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[ENFP] ENFPs - what do you look for in a relationship?

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hell yeah. I am unpredictable enough for the both of us. I notice that when I'm with another ENFP. It's utter fun but after a while we're likely to start hyperventilating and trancing or something and floating all over the place. I need someone willing to withstand the waves of my Fi and function as my rock in times of turbulance. It makes me feel safe :blush:

On the other hand, he cannot be so predictable and stuck to routine that he restricts my freedom and doesn't allow me to go completely bonkers. I can understand that need, but I'm just not build that way. Someone who wants to be entertained, pulled out of their shell and looks to me for crazy antics, while being able to keep his head about him is perfect ;)
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Hell yeah. I am unpredictable enough for the both of us. I notice that when I'm with another ENFP. It's utter fun but after a while we're likely to start hyperventilating and trancing or something and floating all over the place.

:rofl1:

This actually doesn't seem too farfetched.

I wonder if this is a personal preference or if it tends to be the younger ENFPs who like unpredictability in their partners.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
:rofl1:

This actually doesn't seem too farfetched.

I wonder if this is a personal preference or if it tends to be the younger ENFPs who like unpredictability in their partners.

I think this can be true for most types. When you're younger you tend to look for identification and understanding in romantic partners, once you round yourself out a tad people may start to branch out?
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think this can be true for most types. When you're younger you tend to look for identification and understanding in romantic partners, once you round yourself out a tad people may start to branch out?

Right, this does seem like it could be a trend. Although I don't think I'll ever be old enough to consider my opposite type the "perfect match."

P.S. Your profile pic...!
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Right, this does seem like it could be a trend. Although I don't think I'll ever be old enough to consider my opposite type the "perfect match."

P.S. Your profile pic...!

Well doesn't have to be completely opposite. I'm with my ESTJ and she kicks ass, though I think a lot of it has to do with me liking strong women. :ninja:

As for the profile pic, Milo had it coming. He was a dick all weekend.
 

Nonsensical

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
Honesty, Consistency, Intimacy, Depth, Romance, I usually am more interested in deeper and more serious relationships than most people..I mean..uh..

Sex, getting action, parties, the money involved, sex..you know..what most people are into.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i think it has to do with two main things.

7w6 or 7w8 speaks to anxiety or anger. 6 types are more cautious, more wary, use Fi to determine value more before they give away everything and are left with nothing in return. more desirous of security, commitment, trust. 8 types are more in-charge, i do what i want and you can't stop me. it can be really easy to fall into the tertiary trap, bc their thinking is that if you want something, you should take it. they are more focused on strong types, competition, and self-determination than on trust. they are confident they can go find something else, and get angry and can lash out if they feel hamstrung.

i think this ties into degree of extraversion. super-extroverted types that are not in touch with Fi and may use some Te a lot to escape negative reprecussions rather than dwell on them and work them out with Fi. Fi promotes a need for harmony, consistency, emotional awareness/honesty. without being in-touch with the self, they don't value others as much as they value experiences, possibilities, and contests. F becomes a thorn in the side rather than a grounding sense of self.

both have the issue of having F expression turn into a facade or leaving its needs unmet. i think 7w8 types become more healthy when they are more in touch with their own vulnerabilities. it promotes selfless behaviors, more openly giving and attentiveness to the needs of others.
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
What if the ENFP never initiates? Does that mean it's over?

Well since you are (I'm assuming) a girl, then yes. If the ENFP guy isn't initiating he's either not interested, or he needs to man up some more and isn't ready to be in a relationship.

It's a bit more flexible for me in the reverse because I wouldn't expect the girl to start the relationship and get it going. But if we're together in a relationship and she NEVER calls, there's a problem.
 

seeker22

New member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
173
MBTI Type
XNTJ
What if the ENFP never initiates? Does that mean it's over?

