If somebody has helped me through a rough patch or whatever, I will start trusting them a lot more. It might just be a little thing a person has done, but I will show my gratitude. I think the tipping point for me is trust.
Makes me think that ENFPs are not talked about so much cause we'd actually have to wait for them to decide who they are before we could describe them properly
But that nebulous like quality we have IS part of who we are... though to be frank I do weary myself trying to pin down who I am, lol, most of the tiem i just end up with a clear picture of who i want to be in whatever, social climate is going on at the time.
Reflecting aspects of self image: I have many facets and sides, some introvertish and T-like, some gergarious and heavily extroverted. What people normally get, is a concentrated display of one or the other. Though there are lost of exmaple of when these two are in balance...
I think people don't talk about ENFPs much because we're easy to dismiss with a quick shallow interpration: All ENFPs are sensitive, party animals, cheaters, unreliable, fun loving and incredably warm.
The truth is beneath this list of behaviours there is some really complicated processing going on...
OK here is the question for any ENFPs who would care to answer....
Let's say there were some tasks that you REALLY did not want/like to do. What "tactics" might you employ to get out of doing them given 'outright refusal' was not an option? If you have time could you also please explain the process of reasoning that would go into your answer(s).
Depending on how necessary it is to do (clean your room vs. turn in report on Friday or get fired) I would either
1) Procrastinate in pain for a SHORT while and then attack, attack, attack the task and ignore everything and everyone around until it is done. I would be so filled with panic and /or loathing and/or irritation that I would just channel all of it into beginning the task. Then when and if my internal panic and distate subside I would take a moment to step back and think about the task and not feel as panicked or annoyed because I had 'discharged' some of my negative energy.
2) I enlist other people to help or to do it outright. I'm pretty good at this. I would find people who were available and/or who would be willing, and/or who would be really helpful. Even if I thought they would say 'hell no' unless it was inappopriate to ask or would have negative consequences for me (like asking a manager to help with a basic task) I would approach anyone and everyone I could until the task basically finishes itself without me or with minimal input from me.
3) I don't do it. I actually hated one corporate big money job I had and more important, I really disliked the people I worked with and had recurring conflict with them. The longer I was in it, the more my ENFP personality broke down (like becoming the shadow of my Ennegream type). I literally WOULD NOT do some tasks or do them very very late. So someone I managed or a non-direct manager would do it for me. Needless to say, I did not last long in that job. Nor did I want to. I know you are supposed to be ashamed for 'not doing things' that you don't want to do. But, really, that is part of being me.
Also maybe it's an ENFP thing, but I could not bring myself to quit this job. I have a really hard time quitting things, even if like I said, I don't want to do it. I think it was not the most mature way to deal, but I think on some level I would rather get fired than quit. I have stayed in horribly underpaid and unfullfilling jobs long past their shelf date because I hated to disappoint my boss who really depended on me or feel like I was leaving the rest of my co-workers in a lurch.
Now my biological clock is ticking and I'm all about doing me and getting PAID.
But, maybe that is also related to my being an ENFP?
[QUOTE=lastrailway;50950]I 'd like to ask some questions about/to ENFPs, especially young ones (15-16):
- Do you use to devellop a mental bond with a person who isn't physically present? For instance, an older relative who lives in another city/country. If yes, why? Do you expect this person to feel this bond too, even if s/he knows nothing about the whole thing?
- Do you tend to take things very personally? If yes, how should someone express him/herself in order to make his/her point without your taking it personally? Is this something you overcome by growing up? Is there a reason for that, or it is just an age thing?
- When you are upset, how should people around you react? Do you want a physical proximity, some nice words or be left in peace until you feel better? Does it help when people try to present you a logical point of view, or is this not a good time?
1) When I was young and even now, yes distance does not matter with personal bonds and connections. You can be millions of miles away and we can talk infrequently, a few times a year if that. But if I feel connected to you and feel you are close to my heart, you might as well live next door. Some other friends don't understand this and need the physical proximity to feel 'close' but not me.
2) I am sensitive. But, when I was younger and in that 15-16 age bracket, I was painfully hypersensitive. To the point I really should have been on anti-anxiety medication. I developed minor OCD coping behavior like repeating numbers and coughing even numbers of times. I was also a well-endowed freak, so I got A LOT of shit from people at school when I first entered as a freshman. By the time I graduated though, I made all those bastards like me.
I would have really appreciated the calming and strengthening influence of a calm, confident, expressive person who would reassure me of my value and remind me that everyday things are not the end of the world.
Unfortunately, I was surrounded by people who were constantly tearing me down or did not 'get me' and ended up offending me in their very harsh and brusque ways of 'helping me' be more assertive.
3) When I'm upset, even if I don't show it, I really want and need people to reach out to me and show me that they truly care but in a way that isn't fake (I can smell fake an ocean away) or with ulterior motives. With friends, I need to know you sincerely apologize if you've done something 'wrong' and need to reassure me for several minutes that you are sorry and care about me and our friendship and value me. I'm a pain. I'm like the stereotypical high-maintenance girlfriend.
With tasks I don't like, I often play a game inside my head where I will do x amount of it (very Sish) & then reward myself to do something I like, like get back to a book I'm reading, or computer, or TV, or phone call, etc. I do a lot of interrupted tasks, I think because they are mind-numbingly tedious & it's the only way for me to tolerate it. Anything routine can just completely bore me, & I try to insert distractions with my interests as much as I can.
I suffer from muscle tension just like the profile states, I have horrible headaches, & I fidget all the time. I often get sick right after a high I get from a stressful situation, maybe a hosting type thing, but I love the high, I feel like myself, like a charged version of myself, I'm totally in my element--social & self-possessed--, then when I start to relax, I crash, & often get sick. When people advise me to pace myself better--I agree--I just don't want to live without those intense experiences, I want the benefit without the cost, so I'm trying to figure that out.