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  1. #141
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    For what it's worth, I don't expect my friends to contact me just to keep in touch. Nor do I expect them to remember my birthday. As such, it can be difficult for me to keep in touch and remember theirs.

    If I do those things for a friend, it's one of the highest compliments I can offer. It means I care enough to do things I'm not geared to naturally do. They'll never know the meaning I put behind such things, because to them it's just expected as a social grace.
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  2. #142
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Some people make life happen, while others let life happen to them and react. I notice alot of INFPs fill the latter category.
    This is lack of development of Ne. It's tertiary temptation and being stuck in the Fi-Si loop. If it's the person's usual, all-the-time mode then it's a neurotic, egocentonic adpatation to life. It's when Fi crosses the line from being individualistic to being self-centered to the point of being crippled when dealing with life and building relationships.

    To quote the article: Ne says: "Pay attention to your surroundings and do the thing that will have the most interesting results. Don't be dumb just because you don't have any experience."

    Goes for building relationships with other types as much as it does anything else in life.

  3. #143
    Senior Member Galusha's Avatar
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    I'd like to know if there's any function that's not selfish. I mean, what with survival of the fittest and you folks still being alive and all

  4. #144
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    This is lack of development of Ne. It's tertiary temptation and being stuck in the Fi-Si loop. If it's the person's usual, all-the-time mode then it's a neurotic, egocentonic adpatation to life. It's when Fi crosses the line from being individualistic to being self-centered to the point of being crippled when dealing with life and building relationships.

    To quote the article: Ne says: "Pay attention to your surroundings and do the thing that will have the most interesting results. Don't be dumb just because you don't have any experience."

    Goes for building relationships with other types as much as it does anything else in life.
    I dunno, heart. Ne is my dominant function, but I do this too. I *just* don't do maintenance of relationships and I rarely seek people out myself coz I don't want to intrude and I have other things to keep me occupied. Friendship to me means being able to be myself and being there for the other person if they need me. No maintenance needed, imo. People know they can call me day or night if need be. If people do need me or wanna do somethign they tend to contact me and I'm totally ok with that. Even when meeting new people, I just let them come to me or observe instead. Unless I'm really curious about something.
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  5. #145
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Yeah Amargith pretty much summed up my approach to relationships. It involves giving everyone a lot of space to breathe because one of the things I want out of a relationship, any relationship, is to be able to leave whenever I damn well please.

    I have had so many Fe using friends (No, not one. This is a repeat incident.) who would just turn up at my house unannounced as if this was totally okay because we're friends who lived in the same neighbourhood. Even after I told them I was uncomfortable with it and added that they should simply call first if they were coming over. This didn't work either. They would call and when I would fail to answer (could be something as simple as I was walking the dog and left me phone at home) they would come over anyway!

    They always seemed to see this as an indication of how strong they thought our friendship was but I really resented being intruded upon so often and with such little care about MY feelings regarding the whole thing. I was then accused of being selfish when I stopped answering their phone calls just because I did NOT want to see them every day, all the time.
    Anger is also a feeling.

  6. #146
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    It involves giving everyone a lot of space to breathe because one of the things I want out of a relationship, any relationship, is to be able to leave whenever I damn well please.
    Honestly I understand the need for space and that sometimes people just grow apart and relationships break down but if someone already enters a relationship while eyeing the backdoor, insisting that he should be able to leave at any time, quite frankly I would see it as a waste of time and energy to even start building anything with this person. I guess you would just not be my type of friend because for me it's all about slowly getting to know each other, building trust and a sense of intimacy and I am not going to invest time in someone who thinks it's normal to be here today and gone tomorrow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I have had so many Fe using friends (No, not one. This is a repeat incident.) who would just turn up at my house unannounced as if this was totally okay because we're friends who lived in the same neighbourhood. Even after I told them I was uncomfortable with it and added that they should simply call first if they were coming over. This didn't work either. They would call and when I would fail to answer (could be something as simple as I was walking the dog and left me phone at home) they would come over anyway!
    Please don't blame that on Fe (It might be more of an extroversion thing.) I would NOT just turn up at someone's house even if they just lived around the corner, I hate it when people do that to me since I need my own space too. Advance warning please.

  7. #147
    heart on fire
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    This thread swings from not staying in touch, even when someone broke their foot and is laid up to the other extreme of people who just drop in without asking first and people who are so invasive it's abusive. There's got to be a middle ground there.

  8. #148
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post

    Please don't blame that on Fe (It might be more of an extroversion thing.) I would NOT just turn up at someone's house even if they just lived around the corner, I hate it when people do that to me since I need my own space too. Advance warning please.
    LOL, considering the title of this thread, that's an ironic statement to make. And no, this is not a jab, I'm just amused.
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  9. #149
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Honestly I understand the need for space and that sometimes people just grow apart and relationships break down but if someone already enters a relationship while eyeing the backdoor, insisting that he should be able to leave at any time, quite frankly I would see it as a waste of time and energy to even start building anything with this person. I guess you would just not be my type of friend because for me it's all about slowly getting to know each other, building trust and a sense of intimacy and I am not going to invest time in someone who thinks it's normal to be here today and gone tomorrow.



    Please don't blame that on Fe (It might be more of an extroversion thing.) I would NOT just turn up at someone's house even if they just lived around the corner, I hate it when people do that to me since I need my own space too. Advance warning please.

    Four out of the six people who have done this in the past two years were IN/SFJs.

    There's personal and intellectual intimacy and then there's expecting me to be at your beck and call. I like having more than one friend, especially ones who're not over in my house all the damn time eating my food. If I feel my space invaded I feel like I have the right to retreat or to hang out with other people and not be yelled at for it and repeatedly told that I am an indication of the decline of morality in the youth.

    The many many Fe users in my life all seem to want their friends to be "like family" but I have a family. It is big and loud and in my face and I don't need another one.

    Edit: Apparently being in the same place at the same time with the same people every day for the rest of your life is the pinnacle of normalcy. Whoops, looks like I got that wrong. I will strive to keep my life soul-crushingly dull from now on!
    Anger is also a feeling.

  10. #150
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    I barely hang out with most people at all, let alone show up to their house uninvited. Strong introvert.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Honestly I understand the need for space and that sometimes people just grow apart and relationships break down but if someone already enters a relationship while eyeing the backdoor, insisting that he should be able to leave at any time, quite frankly I would see it as a waste of time and energy to even start building anything with this person. I guess you would just not be my type of friend because for me it's all about slowly getting to know each other, building trust and a sense of intimacy and I am not going to invest time in someone who thinks it's normal to be here today and gone tomorrow
    I'm the same way. I think INxJs need to be secure in their investments, whatever they are.

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