An ENFP NOT initiating ANYTHING AT ALL - whether conversation, time spent together, attention paid, verbal compliments, email, smiles, text messages, a kiss, WHATEVER THE CURRENCY is - is not typical. Not a good sign. Usually we are initiating SOMETHING. Lack of this could mean disinterest.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
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INFJ
Enneagram
4
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sx/sp
i think it has to do with two main things.

7w6 or 7w8 speaks to anxiety or anger. 6 types are more cautious, more wary, use Fi to determine value more before they give away everything and are left with nothing in return. more desirous of security, commitment, trust. 8 types are more in-charge, i do what i want and you can't stop me. it can be really easy to fall into the tertiary trap, bc their thinking is that if you want something, you should take it. they are more focused on strong types, competition, and self-determination than on trust. they are confident they can go find something else, and get angry and can lash out if they feel hamstrung.

i think this ties into degree of extraversion. super-extroverted types that are not in touch with Fi and may use some Te a lot to escape negative reprecussions rather than dwell on them and work them out with Fi. Fi promotes a need for harmony, consistency, emotional awareness/honesty. without being in-touch with the self, they don't value others as much as they value experiences, possibilities, and contests. F becomes a thorn in the side rather than a grounding sense of self.

both have the issue of having F expression turn into a facade or leaving its needs unmet. i think 7w8 types become more healthy when they are more in touch with their own vulnerabilities. it promotes selfless behaviors, more openly giving and attentiveness to the needs of others.
Insightful as usual, the state i am in. I definitely see that with some. What do you think of the non-7 ENFPs?

An ENFP NOT initiating ANYTHING AT ALL - whether conversation, time spent together, attention paid, verbal compliments, email, smiles, text messages, a kiss, WHATEVER THE CURRENCY is - is not typical. Not a good sign. Usually we are initiating SOMETHING. Lack of this could mean disinterest.
What if they just "forgot?" Ne dom; seems like a legitimate excuse.
 

BlueScreen

Fail 2.0
Joined
Nov 8, 2008
Messages
2,668
MBTI Type
YMCA
Qualities, quirks, turn-offs, turn-ons, dealbreakers? Anything specific?

There are threads like this on the other NFs, but none on ENFPs (that I know of), so I thought I'd start one :)

----------
And weee, my 1,000th post :static:

It only took me almost a year to get here.

Thanks for starting the thread :).

I like people who are warm and connecting, creative, have a love of life and ideas. Really, someone who I feel connects on as many levels as possible. In terms of quirks, I don't mind anything silly or strange, as long as they don't feel like a liability.

Turn ons include: dark hair with green eyes :); a humanistic side, like I love it when someone seeks to change and improve things; outgoing and adventurous, I like the feeling that things might suddenly become more wild; intelligent, I like to be challenged; philosophical and self-analytical, ie. the ability to keep learning and improving; loving, affectionate, engaging, open, all the normal stuff.

Turn offs and deal breakers: I'm actually pretty accepting, but if they clip my wings or anyone elses as a matter of practice, are arrogant and dismissive, inflexible and all about themselves, look like there is zero chance that they will form anything mutual and connecting, I am normally on the way out.

In general, I think we like to not set rules though. So anything that comes up in the thread will probably have exceptions and change given the context. I'm always on the lookout for the things I didn't know I wanted as well.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Thanks for the reply CzeCze. Some good info there.

I was wondering about the bolded. How do you think this effects ENFPs in relationships? Are they setting themselves up for disappointment? It seems a bit difficult to balance being adventurous and randomness and driving for security. Will ENFPs settle for one side and look for the other with friends? How can one find a person that they can always feel excited by? Questions, questions :)

NP! :D I like talking about this topic right now because I recently decided I want a serious LTR and want to find the right person.

It may sound strange the "security and randomness" desire but let me clarify. The security comes from knowing where I stand with the person that I'm with and their feelings and commitment for me. The randomness is more in terms of their open-ness for the unexpected, spontaneity, and enjoying some of the things my Ne curiousity makes me enjoy. I feel an INTJ and ISTJ in my life have been supportive and suggestive and good for helping my sense of curiosity/adventure/randomness so I know it's not type specific to EPs. :) Type wise, INXPs I know are great go to people to go on random adventures with because they are often open to it.

