[ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction

[mlittrell]

I've ranted about this more than a few times because I think it's BS. I don't think ENFPs are more likely to cheat. I think that when they are young and immature, ENFPs are more likely to drop one relationship for something else, but that's not the same as cheating. If cheating goes against the principles of the ENFP (and I think it's against the principles of most people), they will not do it. This behavior is not an issue with a mature ENFP.

I think there are other types that have a greater tendency to cheat, they just have fewer opportunities.

agreed

 

[mlittrell]

The thing is that they aren't really like the people mentioned above, I think they're thinking of the ESFP, because ENFPs are like introverted extroverts.

This is to allow us to work on hobbies and projects and such. Also, for me, a good chunk of the world is S so i tend to be awkard

 

[mlittrell]

ENFP`s are great people so sweet i like them =)

good answer

sorry for the multiple posts btw

 

[Into It]

As far as the introverted extrovert thing goes...Well, I've heard that before. But it doesn't apply to me. Not in the least- I'm SO scattered that my regular speech and driving habits make people laugh. It's difficult to take a person like me too seriously. I think people respect my opinions and so on and so forth, but no one is intimidated by me or anything. Wait, that didn't have to do with the post, but I'm not going to delete it because this is an ENFP thread and I want to be as legitimate as possible. But the bottom line is that I DON'T turn off, probably because I am forced to laugh at myself so frequently just because I do everything in such a weird order that it's kind of funny.

But basically I have a lot in common with ESFP's, I like them a lot-I CANNOT fully connect with sensors, I have never been able to. Before I knew about typology, I just knew that there were a lot of people, more than 50%, that were just on different communication channels if that makes any sort of sense. It's like I felt they could never fully tune in to what I was saying or doing. Now I know these people are sensors. It's not that N is superior if that seemed arrogant,it is just that we're on different levels. Neither level is higher. Is that possible?? Yes, it is. The levels just need to be measured horizontally rather than vertically; think about it.

BUT ESFP's! I cannot fully connect with them either but it doesn't matter because I don't need a true intellectual connection with people who just want to run around and do whatever, which is the ESFP way and is very fun! Truly the only S that I connect with, and it's only because our behavior is relatively similar. Somewhat.

 

[animenagai]

argh! too much to read -.- . stupid time difference.

i do love being an ENFP, and to be honest, if i could choose to be any MBTI type at all, i wouldn't change a thing.

things i love being an ENFP:

1. i know how to make the best out of a situation mentally. i'm not the type of person that will worry over every little thing and i can see the good in all things. well are the true idealists.

2. i love being able to think about anything and never stop thinking. in a sports team, the players need to talk to each other to have good unity. i think it's kinda the same with the human mind. the more you think, the more you're connecting those neurons or whatever, the more you're exercising that muscle. sure there are negatives to this, but i'm sure that the positives outweigh it.

3. we are intelligent and have good people skills. that's all you can really ask for in terms of personality right? we don't try to choose one from another and to be honest, why would you feel like you need to? both is good.

4. people energize me and that gets me more energy in return. there are very few people i cannot connect with. i truly believe in the good of people. honestly, no one only has a bad side. it just takes time.

i hate:

1. over thinking relationships in the courting stage. just do it damnit :steam:.

2. getting stressed over physical symptoms. out of all the types, ENFP's deal with physical imperfections the worse.

3. not doing everything with time to spare. good god, i even missed an exam last semester because i couldn't be fucked checking the timetable . they let me sit it anyways though. see? social skills > organization skills. therefore, ENFP > not ENFP.

 

[raindancing]

I haven't read all the posts, but I just wanted to say that as an INFP the following things really resonated with me. They definitely describe me as well. I'm no expert in function theory, but some of these things seem like Fi? Of course similarities would make since considering the top two functions are the same, albeit reversed.

(actually, I have seen this in my female ENFP friend watching someone else talk to her... this other person was bitching/badmouthing about a good friend of ours (an ENTJ, good friend of the ENFP and I); my ENFP friend continued to assume an attitude of amicability to the person while replying with only choice statements that agree with some part of the discussion she can agree with, while posing no reply to the parts which directly offend her friendship with the ENTJ target of discussion, and showing no visible body language or statements that inform the person that she is in disagreement)

