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[ENFP] ENFPs - what do you look for in a relationship?

Wyst

lurking....
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Messages
1,662
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
haha

1) hit it and quit it
- Hot, nice body, easy come easy go personality, fun, or depending how easy it is, you can lower your "standards" accordingly... but for me i'd always at least have to enjoy SOMEWHAT being around this person. I don't lie to this type about what I expect though... although if I am confused, I am definitely confused.

2) girlfriend
- at least decent education, not slept around enough so i envision other guy's sperm on my penis, + requirements for #1
- requirements for #1 can be replaced to some degree with requirements for #3

3) wifey
- good motherly, patient type. funny, someone I can look up to in regards to her decisions in life, clean, classy look, knows how to be spontaneous yet also know how to plan things, no baggage, very lovable type of personality, i mean, this list can go on, but I think its pretty stereotypical guy type stuff. =)


additional: good friend to her girlfriends/family, talented in at least one thing where she is THE BEST (can be video games lol, fashion, math, drawing, watever... as long as she is GOOD and very talented at it), has a "wise" point of view when it comes to group situations etc...

Wow... i'll bet you can't keep them off of you. Who wouldn't want a great, caring person like you.
 

Shimmy

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2009
Messages
1,867
MBTI Type
SEXY
So far INFJs and ENTPs have mentioned they think they sound like the right type for an ENFP. I'm going to add INTP to that list now.

Acceptance, openmindedness, loyalty, respect for each other and each others space for starters...

I like to be challenged, so I tend to go for someone who's able to put me in my place intellectually and is able to banter with me. And, someone who isn't afraid of actually putting me in my place when needed. Am a big fan of the stern, arrogant exterior with the soft mushy heart on the inside :blush:

Flaws or quirks are very much appreciated as they are often so endearing :D

Turn-ons include once again intelligence,bluntness/honesty, confidence/arrogance, a certain dominance, the ability to banter and the ability to be ok with being vulnerable and having flaws.

Turn-offs include rigidity, being uncomfortable with things you don't know/ people you don't relate to, bullying, hounding others, and not caring about the fact that others just have as much right to be on this planet as you do.

Dealbreakers include cheating, lying, treating me like a child, constantly telling me what to do, using a disrespectful/demeaning tone of voice with me and too much jealousy. Jealousy can be endearing, but at least have control over it.

Ultimately, it comes down to someone who won't judge me for my flaws, and will appreciate my strengths. Someone who is able to compensate for my flaws with his strengths and not too proud to let me offset his flaws with my strengths. Someone who has a matching set of values to mine. And someone who's willing to form a very intense bond with me, who is willing to look beyond the facade and make an effort to see me for who I am, and allow me access to his inner core too.

Jup, that's me all right.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
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ENFP
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sx/so
I'm not convinced. Saying so doesn't make it so :devil:


Prove it ;)
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Quirks in general..things that are typically them. But for instance introverts can be quite endearing, as they can often appear aloof and shy. Others are adorably clumsy. Blushing easily and feeling a little uncomfortable while exhilarated are some of my fav things to cause in others. Love those that are susceptable to this :D

It's so true. lol I keep thinking about Robert Carradine in " Revenge of the Nerds" - he was so nerdy, but earnest and kind, and sharp. What a hotty. lol

Another good example - Topher Grace on " That 70's Show". INFJ cluelessness and sweetness. My ESTJ mother asked me once why Donna would bother to put up with him, and I said, " You have to be an ENFP." :D
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
Wow... i'll bet you can't keep them off of you. Who wouldn't want a great, caring person like you.

well, subconciously people look for things other than what they tell people. Since this is the internet, i don't really mind going into subconscious thoughts.