In a partner, they don't necessarily have to be an epicenter of suggestions but ideally they would be supportive and also truly enjoy or be cool with sharing in some of these adventures. I think it boils down to that old fashion "support" that people regardless of type want from partners. In this case it's just "support my Ne and how I want to enjoy life (together)".

As for setting up for disappointment - I have fallen into the growing up trap of being attracted to "exciting" random and how I say "kooky" people who ended up being dramatic in a bad way. They caused a lot of unnecessary disruption and drama in their lives and that = bad. I want healthy open-ness and a sense of adventure, not people with problems.

So exciting random people can also sometimes be unreliable people but not always.

The other quandary is sometimes people think we're too random and question our loyalty and ability to be committed and serious in a relationship. I don't necessarily want to pull along my partner and make them do everything I want to do, I have a real desire to make them happy as well and do things they like and experience things together.

I don't think open-ness and randomness are mutually exclusive with a desire and ability to commit to someone. But perhaps I am being too selfish? Or missing some thing? I can respect that some people can't trust that I would be able to commit to them because I am such a "free spirit" (LOL I hate that term, especially when told me by someone I'm dating!!) even though I truly feel I can and even want to.
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
qualities - independent, intelligent, funny, authentic, honest and open

quirks - slightly nerdy and sensotard

turn-offs - lack of intelligence, lack of depth, too much or too little self-esteem, too muscular, too much make up

turn-ons - intelligence, enthusiasm, self-confidence, a casual/natural look

dealbreakers - controlling, demanding, too needy, trying to "fix" me
 

VanillaCat

New member
Joined
May 25, 2008
Messages
178
MBTI Type
ENFP
Turn ons - Stupid crap ahaha. like wearing pajamas. I don't know why but I think guys in pajamas look so adorable. Having a certain "evilness" yet being totally cute too. intelligence. debating =X Lol. devotion. strength. And overall, just being attractive.

Turn offs - Conformists, people who believe things with no real reason, rudeness. getting mad all the time.
 

WildBloom

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INTJ
Turn-ons:
1. A bright mind that is open to new ideas
2. A kind spirit
3. Unexpected Shyness (Both extroverts and introverts can have this depending on the situation)
4. The ability to engage me on a subject without judgment (especially when I am on an Ne frenzy)
5. A weird and endearing sense of humor -- could be totally inappropriate but not hurtful
6. Someone who is comfortable in their own skin - this is reflected in the way people dress, carry themselves, talk with a quiet confidence. Even better when the person is able to show vulnerability.
7. Must bring passion to the table (for ideas, desires, work) � whatever fuels the passion but there should be some.
8. An adventurous spirit , spontaneity, wanderlust.
9. Someone who understands the importance of finding both an intellectual and emotional connection.
10. Someone who matches my intensity with their own in new and amazing ways.

Turn-offs
1. Bad conversationalists: bad listeners, people who don't ask reciprocal questions.
2. Close-mindedness
3. Arrogance that is not backed by skill/knowledge.
4. I'm with seeker on the clingy-ness.
5. Yet, there is also such a thing as terrible/too little communication = bad emotional connection
6. Forever critical/judgmental of my way of life

Now I know why this absolutely adorable ENFP can't just keep off me (can't keep off him either :blush:)...and after 10+ years on a superficial roller coaster with an ESTP, I think, no I feel I finally know why the world goes round (and I can't be talking physics here because my brains literally went on vacation from the day I bumped on this guy). Thanking the gods for ENFPs and their soul melting hugs :hug:
 

hjgbujhghg

I am
Joined
Jun 6, 2013
Messages
3,333
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Understanding and space for personal freedom
 

five sounds

MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
5,393
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
729
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
depth of connection and understanding, sense of adventure and curiosity, honesty and authenticity, good sense of humor, intimate but independent, not critical of me, gives me space to fumble around - i need to feel free.
 
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