User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 73

  1. #11

    Default

    If you don't learn to accept "no win situations" in your life it will consume and destroy you. Young INFJs have an unhealthy fascination with morbid martyrdom. It's not about them, it's about you.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. #12
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    EN?P
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    679

    Default

    This is a thing I have noticed NFJs do! There seems to be this unspoken tally of favours given and emotional support provided. This doesn't work, guys. I have seen this hurt SO MANY NFJs. If you expect your caring, your time and energy to be reciprocated you need to mention this before hand. You need to pull the "Well you would do this for me if I needed it, right?" card as soon as is possible because most people don't realise that this is expected of them and will get annoyed when you confront them about it.
    Anger is also a feeling.

  3. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    230

    Default

    You must learn who to reserve this kind of energy for because people will drain you given the opportunity. Barriers for this kind of giving are very important. I had a very hard time learning that lesson, but in the long run you will be disappointed less and much happier. You can't give until it hurts in order to start a trend no matter how much you think it will help. In the end you compromise yourself to a point where you can't even help yourself. If you can't help yourself then you can't help anyone. Learn to preserve yourself first. People will take advantage of you and that's another lesson yet to learn.

  4. #14
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    753
    Posts
    507

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanie713 View Post
    Yes. And I really like to help others. I can't help it. But I think it's true that INFJs can change, rather abruptly too. I was very different two years ago.
    That's very true. I've changed radically in the last three years.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanie713 View Post
    Sometimes I think this, that I am "bound to help and never be helped" and then I feel horrible, but eventually I remember that I feel good when I help people, and if I want help I have to ask for it, because there aren't a lot of people like me that just go around helping. Most people seek help out, and I sometimes think I just expect others to see or feel that I need them, without me expressing it to them.
    Exactly! You hit the nail on the head. I think I'm so obsessed with not showing emotion for fear of being denied that I have no other choice but to do a selfless act for another; we look emotionless in our acts, but that's far from what we are.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanie713 View Post
    Hope that made some sense.
    You've made plenty of it.

  5. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    entp
    Posts
    1,190

    Default

    i'll help you regardless of if you help me or not

  6. #16
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    This is a thing I have noticed NFJs do! There seems to be this unspoken tally of favours given and emotional support provided. This doesn't work, guys. I have seen this hurt SO MANY NFJs. If you expect your caring, your time and energy to be reciprocated you need to mention this before hand. You need to pull the "Well you would do this for me if I needed it, right?" card as soon as is possible because most people don't realise that this is expected of them and will get annoyed when you confront them about it.
    It's not an actual tally, mental or otherwise. But when your relationships are lopsided on the giving, you tend to notice.

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    230

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    It's not an actual tally, mental or otherwise. But when your relationships are lopsided on the giving, you tend to notice.
    Yes, and it's disappointing. All the more reason to be careful with your expectations and giving.

  8. #18
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    This could be Fe vs Fi here.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #19
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    This could be Fe vs Fi here.
    Yes, it is the Fe doing the giving. Not that all those with Fe dom or aux will give, and Fi dom or aux won't give...

  10. #20
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    753
    Posts
    507

    Default

    If you don't learn to accept "no win situations" in your life it will consume and destroy you. Young INFJs have an unhealthy fascination with morbid martyrdom. It's not about them, it's about you."

    I agree. I think "no win situations" is a bad phrase for what I was trying to describe; there is no "win" in life, it's simply humans perceiving achievement. What I meant to say is: I have a hard time believing that something (or someone) has the inability to be rebuilt for the good of all.

    "This is a thing I have noticed NFJs do! There seems to be this unspoken tally of favours given and emotional support provided. This doesn't work, guys. I have seen this hurt SO MANY NFJs. If you expect your caring, your time and energy to be reciprocated you need to mention this before hand. You need to pull the "Well you would do this for me if I needed it, right?" card as soon as is possible because most people don't realise that this is expected of them and will get annoyed when you confront them about it."

    Ah, but I think the big issue here is balance. I find it interesting that I feel as if I would do a great deed for somebody, and something as small as a heartfelt "thank you" would make it totally worth it.

    "If you can't help yourself then you can't help anyone. Learn to preserve yourself first. People will take advantage of you and that's another lesson yet to learn."

    This is quite true. I think I-- and maybe INFJs in general-- express my ability to work too much, so when I'm called upon to help somebody, it's for work, not a friendly conversation.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 22
    Last Post: 10-29-2011, 08:12 PM
  2. Hehe...anyone bored and want to help me?
    By emptyepiphany in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-20-2009, 07:58 AM
  3. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-11-2009, 09:42 AM
  4. [MBTItm] Help me please, I am a newb to this personality stuff.
    By Angry Ayrab in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-06-2008, 07:57 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO