Speaking about "people not liking you and changing yourself thusly":
I had a fallling out with an ISFP who I really liked who basically said I was a crazy bitch. Not in those words, because he's a very kind hearted ISFP, but yeah. It was regarding specifically how I acted in general and more specifically how I acted towards him the last time we hung out. And you know what?
I have to agree with him!
With him, I just shouldn't have been around anyone that day and I was being much more immature then usual and indulging my more base emotional knee jerk reactions. I was jetlagged, sunstroked, hungry, exhausted, and had been around screaming hordes of chidlren for hours. Honestly I FELT CRAZY that day and acting thusly.
And afterwards I thought about it, and I realize that sometimes I AM JUST VERY OBNOXIOUS. Straight up. At least OTHER people -- the more faint hearted and those lacking a sense of humor and sometimes personality -- think so.
At first this bothered me intensely that something was "wrong" with me. Maybe this is an ENFP thing, but the thought that there is something "wrong" or "defective" and socially taboo about me was DEVASTATING. I'm obnoxious? DEAR GOD NOOOOOO!!!
Then I thought longer and harder about it.
I concluded the following:
1) I myself don't hold these standards that label me 'defective' and maybe not even society
2) I am who I am and the behavior that others call 'obnoxious' and even 'rude' or 'crazy' REALLY works to my benefit sometimes. I also think double standards are in play. If I were a man I'd be called 'boisterous'! And I just have to learn to be more self-aware of this tendency around certain people.
3) Conflict and friction are a part of living and humanity. It's not that people are inherently 'wrong' or 'bad', but different combinations of people and certain situations really bring out the bad vibes, bad blood, misunderstanding, and straight up DISLIKE of people's behaviors, attitudes, etc. Oh well. Why should I have to be the ONLY person in all of humanity to excoriate myself and bleach my soul of individuality and uniqueness? Forget that! Considering the number and extremes of flaws I see EVERYDAY in EVERYONE around me why can't I have a few? Right? Right? People irritate the hell out of me all the time, is not a god given right of existence the right to return the favor once in a while?? Am I right?? Am I right??
4) I honestly don't think my 'obnoxious' behavior is obnoxious - if I saw it in other people it would NOT bother me. So I'm not being hypocritical. I'm being the opposite -- very real and accepting.
5) I'm totally open to changing, in fact I WANT to be a better person. But I have to decide for myself what that means. I'm not going to ignore feedback or people's opinions of me just because they are not favorable. I am strong enough and compassionate enough not to mention mature enough to take the truth and to discern cruelty for honesty (though sometimes it's both -- OUCH).
So um...wow I totally don't know where I was leading with this.