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  1. #231
    Senior Member Dom's Avatar
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    As an ENFP one of the most inspirational and motivational things was realising it. All that crazy self depreciating neuroses?

    So many people do not understand what it is like... knowing one thing but feeling another...

    ENFPs have a huge and I mean huge amount of Ne, and that leads to assumptions or acceptance of the possibility of the existence of certain possibilities... Now it does not matter how amazing the positive version or alternative, of the possible outcome of any serious or sensitive situation maybe, it is the worst and most negative that we cling too...

    It's not that we believe it is true, we are not J's, just that we know the possibility exists, and that it is what we fear the most, and so gets the most attention.

    What grates on me, is that i know this and recognise that I a) do it and b) seem powerless to prevent it... Tonight i spent a few hours in a bar, i was in a social situation, and i loved it like any good enfp would, I'm British in America and am happy to be extraordinary for something as arbitrary as an accent. In other words, they love me, i spoke to loads of people, people came just to be with me, i have numbers, (not that i remember them or keep them anyway, I'm not after that I'm happy with the one who already holds my heart) but I'm a centre of social activity, a centre I've always wanted to be...

    However, despite massive evidence against the hypothesis, I still feel like i was a burden on my friends, that they would have more fun if i hadn't been there, that i dominated their social evening for my own egotistical means....

    And I believe it...

    And I know it's balls...

    It is the strangest thing to know it is only my paranoid head working to my own disadvantage, but it is still almost unstoppable...

    being ENFP is so far to sum up, we are such a bundle of different opinions, results, contradictions. and i think that is the crux, we contradict ourselves, yet somehow, that contradiction is who we really are and not what we contradict or what we replace it with...

    a more real example, I love attention and acceptance, i adore acceptance and for people to really love the real me, but although i seem to bend or alter to gain that acceptance, when i get it that way i know i bent to get it that it isn't really me they've accepted. It's more an accept me for who i am, but if you wont, I'll do this or that so we can get along... but i know you didn't... and damn it I am and will still be ME!

    We cannot say we don't care what others think, we really really do, but we can say that we don't change much because of it, even if we appear too. As I said a dichotomy, a contradiction, we do care and we don't, we want to be accepted but changing to get acceptance is unacceptable.

  2. #232

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    I don't know man. I didn't see much of me in your post. I find myself rarely bending to suit other people's needs, I am thejake man and thejake abides!

    I also have a very positive outlook most of the time, well I mean I guess...lol
    I think that the world spins and will continue to spin with or without me so I gotta make the best of the time I have, that being said I am NOT a bar or party guy. I can't stand them and they make me uncomfortable most of the time. HOWEVER, when I am traveling abroad I am totally into the bar scene, mostly I think for the girls and the attention.

    Here in the states though the only time I like drinking is if I am chilling on a beach or especially by a fire.

    I feel like I took my "fit-all" mask off a couple years ago and what I found beneath was me, the same me that the whole time I thought was fake. I figured out I wasn't fake, I was just believing some things that I wouldn't believe...if that makes sense.

    So now like I said, I am thejake. All the time. If someone doesn't like it, well that's kind of too bad for them cause I am awesome. lol...
    Seriously though when I find myself changing for others, I tend to catch myself pretty quick now, at least quick for an ENFP. Still takes me a week or two... haha...

  3. #233
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    Jake you remind me of an entp I know.......

    Dom I understand what you're saying......
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  4. #234

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    Hey now! Don't be calling me mean names!

  5. #235
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    entp's aren't mean....... they are just selfish and in denial about it
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  6. #236

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    But I am not denying anything! I am a total narcissistic punk! That's no lie!

    It can't be helped though, in fact I don't think I'd want it to be helped... I have a hard enough time believing I'm as cool as I am!

  7. #237
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    hhhmmmmm you are an interesting person. I suppose there are variants with enfps giving our extreme desire for acceptance. When I met my husband I was masking as an eXfj no wonder he was so attracted to me. *sigh* now 14 1/2 yrs later I am an enfp for real and um..... yeah life is what you make of it.
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  8. #238

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    I gotta love who I am... I am so different and strange that if I wasn't ok with me I would go nuts.

    Seriously though I just project all this. I am insecure, that's why I hate bars and parties.

  9. #239
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    yes insecure I am.... I on the other hand hate me.... yeah I do, maybe if I were like Dom and I learned how to just accept that I am an enfp I would be better. UGH damn emotional roller coaster
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  10. #240
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dom View Post
    We cannot say we don't care what others think, we really really do, but we can say that we don't change much because of it, even if we appear too. As I said a dichotomy, a contradiction, we do care and we don't, we want to be accepted but changing to get acceptance is unacceptable.
    That hits it on the head. I abosolutely CARE SO MUCH about what people think. Falling in lines with knowing or 'feeling' how people tick, I want to know their honest opinions of me. Why?

    1) I am an attention whore, me, me, me, me, ME! (hahahaha) And these opinions are used to gauge mentally where I stand in the world, where I stand with individual people, and also as a mirror. Perhaps I'll work on something if I need to and perhaps I'll just pat myself on the back if it's positive feedback.

    2) I just have that insatiable curiousity, it drives my brother nuts (who strangely, tested as INFP or INTP) He tells me to shut it basically so he can drive/watch tv/play computer in peace. I just wanna know what is in the world, I want to flesh out the full color and contours of where I live and see the blind spots and the hidden.

    And honestly, if people don't like or treat me mean (I've written about this elsewhere) it can KILL me! Like Jake's confusion -- why don't you like me??? I'm AWESOME!!! I figure it's due to misunderstanding or agendas that I just don't fit with.

    But the crux is, and this is neurotic -- even though it really bothers me that someone doesn't like me for X -- I'm still most likely not going to change. Because I don't want to. It's a principle thing, but also, well, frankly I like me.

    For certain purposes, I'll go chamoleon (apparently ENFPs are genius at this) to lube the wheels of social and other interaction, but I know I'm "on" and I think others also do (like at a party or job or networking or meeting so's parents). This is socially accepted 'fakery'. Nobody expects you to shlep your way to your boss's house for dinner in day old sweats and smelly hair. Entire books are written about 'how to make a great first impression and get that corner office'. ENFPs are just naturallymore gifted at this.

    Bottom line: unless something about my personality or habits is dangerous or harmful or unecessarily hurtful to someone else, I'll continue being me. I can modify of course around certain people or situations, but that's just being human. There is that fine line between "being yourself" and "matching the mood and occasion" which is a cornerstone of civility and proper socialization.

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