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[INFP] INFP+ENFP

Scott N Denver

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I've seen very little about this relationship pairing: any thoughts, experiences etc?

The very little that I have seen is from tribe.net, when ENFP-INFP couples mentioned 1) how similar they are those outsiders often may not see it, 2) how not-serious or not-responsible they are, 3) how much fun they have together.

Tiger and Barron-Tieger in Just Your Type describe it as easy and familiar with very strong emotional connection, and the major differences and difficulties being related to 1) being TOO similar and 2) different energy levels/social needs.

I kid you not, their section on "The joys" is relatively short, and they start off "The frustrations" section by talking about ease, familiarity, and similarity. Do they do this with the ENFJ-INFJ or any of the other E___+I same___ pairs that I've seen? No!!!!! Maybe they just got tired cuz it was almost the end of the book???? I've honestly thought about writing to them and asking about that.


I often feel like ENFP's are my like looking at myself in the mirror if I was just more social and talkative. The dom Ne vs Dom Fi does make a real difference, but get two balanced people together, and well they are balanced people. In a sense, an ENFJ is what I would aspire to be if I were an extravert [their social skills and natural good graces and all], and yet an ENFP is what I would be if I were an extravert. All our INFP well-wishing puppies-in-utopia thinking only amounts to so much due to our often not projecting well-wishing puppies-in-utopia out to others in a way where they can sense it and do something with it. But the ENFP's, they put stuff out there, and sure it may not be as intense as our super-deep well-wishing puppies-in-utopia-ness, but its still a lot [far more than most peoples for sure!] and, you know, ACTUALLY GETS SEEN AND NOTICED BY OTHERS.

Anyways, thoughts, ideas, experiences???
 

CzeCze

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There's more than a few threads or post-clumps about ENFP/INFP connection. Having dated 3 INFPs (I know, I know) I will say that a feeling of ease and connection can be your downfall because it masks all the things that need to be worked on or are not working or are just plain not acceptable.

I can have a blast hanging out with certain INFPs irl but you can't build a solid relationship on just having fun and feelings. Two of the three INFPs I dated ended up being duds and just Bad Choices, the third situation is still working itself out. :)

I find that interacting with INXPs at the very least has an element of familiarity and comfort in it - in that I at least know what to expect or what certain un-verbal things mean.
 

Lady_X

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i'm pretty sure wonkavision has made some good posts regarding this topic. you might do a search.
 

Thessaly

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It appears neither INFPs nor ENFPs are interested in this thread. I can't imagine why :whistling:
 

Scott N Denver

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It appears neither INFPs nor ENFPs are interested in this thread. I can't imagine why :whistling:

I don't understand what you are getting at?

Wait, are you saying that we are both too lazy or preoccupied to give it much attention???
 

Thessaly

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lol No. Well I may be commenting too much for others, but I don't think it's a couple that would desire a relationship with one another upon closer inspection.
 

Scott N Denver

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lol No. Well I may be commenting too much for others, but I don't think it's a couple that would desire a relationship with one another upon closer inspection.

Why do you think that is??? It seems to me that lots of people think that any NF type could be potentially well-matched with any NF type.

Admittedly, the INFP-ENFJ thread is getting more inputs, but INFP-ENFP can go VEYR well as well according to happily-long-term-married INFP-ENFP couples that I have heard of. "We may not be very serious, but we do have LOTS of fun together! How many other couples can say that after 15 [or however many] years of marriage!"
 

Scott N Denver

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Maybe the ENFP's just aren't as organised about saying how potentially nuts they are about us as are the ENFJ's???
 

phthalocyanine

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both ENFP & INFP prefer to have options open.. maybe we're all just..waiting. maybe for something..maybe not..
 

seeker22

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I think this could be a very satisfying match... VERY satisfying... Comfortable... "Feels like home" kind of match...
 

Tiny Army

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Communicating with my INFP boyfriend is incredibly easy. Our value systems sync up, we think about things in similar terms but a number of problems have arisen over the course of the year or so we have been together.

1) He is incredibly emotional about everything and doesn't take criticism well at all even if it's something like "Wash both sides of the plate because there are still beans on the bottom." This somehow sends him into near weepy hysterics. I don't understand it.

2) He is even worse than I am at completing tasks. You can ask him to do something a million times, in writing with explicit step by step instructions and he won't have done it by the time you get back. In fact every time I have gone out of town I have returned to him pretty much in a pile of filth starving to death and the list of survival instructions I wrote out before I left is in the litterbox.

3) We have the same value system, he just has more actual values than I do. Part of him is always offended by everything. Literally EVERYTHING. I sometimes feel like he secretly thinks I'm a bad person because I'm just not as nice as he is.

4) He is SO introverted that I feel somewhat like my social life has disappeared since I started dating him. He needs a lot of emotional support all the time and while I know he tries to respect my space, he does seem to need me a lot and that can be stressful.