Yes. I do this too. Once in a blue moon someone finds out I didn't "defend" them or whatever. They call me a flake; disloyal. However, in my point of view, I am just trying to avoid further conflict. While I am not exactly "defending" them by countering back or even disagreeing in any way, I try to provide excuses for my badmouthed friend, or tell them my friend's side of the story, so that they may form a better opinion of them if they wish. And of course, my friends are not the protagonists in all situations. The badmouther often makes many good points too, which I am usually able to agree with at least partly. And when they are often right, who am I to be repulsed? It's very easy to interpret careless mistakes/acts of insensitivity towards you negatively, and easy to take that negativity and go overboard...this is uncontrollable, and in some cases with certain people, inevitable. By taking the side of my friend just for the sake of expressing my loyalty in the face of something unchangeable by that behaviour is pointless. People are stupid. We do stupid things, and nobody is perfect (especially due to the fact that perfect is different to everyone). I could complain about anyone at all if I wanted to, pointing out this and that and those little things. There is little in this world that is not reasonable.

This is all true for me. I don't lie to people, but I also really don't like offending people either, so if someone is saying something I don't agree with I will either not respond or only respond to the things that I do have something to agree about... it's amazing how often people seem oblivious to this. I'm always sure they'll notice! And I certainly agree with you niffer, there are just too many possibilities/points of view, and I hate making judgments about people anyway. It's really rare for me to actually be judgmental toward someone.

Spontaneity: definitely.

Non-conflict engaging/confrontational. I'll usually let people talk and seem neutral to what they are saying, since it's a much easier way to learn more than if I'm screaming my head off. I just take a mental step back and analyse instead of getting emotionally involved.

From observational and anecdotal data found in my real life, I gather that a lot of ENFPs wear masks or second skin, so closely resembling who they really are that it's hard to tell it's there. But it is, and it's a bitch to shed, because it's like acting when you don't even know you're playing a role. I think this ties in with the whole sensitivity issue. I get hurt very easily, but I usually won't tell the offender, because that would seem a sign of weakness. I avoid confrontations and situations where I'll risk getting shouted at. It's much easier to bend around obstacles than removing them. Actually being myself, the absolutely, totally genuine and not-just-so-close-to-reality-that-you won't-know-the-difference me, is one of the hardest things I ever have to do. It leaves me vulnerable to attacks I can't just let bounce off the surface.

Yes I also have the mask or second skin problem. It's horrible.

It's painfully raw and rips at your heart and you want to run and hide and and and...... you want to stay b/c it's hurts so bad yet feels so good to be able to trust someone on that level and vulnerable with someone on that level and just contect. It's not something I can do often it takes a lot out of me.

As for the buffer yes I have friends who have noticed it and I am always shocked by the reality of it being there b/c I thought I took it down and it was in the wash.... yet no it's always there. Sometimes it's like a think black concrete wall and other times it's like mesh material certain molecules can pass through but others cannot.....

I so much want to take it down but am so afraid too... in life I feel so lost and almost invisable... so often I feel like I am on the outside looking in....

That is so accurate for me too targo, I know just how you feel.

There's this part of me, the real part of me, that is just so hard to show to people. It feels like I have these nice little walls built up that allow me to function normally. What I really want though is to be my real self, it's just that this part of me is so sensitive, sort of like a snowflake. Intricate and fragile. There have been too many times when I've let down the wall and someone, not even knowing, touches the snowflake. To them of course it seems like nothing, but my poor little snowflake is seriously damaged!
Too many instances like that make it really hard to let down the wall...
But never letting it down not only means not being myself (painful in it's own way), but also means never having that exquisite connection when someone recognizes you and smiles.

I think part of the problem is that (as you are pointing out), ENFPs are afraid to let go. Couple that with the fact that they tend to be friendly with pretty much everyone and it is difficult for people to know if they genuinely like you or are just nice to everyone. (Although, I think this is also because they are so afraid of offending anyone).

I've also noticed that they tend to talk to people that they are just getting to know like they are testing the waters. It's like they think before every sentence. It's entertaining to me, but who knows what other types think.

Yep, this too is apt. At least for me, "testing the waters" is more trying to see how much of myself to show this person. I don't want to show them too much and then be hurt.

 

[phoenix13]

2. getting stressed over physical symptoms. out of all the types, ENFP's deal with physical imperfections the worse.

As a diabetic, I couldn't disagree more... where did you get that idea? I thought we were relentlessly positive with setbacks.

 

[animenagai]

As a diabetic, I couldn't disagree more... where did you get that idea? I thought we were relentlessly positive with setbacks.

hmmm... i might be reading this wrong, but here: ENFP facts

 

[TickTock]

1. I would rather not do that at the moment.

2. I have to work a lot.

3. I would appeal to the person's logic. Do you think it is FAIR for me to do that when I work like 14 hours a day???

4. Let's wait and see.

5. Change the subject.

6. A really unhealthy way, that I do not do anymore, is to say yes, realize you are way over your head, and then try to think of a logical reason why you couldn't do it, which always used to backfire in my face because my Te is tertiary.

