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  1. #1
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    Default What should I tell an ENFJ?

    I don't know much about extroverted feeling. It makes me (an introverted feeler) very happy when someone says something nice.
    But ENFJs could take such comments as superficial and a lie.
    So what makes them become happy? How could I convince them it's meant seriously?

  2. #2
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    Although you may want to give a genuine compliment based on your observations, the ENFJ might take that as a general "peace offering" rather than as a literal compliment. We are our toughest critic, and therefore often feel we aren't deserving of compliments (even though we might be). However, appealing to what the ENFJ believes is his/her strengths will rarely be met with suspicion.

    Or perhaps if you said, "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It might take us by surprise, but we'll respect both your ardency and your kind words.

    *disclaimer: when I refer to pronouns such as "we, us, our," I really mean, "I, me and my own," respectively.*
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    Although you may want to give a genuine compliment based on your observations, the ENFJ might take that as a general "peace offering" rather than as a literal compliment. We are our toughest critic, and therefore often feel we aren't deserving of compliments (even though we might be). However, appealing to what the ENFJ believes is his/her strengths will rarely be met with suspicion.

    Or perhaps if you said, "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It might take us by surprise, but we'll respect both your ardency and your kind words.

    *disclaimer: when I refer to pronouns such as "we, us, our," I really mean, "I, me and my own," respectively.*
    Thanks for your hint.

  4. #4
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I like to know that my friends think of me in a positive light. I wouldn't take it as a lie or buttering up if I liked you already and trusted you.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #5
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Threads that ask what should I do to appeal to XXXX type are amusing to me because when you see the responses they basically say the same thing regardless of type.

    My default setting when someone says something nice to me isn't suspicion, especially if I can see no reason why they would need to lie. Gracefully say thank you or some other witticism and don't awkwardly dwell on it. That's such an insecure thing to do, imo. I know what I do well and I know what I don't do well. If I get a boost in something I don't do well, it always feels good...it's added motivation and incentive to strive.

    I think some ENFJs may be suspicious of such behavior because game recognizes game and if they're prone to say things to people for effect and not out of sincerity then everyone is suspect.

    From a general Fe-dom perspective I know that I really enjoy a good conversationalist and banter, someone with whom I can establish dialogue. I really enjoy verbal and mental acuity. They become a person of interest. Believe it or not for me as a Fe-dom I don't like having to play Mama Bear. It feels so therapist-patient and that's not what I look for.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I think some ENFJs may be suspicious of such behavior because game recognizes game and if they're prone to say things to people for effect and not out of sincerity then everyone is suspect.
    This totally fits my situation. I don't if it helps me but thanks.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    Or perhaps if you said, "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It might take us by surprise, but we'll respect both your ardency and your kind words.

    *disclaimer: when I refer to pronouns such as "we, us, our," I really mean, "I, me and my own," respectively.*
    This is for me, too. ENFJs, in general, do have a lot of issues with being our worst own critic. We have (at times) believing the best of ourselves.

    The best thing probably to say if they are feeling particularly down on themselves to do as Grand Chameleon says to do... say: "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It should work like a charm to boost our dour feelings. Rinse and repeat.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  8. #8
    Glycerine
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    It seemed like we felt obligated to give each other compliments. I guess be persistent and give them a foolproof rationale why you think "they are..."

  9. #9
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    YAY! IDK is one of "us" now. *plots*
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #10
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Just ask her out already.
    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    sheesh humans! for realz

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