen in 10 years and speak to every 3 months maybe on msn. They know though that if I can help them, I will.

    I have one ENFP friend of mine that I see every now and again. Whenever we try to meet up it takes us a month, coz we never plan and we both have busy lifes. But it doesn't matter. We know we'll get there. And when one of us has troubles, even after 2 years of almost no contact, we'll pick up the phone and help each other out. She did at the end of last year, as she adopted some kittens and needed some advice from me. I walked her through it for three months. And I in turn asked her around the same time to help me with my books of my previous business. She said she would. In april this year, I went like..oh right, the books? She went: oh sure, give it here, I'll take care of it. Meanwhile we almost hadn't seen each other in 6 months, with only two failed attempts of actually trying to see each other. Life just gets in the way .

    Then, with the books thing, I had to hand them over and see her, so we had a blast going shopping, torturing her INTJ boyfriend and having conversations of 6 hours straight, way past midnight and our bedtime. But it was fun

    Now, the books have been taken care of, I just have to go pick em up, though I don't see that happening any time soon. I know she's busy (she's a teacher), so I leave her alone, and I know I'll see or hear her again in the not so nearby future. When though, is always the question and not important
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  2. #162
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Did the mom poke holes in the condoms? Skip her birth control on purpose? Refused to get an abortion despite financial concerns? Leaving your family because "it's no fun anymore" =/= having a family dropped in your lap without your consent. If someone leaves a baby in a basket on your doorstep do you now HAVE to take care of it? Is calling social services a "Me, me, me!" attitude? You are repeatedly failing to recognise that these community standards of friendship mean squat. Friendship is a personal thing to me. It is a sharing of ideas and a mutual respect for one another's boundaries. Breaking down those boundaries isn't intimacy to me. It is invasion.
    the end result of sex is that a child can be born. Unless it was rape, you consent to the possibility. Nothing is 100% safe, except for abstinence.

    I agree with the rest, though.

  3. #163
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post

    Observe all the factors involved before making an irrelevant analogy. Oh wait! You can't do that as soon as you're presented with a new situation. You're an Ni dom! Analogies that are only relevant to you are how you roll!

    I also think it's unfair to say that every Fe user I have ever met in my entire life was unhealthy. I have simply noticed a pattern of behaviour that they seem to think is completely normal but that I find entirely repulsive. This being the continued imposition of their personal standards onto me and my life.
    So you as an Ne dom are of course completely able to change your mind after being presented with a new situation, best example is that you hold on to your stereotyping of Fe users even though the last few posters pointed out to you that your interpretation is often just plain wrong; especially introverted Fe users respect boundaries very much and won't just invade your life unannounced. Most of us would hate it if someone else did that to us!

    Honestly it feels kind of pointless to further the discussion with you, I don't care if people disagree with me or try to explain to me their point of view but you are just shouting and using people's personality types against them and to take a jab at them.

  4. #164
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    I don't care if people disagree with me or try to explain to me their point of view but you are just shouting and using people's personality types against them and to take a jab at them.
    Pretty much. I don't think it is accurate or fair to make such statements. It's like if I were to say "Of course you're flaky and childish -- you're Ne dom!"

  5. #165
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    So you as an Ne dom are of course completely able to change your mind after being presented with a new situation, best example is that you hold on to your stereotyping of Fe users even though the last few posters pointed out to you that your interpretation is often just plain wrong; especially introverted Fe users respect boundaries very much and won't just invade your life unannounced. Most of us would hate it if someone else did that to us!

    Honestly it feels kind of pointless to further the discussion with you, I don't care if people disagree with me or try to explain to me their point of view but you are just shouting and using people's personality types against them and to take a jab at them.
    To be fair, she said:

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I also think it's unfair to say that every Fe user I have ever met in my entire life was unhealthy. I have simply noticed a pattern of behaviour that they seem to think is completely normal but that I find entirely repulsive. This being the continued imposition of their personal standards onto me and my life.
    We're all guilty of stereotyping, cut her some slack - she's speaking about the people she knows.

  6. #166
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    To be fair, she said:

    We're all guilty of stereotyping, cut her some slack - she's speaking about the people she knows.
    I think Lightyear's comment was [mostly] in response to this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Observe all the factors involved before making an irrelevant analogy. Oh wait! You can't do that as soon as you're presented with a new situation. You're an Ni dom! Analogies that are only relevant to you are how you roll!

  7. #167
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I think Lightyear's comment was [mostly] in response to this:


    yeah, her comment was pretty slapstick funny! hahaha...

    (but did anyone really take it seriously?? )

  8. #168
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    You remind me of these dads who leave their families because this whole thing is just no fun anymore, they actually have to commit and go beyond a "Me, me, me!" attitude. Grow up.
    I totally wouldnt visit the person in the hospital. I dont send cards at christmas. I hate baby showers. I am anti Fe myself, as asometimes I just don't understand I should do these things and sometimes I just dont give a fuck-it is socially contrived nonsense. I show my love in other ways.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Not sure if this is Fe... I have an ENFP friend who does shit like that constantly. I would never dream of stopping by unannounced.
    Dominant Fe maybe. yup I might do this but would try not to without calling first, I actually hate going to other people's house myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    You are repeatedly failing to recognise that these community standards of friendship mean squat. Friendship is a personal thing to me. It is a sharing of ideas and a mutual respect for one another's boundaries. Breaking down those boundaries isn't intimacy to me. It is invasion.

    I also think it's unfair to say that every Fe user I have ever met in my entire life was unhealthy. I have simply noticed a pattern of behaviour that they seem to think is completely normal but that I find entirely repulsive. This being the continued imposition of their personal standards onto me and my life.
    +1 on the first part. And again Fe doms seem much, much more likely to tell you how to live than INFJs. However I have a pretty small pool of INFJs to study, so could be flawed.

  9. #169
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post


    yeah, her comment was pretty slapstick funny! hahaha...

    (but did anyone really take it seriously?? )
    Ha, it's not up to us to discern whether it was serious or not. I just think it was irrelevant and moreover, false.

  10. #170
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    I love the inevitable "Stereotyper! No, you're stereotyping!" pissing match that these sorts of threads devolve into

    "Oh, no.. that's not Fi, that's Si behavior. See? There's a different letter there. That makes it better, because it's not about me anymore. That's some other type, and that's okay!"

    You all suck


    That said, it's pretty obvious that the OP's friend probably just has a different perception of what a friendship is supposed to be about. For my friendships, I hate to be intruded upon and I hate to intrude, and I could quote and +1000 Tiny Army's deal about invasion until I was blue in the face. A friend who can't respect this ain't my friend.

    If you realize that you've got completely different goals and expectations for your friendship than your friend does, it's probably time to move on.

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