7. Try to distract the person by acting like a crazy nut.

8. Just leave the unironed wash in the corner for two months. Try to see if my husband will do it. He does not. So I guess I betta do it before it needs to be washed again.

9. Ignore the subject.

10. Final resort - say NO.

Very nice. Although no. 3 isn't so much playing on their logic as playing on their emotions.

 

[Shadowrose]

hmmm... i might be reading this wrong, but here: ENFP facts

I believe that means they're the least likely to develop physical symptoms (get sick) from being stressed out.

 

[phoenix13]

hmmm... i might be reading this wrong, but here: ENFP facts

That sounds sketa-McSketchy. Developing physical symptoms is not a coping mechanism. It's simply a symptom (probably of a lack of coping mechanisms). At the same time, I don't even realize I'm stressed-out half the time until I develop physical symptoms. Thus, this all seems sketchy. They don't even give a reference! It's an outrage, I say!

(Not a personal attack, and despite my vigor, I don't actually care that much one way or the other.)

 

[Shadowrose]

That sounds sketa-McSketchy. Developing physical symptoms is not a coping mechanism. It's simply a symptom (probably of a lack of coping mechanisms). At the same time, I don't even realize I'm stressed-out half the time until I develop physical symptoms. Thus, this all seems sketchy. They don't even give a reference! It's an outrage, I say!

(Not a personal attack, and despite my vigor, I don't actually care that much one way or the other.)

:ulls out big book'o'stats::

There are.. 12 coping methods listed:
Try to avoid stressful situations
Confront the problem
Talk to someone close
Talk to professional
Rely on religious beliefs
Try to think of options
Get upset or angry but don't show it
Get upset or angry and show it
Develop physical symptoms
Sleep
Exercise
Watch television

The answers came from a national sample, where they sent about 16,000 households surveys. It was part of the analysis of the entire MBTI thingamajig. Anywho, participants were allowed to check as many boxes as applied.

ENFPs listed "Develop Physical Symptoms" more commonly than all other 15 types. I was wrong, earlier, huh. If you're curious, ESTPs rated this lowest of the 16 types. ENFPs also rated 3rd highest on "Talk to a Professional", 3rd lowest on "Try to avoid stressful situations", and 3rd lowest on "Watch television".

I like my big book of stats. It amuses me greatly. ^_^

 

[ENFP Goddess]

We are good at swallowing.


Assuming these are things assigned to me by other people:

- postpone doing the task (or hint at the fact that you may have to)
You have to ease your way out of it...make yourself seem difficult. Hopefully there will be someone else better or more available-seeming for the job that could take over for you..
This includes hiding when they come looking for you, not showing up and making excuses when they set times to talk to you, shying away from topics, etc.

- make other lame excuses
If they refuse to accept them then they'll seem inconsiderate...

- fake a breakdown (either emotional or physical - whichever is most convenient)
People never see me this way. They'll inevitably feel bad for me..

- explain why you sincerely cannot do it
Most reasonable people should understand my reasonable reason as to why I wouldn't want to do whatever it is...

- slowly shut off more and more of you to them until they get the picture
Note: this is the last resort
I am one to respond to people as much as possible. Showing that I am no longer willing to communicate with them serves a double purpose.

God I love this, its not just me who resorts to evil tactics with the best of intentions lol

 

[ENFP Goddess]

I especially like ENFPs and work with quite a few in the arts. I typically come out of the interaction and friendships with the feeling that they are more important to me than i am to them. I kinda get the introverted-extrovert thing, but the ENFPs i know are distracted to a significant degree socially. Their charm exceeds any slight and it is basically impossible not to warm up to them instantly. They may have the most charisma of all the types. They do tend to be amazingly creative and warm. One of my all time favorite types. It is difficult to hold their attention for long. I find it necessary to keep them at arm's length emotionally for a while, so i don't get sucked into their charm and end up hurt when they move on.

