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  1. #31
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Nomad, I believe your honesty is commendable, however you either really worded some stuff in a bad way, or you have a double standard in the 'girlfriend' description, imo. If I were to be your girlfriend, I'd find your need for a girlfriend that's not done what you clearly don't mind doing yourself, rather hypocritical, though I do know that many men share your view on that and would not admit to it in public. Other than that, I would personally have no problem with how you view 'love'. You're upfront about your intentions and they know what to expect and seem to enjoy it just fine
    Yeah, I know its a double standard. But I think double standards exist for men too. Like, girls are less likely to "marry down" in education, than guys are. Girls are less likely to marry a guy poorer than them or earn less than them, than guys are willing to do... So, while I think girls and guys are equal, I by no means think they are both the same. So while a woman is more likely to "marry up" whats so wrong with wanting a woman to have an education too? Whats so wrong with wanting an "ambitious" woman too? I see nothing wrong with girls who say I am too slutty for them. Thats why I don't talk about my past, just like girls don't like talking about their past. Double standards exist on both sides. And while I do think that media oversexualizes women, I like having female bosses better than male bosses, I have no problem with admitting that a woman is better than me in math, science, or a video game, and can view them as better, as long as they are not looking "down" on me. I don't think my viewpoint is overbearing in the overall overbearingness that is associated with the double standards you feel.

    How I view love, is when everything I said beforehand doesn't matter, and just being with the person matters.

  2. #32
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    a lot of types work out pretty well for enfps.

    entps if spontaneity and adventure and a somewhat different reflection of the same kind of spirit. it's similar to infj-intj, same dominant function always has a very profound and easy way of communicating. intjs are probably the most immediate natural fit. same judgment functions switched around, with dominant intuition shared. enfps see the potential in the relationship and in the intj partner and it seems mutually beneficial. Ni and Ne are so complimentary, they each provide so much constant creative stimulation to each other. infj works pretty well too, intensely warm, humane, compassionate connection. mission is self-actualization in a different way than pairing with a T type and powerfully inspiring.

    i like dominant intuitive relationships quite a bit. but i do find intp and infp are good fits as well, tho clashes in values are much more obvious and unwieldy. communication is secondary to these values, whereas for dominant intuitive types it seems like they just want to get it all out there and keep the information moving, changing, evolving as much as possible. with that said, i think intp and infp are excellent matches for enfps (and enfjs). kind of lion-taming, stabilizing, focusing, etc. dominant judgers (especially intuitives) are great at honing the values of those around them, forcing a kind of legitimacy and authenticity and accountability on others that puts them in touch with what is really important to them, what they value, and what they want to do in life. making choices and standing by them, etc. Ti is also an intoxicating function for enfps, the excitement of a challenge gets their great enthusiasm going, and the ability of Ti is to channel so much steely-eyed energy into any type of game and gamesmanship, which, like teasing, is hard to resist and not play along.

  3. #33
    Junior Member nameBRAND's Avatar
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    Mmm, first and foremost it's required that I can have meaningful conversations with this person. Not to say that I don't like random conversations =D but the ability to have a meaningful one is very key. I also fall hard for ladies with the same taste in music as I. Music is a big part of my life and if our taste in music clash, ughh, >.< . I've gave it much thought (well as much as my attention span could handle) and came to the conclusion I also need someone grounded. I'm very, la di da da about things some times and that grounding would be awesome, haha. Another important note is someone that is very accepting of me and not trying to change everything about what I stand for.

    Some minor +'s, a witty sense of humor with a dash of randomness. Someone who doesn't mind going on random misadventures =D. And art lover is also a + ... especially if they like street art or anything of the subversive genre.

  4. #34
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Open mindedness, sexually open and experimental, honest, ambitious or skilled, non-possessive, diverse taste in music, friendliness, extraversion(that's a new one for me. I have only had long term relationships with introverts but they have been difficult), willingness to try new things, love for the spontaneous, generally happy, respectful, intellectual enough to speak superficially about most topics and deeply about select sociopolitical/philosophical topics, lover of children and pets, able to get "on the level" with anyone, charming when with groups of people....

    Cant do:

    Yellers/screamers, someone more emotional than I am, a person who doesn't like humans(computers are not humans), a person who think everything in life is complicated and doesn't look for solutions, negative people, people who moralize every action(moral conservatives), people who see things in only black and white, someone who treats me like a child and/or can't appreciate who I am

  5. #35
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Thanks for starting Laura Ashley!