Obviously this cannot be the case with every single ENFP-INFP couple there is out there, but I have noticed that INFPs tend to prefer to have someone "take charge" in the relationship. If you're a flaky ENFP it might be too much responsibility in the long run but it is definitely not without its rewards.
 

Nillerz

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Hey! Relevent!

I broke up with an INFP because they told me to go buy a hooker.
 

runvardh

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Communicating with my INFP boyfriend is incredibly easy. Our value systems sync up, we think about things in similar terms but a number of problems have arisen over the course of the year or so we have been together.

1) He is incredibly emotional about everything and doesn't take criticism well at all even if it's something like "Wash both sides of the plate because there are still beans on the bottom." This somehow sends him into near weepy hysterics. I don't understand it.

2) He is even worse than I am at completing tasks. You can ask him to do something a million times, in writing with explicit step by step instructions and he won't have done it by the time you get back. In fact every time I have gone out of town I have returned to him pretty much in a pile of filth starving to death and the list of survival instructions I wrote out before I left is in the litterbox.

3) We have the same value system, he just has more actual values than I do. Part of him is always offended by everything. Literally EVERYTHING. I sometimes feel like he secretly thinks I'm a bad person because I'm just not as nice as he is.

4) He is SO introverted that I feel somewhat like my social life has disappeared since I started dating him. He needs a lot of emotional support all the time and while I know he tries to respect my space, he does seem to need me a lot and that can be stressful.


Obviously this cannot be the case with every single ENFP-INFP couple there is out there, but I have noticed that INFPs tend to prefer to have someone "take charge" in the relationship. If you're a flaky ENFP it might be too much responsibility in the long run but it is definitely not without its rewards.

Wow, just wow! Did you fish him out of mommy's basement? Wow...
 

Scott N Denver

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I've been pretty surprised to hear how lazy individual INFPs and/or ENFP's can be! Really, are we that bad? Well, apparently some of us are...
 

Tiny Army

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Yes, we are. Every type has its good side and its bad side. You can't take all the NFP praise without taking some of the slack, too. There is no "some of us" involved here. Every single person here has given into their dark side at some point or another and been responsible for some NFP bullshit. I'm sure everyone can remember some point in time when they were the worst person they could be.
 

Stanton Moore

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Communicating with my INFP boyfriend is incredibly easy. Our value systems sync up, we think about things in similar terms but a number of problems have arisen over the course of the year or so we have been together.

1) He is incredibly emotional about everything and doesn't take criticism well at all even if it's something like "Wash both sides of the plate because there are still beans on the bottom." This somehow sends him into near weepy hysterics. I don't understand it.

2) He is even worse than I am at completing tasks. You can ask him to do something a million times, in writing with explicit step by step instructions and he won't have done it by the time you get back. In fact every time I have gone out of town I have returned to him pretty much in a pile of filth starving to death and the list of survival instructions I wrote out before I left is in the litterbox.

3) We have the same value system, he just has more actual values than I do. Part of him is always offended by everything. Literally EVERYTHING. I sometimes feel like he secretly thinks I'm a bad person because I'm just not as nice as he is.

4) He is SO introverted that I feel somewhat like my social life has disappeared since I started dating him. He needs a lot of emotional support all the time and while I know he tries to respect my space, he does seem to need me a lot and that can be stressful.


Obviously this cannot be the case with every single ENFP-INFP couple there is out there, but I have noticed that INFPs tend to prefer to have someone "take charge" in the relationship. If you're a flaky ENFP it might be too much responsibility in the long run but it is definitely not without its rewards.


Your BF sounds very fragile and anxious. Maybe he needs meds or some exercise? Low serotonin can cause this kind of emotional labililty. I know I get very moody and weird if I don't get sweaty everyday.
 

runvardh

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... I'm sure everyone can remember some point in time when they were the worst person they could be.

I still alternate between best and worst, but not as bad as I used to. Forced need to develop my top for functions at once growing up resulted in an entertaining pre-teen experience. Not happy about the path I had to take to survive, but the mentality of vengence helped stem the suicidal thoughts I had at the time.
 

Scott N Denver

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Briefly, what do ENFP's get out of this, or what do INFP's bring to the table? A part of me feels like ENFp's bring things to the table [enthusiam, energy, perkiness, socialness], and we just accept what's at the table more so than bringing other things to the table too. I could be totally wrong there. Are we good for providing "grounding" both in general and when ENFP's go WAY overboard?
 

CzeCze

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Every single person here has given into their dark side at some point or another and been responsible for some NFP bullshit.

I call it part of a growing up process and that's regardless of age.

I'm sure everyone can remember some point in time when they were the worst person they could be.

Actually, no, I'm pretty sure I have never been the worst person I could be. I don't even want to think what that person would look like.

At my personal worst, I was bad, but I was not a hurtful person. I was just really flaky and insecure and so out of my mind spastic and mentally/emotionally hyperactive, anxious, and sensitive I really wonder how I was functional and developed any relationships at all or got anything done.
 
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