The whole soulmmate thing is cool, but I do remember how there are times when I think I met a soulmate every week... lolz~ im not here to be a romantic homie. just telling it like it is. I do take care of people pretty well though. Even the girls im just flinging with, did help one go to law school, another with their business plan for their company they were starting up, careers, etc...even thought it took considerable amt of time out of my plans, but thats not exactly what the OP asked for now is it?
 

ergophobe

Allergic to Mornings
Joined
Apr 26, 2009
Messages
1,210
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
The whole soulmmate thing is cool, but I do remember how there are times when I think I met a soulmate every week... lolz~ im not here to be a romantic homie. just telling it like it is. I do take care of people pretty well though. Even the girls im just flinging with, did help one go to law school, another with their business plan for their company they were starting up, careers, etc...even thought it took considerable amt of time out of my plans, but thats not exactly what the OP asked for now is it?

I'm sure you did - issue is being taken with your ability to articulate that you acknowledge that they were valuable and worthwhile too. So, you're just flinging with them (they're not worthy of your 'real time and effort') and yet you're so generous as to help them with their goals. How magnanimous of you.

Most people do this in a reciprocal fashion -- i.e. provide some value if the receiver is providing something valuable in turn. It would be helpful to acknowledge their end of things. Regardless of the shape of the interaction, valuing people is important. You seem to but haven't demonstrated that very well.
 

mortabunt

Permabanned
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Apr 10, 2009
Messages
963
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type
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5
OMG, all the descriptions match that of INT's. Kiersey was correct (mostly)! Good news for me.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nomad, I believe your honesty is commendable, however you either really worded some stuff in a bad way, or you have a double standard in the 'girlfriend' description, imo. If I were to be your girlfriend, I'd find your need for a girlfriend that's not done what you clearly don't mind doing yourself, rather hypocritical, though I do know that many men share your view on that and would not admit to it in public. Other than that, I would personally have no problem with how you view 'love'. You're upfront about your intentions and they know what to expect and seem to enjoy it just fine :)
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
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enfp
I'm sure you did - issue is being taken with your ability to articulate that you acknowledge that they were valuable and worthwhile too. So, you're just flinging with them (they're not worthy of your 'real time and effort') and yet you're so generous as to help them with their goals. How magnanimous of you.

Most people do this in a reciprocal fashion -- i.e. provide some value if the receiver is providing something valuable in turn. It would be helpful to acknowledge their end of things. Regardless of the shape of the interaction, valuing people is important. You seem to but haven't demonstrated that very well.

Well, like I said, I never lied to them, never gave them false expectations. i.e. I never said "wow, I really want to be with you" just to get them into bed. From the beginning, I said I am not ready for a relationship. From the very beginning. I don't lie to get girls into bed, and I never lie about my expectations. I know that happens, but since I don't do that, I don't believe I deserve the consequences of those who do.
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
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enfp
Nomad, I believe your honesty is commendable, however you either really worded some stuff in a bad way, or you have a double standard in the 'girlfriend' description, imo. If I were to be your girlfriend, I'd find your need for a girlfriend that's not done what you clearly don't mind doing yourself, rather hypocritical, though I do know that many men share your view on that and would not admit to it in public. Other than that, I would personally have no problem with how you view 'love'. You're upfront about your intentions and they know what to expect and seem to enjoy it just fine :)

Yeah, I know its a double standard. But I think double standards exist for men too. Like, girls are less likely to "marry down" in education, than guys are. Girls are less likely to marry a guy poorer than them or earn less than them, than guys are willing to do... So, while I think girls and guys are equal, I by no means think they are both the same. So while a woman is more likely to "marry up" whats so wrong with wanting a woman to have an education too? Whats so wrong with wanting an "ambitious" woman too? I see nothing wrong with girls who say I am too slutty for them. Thats why I don't talk about my past, just like girls don't like talking about their past. Double standards exist on both sides. And while I do think that media oversexualizes women, I like having female bosses better than male bosses, I have no problem with admitting that a woman is better than me in math, science, or a video game, and can view them as better, as long as they are not looking "down" on me. I don't think my viewpoint is overbearing in the overall overbearingness that is associated with the double standards you feel.

How I view love, is when everything I said beforehand doesn't matter, and just being with the person matters.
 

the state i am in

Active member
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Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
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infj
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5w4
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sx/sp
a lot of types work out pretty well for enfps.

entps if spontaneity and adventure and a somewhat different reflection of the same kind of spirit. it's similar to infj-intj, same dominant function always has a very profound and easy way of communicating. intjs are probably the most immediate natural fit. same judgment functions switched around, with dominant intuition shared. enfps see the potential in the relationship and in the intj partner and it seems mutually beneficial. Ni and Ne are so complimentary, they each provide so much constant creative stimulation to each other. infj works pretty well too, intensely warm, humane, compassionate connection. mission is self-actualization in a different way than pairing with a T type and powerfully inspiring.

i like dominant intuitive relationships quite a bit. but i do find intp and infp are good fits as well, tho clashes in values are much more obvious and unwieldy. communication is secondary to these values, whereas for dominant intuitive types it seems like they just want to get it all out there and keep the information moving, changing, evolving as much as possible. with that said, i think intp and infp are excellent matches for enfps (and enfjs). kind of lion-taming, stabilizing, focusing, etc. dominant judgers (especially intuitives) are great at honing the values of those around them, forcing a kind of legitimacy and authenticity and accountability on others that puts them in touch with what is really important to them, what they value, and what they want to do in life. making choices and standing by them, etc. Ti is also an intoxicating function for enfps, the excitement of a challenge gets their great enthusiasm going, and the ability of Ti is to channel so much steely-eyed energy into any type of game and gamesmanship, which, like teasing, is hard to resist and not play along.
 

nameBRAND

New member
Joined
May 28, 2009
Messages
25
MBTI Type
ENFP
Mmm, first and foremost it's required that I can have meaningful conversations with this person. Not to say that I don't like random conversations =D but the ability to have a meaningful one is very key. I also fall hard for ladies with the same taste in music as I. Music is a big part of my life and if our taste in music clash, ughh, >.< . I've gave it much thought (well as much as my attention span could handle) and came to the conclusion I also need someone grounded. I'm very, la di da da about things some times and that grounding would be awesome, haha. Another important note is someone that is very accepting of me and not trying to change everything about what I stand for.

Some minor +'s, a witty sense of humor with a dash of randomness. Someone who doesn't mind going on random misadventures =D. And art lover is also a + ... especially if they like street art or anything of the subversive genre.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
Open mindedness, sexually open and experimental, honest, ambitious or skilled, non-possessive, diverse taste in music, friendliness, extraversion(that's a new one for me. I have only had long term relationships with introverts but they have been difficult), willingness to try new things, love for the spontaneous, generally happy, respectful, intellectual enough to speak superficially about most topics and deeply about select sociopolitical/philosophical topics, lover of children and pets, able to get "on the level" with anyone, charming when with groups of people....

Cant do:

Yellers/screamers, someone more emotional than I am, a person who doesn't like humans(computers are not humans), a person who think everything in life is complicated and doesn't look for solutions, negative people, people who moralize every action(moral conservatives), people who see things in only black and white, someone who treats me like a child and/or can't appreciate who I am
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
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Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Thanks for starting Laura Ashley!

Hmmm, first, I know Modern Nomad has already explained it - but I think he faulted on not wording as smoothly as some others would have but what he actually expressed - I didn't think it was that alarming. Maybe I'm the sexist, but I think a lot of guys really do want and think those things. It reminded me of a guy I strongly suspect is ENFP irl. This guy is very likeable and charming and very nice with a lot of female friends but I have heard him speak pretty baldly (honestly) about women in his life, and I had an ENTP male roommate who did the same. I think they both treated their sexual partners very well and with respect but they are pretty unapologetic and honest (to a fault) about what exactly they are looking for and think about the situation if you ask them.

As for moi~

Um, mang, maybe this is why I am having trouble in dating lately? I don't have a long list because at the end of the day I know that chemistry and especially hot attraction - doesn't follow lists.

I should probably have a list for things that I shouldlook for but that would a short list:

*Be respectful/be someone I respect
*Have your act together
*Be able and willing to have a deep and committed relationship with me.

Albeit, "have your act together" itself is a looooong list.

