User Tag List

First 41213141516 Last

Results 131 to 140 of 236

  1. #131
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    The essence of the Fi/Fe clash I have noticed a lot of Fe types expect you to read their mind because they are always trying to consider the other person and tend to project their own strengths onto other people. As a result, when others (Fi users) don't reciprocate how the Fe operates, they take it the wrong way (the person doesn't care about me or is being selfish). I have been guilty of this many times. From my experience, the Fi user isn't trying to be mean. They are just oblivious to what Fe user expects because the Fe user will assume that it is completely obvious and won't think to lay things out.

    The irony is that Fi users could view the Fe user's expectations as selfish. That is the impression I keep getting from this thread.

  2. #132
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    You speak very true.

    However, when the Fe user suddenly changes the rules on a multiyear friendship, how do they expect anyone to automatically read into that? It seems like a test that is designed to make a person fail.

  3. #133
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    EN?P
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    679

    Default

    We're all terribly selfish but it's okay because we have you guys to save us from our horrible ways and take us down the path of righteousness!
    Anger is also a feeling.

  4. #134
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    You speak very true.

    However, when the Fe user suddenly changes the rules on a multiyear friendship, how do they expect anyone to automatically read into that? It seems like a test that is designed to make a person fail.
    No idea, whenever I have done that, I think I purposely tried to sabotage the friendship or I did it to test the friendship. Not my proudest moments. Another possibility is that I think people can read the changing dynamics and will act accordingly. There's yet another example of projecting my abilities onto another person.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    We're all terribly selfish but it's okay because we have you guys to save us from our horrible ways and take us down the path of righteousness!
    I hope you are kidding. Most Fe types are not self-righteous, controlling jacka$$es and most Fi types are not elitist nonconformist jerkfaces.

  5. #135
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    EN?P
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    679

    Default

    Theoretically.
    Anger is also a feeling.

  6. #136
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by IDK123 View Post
    The irony is that Fi users could view the Fe user's expectations as selfish. That is the impression I keep getting from this thread.
    I don't think expecting your best friend to pick up the phone and give you a call a few times a year is selfish (hell even twice a year. even once a year is better than nothing at all). I don't think I'm selfish for expecting a very basic level of thoughtfulness/consideration from a friend. After being stood up over and over again and having my phone calls go unreturned over and over again, there came a point when I had to close the door to avoid being hurt continuously. And I'm happy to do more of the work in a friendship (being the one to call more often, visit more often, etc.) but if I'm getting absolutely nothing at all in return, I'm sorry but it is just not going to work. I need the other person to work with me just a little at least.

    And I just want to clarify -- looking back over this it strikes me that I sound like some kind of stalker of her or something or that I was always trying to hang out and maybe she just wasn't interested anymore. That's not how it was at all. Whenever we were actually together, it was like everything was just the same, and she would get emotional and tell me how much she cared about me and how much she valued my friendship, etc. But it was like the logistics were impossible for her for some reason that I just don't understand. It was a rollercoaster ride going through that because I would feel so hurt by never hearing from her, then I'd spend time with her and we were just as close of friends as ever and I'd get my hopes up again, and then the next time I tried to give her a call it was back to the same. A person can only go through that for so long. My fiance was very angered by the situation because he saw the ups and downs it caused and how hurt I was whenever she'd stand me up. He didn't want me to invite her to our wedding. I did anyway -- like I said I'm not angry with her, and I'm more than willing to leave the door open for her, but the ball is absolutely in her court now, I simply don't have the emotional willpower to take an active role in our friendship anymore.

    Also, just to be clear, I'm not claiming that her behavior is due to her being an INFP or due to Fi. As I said, she's an unhealthy INFP, so I'm not extending her behavior to other, healthier INFPs out there. An unhealthy INFJ might be prone to histrionics and oversensitivity, but that doesn't mean that all INFJs would suffer from such episodes. (At least not too often, anyway )

  7. #137
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    I don't think expecting your best friend to pick up the phone and give you a call a few times a year is selfish (hell even twice a year. even once a year is better than nothing at all). I don't think I'm selfish for expecting a very basic level of thoughtfulness/consideration from a friend. After being stood up over and over again and having my phone calls go unreturned over and over again, there came a point when I had to close the door to avoid being hurt continuously. And I'm happy to do more of the work in a friendship (being the one to call more often, visit more often, etc.) but if I'm getting absolutely nothing at all in return, I'm sorry but it is just not going to work. I need the other person to work with me just a little at least.

    And I just want to clarify -- looking back over this it strikes me that I sound like some kind of stalker of her or something or that I was always trying to hang out and maybe she just wasn't interested anymore. That's not how it was at all. Whenever we were actually together, it was like everything was just the same, and she would get emotional and tell me how much she cared about me and how much she valued my friendship, etc. But it was like the logistics were impossible for her for some reason that I just don't understand. It was a rollercoaster ride going through that because I would feel so hurt by never hearing from her, then I'd spend time with her and we were just as close of friends as ever and I'd get my hopes up again, and then the next time I tried to give her a call it was back to the same. A person can only go through that for so long. My fiance was very angered by the situation because he saw the ups and downs it caused and how hurt I was whenever she'd stand me up. He didn't want me to invite her to our wedding. I did anyway -- like I said I'm not angry with her, and I'm more than willing to leave the door open for her, but the ball is absolutely in her court now, I simply don't have the emotional willpower to take an active role in our friendship anymore.

    Also, just to be clear, I'm not claiming that her behavior is due to her being an INFP or due to Fi. As I said, she's an unhealthy INFP, so I'm not extending her behavior to other, healthier INFPs out there. An unhealthy INFJ might be prone to histrionics and oversensitivity, but that doesn't mean that all INFJs would suffer from such episodes. (At least not too often, anyway )
    I apologize, I wasn't necessarily aiming the post at you. It was more of a general post but I am sorry if it seemed like an attack on you personally. Also, I was trying to put another perspective out there (damn Ni, haha). You didn't come off like a stalker at all. I actually have a rather one-sided friendship with an INFP also so I pretty much gave it a hiatus. I can empathize with you on that.

  8. #138
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Thank you, I appreciate the clarification :o)

  9. #139
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    903

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    I don't think expecting your best friend to pick up the phone and give you a call a few times a year is selfish (hell even twice a year. even once a year is better than nothing at all). I don't think I'm selfish for expecting a very basic level of thoughtfulness/consideration from a friend.
    Yes and yes and yes. I am actually incredibly easily satisfied when it comes to my friends contacting me, I understand completely that they might be busy and might not be able to contact me for a long time and as soon as I see any kind of small effort from them (a short email, a Facebook comment, whatever) a lot of times I forget all my misgivings and grudges and immediately consider them as part of my closer circle of friends again. That's why I find it so hard to completely let a friendship go because even the smallest effort from the other camp will make me think: "Oh she probably still cares, she just didn't have the time to contact me/is just not good at keeping in touch/is just a bit scatterbrained/...", I will give them the benefit of the doubt and come up with all kinds of excuses why it's actually understandable that I didn't hear from them for such a long time.

    So if someone has made it to a stage where I honestly couldn't be arsed to invest in the friendship anymore there has been a long history of selfish behaviour, not just one or two incidents but a constant flow of incidents that revealed some major character flaws in the person, they didn't just behave in a certain way because they were in a bad mood or because of unlucky circumstances (or even because of their Fi ) but because they are just plain selfish. Full stop.

  10. #140
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    For what it's worth, I don't expect my friends to contact me just to keep in touch. Nor do I expect them to remember my birthday. As such, it can be difficult for me to keep in touch and remember theirs.

    If I do those things for a friend, it's one of the highest compliments I can offer. It means I care enough to do things I'm not geared to naturally do. They'll never know the meaning I put behind such things, because to them it's just expected as a social grace.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] INFJ and Fi, do you relate to this?
    By infiniterandomness11 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 11-08-2014, 09:01 PM
  2. [E8] Are 8 and Fi similar?
    By Elfboy in forum Enneatypes
    Replies: 117
    Last Post: 06-24-2014, 02:42 PM
  3. [Fi] Fi and guilt/manipulation
    By sculpting in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 04-05-2010, 08:05 AM
  4. [Fi] Fi and long term repercussions
    By Moiety in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 02-20-2010, 03:01 PM
  5. [Fi] Fi and talk therapy.
    By Tiny Army in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 04-16-2009, 11:33 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO