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Thread: ENFPs - what do you look for in a relationship?

  1. #51
    Fail 2.0 Array BlueScreen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Qualities, quirks, turn-offs, turn-ons, dealbreakers? Anything specific?

    There are threads like this on the other NFs, but none on ENFPs (that I know of), so I thought I'd start one

    And weee, my 1,000th post

    It only took me almost a year to get here.
    Thanks for starting the thread .

    I like people who are warm and connecting, creative, have a love of life and ideas. Really, someone who I feel connects on as many levels as possible. In terms of quirks, I don't mind anything silly or strange, as long as they don't feel like a liability.

    Turn ons include: dark hair with green eyes ; a humanistic side, like I love it when someone seeks to change and improve things; outgoing and adventurous, I like the feeling that things might suddenly become more wild; intelligent, I like to be challenged; philosophical and self-analytical, ie. the ability to keep learning and improving; loving, affectionate, engaging, open, all the normal stuff.

    Turn offs and deal breakers: I'm actually pretty accepting, but if they clip my wings or anyone elses as a matter of practice, are arrogant and dismissive, inflexible and all about themselves, look like there is zero chance that they will form anything mutual and connecting, I am normally on the way out.

    In general, I think we like to not set rules though. So anything that comes up in the thread will probably have exceptions and change given the context. I'm always on the lookout for the things I didn't know I wanted as well.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  2. #52
    RETIRED Array CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Thanks for the reply CzeCze. Some good info there.

    I was wondering about the bolded. How do you think this effects ENFPs in relationships? Are they setting themselves up for disappointment? It seems a bit difficult to balance being adventurous and randomness and driving for security. Will ENFPs settle for one side and look for the other with friends? How can one find a person that they can always feel excited by? Questions, questions
    NP! I like talking about this topic right now because I recently decided I want a serious LTR and want to find the right person.

    It may sound strange the "security and randomness" desire but let me clarify. The security comes from knowing where I stand with the person that I'm with and their feelings and commitment for me. The randomness is more in terms of their open-ness for the unexpected, spontaneity, and enjoying some of the things my Ne curiousity makes me enjoy. I feel an INTJ and ISTJ in my life have been supportive and suggestive and good for helping my sense of curiosity/adventure/randomness so I know it's not type specific to EPs. Type wise, INXPs I know are great go to people to go on random adventures with because they are often open to it.

    In a partner, they don't necessarily have to be an epicenter of suggestions but ideally they would be supportive and also truly enjoy or be cool with sharing in some of these adventures. I think it boils down to that old fashion "support" that people regardless of type want from partners. In this case it's just "support my Ne and how I want to enjoy life (together)".

    As for setting up for disappointment - I have fallen into the growing up trap of being attracted to "exciting" random and how I say "kooky" people who ended up being dramatic in a bad way. They caused a lot of unnecessary disruption and drama in their lives and that = bad. I want healthy open-ness and a sense of adventure, not people with problems.

    So exciting random people can also sometimes be unreliable people but not always.

    The other quandary is sometimes people think we're too random and question our loyalty and ability to be committed and serious in a relationship. I don't necessarily want to pull along my partner and make them do everything I want to do, I have a real desire to make them happy as well and do things they like and experience things together.

    I don't think open-ness and randomness are mutually exclusive with a desire and ability to commit to someone. But perhaps I am being too selfish? Or missing some thing? I can respect that some people can't trust that I would be able to commit to them because I am such a "free spirit" (LOL I hate that term, especially when told me by someone I'm dating!!) even though I truly feel I can and even want to.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux


  3. #53
    Retired Member Array Wonkavision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    qualities - independent, intelligent, funny, authentic, honest and open

    quirks - slightly nerdy and sensotard

    turn-offs - lack of intelligence, lack of depth, too much or too little self-esteem, too muscular, too much make up

    turn-ons - intelligence, enthusiasm, self-confidence, a casual/natural look

    dealbreakers - controlling, demanding, too needy, trying to "fix" me

  4. #54
    Senior Member Array VanillaCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008


    Turn ons - Stupid crap ahaha. like wearing pajamas. I don't know why but I think guys in pajamas look so adorable. Having a certain "evilness" yet being totally cute too. intelligence. debating =X Lol. devotion. strength. And overall, just being attractive.

    Turn offs - Conformists, people who believe things with no real reason, rudeness. getting mad all the time.
    It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.

  5. #55


    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    1. A bright mind that is open to new ideas
    2. A kind spirit
    3. Unexpected Shyness (Both extroverts and introverts can have this depending on the situation)
    4. The ability to engage me on a subject without judgment (especially when I am on an Ne frenzy)
    5. A weird and endearing sense of humor -- could be totally inappropriate but not hurtful
    6. Someone who is comfortable in their own skin - this is reflected in the way people dress, carry themselves, talk with a quiet confidence. Even better when the person is able to show vulnerability.
    7. Must bring passion to the table (for ideas, desires, work) � whatever fuels the passion but there should be some.
    8. An adventurous spirit , spontaneity, wanderlust.
    9. Someone who understands the importance of finding both an intellectual and emotional connection.
    10. Someone who matches my intensity with their own in new and amazing ways.

    1. Bad conversationalists: bad listeners, people who don't ask reciprocal questions.
    2. Close-mindedness
    3. Arrogance that is not backed by skill/knowledge.
    4. I'm with seeker on the clingy-ness.
    5. Yet, there is also such a thing as terrible/too little communication = bad emotional connection
    6. Forever critical/judgmental of my way of life
    Now I know why this absolutely adorable ENFP can't just keep off me (can't keep off him either )...and after 10+ years on a superficial roller coaster with an ESTP, I think, no I feel I finally know why the world goes round (and I can't be talking physics here because my brains literally went on vacation from the day I bumped on this guy). Thanking the gods for ENFPs and their soul melting hugs

  6. #56
    I am Array Fay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    4w3 so/sx
    IEI Ni


    Understanding and space for personal freedom
    4w3-5w4-9w8 so/sx
    IEI-Ni Beta quadra

  7. #57
    Alma Array five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    729 sx/sp
    IEE Ne


    depth of connection and understanding, sense of adventure and curiosity, honesty and authenticity, good sense of humor, intimate but independent, not critical of me, gives me space to fumble around - i need to feel free.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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