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  1. #261
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post

    Do ENFP's generally like each other when they meet?
    oh yeh, the first time i met my friend i was hooked, then she got on my nerves cos i thought she was a tart, and every guy i fancied she made a play for,turns out when i typed her she was my kind, but very insecure and needy, i'm much more independant and secure normally
    I was in a very fragile and unhappy phase in my life, in a less mature and searching phase of my ENFP and overall personality at the time I met the other ENFP so I think maybe I also was threatened by her confidence? Or made extra uneasy that someone "like me" was around? when i went through a black hole fragment of my life after being flung from a rocket, i found her irritable, too much...like the whole pie instead of a piece, the confidence part bugged me too, but like you say thats cos i lost mine a bit and felt threatened.
    normally though we go together like 2 eggs in a basket
    case. funny though, my intj friend says she thinks were an odd couple and cant see the connection....she cant stand her yet likes me

    Anyone else here relate?

    Supposedly ENFPs are supposed to get along fabulously in the real world. I wonder about that...
    yeh but secretly.... we wonder if were accepted and not thought of as shallow cos we can be difficult to grasp under all the flowing body connoctions of emotions coupled with phantasy and dreams

  2. #262
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    Quote Originally Posted by lastrailway View Post
    I 'd like to ask some questions about/to ENFPs, especially young ones (15-16):
    - Do you use to devellop a mental bond with a person who isn't physically present? For instance, an older relative who lives in another city/country. If yes, why? Do you expect this person to feel this bond too, even if s/he knows nothing about the whole thing?
    - Do you tend to take things very personally? If yes, how should someone express him/herself in order to make his/her point without your taking it personally? Is this something you overcome by growing up? Is there a reason for that, or it is just an age thing?
    - When you are upset, how should people around you react? Do you want a physical proximity, some nice words or be left in peace until you feel better? Does it help when people try to present you a logical point of view, or is this not a good time?

    PLEASE NOTE: I do not assume ENFPs are like that. I wonder about a particular person, who I suspect she is an ENFP, is passing through the difficult age of 15 and I would like to understand more things about her behaviour and how to deal with it.

    UHMM... no, not relatives. i have bonds with ppl who ARENT relatives that I meet online. Mostly older guys who live across the country. I have mini-crushes on them and i ask them how the weather is over there. yup.

    Do i take things personally? Totally. ROFL. To avoid hurting someone's feelings, you could always generalize.

    When I cry, it doesnt necessarily mean im upset. it just means im crying... ppl who dont cry are missing out. it feels soo good. [[sometimes!]] ROFL.
    >.<

    i like hugs but only if there from non-relative ppl.

  3. #263
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KiwiBurst View Post
    When I cry, it doesnt necessarily mean im upset. it just means im crying... ppl who dont cry are missing out. it feels soo good. [[sometimes!]] ROFL.
    >.<
    You know...I have to agree with you on this. And only because this is an anonymous board.

    Crying is cathartic. I do it only in private and hide it very well.

    Crying to me, especially in front of others, I still interpret as a sign of weakness and my self-respect and sense of social preservation prevent me from doing so...Unless it's a funeral or wedding or something BIG or a place where it is socially acceptable to be let out pain or joy through tears. I still wouldn't cry at a wedding though. Because I'm tough dammit! I'm not a weak sentimental woman!! -->Yes I'm aware how this sounds and know it's problematic. See below.

    The idea of "showing weakness" is still a last hurdle I have to overcome despite my warm fuzzies. I admire people who are totally comfortable in their skins and can honor their emotions in the moment and just show let it all hang it out for the world to see.

    I used to cry in my teens mostly out of frustration and anger. I wonder now how much of it was myself sublimating or masking my true emotions?

    When I hear how touchy feely and soft and huggy other ENFPs on the board are (I don't say this at a put down at ALL, but if anything to point out that generally ENFPs including myself are pretty good natured about our own touchy-feely tendencies), it makes me wonder if I have to develop more warm fuzzies to catch up! I don't think I'm nearly as warm and fuzzy as a lot of other ENFPs here...unless it just comes out stronger online do to the nature of typing online and forums versus livign out in real life.

    I think I'm pretty warm and fuzzy already though...

    Though not physicaly demonstrative except with children, pets, and um yeah let's just say "people I am dating".

  4. #264
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    I don't know if ENFP's and INTP's gravitate towards each other or not-but in my uninformed opinion, it's masochistic of us if we do. I guess I can see how it would work out really nicely, and in my case, sometimes the balance is so beautiful, but (and maybe this is just my situation) it seems like our need for attention/validation/reassurance doesn't get what it needs in the supremely focused space-needing genius of the INTP. I guess if one were a strong ENFP it would be different? Is there such a thing?