We are not all like this though honey, I have huge amounts of charm lol, but loyalty is fiercely important to me. And I am not a fair weather kind of bitch... unless you bore me lol. but to be fair if you do bore me I try my best to fix you before abandoning you

 

[Lulu-Mercury]

Hey there ENFPS! I’m an ENFP and I was following these threads yesterday, then decided to join. I can really relate to what everyone has said.
My names Laura, I’m 18. All the things I’ve read are true, like I too take a while to warm up at a gathering so I can appear quite, but then once I find the fun looking people, I’m completely myself - funny, talkative and when drunk, very philosophical and also even sillier. I saw someone say that with their ENFP friend they laugh for hours with sore abs, I had to laugh! Because this is soo familiar, when I’m with my friends, we laugh for hours and our abs really feel like they’ve had a good gym workout! And we cry from laughter and say ‘I CAN’T BREATHE!’ Sometimes, we feel like we’re dying from laughter. Good times!

I think friends treat us like their personal counselor. My friend calls me Buddha for it hahahah, but I saw someone say that people don’t often know when WE need help, we so readily and easily help everyone else with their issues but we like to appear strong, and when we need advise, where is it?

 

[Lady_X]

hi and welcome lulu.

haven't read this thread maybe i will.

i don't know about you but i actually feel more comfortable giving advice. it's rare that i decide to seek it out but when i do it has to be someone i really trust and who's values align with my own.

 

[Sentura]

JESUS CHRIST THE PURPLE TEXT HURTS

i am beginning to wonder if NLP is actually an ability hardcoded into ENFPs. the use of dirty tactics seems to imply something of the like. i know that i have been using dirty tactics too, although i'm never making excuses up. i can also agree on the introverted extrovertedness. i enjoy being with people, but i enjoy being alone as well.

someone i have been asking girls who have been into me what exactly makes me attractive. all of them have responded similarly, "there's something mystical about you" or "it's that look in your eyes". are ENFPs really these mystical entities?

 

[Lady_X]

what is nlp? and dirty tactics? i don't like the sound of that! i guess i'll have to read this so i can defend whatever that's all about. : /

 

[CzeCze]

NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming

You can wiki it. I haven't followed this thread closely, maybe someone was talking about it earlier?

Also, I have to say that when Targo first created this thread, there were a small handful of self-identified ENFPs on the site (I can remember Targo, ArcticAngel, Alcea Rosea, FindTheJake, myself, Gabe posted infrequently - then Lady Jaye and Captain Chick also joined the fray) but since then the site has boomed and there are lots of ENFP identified members.

This has been really eye opening for me because after reading and following a lot more posts from a lot more ENFPs, I realize a few things

1) age skew makes a HUGE difference between ENFPs and POV, I definitely feel like I'm at a different place then someone who is in their late teens or early 20s. I honesty feel like a lot 'ENFP' ness continues to develop until at least your mid-20s. I think it has to do with the development of Fi and supportive functions that protect and draw out Fi into the real world. My Fi was like a raw pulsing sore that never fully scabbed over until my mid-20s. I felt like I was walking through life with no shield and do you know how terrifying and traumatic that is for an Fi dom?!?!? And on this site I was really shocked to find so many negative stories about histrionic, manipulative, and selfish ENFPs - it sounded so alien to me. But - apparently a lot of bad apples exist. I think it's mostly something folks will grow out of?

2) Te/Ti/Fe make HUGE differences between ENFPs. An ENFP with very high Fe will seem more like an INFP or ENFJ in terms of peacemaking and taking care of others. An ENFP with high Te/Ti will be more confrontational and even argumentative and seem more like an XNTP. And an ENFP with high Ni will just seem kookier...

3) The biggest trait that differentiates ENFPs though IMO though is how much introspection and hard decisions that people have made for themselves. Basically, who has stepped up to the plate to be themselves, and who is still getting ready for that first inning. Every person/type has to do this but especially for ENFPS, we have to figure out what our core values and Fi is about and what we stand for.

Basically ENFPs must live a highly examined life and take a long, hard, brutal look at ourselves and be totally honest about why we do what we do and why we are who we are. It's only after hitting rock bottom (because the finality of reality is REALLY hard to deal with for any NP, especially idealistic ENFPs) and making a decision to basically live like an adult and not in fantasy that ENFPs start really kicking ass at life and just being more truly humane, effective, and compassionate people.

Of course, it's also an ongoing process and in some ways, never completely 'ends'.

Oh yeah, and confidence plays a HUGE factor (which again, can be tied into Fi, because until you feel secure that your Fi is grounded and safe and you can protect it, you will hide in a corner until it's safe to come out)

Um, yeah, I think that long observation belongs in this thread...

 

[Sentura]

what is nlp? and dirty tactics? i don't like the sound of that! i guess i'll have to read this so i can defend whatever that's all about. : /

it was in response to niffer's post.