    Hmmm, first, I know Modern Nomad has already explained it - but I think he faulted on not wording as smoothly as some others would have but what he actually expressed - I didn't think it was that alarming. Maybe I'm the sexist, but I think a lot of guys really do want and think those things. It reminded me of a guy I strongly suspect is ENFP irl. This guy is very likeable and charming and very nice with a lot of female friends but I have heard him speak pretty baldly (honestly) about women in his life, and I had an ENTP male roommate who did the same. I think they both treated their sexual partners very well and with respect but they are pretty unapologetic and honest (to a fault) about what exactly they are looking for and think about the situation if you ask them.

    As for moi~

    Um, mang, maybe this is why I am having trouble in dating lately? I don't have a long list because at the end of the day I know that chemistry and especially hot attraction - doesn't follow lists.

    I should probably have a list for things that I shouldlook for but that would a short list:

    *Be respectful/be someone I respect
    *Have your act together
    *Be able and willing to have a deep and committed relationship with me.

    Albeit, "have your act together" itself is a looooong list.

    And yes, being equally if not more hot for me IS a prerequisite. I want unadulterated passion and true desire on multiple levels. No substitutions!

    I know the kind of person I tend to be attracted to, but for a LTR - I need my equal and then some. I really need someone strong, trustworthy, ethical, fascinating, fun, and someone with whom I could go to all the crazy depths and heights and scary places in life and emotionally. An impressive person - at least impressive to me.

    Because I am very intense and I have A LOT of stuff going on inside and a lot extraverting. And I'm intellectually assertive and love talking smack and I have crazy plans and ideas. I need to be with someone who can more than meet me and has a lot to offer and is excited at the prospect. Kinda like two parts making a better whole.

    They don't have to be just as or more emotional (in fact, I've been there...it's exhausting and easy to lose your psychological space!!) but basically it has to work.

    For a LTR, I imagine what an ideal would look like. I want to feel confident and empowered through and in my relationship, I want to look forward to adventures and randomness and at the same time I want to feel secure and loved and loving and make my partner feel the same.

    You know when you're with someone you really like, going grocery shopping together is fun? You feel privileged getting a glimpse at their laundry basket when they're folding clothes? (Or am I just a freak?) And when they text you just to say hi it puts a goofy grin on your face? Yeah, that.

    (OMG, I really am a sappy sucker excuse for an ENFP. Bah. I dunno care!!! LOL.)

    I want to wake up everyday and look forward to being with this person and what that day will bring. I want to know this is the right person and have this be a good relationship and they'll be around, they will withstand me and withstand life and we'll be better for it and they want all that too. I don't want just warm fuzzies, I want real challenge and learning and support and give and take.

    Because being with someone who is neither right for you nor in a good relationship is bloody awful.

    Yeahhhh, I guess that wasn't that specific but everyone else seems to have done such a good job with their lists. Oh yes, I am shallow people, I have to find my mate really hot.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  6. #36
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    You know when you're with someone you really like, going grocery shopping together is fun? You feel privileged getting a glimpse at their laundry basket when they're folding clothes? (Or am I just a freak?) And when they text you just to say hi it puts a goofy grin on your face? Yeah, that.
    very true!

  7. #37
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Attraction is most important. Otherwise they can be my friend. Personality wise, communication is second. We have to be able to talk and have good conversations. Shared sense of humor is important. I like to joke, but if she doesn't understand my witty sarcastic sense of humor, well... Then I like having some things in common. I've dated girls I have little in common with, and it makes dating hard. She has to have similar values to mine, and no major red flags.

    Another thing about a relationship is the 50/50 factor. I don't mind getting the relationship going, but if you never call or never initiate, then it's over. These are the most important factors. There are other things I'd like but these are the relationship makers/breakers.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  8. #38
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    For a LTR, I imagine what an ideal would look like. I want to feel confident and empowered through and in my relationship, I want to look forward to adventures and randomness and at the same time I want to feel secure and loved and loving and make my partner feel the same.
    Thanks for the reply CzeCze. Some good info there.

    I was wondering about the bolded. How do you think this effects ENFPs in relationships? Are they setting themselves up for disappointment? It seems a bit difficult to balance being adventurous and randomness and driving for security. Will ENFPs settle for one side and look for the other with friends? How can one find a person that they can always feel excited by? Questions, questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Clonester View Post
    Another thing about a relationship is the 50/50 factor. I don't mind getting the relationship going, but if you never call or never initiate, then it's over.
    What if the ENFP never initiates? Does that mean it's over?

  9. #39
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I've found that I appreciate the stability, understanding and predictability between my partner and me. However, he loves it when I go completely bonkers and rediscover the world for the millionth time in a way he hasn't seen it yet and he gets dragged along for the ride and I enjoy putting his skills to work and handing him my ideas to make them into reality if at all possible. Us against the world. Us= stable and predictable with a great dose of passion, love and understanding. The world= our playground

    Never boring, never dull, yet safe and soothing. Perfect
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  10. #40
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    ^So would you say you prefer this over an unpredictable, random partner?

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