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  1. #41
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Well, if you're perfectly satisfied with your own behavior and will make no modifications, then why the thread?
    You wanted to know why people view you a certain way, and it has been explained. You can either accept that people will continue to view you that way, or you can make changes in your style.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #42
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    ok here's how I look at it, if its info i have on my facebook or somewhere else, then ok Iput it their if it's something I know I didn't post then, it's a problem. People are so dumb at times, you put info on a social networking site, and you don't expect people to find out? go castrate yourself/rip out your uterus please, we don't need your offspring.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #43
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    You want to be close to and be liked by the people that you meet, as we all do. You feel that intimacy in your life is lacking and that being able to share your thoughts openly with someone receiving them well is important.

    Unfortunately you are attempting to speed this process up much more quickly than the average person feels comfortable. Your need for closeness is so great that you are sharing thoughts that make people feel very uncomfortable at that stage of your acquaintance. Your attempts at closeness are actually driving people away from you. You are provoking people and talking about controversial subjects because a negative reaction is better for you than no reaction at all.

    This issue with people thinking you are stalking you is only a symptom of a bigger issue, which is your need for connection with someone. Possible remedies for your situation include:

    1) Try to look outward in your real world. Practice talking to other people and thinking how you can make them the most comfortable and happy. Volunteer with an organization (it will make you feel good, you will be accomplishing something important and you will meet people).

    2) Think less about your feelings and more about ways to build your sense of who you are. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, other people's reactions will matter less and they will also find you interesting. When you have less need to provoke, they will be able to relate to you. (More on building confidence later).

    3) Find some strong adults in your life who you can become emotionally attached to. The problem with other teenagers and with online people is that they are either far away or dealing with their own problems. They will not be there for you no matter what. You cannot look to someone for guidance if you do not have a home base. You need the stability of someone who you can look to for support, unconditional love and guidance. Some places to start, (if you can't look to your parents) are connecting with teachers, becoming part of a religious community, joining a youth organization or a sports league, or finding someone in your extended family that can act as a parent figure for you.

    Your brain's first priority is taking care of you emotionally to make a strong attachment to someone, preferably someone who can take a strong lead in guiding you. When this is not there, you will be restless and unsettled, and always looking for something that will fill that void. Hence, the kind of attempts that you have made so far to remedy that.

    To deal with the emotional pain of the rejection you feel from not having attachments, your brain will shield you from noticing how other people are reacting to you and where you are not wanted so you will keep stepping into more situations where you will be further rejected. After some time, this can worsen and your body physically and emotionally numbs itself to pain. It becomes very difficult to be able to come to tears about something that isn't working in your life. Until your body actually has that release, it will stay stuck in a cycle of doing the same things that are not working. When things aren't working, you will experience frustration that turns into agression. When the emotions are numbed and people become both tearless and fearless, people begin taking unreasonable risks or start cutting themselves just to be able to feel again.

    Alternatively, if you have strong attachments in place, they serve as a root system for you so that you can grow. Your brain can move on with the business of maturation. You have room then to think of other people instead of your own needs, to make long term decisions, to persevere in favour of a long term reward and to control your emotions. You will be more sensitive to those around you which help you stay out of the way of those who will be likely to hurt you.

    The people on this forum have a wide variety of worldviews. Within the context of my Christian worldview, God is the ultimate attachment figure who will be there even when you are alone in the world. He will love you unconditionally and give you the peace that will allow you to become what you were meant to be. I think this is worth considering.

    You obviously do want to connect with people and I think you have something to offer. You are just going about it in a way that will not get you what you ultimately want.

  4. #44
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    It isn't sick. In fact, I don't know if this has been a reply already, but did it ever occur to you that rather than being creeped out some people just might be....annoyed? I don't mean to hurt your feelings in any way, but some people just don't want to be friends with everyone they're acquainted with on the Internet. That doesn't mean that they think you're stalking them, it just may mean that they don't have the time, energy, or interest to be extra-social with someone they've casually encountered on-line.

    I think that with your E, especially, it's probably a good idea to take the advice of the person that posted above me and hone those friend-making skills IRL. There's nothing wrong with you, but in life in general not everyone is going to like you. On the Internet, some people don't come on-line to make friends, or if they do, it's only with a few people they feel an especially strong identification with.

  5. #45
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I once accumulated all my courage and sat next to that cute american girl, who mysteriously appeared in my bar. Then I asked, romantically, after haven drunk like 15 beer: "Your naaame ?"

    She replied with "gross" and left the bar.

    Some people just dont see you inner values in the face of the candlelight. It's a cruel, cruel world...
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    For me it increases the level of intimacy. And I really love intimacy.
    I think you might be confused about what intimacy actually is. Intimacy is a SHARED thing. It's much more intimate to wait for someone to open up and share with you willingly than to scour for info about them on the Internet. That isn't real intimacy.

  7. #47
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I think you might be confused about what intimacy actually is. Intimacy is a SHARED thing. It's much more intimate to wait for someone to open up and share with you willingly than to scour for info about them on the Internet. That isn't real intimacy.
    Ya, but patience can be a cruel enemy
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #48
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I think you might be confused about what intimacy actually is. Intimacy is a SHARED thing. It's much more intimate to wait for someone to open up and share with you willingly than to scour for info about them on the Internet. That isn't real intimacy.
    Yep pretty much.

    So if what you're doing pushes people away... and you're afraid of rejection... then why are you doing it? Sounds like contradictory thinking to me.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #49
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I think you might be confused about what intimacy actually is. Intimacy is a SHARED thing. It's much more intimate to wait for someone to open up and share with you willingly than to scour for info about them on the Internet. That isn't real intimacy.
    agreed and i hope you can see that and get that it's not really "them" with an odd reaction...it is the behavior and i say this because you seem to care and want our advice so know that people here are tryin to help you with it and not tryin to pick on you or anything.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #50
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    I think I understand where this is coming from. I became disinterested in my peers when I was in highschool and only had friends on the internet and I would do this. I would read their livejournals and then ask about things that happened during their day because if it's up on the internet surely you want people to see it? Apparently not.

    ENFPs are naturally impatient about receiving information but this is what makes us assholes. We need to get over it and learn to respect other peoples' boundaries as much as we cling to our own. Life gets much easier when you learn not to become emotionally invested in every person you meet.

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