    I find myself always putting my desires aside to accommodate the person I care about, even though that person doesn't always notice what I'm doing or wouldn't have asked me to if they had, wouldn't even want me to and as such doesn't appreciate it at all while still having good intentions.
    The NF NT thing just... confuses me.

    Sideswipe topic: Is it possible to stop being passive aggressive? Because I really hate it.
    I want a love who knows that loving him is all I want to do

  5. #265
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Crying to me, especially in front of others, I still interpret as a sign of weakness and my self-respect and sense of social preservation prevent me from doing so...Unless it's a funeral or wedding or something BIG or a place where it is socially acceptable to be let out pain or joy through tears. I still wouldn't cry at a wedding though. Because I'm tough dammit! I'm not a weak sentimental woman!! -->Yes I'm aware how this sounds and know it's problematic. See below.

    The idea of "showing weakness" is still a last hurdle I have to overcome despite my warm fuzzies. I admire people who are totally comfortable in their skins and can honor their emotions in the moment and just show let it all hang it out for the world to see.
    I've heard you mention once or twice elsewhere that your F is more borderline, so maybe your 'lack of warm fuzzies' might be some indication of that? As we all know, there are great big variations even amongst ENFPs.

    On the other hand, I'm too F, I think. I cry at the drop of a hat - once I recall struggling to hold back tears when some tutor told me that 'I needed to relax a little, have a bit more fun with this project and things'll be easier'. Now, c'mon! That's not even critisism, yet still...

    Any sort of personal argument gets me , at which point I shut down and refuse to continue the argument because I know if I say anything I'll just cry more, which frustrates me to no end that I can't get out any sort of reasonable argument. I really don't like crying in front of others, but if I can't escape very soon after being personally targeted*, I can't help it.

    *That sounds a bit odd. Basically I mean any sort of serious 'negative' (as you will) directed towards me personally. I'm fine with debating any issue under the sun, as long as it's not *personal*, per se.

    I don't know, I suppose there are ways to get better at dealing with that sort of thing, but it probably involves putting myself in those situations more often, which I'm loathe to do. :/

    Being a little tougher is not a bad thing!

    Although, as an afterthought:

    it makes me wonder if I have to develop more warm fuzzies to catch up!
    Y'know, I've thought that before! About some of the ENFP-ish tendencies you guys were talking about earlier which I didn't identify so strongly, I wondered if I should make an effort to recognise and develop those things in myself!?

  6. #266
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Ti,
    Why don't you have a look around INTPCentral? Maybe there'll be some stuff there about ENFPs from an INTP point of view that might shed some light on some things?

    I do know what you mean, though. Communication with an INTP can be a bit...

  7. #267
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arcticangel02 View Post
    Ti,
    Why don't you have a look around INTPCentral? Maybe there'll be some stuff there about ENFPs from an INTP point of view that might shed some light on some things?

    I do know what you mean, though. Communication with an INTP can be a bit...

    um good luck with that....

    typically intp's lack the patience to get to know enfp's and all the intp's from INTPcentral that like enfp's are um here.......
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  8. #268
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    LOL. Okay, if you say so. I haven't really had a good look around there myself. ^^

  9. #269
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Ti_ View Post
    I guess if one were a strong ENFP it would be different? Is there such a thing?
    LOL
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  10. #270
    Senior Member Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Ti_ View Post
    I don't know if ENFP's and INTP's gravitate towards each other or not-but in my uninformed opinion, it's masochistic of us if we do. I guess I can see how it would work out really nicely, and in my case, sometimes the balance is so beautiful, but (and maybe this is just my situation) it seems like our need for attention/validation/reassurance doesn't get what it needs in the supremely focused space-needing genius of the INTP. I guess if one were a strong ENFP it would be different? Is there such a thing?

    I find myself always putting my desires aside to accommodate the person I care about, even though that person doesn't always notice what I'm doing or wouldn't have asked me to if they had, wouldn't even want me to and as such doesn't appreciate it at all while still having good intentions.
    The NF NT thing just... confuses me.

    Sideswipe topic: Is it possible to stop being passive aggressive? Because I really hate it.
    The INTP perspective on it tends to be that we can't tell the difference between an ENFP who's attracted to us vs. one who's just kind of effusive and demonstrative with everyone in general. I can give you a lot of attention,... until I see you seeking what looks like the same attention and validation from someone else. And, since when we get emotional it tends to pour out uncontrollably, perceived lack of specificity in your attraction + holding back a little looks to us like "oh, she wasn't really interested in the first place" and/or "shit, I let the Fe I keep in the basement out of its cage and it scared her off."


    I agree with you on the masochism thing. Hard to say if the regret for a foregone opportunity is worse than the trainwreck that ensues when it doesn't work.

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