And yes, being equally if not more hot for me IS a prerequisite. I want unadulterated passion and true desire on multiple levels. No substitutions!

I know the kind of person I tend to be attracted to, but for a LTR - I need my equal and then some. I really need someone strong, trustworthy, ethical, fascinating, fun, and someone with whom I could go to all the crazy depths and heights and scary places in life and emotionally. An impressive person - at least impressive to me. :)

Because I am very intense and I have A LOT of stuff going on inside and a lot extraverting. And I'm intellectually assertive and love talking smack and I have crazy plans and ideas. I need to be with someone who can more than meet me and has a lot to offer and is excited at the prospect. Kinda like two parts making a better whole.

They don't have to be just as or more emotional (in fact, I've been there...it's exhausting and easy to lose your psychological space!!) but basically it has to work.

For a LTR, I imagine what an ideal would look like. I want to feel confident and empowered through and in my relationship, I want to look forward to adventures and randomness and at the same time I want to feel secure and loved and loving and make my partner feel the same.

You know when you're with someone you really like, going grocery shopping together is fun? You feel privileged getting a glimpse at their laundry basket when they're folding clothes? (Or am I just a freak?) And when they text you just to say hi it puts a goofy grin on your face? Yeah, that.

(OMG, I really am a sappy sucker excuse for an ENFP. Bah. I dunno care!!! LOL.)

I want to wake up everyday and look forward to being with this person and what that day will bring. I want to know this is the right person and have this be a good relationship and they'll be around, they will withstand me and withstand life and we'll be better for it and they want all that too. I don't want just warm fuzzies, I want real challenge and learning and support and give and take.

Because being with someone who is neither right for you nor in a good relationship is bloody awful.

Yeahhhh, I guess that wasn't that specific but everyone else seems to have done such a good job with their lists. :) Oh yes, I am shallow people, I have to find my mate really hot.
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
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enfp
You know when you're with someone you really like, going grocery shopping together is fun? You feel privileged getting a glimpse at their laundry basket when they're folding clothes? (Or am I just a freak?) And when they text you just to say hi it puts a goofy grin on your face? Yeah, that.

very true! :D
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
Attraction is most important. Otherwise they can be my friend. Personality wise, communication is second. We have to be able to talk and have good conversations. Shared sense of humor is important. I like to joke, but if she doesn't understand my witty sarcastic sense of humor, well... Then I like having some things in common. I've dated girls I have little in common with, and it makes dating hard. She has to have similar values to mine, and no major red flags.

Another thing about a relationship is the 50/50 factor. I don't mind getting the relationship going, but if you never call or never initiate, then it's over. These are the most important factors. There are other things I'd like but these are the relationship makers/breakers.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
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INFJ
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4
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sx/sp
For a LTR, I imagine what an ideal would look like. I want to feel confident and empowered through and in my relationship, I want to look forward to adventures and randomness and at the same time I want to feel secure and loved and loving and make my partner feel the same.

Thanks for the reply CzeCze. Some good info there.

I was wondering about the bolded. How do you think this effects ENFPs in relationships? Are they setting themselves up for disappointment? It seems a bit difficult to balance being adventurous and randomness and driving for security. Will ENFPs settle for one side and look for the other with friends? How can one find a person that they can always feel excited by? Questions, questions :)

Another thing about a relationship is the 50/50 factor. I don't mind getting the relationship going, but if you never call or never initiate, then it's over.

What if the ENFP never initiates? Does that mean it's over?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nov 5, 2008
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14,717
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4dw
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sx/so
I've found that I appreciate the stability, understanding and predictability between my partner and me. However, he loves it when I go completely bonkers and rediscover the world for the millionth time in a way he hasn't seen it yet and he gets dragged along for the ride and I enjoy putting his skills to work and handing him my ideas to make them into reality if at all possible. Us against the world. Us= stable and predictable with a great dose of passion, love and understanding. The world= our playground :D

Never boring, never dull, yet safe and soothing. Perfect ;)
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
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sx/sp
^So would you say you prefer this over an unpredictable, random partner?
 
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